My social anxiety keeps me from enjoying life.

[dageo]

Every time I interact with someone I get really stressed out about what the other person thinks of me, and if I'm saying everything right. I'm unable to make deep connections with people because it is to stressful. My worst fear is that I will accidentally do or say something that will make everyone hate me. Like accidentally offending someone at work and then they start to hate me and then they make everyone else hate me. And I get paranoid that the people who I interact with and spend time with only do it because they feel bad for me, or feel obligated to. Social anxiety has been the core of all of my problems my entire life. I am unable to enjoy social outing or interacting with other people because of it, I am so tired of it and wish it would just magically go away.

[wallapingnk]

hey dageo, i know exactly how you feel. Lot time the the fear of making a mistake prevents me from enjoying lot things in life too. Like you lot times worry about offending people in some way or just doing something to make them angry with me. I barley interact with anyone anymore. and after I do tend to obsesses over every little detail. hehe anyways yep just want to let you know your not the only one who stress out about these thing. :)

[unknownme]

I can relate to this so bad. I consider myself sociable & I like to meet people and hang and whatnot but as soon as people ask to go out I get nervous and I have to fight the nervouness until I get there and even while I'm there. Like, if I say something those seconds until the person replies are dreading. I want them to like me the way I like them and to be important to people, to be someone they enjoy being with. I'm so scared of being abandoned, that people think I'm stupid or secretly hating me or are eventually stop talking to me 'cause they're done with me. :rolleyes:

[yohodog]

Hi Dageo. First time on here as I feel I might have some knowledge to help people. I know what you are going through. I am 52 and have had completely debilitating social anxiety since I was 17. I will try to keep this brief for now. Let me start by saying I was house bound for a long time, had no friends or social interaction unless i was drunk for decades, offending someone or any confrontation can still be very difficult, but not always. I enjoy life so much now and rarely have anxiety attacks, but much of my life has been lost in a haze of anxiety, worry, and lonliness. How did I get better? Firtst, and I strongly believe most importanly is get on a good medication so you can start working on the skills needed to rewire your brain, because the messages you are receiving are
%100 false. Noone will "hate" you if you offend them (unless they have some serious issues of their own) and no healthy individual would "make everyone else hate me". It just isn't going to happen. I don't believe people only interact with you bc they feel sorry for you, or a sense of obligation. People just don't care that much and everyone is fighting their own battles. YOU JUST ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT TO THEM!! Why the capitals? Because this concept was big in my recovery. People are not judging, criticizing, staring at you or hating you. They just dont have that kind of time and energy. You are the one creating those thoughts and negative beliefs. So, the miracle drug for me, and i tried many, was Clonazepam. Takes away anxiety! Period. I have had next no side effects in over 30 years of use. I no longer need it. Critical to my recovery was stability. Get a job any job and stick to it, even when you are dying inside. The drugs will get you through and of course you could talk to a therapist, although my experience with many therapists, is that it did not help. Exercise everyday was so important. Learning to calm your mind and change your thoughts through meditation is very important. In time you can slowly get out there and socialize. Breathing exercises were critical for me. I could go on and on, but, you must learn to believe that you will not always feel this way. Stop anticipating anxiety. You will be amazed that you might not be as anxious as you think in social settings if you just go and stop focusing so much on the "what ifs". If all hell breaks loose in your mind (panic attack, or severe anxiety) you should take the pills right in the place where anxiety hits and things will get much better and very quickly too. These are just some things that have allowed me to lead a more social life. I still have a lot of anxiety and anxious thoughts, but they are so well controlled now. I just don't believe in them. No more fear!
Another coping mechanism I started to use just a few years ago is just tell people that "I have a problem with anxiety". This is no longer the stigma it once was. You might be surprised that many people can relate and empathize with you. Like the gay person who "comes out of the closet", this non chalant disclosure can take a lot of stress off of you. When you look anxious, turn red, cant speak, say the wrongs things, are freaking out, you mind says "it OK, you are an anxious person. That doesn't you are a bad person or any less interesting (most people would say more interesting) or different than many others. You will not be condemned for divulging your health issues to others. If you had cancer you would tell everyone because it is socially acceptable. So is an anxiety disorder. If any thinks a mental health problem is not acceptable to discuss, them fuck them. They as are backwards as a racists. No employer can fire you over this, in fact, most good companies offer free support. Start slowly and really try to slow down when are very anxious. Talk to people about it, do some volunteering and exercise, slow walks in the woods, anything helps. The best medications are the ones that the body produces when you are exercising! Remember it is not all about you (very important statement in recovery). Lastly I have to say that "anxiety is not the core of all you problems" It is a very serious and debilitating symptom of a problem probably developed in your youth or because or you biology. Whether it be abuse in childhood, excessive criticism or teasing or a biological issue. Your core problem is identifying what is making you so anxious, but even more important than that is moving forward and learning all the skills necessary to fit in with the "regular humans" lol. There is so much on the web now to help, relaxation vids, apps, support groups etc etc. Never, ever give up!! Let go and relax, but never stop believing that your life is so precious and is going to be amazing some day. It isn't going to be easy, but what rewarding goal is?

cheers,

Gord P.

[The Intolerable Kid]

I sympathize and feel the same way about people hating me. I wish I had something inspirational to contribute but I have never gotten past it easily. The best I can say is to try and find some common ground in the conversation, common interests. The thing people seem to like is you asking questions about them, I try and do that until we find something in common.