Help is needed, hopefully it is coming....

[Kailey Kappel]

Hello!!
I need help, very blunt i know, but its needed!
I am 16, in college and in high school, I do competitive dance 5-6 days a week every night and cheer practice 2-3 days a week in the morning. I go to a private high school so the homework load is very hard and to add to it, I take AP and honors classes. I have been a straight A student my whole life, which is good! but bad....because my parents expect A's in every subject....even just life in general. My dream is to become a physical therapist, but i'm scared that won't happen.....1 cause of my panic attacks...my future...and i think about it every second and no matter how hard i try to think of something else...it comes right back. I have a lot of stress my schedule is wake up go to cheer at 6 AM-9AM go to college classes then go to high school go straight to dance practice then get home around 8-9PM (depending on the night) shower, eat, then do all my homework (which is A LOT) I do part time volunteering at a local museum for Natural History and Science and I am also a Boy scout leader. My parents are together and I don't have many family problems....its just me...I have a boyfriend of 10 months, but I hate talking about myself (weird I know) I have plenty of friends and I love my friends their so great...but again I can never tell them about me...because it makes me feel selfish...even when they ask "how are you still breathing when you're doing all that" I just answer with a smile and say "I ask myself that too!" I love to come off as positive to everyone around me....but on the inside i feel like im dying and there is so much going through my brain at all times....its hard and I know people have it way worse but I need help. I want to get a councilor just to learn how to coupe with all this stress. (yes I use a schedule and have good time management) its just....getting to be too much. I have panic attacks when a drive so I am not allowed to have my license yet (because of PTSD...got in a very bad car accident a few years ago and I am always worried it will happen again..even when i'm just riding in a car) I just need advice on how to coupe, how to tell my parents I want help, I am scared to show any weakness to them....I don't want them to know that I want to die. I know cutting is not that answer but I have...only a few times though, it doesn't seem to help but there are some nights when i just cant help myself. but I have gotten SO much better with stopping myself. I haven't had suicidal thoughts and I don't feel depressed...I feel happy....but i cant tell if its me just faking it to myself...I have random panic attacks.....sometimes they are so bad i force myself to pass out so i can get out of and stop the panic attack...please help!

[snowberry]

Teens these days are being fed nonsense about how they have to cram in absolutely everything into their schedule to increase their chances of getting into a 'good' college or getting a 'better' job. Let me tell you, there are plenty of people who don't do a ton of extracurriculars that do very well at college and later in life. Lots of people become Physical Therapists without having to do all that you're doing right now.

Instead, what will significantly help your chances of succeeding in life are the following:

1.) Recognising that you can't possibly do everything at once.

2.) Prioritising the things that are most important to you.

Let's begin with the first one, because Kailey, you surely see for yourself that your lifestyle right now is not working. You say you can't cope, that it's getting to be too much, that you're having panic attacks and have even resorted to cutting yourself because of the stress. Putting on a brave face for your parents and peers is not coping, it's called pretending to cope.

And really, is it any wonder you're feeling like this? I had to go over your schedule several times to try and find where you have time to simply relax and be a kid. I'm not seeing it. The fact that you found the time to keep friends and date a guy for ten months is nothing short of a miracle, especially as you're repressing so much pain and stress that you don't even want to talk about yourself for fear of your façade cracking.

So that leads me to point number two: You need to prioritise your activities, and figure out which ones can be let go.

In some cases, this might be easy. For example, homework is obviously more important than your volunteering gigs. I'd strongly suggest you consider giving at least one of them up, but both would be preferable. The scouts and the museum will still be there later in the school holidays if you still want to volunteer when your schedule isn't so crazy.

In other cases, the choice may be harder. I'm sure you enjoy both dance and cheering, but do you really need to do both? This may be difficult but you need to really think hard about which one you would prefer to keep doing, and drop the other one. I know that you're probably doing both of these in keeping with your dream career, but physical therapy isn't just about keeping fit yourself; it is also about being realistic about how much people can cope with, and if you can't accept your own limitations, how are you going to be able to tell other people about theirs?

Of course, you're going to have to talk about this to your parents. I understand you don't want to break down in front of others, but as something of a compromise, you need to at least talk to them.

"Mom, Dad, I've decided to quit volunteering and dance/cheer. I'm starting to feel the pressure of my workload and decided that my school work is my priority and I don't want it to suffer. I understand you might be disappointed, but I really want to concentrate on my studies right now."

And you know what, Kailey? They might not even bat an eyelid. They might even be pleased to hear you say it. Because you said it yourself that your friends are asking you "how are you still breathing when you're doing all that?", which means that they at least are aware that you're pushing yourself way too hard. You parents might have figured it out too, but didn't want to say anything.

But if your parents get upset, or try to make you change your mind, you're going to have to be brave enough to open up to them: "The truth is, I put on a brave face to you guys, but I'm not coping well at all. I feel anxious all the time, and I worry abut my future. I think I've reached my limits and I don't want my grades to be affected."

