Anxiety when sleeping away from home

[usernamesarah]

Hi! This is my first post here and I hope some of you can help me. I'm 20 y/o and I have had anxiety for about 5 years. I've had therapy and been on medication in the past, but at the minute I'm not on anything or seeing anyone. Recently my anxiety has been really bad and I haven't been able to go out without either my mum or boyfriend. I'm feeling really down and I'm scared that I'm going to have to live with this forever. I always see people posting on these forums saying that they have had anxiety for 10/20 years. I had hoped and thought that I would be able to get to a point where my anxiety doesn't bother me, but when I see people saying that they have been struggling for that long I just get so disheartened.
Anyway, I wanted to ask about anxiety around being away from home. I have always been weird about sleeping away from my comfort zone. I went on a week long holiday abroad this past summer with my family and I hated it. I got through it, but I was miserable. I can never stay in a friend's house overnight unless my mum or boyfriend are with me. I have to go away with my mum for three days at the end of this week. I will be staying in a hotel which is a four hour drive from home. Although I'm going to be with my mum and I will only be gone for three days, I am really worried. I know it's no use thinking "what if I get a panic attack during the night" but I have to be realistic because I more than likely will have a panic attack. I always feel so unsafe when I'm away from home and I worry that something bad will happen to me. The unfamiliar environment makes me so uneasy. Does anyone have any tips for dealing with this? The last thing I want is to be feeling out of my mind for the whole trip due to crippling anxiety. I need to be able to function to get things done. Please help!

[NixonRulz]

Hi! This is my first post here and I hope some of you can help me. I'm 20 y/o and I have had anxiety for about 5 years. I've had therapy and been on medication in the past, but at the minute I'm not on anything or seeing anyone. Recently my anxiety has been really bad and I haven't been able to go out without either my mum or boyfriend. I'm feeling really down and I'm scared that I'm going to have to live with this forever. I always see people posting on these forums saying that they have had anxiety for 10/20 years. I had hoped and thought that I would be able to get to a point where my anxiety doesn't bother me, but when I see people saying that they have been struggling for that long I just get so disheartened.
Anyway, I wanted to ask about anxiety around being away from home. I have always been weird about sleeping away from my comfort zone. I went on a week long holiday abroad this past summer with my family and I hated it. I got through it, but I was miserable. I can never stay in a friend's house overnight unless my mum or boyfriend are with me. I have to go away with my mum for three days at the end of this week. I will be staying in a hotel which is a four hour drive from home. Although I'm going to be with my mum and I will only be gone for three days, I am really worried. I know it's no use thinking "what if I get a panic attack during the night" but I have to be realistic because I more than likely will have a panic attack. I always feel so unsafe when I'm away from home and I worry that something bad will happen to me. The unfamiliar environment makes me so uneasy. Does anyone have any tips for dealing with this? The last thing I want is to be feeling out of my mind for the whole trip due to crippling anxiety. I need to be able to function to get things done. Please help!

This is crazy that so few people respond here these days. Cmon folks. Almost 24 hours and no reply is just stupid

To your post, Sarah......

What you deal with is so typical. Everyone creates a "safe place" or a "safe person just as they create their own triggers. Keep in mind that you feel more safe in those situations because you BELIEVE they are safe. Anxiety doesn't care who you are with or where you are. So when you feel safe it is something that you created. Let's you know how powerful anxiety is. It really is all in your mind and your mind can make yourself miserable if that is where you allow it to go.

If you are away or anywhere else and you believe you will have a panic attach, chances are you will.

