Anxiety related to girlfriend ruining my life - please please help

[Rabbitrabbit]

Hi, im new & this is my first post. I'll start by saying i havent suffered from this for long, its only started in the last couple of weeks. Here goes..

Me & my girlfriend have been together for 2 years 8 months, & have always been a perfect match, to the point that everyone, including strangers sometimes, have even said it to us. When we were first together, she was going through a very bad time. She had no friends & her relationship with her parents was in ruin, so i was all she had. This caused her to become very dependent on me, & she developed anxiety & depression. I had my own friends & family etc, but despite the intensity of things i was always there for her, sometimes sitting with her for hours reassuring her etc. Now things have massively improved for her, & over the last couple of months she's stopped being obsessive. I always encouraged this & it's a good thing, but now she's no longer dependent, i feel like im losing her.

I've spoke with her about it & she says not to worry, that she's going through a strange time in her life but nothing's changed between us. However i can't shake off this paralising anxiety. All i can think is that she's gonna leave me, & every time i think about her i get close to tears, as if we'd already broken up. She takes a lot longer to reply to texts & is less affectionate, which is expected considering the changes that have happened & i even wished for it, for things to me more relaxed. But i have the worst anxiety 24/7, & cant stop the thought of her leaving me. Im not showing her how much this affects me to avoid a self-fulfilling prophecy, but something needs to change as this is unbearable.

Any help would be extremely appreciated as this is the lowest ive felt in my life.

Thank you in advance

[gypsylee]

Hi there and welcome here :)

I generally stay away from relationship posts because well, romantic relationships are not my forte hahaha. I've been in plenty - all disasters - so I prefer to keep to myself these days.

As usual I don't know what advice to give but I felt bad for you. It's a horrible situation to be in but you know, it's pretty common. The problem is, relationships can't be based on any level of dependency/need at all. I would say 99% are though. So you get this awful fear happening when something changes.

Sorry I can't be more helpful. As I say, I suck at relationships. I'm great at anxiety though :) It does help to just talk about these things..

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[Rabbitrabbit]

Thanks for the response anyway, yeah even writing it out made me feel better aha.

Appreciate your time, have a great day :)

[gypsylee]

Thanks for the response anyway, yeah even writing it out made me feel better aha.

Appreciate your time, have a great day :)

You're welcome :)

I'm sure others here will have something to say!

[mrslizzyg]

Hey there!

I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time. Relationships are A LOT of work.. especially after that honey moon stage we all love so much lol.


This is totally normal, though. Especially after being together 2 years and 8 months. You guys are going to go through so many ups and downs in your life, and if you two decided to stay together in this relationship sometimes those ups/downs will bring you together, and other times they will pull you apart.
I feel like the world has this idea that relationships are rainbows and butterflies all the time(not that you think that way), BUT it programs all of us to think something is horribly wrong if the other person is taking some distance or if things are just "not quite right." People who have been together for years or married for many years I guarantee will tell you they had times where they just felt totally disconnected from their partner- but they worked through it.

The best thing you can do here is KEEP communicating and have a plan of action. Tell her how you are feeling, and let her know if there are certain things she can do to help. Let her tell you the same, what you are doing that you could fix and how you could do better.

Have peace in the fact that this is not abnormal. It doesn't mean she doesn't want you.

If you guys get through the tough times, you'll have a very rewarding relationship and a deep love.

Good luck :)