sae
07-26-2015, 11:48 PM
Oh the past couple of weeks have been a special kind of pisser. Sometimes I wonder how someone that gets out so little still manages to be constantly dragged into dramatic nonsense. It's no mystery I avoid conflict like the plague. Usually crazy bs starts to kick up and I pull the infamous sae disappearing act just to stay out of it. Usually, however, it is brought on by those closest to me. My kid is a constant source of high drama.
Having anxiety and being equally conflict avoidant while being the mother of an especially moody, strong willed teenager is a very special kind of hell. I mean, I have to be mom, but sometimes it just gets stupid. Then she pulls this recent stunt. Without getting into details and respecting her privacy, she made some really REALLY dumb decisions recently.
I have spent the last couple of weeks in a once very familiar anxiety cycle. Wake up, throw up, avoid eating, hide, be-moan my terrible luck, throw up again, nervous stomach, aches and pains, avoid eating dinner as well as other people and another sleepless night. Then it happened.
A parent of my kid's friend spent the entire weekend I have been away out of cell phone range sending threatening messages and voicemails. I promptly deleted them all without a second thought. I avoid this person's calls all day. Finally something just snapped.
In the last year I have been humanizing. I have gone from having no real emotional reaction to anything to something more akin to an impossibly long fuse attached to a nuke. Today i re-enacted a nuclear meltdown. Then it was all gone. I wanted to eat the biggest steak I could find, and take a well deserved nap. I did.
While the drama is simmering down to a lulled, settled roar I have taken a moment to revaluation how I handled this conflict. I remained reasonable and helpful. I avoided letting the feels steer the boat but I made my boundaries with my anxiety quite clear. This mess isn't gone but it is palatable. I got this.
.
Having anxiety and being equally conflict avoidant while being the mother of an especially moody, strong willed teenager is a very special kind of hell. I mean, I have to be mom, but sometimes it just gets stupid. Then she pulls this recent stunt. Without getting into details and respecting her privacy, she made some really REALLY dumb decisions recently.
I have spent the last couple of weeks in a once very familiar anxiety cycle. Wake up, throw up, avoid eating, hide, be-moan my terrible luck, throw up again, nervous stomach, aches and pains, avoid eating dinner as well as other people and another sleepless night. Then it happened.
A parent of my kid's friend spent the entire weekend I have been away out of cell phone range sending threatening messages and voicemails. I promptly deleted them all without a second thought. I avoid this person's calls all day. Finally something just snapped.
In the last year I have been humanizing. I have gone from having no real emotional reaction to anything to something more akin to an impossibly long fuse attached to a nuke. Today i re-enacted a nuclear meltdown. Then it was all gone. I wanted to eat the biggest steak I could find, and take a well deserved nap. I did.
While the drama is simmering down to a lulled, settled roar I have taken a moment to revaluation how I handled this conflict. I remained reasonable and helpful. I avoided letting the feels steer the boat but I made my boundaries with my anxiety quite clear. This mess isn't gone but it is palatable. I got this.
.