McArthurGDM
09-10-2015, 01:10 PM
Hi,
I am new to the forum and am looking for people/someone with similar problems to help me make sense of what I am and have experienced.
It's taken my quite a while, but I have come to learn both professionally and through research that I have an anxiety disorder, more specifically, Generalized Anxiety Disorder marked by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
My disorder seems to be characterized more by obsessive thinking. That is, I think about things that I do not want to think about it and it ends up causing an obsession that ruins my life. Some would also call this Intrusive Thoughts. Here is an example:
As a teen, I smoked pot and hallucinated (it happens, don't argue with me about this). I eventually grew paranoid that my mind was damaged from the pot and that the damage was irreparable. I would think thoughts I didn't want to think and needed constant reassurance from the internet, friends, family and any other source that I wasn't going insane. Eventually, my obsession caused by not wanting to think about brain damage caused my life to go into shambles.
My life is riddled with stupid examples like that.
---
My CURRENT ISSUE concerns a woman I have just begun dating.
I just started seeing a woman a little over 2 months ago. She's wonderful to me in every way possible. I was initially drawn to her by my attraction to her. Somewhere along the way, I had a thought in my mind that I didn't want to settle down and wasn't ready yet. The thought that pervaded my mind, the reason for this thought, was that "I could do better" physically. She's a cute/adorable/attractive/sweet woman that is greater than any other girl I've dated. She cooks for me, cleans for me, is attentive to my needs, and even hears about my issues with anxiety. However, I can not tell her that I am having thoughts that I might not be fully attracted to her and that I think I can do "better". I have fought these thoughts (like I always do, even with other obsessions) and they have been the cause of great distress. I can't eat, sleep, I've stopped working out and I can't function at work any more. I've reached the point of intense tears and even drove to go break up with her at least twice - and yet, when I get to her to do it, she smiles and the fear dissipates and the world makes sense again. Then, I leave and my thoughts are left to their own devices and the cycle repeats. Despite all this - I know in my heart of hearts that I love (yes, that quickly) this girl and want more with her, however, my mind has another plan. And, I stress, she really is a pretty girl with a wonderful smile/eyes, but my mind begins to compare her to the world around me - and, rightfully so, no one can win that battle.
Some people tell me that I should just break up with her, others say I'm shallow. However, what no one realizes is that these thoughts bare the trademark of all irrational obsessive/intrusive thoughts that I've had in the past. They are ruining my life like they have had the past. They are also potentially driving away a wonderful girl that I don't want driven away.
Does anyone else experience obsessive thoughts in this manner? To the point where you know that what you are thinking is irrational, stupid, and NOT REALLY YOU - but still are forced to think it anyway - simply on the basis that you don't want to think about it? This pattern is the reason for much of my life's pains and miseries.
Any help/advice is appreciated. I would like to hear from similar people with similar stories. This girl is so amazing that she has forced me to reevaluate myself and seek to find answers.
Thanks,
I am new to the forum and am looking for people/someone with similar problems to help me make sense of what I am and have experienced.
It's taken my quite a while, but I have come to learn both professionally and through research that I have an anxiety disorder, more specifically, Generalized Anxiety Disorder marked by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
My disorder seems to be characterized more by obsessive thinking. That is, I think about things that I do not want to think about it and it ends up causing an obsession that ruins my life. Some would also call this Intrusive Thoughts. Here is an example:
As a teen, I smoked pot and hallucinated (it happens, don't argue with me about this). I eventually grew paranoid that my mind was damaged from the pot and that the damage was irreparable. I would think thoughts I didn't want to think and needed constant reassurance from the internet, friends, family and any other source that I wasn't going insane. Eventually, my obsession caused by not wanting to think about brain damage caused my life to go into shambles.
My life is riddled with stupid examples like that.
---
My CURRENT ISSUE concerns a woman I have just begun dating.
I just started seeing a woman a little over 2 months ago. She's wonderful to me in every way possible. I was initially drawn to her by my attraction to her. Somewhere along the way, I had a thought in my mind that I didn't want to settle down and wasn't ready yet. The thought that pervaded my mind, the reason for this thought, was that "I could do better" physically. She's a cute/adorable/attractive/sweet woman that is greater than any other girl I've dated. She cooks for me, cleans for me, is attentive to my needs, and even hears about my issues with anxiety. However, I can not tell her that I am having thoughts that I might not be fully attracted to her and that I think I can do "better". I have fought these thoughts (like I always do, even with other obsessions) and they have been the cause of great distress. I can't eat, sleep, I've stopped working out and I can't function at work any more. I've reached the point of intense tears and even drove to go break up with her at least twice - and yet, when I get to her to do it, she smiles and the fear dissipates and the world makes sense again. Then, I leave and my thoughts are left to their own devices and the cycle repeats. Despite all this - I know in my heart of hearts that I love (yes, that quickly) this girl and want more with her, however, my mind has another plan. And, I stress, she really is a pretty girl with a wonderful smile/eyes, but my mind begins to compare her to the world around me - and, rightfully so, no one can win that battle.
Some people tell me that I should just break up with her, others say I'm shallow. However, what no one realizes is that these thoughts bare the trademark of all irrational obsessive/intrusive thoughts that I've had in the past. They are ruining my life like they have had the past. They are also potentially driving away a wonderful girl that I don't want driven away.
Does anyone else experience obsessive thoughts in this manner? To the point where you know that what you are thinking is irrational, stupid, and NOT REALLY YOU - but still are forced to think it anyway - simply on the basis that you don't want to think about it? This pattern is the reason for much of my life's pains and miseries.
Any help/advice is appreciated. I would like to hear from similar people with similar stories. This girl is so amazing that she has forced me to reevaluate myself and seek to find answers.
Thanks,