If your parents are still not understanding, talk to a teacher you can trust, as they might be able to put in a good word for you.

So I well and truly hope that right now you are planning what activities to drop and when best to have a chat with your parents. In the meantime, you've got PTSD, anxiety, panic and self-harm that need to be addressed. If you call the NAMI helpline they should be able to help you find local support for your problems: 800-950-6264. There's also a page here about teen mental health: https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/Teens-and-Young-Adults. Please call them. Get help. And please don't cut yourself any more, it's not going to help you. Good luck.

[Nowuccas]

Hey Kailey,

I agree that you would benefit from cutting back on your activities.

A previous answer follows:
"There are some differences between anxiety and panic attacks. While books are written on this topic, the following will attempt to summarize some basics here for a brief overview".

Anxiety Attacks:
An anxiety attack, sometimes referred to as a panic attack, is an unforeseen periods or incidents where there is a sudden fright or fear of intense proportions. These attacks focus on fears that are most often not rational; however the person with the disorder believes he or she is in terrible danger or at extreme risk. Most often these anxiety attacks occur all of a sudden; i.e. they are not planned nor do they come with any type of warning mechanism built in for advance action. Results are that
the person suffering the attack will feel about to faint or near death's door. People who suffer anxiety attacks report the following symptoms, listed in no particular order:
Discomfort or pain in the chest Vertigo or
Dizziness Upset stomach / Nausea Loss of
Control, Loss of Mental Stability Stress
Cold or hot flashes Heart palpitations or
near heart attack Shallow breathing Shakes / Trembling
Anxiety disorder is characterized as having anxiety feelings that are "always there / all inclusive," make people want to isolate themselves from society and hamper everyday activities with others.

Panic Attacks:
On the other hand, a panic attack does not carry with it that "always there" association. In fact, panic episodes generally burst forth, peaking after roughly 10 minutes or so, then ending after about 25 minutes. During a panic attack, 4 of the symptoms listed below (in no particular order) generally make an appearance:
Hyperventilation, Shallow breathing, even to the point of
suffocation sensation...
Increased heart rates Tightness of chest, Chest pain or discomfort
Shakes / Trembling / Sweating Choking
sensation Upset Stomach / Nausea Vertigo
Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations)
Surreal feelings Loss of Control, especially
of mental faculties Death coming on Numbing
Cold or hot flashes

The Difference:
The main difference between anxiety attacks and panic attacks is in the duration of the attack and how intense it is for the person with the affliction. While anxiety attacks are less hi-stress, they tend to last longer than the power-packed panic stressors".

View my answer about effective natural treatments for panic attacks at https://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20140816225417AABZ6Wm and those about anxiety at https://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20140510043011AAmdCm4 and http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20111014061737AAgQyLM but note that 8m.com has been replaced by: your-mental-health.weebly.com/i.html . If panic, learn the anti-panic breathing method before another attack, so you are proficient. Anxiety; passionflower (as directed, or 1 drop in a cup of warm water, 4 times daily may be helpful; view http://altmedicine.about.com/od/anxiety/a/passionflower_benefits.htm?nl=1 ) may be helpful, short term. I'd avoid medications, except as a last resort, and even then, only use temporarily, as they don't address the causes, merely (imperfectly) treat the symptoms, and carry risks, and side effects. Learn and employ the relaxation techniques (begin with Progressive Muscle Relaxation) and the EFT variant for use in public places, in case it is needed there. If panic, learn the anti-panic breathing method before another attack, so you are proficient. Anxiety; passionflower (as directed, or 1 drop in a cup of warm water, 4 times daily may be helpful; view http://altmedicine.about.com/od/anxiety/a/passionflower_benefits.htm?nl=1 ) may be helpful, short term. I'd avoid medications, except as a last resort, and even then, only use temporarily, as they don't address the causes, merely (imperfectly) treat the symptoms, and carry risks, and side effects. Learn and employ the relaxation techniques (begin with Progressive Muscle Relaxation) and the EFT variant for use in public places, in case it is needed there.

Advice from a clinical psychologist about panic attacks is to breathe in to the count of 3: ( count: one thousand one; one thousand two; one thousand three) each takes around a second to say to yourself, in your mind, and out to the count of 3. Keep repeating this until the panic subsides, (up to 25 minutes) which will deal with the hyperventilation aspect. Learn to recognise the thoughts which trigger attacks; challenge and reprogram as shown.

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PTSD, however, is a serious disorder in the anxiety spectrum, but it's one of only two of them that are curable.

