Why do I still fear families opinions

[gadguy]

I have friend who is really down on his luck...having a hard time keeping food on table for his family. Both he and his wife work full time...although his hours have been cut due to slowdown in demand ( the great recovery has not made it here). Also they have two very unreliable vehicles, one is just down right dangerous...between repairs they just can't get a head. I have an old 16 yo truck that needed some work, he is a pretty good shade tree mechanic....i had him look at it to see what it would take to get it back on road, i am not very mechanical. I was gonna pay him to fix it...but after some thought, I called him and said if he wanted..he could have the truck no charge and I hoped it would help him get ahead.

So I gave it to him. I have had several family members ask about truck since it no longer in drive way..I lied..I have told them it is being fixed and I may just sell it to guy who is fixing it....I'm afraid they may think critical of my decisions. I an having a hard time being honest about this...I did not think this would be this hard.

[jessed03]

Because you don't yet have a fixed identity that you buy into. You don't really know who you are, and what you stand for - at least not completely. You're relying on others to decide such things for you - to decide your value, your worth, what's acceptable and what's not, etc. Seeing as much of your self-esteem lies in outsiders' hands, it's natural to lie or hide things in order to ensure these people think of you in some sort of positive way. If they think of you instead as disagreeable, or rude, or awkward, then that's going to hold weight inside your mind. That's going to be taken seriously, and will equal a self-esteem knock, and your psyche really doesn't want to let that happen. So it's easier to lie, or fake a personality, or be a people pleaser.

Don't worry, so many people are like this. Us anxious folk are probably more prone, however, as our conditions are that of doubt, and not certainty. When you doubt your health and you doubt your mind, as we all do or have done, it's highly unlikely you'll have a fixed sense of self. That's something that's likely to suffer too.

We look externally for validation, approval and confirmation when our own sense of self is pretty weak. The brain sends out its feelers to try to decipher how others are reacting to us and how they perceive us. This is to help it form its own image of we are. Think of yourself as being a little bit like a leaf, being blown around because you aren't rooted.

Of course, when you've built this strong sense of identity and know who you are and buy into that completely, your brain stops looking outside for answers. This is when you stop caring what people think because you know yourself, you trust yourself and you love yourself. You have an almost mind blowing amount of freedom when you reach this stage. I guess this is the state of being people refer to when they talk about being centered. This is also the basis of healthy self-esteem.

[gadguy]

Because you don't yet have a fixed sense of identity that you buy into. You don't really know who you are, and what you stand for - at least not completely. You're relying on others to decide those things for you - to decide your value, your worth, etc. Seeing as much of your self-esteem lies in outsiders' hands, it's natural to lie in order to ensure they think of you in some sort of positive way.

Don't worry, so many people are like this. Us anxious folk are probably more prone, however, as our conditions are that of doubt, and not certainty. When you doubt your health and you doubt you're mind, it's highly unlikely you'll have a fixed sense of self. That is likely to suffer too.

We look externally for validation, approval and confirmation when our own sense of self is pretty weak. The brain sends out its feelers to try to decipher how others are reacting to you and how they perceive you. This is to help it form its own image of who you are. Think of yourself as being a little bit like a leaf, being blown around as you aren't rooted.

Of course, when you've built this strong sense of identity and know who you are and buy into that completely, your brain stops looking outside for answers. This is when you stop caring what people think because you know yourself, you trust yourself and you on love yourself. I guess this is the state of being people refer to when they talk about being centered. This is also the basis of health self-esteem.

Makes sense to me...I had hoped I was getting better...and I am, but I did not expect this set back or I should say another issue to deal with. Thanx very much for very straight forward answer.

[NixonRulz]

Makes sense to me...I had hoped I was getting better...and I am, but I did not expect this set back or I should say another issue to deal with. Thanx very much for very straight forward answer.

Setbacks are just an opportunity to change course. No one great has ever succeeded without knowing how to adjust when something changes or things don't go as planned

In addition, giving that truck to that dude is awesome! shout that from the rooftops. People that question why you would do such a thing don't have the big heart that you do

You earned some big karma points with that move

Be proud of what you did and who you are

[gadguy]

Setbacks are just an opportunity to change course. No one great has ever succeeded without knowing how to adjust when something changes or things don't go as planned

In addition, giving that truck to that dude is awesome! shout that from the rooftops. People that question why you would do such a thing don't have the big heart that you do

You earned some big karma points with that move

Be proud of what you did and who you are


Thanx for kind words...shouting from rooftops is not my style, I prefer to do without recognition, just happy I can help. As far as family and friends are concerned I sold him truck, what really happened is between me, him and his wife. I am good with this. Got worked up over nothing, and realized I am still that child seeking parental approval....but working on it.