AsktheAges
09-02-2015, 03:53 PM
Over the past year, my partner, to whom I became engaged just over a month ago, has had progressively worse health problems. She had had some trouble with her legs before but it didn't seem like too big a deal and she was quite an active woman. Then she experienced pain in her upper body, then increasing fatigue, then pain everywhere, etc. She has been seeing all sorts of doctors and has chased all sorts of red herrings but we think we're on track to a useful diagnosis now, largely guided by her own research, which she has brought into specialists' offices. We know it's a muscular problem: it could be something manageable or it could be something far worse. Either way, her life has changed a great deal. She walks with a walker outside the house now, which she feels very embarrassed by, as a young woman. She cannot climb stairs. She cannot either sit or stand for very long. She sometimes uses voice recognition software instead of typing but sometimes gets fatigued from talking. Et cetera.
I had been helping her a lot but I moved for a new job about a month ago (not too long after we got engaged), which was a great opportunity, one that she had really encouraged, which I had accepted before things got as bad as they are. I feel disconnected from what is going on. I don't know what my role is anymore. I am very anxious about what is going on, about how her body is transforming, about what this means for our relationship. The sort of intimacy that we used to enjoy has become much more difficult and a source of great stress; we are trying to reconnect but, honestly, this is hard for me to accept. I love her and want to be with her but I don't know what our relationship will exactly be in the future.
With the way my mind works, present anxieties like this trigger anger rumination, where I ruminate intensely about past situations with other people that I feel angry about. I can reach a point where I yell out loud or strike things or strike myself. I thought I was mostly over a lot of this kind of behaviour but it is worse now. I have to give two lectures tomorrow but I have not been able to focus all day, although it is nearly dinner time.
Has anyone experienced anything like this? Does anyone have advice or even just support or encouragement? Thanks in advance.
I had been helping her a lot but I moved for a new job about a month ago (not too long after we got engaged), which was a great opportunity, one that she had really encouraged, which I had accepted before things got as bad as they are. I feel disconnected from what is going on. I don't know what my role is anymore. I am very anxious about what is going on, about how her body is transforming, about what this means for our relationship. The sort of intimacy that we used to enjoy has become much more difficult and a source of great stress; we are trying to reconnect but, honestly, this is hard for me to accept. I love her and want to be with her but I don't know what our relationship will exactly be in the future.
With the way my mind works, present anxieties like this trigger anger rumination, where I ruminate intensely about past situations with other people that I feel angry about. I can reach a point where I yell out loud or strike things or strike myself. I thought I was mostly over a lot of this kind of behaviour but it is worse now. I have to give two lectures tomorrow but I have not been able to focus all day, although it is nearly dinner time.
Has anyone experienced anything like this? Does anyone have advice or even just support or encouragement? Thanks in advance.