Don't be discouraged that people suffer for years. Those who suffer that long in most cases have treated the symptoms and not learned what anxiety is and how it affects you. Once you understand and accept everything that is affecting you and you do not fight it, things start to ease. Anxiety is like anything else that ales us. You would treat diabetes, high blood pressure, erectile dysfunction (Not me, Referring to some other guy) in the most practical way you could and you would be open to any and all cures

But anxiety, people want to "beat it" without meds ir aren't willing to accept that they just have it like any other disease/situation we encounter all of the time

So my tips for your trip? Go, have a blast and don't let panic and anxiety stop you. If you feel anxious or panic, so what. It always stops no matter what you do. Start retraining your brain not to react and let the anxiety and panic come and go and just breathe through it

Do this enough and anxiety will move on to someone else since you do not fear it anymore

Have a blast

[usernamesarah]

This is crazy that so few people respond here these days. Cmon folks. Almost 24 hours and no reply is just stupid

To your post, Sarah......

What you deal with is so typical. Everyone creates a "safe place" or a "safe person just as they create their own triggers. Keep in mind that you feel more safe in those situations because you BELIEVE they are safe. Anxiety doesn't care who you are with or where you are. So when you feel safe it is something that you created. Let's you know how powerful anxiety is. It really is all in your mind and your mind can make yourself miserable if that is where you allow it to go.

If you are away or anywhere else and you believe you will have a panic attach, chances are you will.

Don't be discouraged that people suffer for years. Those who suffer that long in most cases have treated the symptoms and not learned what anxiety is and how it affects you. Once you understand and accept everything that is affecting you and you do not fight it, things start to ease. Anxiety is like anything else that ales us. You would treat diabetes, high blood pressure, erectile dysfunction (Not me, Referring to some other guy) in the most practical way you could and you would be open to any and all cures

But anxiety, people want to "beat it" without meds ir aren't willing to accept that they just have it like any other disease/situation we encounter all of the time

So my tips for your trip? Go, have a blast and don't let panic and anxiety stop you. If you feel anxious or panic, so what. It always stops no matter what you do. Start retraining your brain not to react and let the anxiety and panic come and go and just breathe through it

Do this enough and anxiety will move on to someone else since you do not fear it anymore

Have a blast


Wow, this is exactly what I needed to hear. I think it helps that therapy got me to reach the point where I could sit through anxiety without it bothering me. I just got lazy with CBT techniques and let anxiety take over my life again. This really helped to reinforce everything. I'm still nervous about my trip away, but I'm feeling more positive now. Thanks so much, I really appreciate your kind and helpful words. All the best!

[alexdakota]

May I ask, why do you stop meds and CBT techniques when it is guaranteed to ease things out?
You need to start respecting your self and try to help him, rather than just not caring and then feeling worse when stronger symptoms of anxiety come!
I too have the thing you are referring to.. I can't or push really hard to sleep any where else than my home, and to be honest, not my gf or any of my parents will help even if they were there!
But believe me, I would much rather have that than what I'm facing right now! There are A LOT worse situations than yours so try a bit and i'm sure you'll achieve wonders! :)

[snowberry]

OP, may I suggest firstly that you give yourself permission to have a panic attack when you go away? Instead of thinking: 'I really hope I don't panic, even though I probably will,' you should be thinking: 'If I panic it's okay. I will deal with it if and when it happens.'

It's not a case of being pessimistic, more accepting that if panic comes it's not the end of the world and you will be able to figure it out. By thinking this way, you're bound to alleviate at least some of the stress you're feeling right now, which certainly won't be helping.

I want to ask as well, do you know how to breathe properly when you panic? Many don't, and that's why their panic attacks always escalate and become scary. If you find yourself panicking, sit quietly, relax your muscles, and breathe in through the nose for a count of 4 and out for a count of 8 through pursed lips. If you're feeling really bad, you may wish to breathe with a paper bag, but this isn't necessary. The reason this works is that it stops you from hyperventilating, which is what makes panic so bad that many people dash to the ER. You will still feel crappy for a while but you will eventually calm down to a manageable state once the adrenaline has passed.

