Need help! I don't know what this is...

[Ice_Bahamut]

Hi there. A long time ago I took cough medicine (known as triple c's, dxm, etc) and ever since I've been worried about brain damage. It's been 3 years and the worry has never stopped, it's always in the back of my head, no matter what the situation. Every day I wake up feeling like I should just kill myself. I've tried medication, I've tried all different types of ways, but I can't get rid of it. It's like it's stuck in my head.

What it seems to do is make everything in reality dull down and my perception is so dry and dull now, it's horrible. Before I ever took it, ti was never like this. Now it's just dulled to nothing. I took it when I was 15, now I'm 18. I was wondering if maybe it's part of growing up to be like this? But I just don't know.

From all the articles I read, you need to take it constantly in high doses to receive any brain damage, but always say "But anything can happen." I've spoken to 3 doctors about this and all of them told me I was fine. But I don't feel fine!

Lately I've gotten so desperate, I'm thinking about just taking it again to confirm to myself that I'm okay. But I'm scared of getting those horrible anxiety attacks again. I'm pretty sure I'll get them, it's really freaking me out. What do you guys recommend I do? Or do you know of any other psychological disorders this may be? Thanks, please put your insight, you don't know how much it helps me! :(

[Robbed]

Are we talking about 'robo tripping' (or whatever cough syrup abuse is called these days - 'robo-tripping' is just SO 80's)? If so, keep in mind that becoming 'freaked out' because of a bad drug experience, and worrying that you have done permanent harm to yourself as a result is VERY, VERY common. In fact, it happened to me YEARS ago after I foolishly tried LSD once (my current anxiety problem that I have had for the last couple of years is unrelated to this event). And I felt pretty much the same thing as you did. Anyway, what you need to do is calm down your fears here. Accept that this is all simply the result of you getting REALLY scared because of a bad drug experience. But also keep in mind that you didn't take enough cough syrup to cause you permanent harm. And, perhaps most importantly, accept your strange symptoms as not being harmful, or a sign than harm is done. Accept that things will get better as you reduce your overall stress levels by accepting. And accept that (1) this will likely take some time to completely go away (several months to a few years, and (2) you will experience better days and worse days during recovery. Try to be patient.

[northstar]

i really reccommend that you seek out a counsellor to help you out with this ice_bahumut. i think you just need help training your mind not to think catastrophically, you're allowing your worries to control you.

a good counsellor should help you to work on the parts of your personality that trust what the doctors are saying and the parts of you that know that everything is alright. i struggled with irrational worry a lot until i realised it was impossible to get out of the horrible thoughts by myself and i saught out a counsellor who helped me to do amazing work :) so, i know it's possible to do.

you need to deal with your past, learn from it and put it behind you. you can't allow your worries about the past to continue stopping yourself from enjoying your present. brain damage is pretty serious, i'm sure if there was damage that your doctors would realise it at this stage. you need to allow yourself the freedom to believe that you are ok :) maybe you should stop reading articles about it, consider yourself lucky that you're ok and put it behind you.

PS i hope none of this sounds harsh, i mean and wish only the best for you, anxiety is a terrible thing to have to deal with.