"The signature cluster of symptoms for PTS is the "re-experiencing" that takes the form of spontaneous repetitive flashbacks, nightmares and/or intrusive thoughts. These are not coming from the part of the brain where normal memories are stored, but are stuck in a more primitive, survival-based section of the brain, where they neither fade nor shift, but stay contemporaneous and current and terrifying. And you can't talk your way out of them with the best counselor or therapist in the world. Wrong chunk o' brain. You need imagery, hypnosis, acupoint release, energy work, etc etc. The other 2 symptom clusters of PTS - avoidance/numbness and alarm/ hypervigilance - can be symptoms of other conditions as well. But this is not so with re-experiencing."

There is a quiz for the presence of P.T.S.D., via http://psychcentral.com Some of the symptoms include "flashbacks", hypervigilance, sleep disorders, especially nightmares, and just staring blankly. View the http://1-800-therapist.com/ & http://www.metanoia.org/choose/ websites, and Google:"therapists; EMDR; (your location)" or use the phone book, and/or various associations for psychiatrists and psychologists, to find the nearest one using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy). In EMDR, a therapist will ask you to revisit a traumatic event and remember the feelings, negative thoughts, or memories associated with it. While you are doing this, the therapist may hold up two fingers about eighteen inches from your face and move them from side to side. You may be asked to track the movement of the therapist’s fingers with your eyes. As you concentrate on the traumatic event during therapy, you are trying to bring its memory to life. The mental imagery you are able to conjure up during the therapy session is then processed, aided by your eye movements, facilitating the processing of painful memories, enabling some of the powerful emotional states involved to be discharged to some degree, and helping to achieve resolution and a state involving less painful emotions. EMDR has 8 stages. Professional EMDR is always much preferable. It can be completely cured.

Sometimes, a beta blocker, such as propranolol, or atenolol is administered prior to being asked to recount the traumatic event, reducing the emotional charge associated with it, as it is re-recorded in your memory (which has been shown to be plastic, at least to some extent, with many people). I suggest trying something milder, such as valerian, (some people get "valerian hangovers") or "Tension Tamer", or chamomile herbal tea (no milk, or cream!) from supermarket tea, vitamin, or health food aisles, at least at first, to see if sufficient, otherwise (SHORT TERM ONLY, as a risk minimisation strategy - potentially ADDICTIVE) a benzodiazapene, like Xanax. Check out medications first at: www.drugs.com and www.rxlist.com/ If unable to afford it, or to locate one nearby, contact the county/local mental health agency: any therapy on offer may prove helpful, particularly if combined with appropriate medication. Contact your county/local mental health agency, and find out what help they can offer. (U.S.A.) Try phoning 211, or 411, and Google: "clinics; mhmr; (your city); (your state)" Give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. Use the searchbar at www.mercola.com "EFT" & "EFT therapists" and/or see the 13 free videos at www.tapping.com & http://www.emofree.com/freevideos.aspx for PTSD.

There is a version for use in public places, (if anyone asks, you can claim to have a headache, as employ the acupressure massage/tapping on your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I suffer from PTSD, I deeply and completely accept myself." Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is also recommended, and has been used successfully, with PTSD. Some people, however, may benefit more from psychotherapy, or counselling, at least until they are some way along the path to wellness, and feeling psychologically robust enough for the harsher CBT. A free E course in it, which can help reduce the time spent in therapy sessions, is at: http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome Use a relaxation method daily, like http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html or http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody/a/Meditation.htm or http://www.wikihow.com/Meditate or Tai Chi, Qi Gong, or yoga. 85% of people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either seek professional hypnotherapy, or more alternatives along such lines are at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/q.html about PTSD, where this came from.

You could try the following: (see the post below):

[Nowuccas]

Give the Meridian Tapping Technique / EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via the searchbar at www.mercola.com "EFT" & "EFT therapists" or www.tapping.com (13 free videos), or www.eftuniverse.com or www.emofree.com or one of the many YouTube videos. Google: "YouTube; EFT videos".
Professionally instructed is generally preferable. - There is a version for use in public places at http://eft.mercola.com (if you like, you can claim to have a headache, as you employ the acupressure massage / tapping on your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I suffer from PTSD, I deeply and completely accept myself)."

Read: The Tapping Cure: A Revolutionary System for Rapid Relief from Phobias, Anxiety, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and More, by Roberta Temes Ph.D., from your bookstore, Amazon.com or BarnesAndNoble.com

[Nowuccas]

The above posted twice, and I tried to delete it, but failed.

[Kailey Kappel]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. I will talk with them as soon as possible. Thank you!

[snowberry]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. I will talk with them as soon as possible. Thank you!

Be sure to let us know how you get on!

[The Intolerable Kid]

Having been in a car wreck myself, I know how you feel. Especially when I am the passenger in someone's car - no control, plenty of close calls to keep me on edge. What helped me was getting a truck. A full sized Chevy Silverado is what I picked, for some reason I feel safer in a higher riding vehicle. I got the off road package which is supposed to be tougher. It might be ridiculous, but I feel more "armored" than if I was zipping around in a little car. Just my 2 cents.