Lastly, sit down with pen and paper and really question yourself as to what it is that causes you to feel anxious when sleeping away from home. For me, it was simply that sleeping in unfamiliar territory made me feel vulnerable and I found it difficult to relax. I thought about whether or not there was any truth to how I felt. I realised that, in all likelihood, I was no more or less vulnerable than sleeping at home, and decided to see it as an adventure - I imagined being a bad-ass, intrepid traveller making one of many pit stops, and how interesting it must be to sleep somewhere different. It took time and practise to change my way of thinking. Your reasons and your solution might be different - taking a comfort book and reading before bed may help.

But please don't be afraid of your panic attacks, no matter how bad they get. Occasionally I still get them really bad and post on here for support, but I always know deep down that I can manage them. Start thinking 'If I do X and panic, it's okay,' rather than 'I'd better not do X in case I panic'. It's not the end of the world and there are a million different ways to excuse yourself so you can go somewhere quiet and do your breathing exercises. Good luck to you.

[usernamesarah]

OP, may I suggest firstly that you give yourself permission to have a panic attack when you go away? Instead of thinking: 'I really hope I don't panic, even though I probably will,' you should be thinking: 'If I panic it's okay. I will deal with it if and when it happens.'

It's not a case of being pessimistic, more accepting that if panic comes it's not the end of the world and you will be able to figure it out. By thinking this way, you're bound to alleviate at least some of the stress you're feeling right now, which certainly won't be helping.

I want to ask as well, do you know how to breathe properly when you panic? Many don't, and that's why their panic attacks always escalate and become scary. If you find yourself panicking, sit quietly, relax your muscles, and breathe in through the nose for a count of 4 and out for a count of 8 through pursed lips. If you're feeling really bad, you may wish to breathe with a paper bag, but this isn't necessary. The reason this works is that it stops you from hyperventilating, which is what makes panic so bad that many people dash to the ER. You will still feel crappy for a while but you will eventually calm down to a manageable state once the adrenaline has passed.

Lastly, sit down with pen and paper and really question yourself as to what it is that causes you to feel anxious when sleeping away from home. For me, it was simply that sleeping in unfamiliar territory made me feel vulnerable and I found it difficult to relax. I thought about whether or not there was any truth to how I felt. I realised that, in all likelihood, I was no more or less vulnerable than sleeping at home, and decided to see it as an adventure - I imagined being a bad-ass, intrepid traveller making one of many pit stops, and how interesting it must be to sleep somewhere different. It took time and practise to change my way of thinking. Your reasons and your solution might be different - taking a comfort book and reading before bed may help.

But please don't be afraid of your panic attacks, no matter how bad they get. Occasionally I still get them really bad and post on here for support, but I always know deep down that I can manage them. Start thinking 'If I do X and panic, it's okay,' rather than 'I'd better not do X in case I panic'. It's not the end of the world and there are a million different ways to excuse yourself so you can go somewhere quiet and do your breathing exercises. Good luck to you.

This makes a lot of sense. I have been told to do this so many times in CBT and I always forget how effective it is.
I have learned how to breathe through a panic attack, but I find that it makes me feel worse. That probably means that I'm doing it wrong, but find that making myself focus on my breathing so much makes me feel worse. A lot of the time my panic attacks are brought on by counting every breath I take. It's like I suddenly become so aware of my breathing that it freaks me out. I usually distract myself from my breathing by doing other relaxation methods and I find that that regulates my breathing quite well.
I think I'm the same as you in that I feel more vulnerable when I'm away from home. I keep reminding myself that if something bad is going to happen to me, it's no more likely to happen when I'm away than when I'm at home.
Thanks so much for your reply - I really do appreciate the help. All the best!

