Any tips?

[Theodosius]

Hello,
First time here. Just after any tidbits anyone can offer. About 5 or so years ago (around the age of 29) I strangely and out of the blue developed a fear of flying. It is really odd and frustrating because up until then I genuinely enjoyed flying and had regularly taken long haul flights from a young age. Anyway, I just want to ask a couple of questions.

First of all, while I have still flown several times since developing the fear (recently with the help of a small dose of Valium) they have only been short flights but tomorrow evening I am doing 2 very long flights, I have been rather circumspect about the journey up to now but today I am really feeling nervous and finding it hard to concentrate. It's not the flying that bothers me but I hate turbulence and spend so much energy worrying about it happening. The last few (3 hr) flights I've taken I just spend the whole time tensed up and counting down the hours feeling as if I was just barely maintaining control, so when it comes to a 14 and 10 hr flight I just don't know how I'll cope so my question is are there any particular techniques people have found help in this sort of situation?

Secondly, I've never spoken to anyone with similar experiences so I was just curious: the closer I get to the flight the more emotional and tearful I get, thinking about my children and how much I love them etc. Is this a common experience? Why? Is it an underlying fear that I might die?

Also, almost as bad as the flight I hate the anxiety of the days and hours before getting on the plane, I just can't stop thinking about what might happen, it's so agonizing, I even dream about it. If this is what anxiety feels like then my heart really goes out to those who have it on a more regular basis it is exhausting.

Thanks

[anxietyauntie]

Hey Theodosius,

First of all, you are not alone! I can completely relate.. Although I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and panic disorder, I have a genuine phobia of flying as well. Part of it stems from my claustrophobia, but I am also phobic of falling; hence why I hate turbulence. Maybe there is something underlying yours that is as simple as that, maybe not.

I can't do a long haul flight on my own, and even when I am with people I have to heavily drug myself to relax. This isn't necessarily a good thing! And to be honest, I usually have to factor in a day or so when I get to my destination of serious brain fog from the drugs - so when I have to travel for work I get seriously disadvantaged.
My suggestions would be the following, but I caveat them with a clause that things work differently for everyone - you know yourself best, so try to take that into account:
- Try to find something to distract you; preferably something you enjoy (e.g. I use my kindle non-stop and chose books that I love and that are immersive)
- Make sure you are sitting in a place that makes you comfortable. For me that is an aisle seat far away from any emergency exits and as close to the front as possible (I feel less 'stuck' this way). For you, it might be different - but ensure you think about it. All airlines attempt to accommodate people who are genuinely scared of flying for seating preferences - check-in early and mention it to the person and they will definitely try to help you.
- Fly with someone else if possible who knows you well - not always practical, but I find it is calming. I usually fly with my fiance or sister. I trust them enough that if I am scared I can look at them - if they are worried I know I am right to be anxious, if they are not it is like a reality check for my anxiety and helps me calm down.

I hope these help - and I really do hope you can find a way that works for you!

I struggle with my anxiety prior as well - it is unlikely that I will sleep the few nights before, and I am always obsessively early for check-ins. My tip is try to limit any other triggers, and try to talk to someone about it. Sometimes when I talk about it, it can help lessen the load a bit. Not sure if it will work for you, but worth a try!
It also helps to have a plan in place for getting to airport etc, so you know that you are sorted and everything that is in your control is organised and planned. That way unexpected surprises can be easier to deal with and create less additional anxiety.

And yes, your description of how you feel prior is exactly what anxiety feels like! It definitely creates empathy for others, that is for sure! I wouldn't wish it on anyone, and I really hope that I have managed to help you in some way, even if just to tell you that you are NOT alone in this.

:)