Qwerty
11-04-2015, 08:01 PM
Sometimes I panic. Not the normal kind of panic, the one that completly paralyses you. The one you wish only exist in movies. But unfortunatly no it also affect people in real life. There's a type of anxiety that is called existential anxiety, and yes i suffer from it. I've always been an anxious kid, but about 3-4 years ago things went out of control. I had problems with my family and at the time I was single and felt so alone. I had three "best friends" why do I call them "best friends" because they back stab me. At the time we talk a lot about our lifes so did I, and one day they tough that telling the school terapist was ok. Well things got messy, he called the youth protection departement and told them I had problems at home, but what no one realised is that until that day my problems weren't that big of a deal. When my parents figured that they now had a file in the youth protection departement we got into a pretty big fight and my anxiety gain more power and took more and more place every day. It is now been two years that this happened and yet still I suffer from the consequences of that little call. Trough the years I have developped a specific type of anxiety, existantial anxiety. I honnestly don't know how I'm going to get trough this without medication. It is ruining my life, my relationship, all of my friendships and the family atmosphere at home. My anxiety is all I think about all day every day, it is my fixation and and my life purpose is to fight it. When a panic attack hits it feels like the world is about the break in pieces. Sometimes I wonder why me? Why can't I control those fears? And it's not that I haven't tried. From all the terapy to all the books and exercises nothing worked. To be honnest with you I didn't get pass those fears yet, but hell yeah I'm still fighting them! Sometimes you will wonder why you why certain things happens to you and not other people, well there is no explenation for this. Things are as they are you just have to accept it. Thinking back and forth to all those panic attacks that I had and will probably have I realised that I wouldn't change them for a dime because they made who I am and they made me discover who I want to be.