[usernamesarah]

May I ask, why do you stop meds and CBT techniques when it is guaranteed to ease things out?
You need to start respecting your self and try to help him, rather than just not caring and then feeling worse when stronger symptoms of anxiety come!
I too have the thing you are referring to.. I can't or push really hard to sleep any where else than my home, and to be honest, not my gf or any of my parents will help even if they were there!
But believe me, I would much rather have that than what I'm facing right now! There are A LOT worse situations than yours so try a bit and i'm sure you'll achieve wonders! :)

I stopped taking meds because I was feeling better for a while. I didn't feel like I needed them any more and I didn't want to be dependent on them when I know that CBT methods will help me to deal with my anxiety just as well. They were a crutch to get me through a particularly bad patch.
I stopped CBT because my therapist felt that I was able to handle things on my own. He said that we had gone through every CBT method that we could have. It worked out for a while, but now that I'm feeling bad again I have been put on a waiting list for appointments.

I'm sorry that you're going through similar. Maybe you could think before you say that you would rather be in my situation though - there's no way that you can know the full story from my short post. Belittling my situation isn't helping anyone. I know that there are a lot worse situations but it's not a competition. Problems should be fixed no matter how small they seem. I am trying.

I hope you feel better soon.

[Nervous Ninny]

Try to creat habits at home to trigger your brain it's sleep time. I have a fan at home the whit noise relaxes me however I still have some trouble sleeping. I downloaded an app on my phone so when I go away I have a trigger for my brain to realize this is the sound I listen to when I am sleeping. I also take a product called relaquil that helps me sleep. This all helps a bit. I also use an eyepatch when I am away as I keep my room pitch black.

[usernamesarah]

Try to creat habits at home to trigger your brain it's sleep time. I have a fan at home the whit noise relaxes me however I still have some trouble sleeping. I downloaded an app on my phone so when I go away I have a trigger for my brain to realize this is the sound I listen to when I am sleeping. I also take a product called relaquil that helps me sleep. This all helps a bit. I also use an eyepatch when I am away as I keep my room pitch black.

That's interesting, thanks for the tip! :)

[snowberry]

This makes a lot of sense. I have been told to do this so many times in CBT and I always forget how effective it is.
I have learned how to breathe through a panic attack, but I find that it makes me feel worse. That probably means that I'm doing it wrong, but find that making myself focus on my breathing so much makes me feel worse. A lot of the time my panic attacks are brought on by counting every breath I take. It's like I suddenly become so aware of my breathing that it freaks me out. I usually distract myself from my breathing by doing other relaxation methods and I find that that regulates my breathing quite well.
I think I'm the same as you in that I feel more vulnerable when I'm away from home. I keep reminding myself that if something bad is going to happen to me, it's no more likely to happen when I'm away than when I'm at home.
Thanks so much for your reply - I really do appreciate the help. All the best!

No problem, usernamesarah, I'm glad if I've helped in any way.

As for the breathing technique, please don't worry about 'concentrating'. When I breathe 'in nose 4 out mouth 8' I will often be reading a book or playing a video game at the same time. It's not like mindfulness where you're supposed to savour every breath (something I have never gotten along with - I get distracted every 3 seconds). It's simply to keep your oxygen and carbon dioxide levels balanced in your blood stream, that's all. Once you've done it a few times you will count the ins and outs unconsciously, meaning you can indeed do other things - I wrote my final assignment for my degree in the midst of a panic attack breathing like this, and it didn't distract me from my work. The most important thing to remember is that even if you get 'hooked' on your breathing cycle, you'll be okay. It's very annoying indeed, but harmless to your health.

So yes, long story short - you don't have to 'think' about the breathing the way you're expected to in mindfulness, just make sure the out-breaths are longer than the in-breaths. I hope that explains everything!

[soManyProblems]

I am terrible at sleeping anywhere that is not my home. Some tips:

1. It definitely gets easier with practice. This is essentially exposure therapy.

2. Leave yourself lots of extra "sleep time" for lying awake with insomnia. Maybe 12 hours for "sleep" instead of just 8.

3. If you are like me, you may have a panic attack. It's not the end of the world. Breathe deep and slow. Positive self-talk.