Hey Spot,
I've been with my current girlfriend now for over 3 years. She's my first girlfriend ever. I'm 24 years old. That's just some background on me. I apologize in advance for the huge post, but I feel as though I've come SUPER far as far as having anxiety and dating have gone just by having my one girlfriend, so I'll throw you all the useful information that I can. Feel free to ask questions back to. My email address is
[email protected] if I dont see that you messaged back.
I wanted a girlfriend SO bad for years, but my nerves and low self esteem kept me from even trying. Eventually I got up the nerve to ask my current girlfriend out (also had a coworker helping me out a little bit). It was a huge step for me, but it brought along a new set of things to worry about - what do I wear, what do we do, what if I run out of things to say, etc.
I can guarantee you that even if your date does sense your nervousness, they may be JUST as nervous and they will surely not be able to sense the degree of your nervousness, so try to ease up on yourself a little bit. Everybody gets nervous on a date. The reason you date is because you're interested in somebody and you want to show your good side. The best thing you can do is to just try to have fun!! Don't take the date or yourself so seriously!!! Be the fun loving person that you are, and if it's meant to be then you'll both agree to go on further dates.
There's no need to mention being nervous or having anxiety problems though. In fact, wouldn't tell anybody you "have a problem" because if you end up in a long term relationship with the person, they will like or love you for who you are. You can explain later down the line that you have those issues, but don't worry about it in the first several months. Now, if you do something like trip over your own two feet and completely embaress yourself, then make a joke about it haha. That way you turn a potentially awkward situation into something where the person you're interested in realizes that you're confident enough in yourself that you can even make fun of yourself a little bit without getting upset lol. Make a joke like "holy shit, what the hell was THAT doing in the middle of the sidewalk" when there's clearly nothing there lol.
I guarantee you that the other person will have no clue the extent of your nervousness throughout the night. And if you two don't hit it off, or if things get bad throughout the night and you are 100% sure there's no vibe between you two, then dont be afraid to call it an early night. There's no point in dragging on something that you BOTH know isn't going to lead anywhere.
But like I said, just show the other person that you're fun to be around. It may help if you don't try to think of it as a date!! Just MAKE SURE you show them that you are definitely interested in them in more than just being friends. Don't be afraid to just grab their hand (confidently, not abusively) if you're getting the vibe that you're both getting along well. It may be too early to go for a kiss, and don't stare at certain body parts either!! But compliment the other person on something that they would CLEARLY take as a sign of "sexual interest"...and by that I don't mean that you're interested in having sex, but rather that you like them as more than just a friend. Compliment them on how nice their perfume smells, or how their eyes are very friendly and relaxing to look into.
Often times you can tell by the other person's body language, words, expressions, posture, and actions what is OK and what is not OK. Don't let it bring you down though!!! If a person does something like pull away if you try to hug them or gets freaked out by something you say, maybe they are having a very bad day or something. That's not always a reason to give up hope though. If they decide to go out on another date with you, you'll find out what the problem was eventually. Not to stereotype, but young people may be stressed about a test, or a woman may be going through PMS or her period. Don't worry, just have fun and at the end of the night if you even have any doubts, tell the other person (if they don't tell you first) that you enjoyed the night and ask if they'd be interested in going out again sometime. If they say no, then be confident and wish them a goodnight. If they say they ARE interested in going out again, wait a few days before calling them back. It builds anticipation and makes them wonder if you're actually going to call back. The unofficial golden rule from a guys perspective is to wait 3 days. I think if you wait any more than 3 days you ruined your shot and she may have decided to give another guy a shot at a date. I say call back 2 days after your initial date, but don't call too early or too late. And schedule your 2nd date for the weekend to create some more anticipation. If it's a Wednesday night when you call, ask to go out on a Saturday. If it's a Friday on the other hand, ask what she's doing Sunday night. Give yourself a little time. It's also good to make youself seem busy (but not TOO busy), because that means you have a life and you're fun to be around.
Also, as someone who suffers from anxiety and avoids people at all costs, my biggest concern when I finally got the date was "how on Earth am I going to find things to talk about". This one isn't too hard either, even though it might seem hard. I'd do a LITTLE bit of prep work beforehand. First off, have an "active date" where you're doing something while you're getting to know each other. Not bars because they're loud, but maybe go mini-golfing or something else. Think of about 5-10 questions the night before the date that you could ask her. Make sure they're questions that require an actual answer and NOT just a simple yes or no. Then make sure you listen to every detail she tells you. You can take her answer and based off what she says, ask at least another 5 questions based on her response to your one very simple question!!! Also stay away from controversial topics like religion, abortion, politics, etc. If the other person asks YOU those questions, make yourself a little mysterious. Let them know that you have some very strong stances on issues, but that if they want to know your stances that they're going to have to work for them (usually just by getting to know you better over the course of a few weeks). Don't come off as an ass though...just smile and somehow assure them that they'll find out the answers eventually.
I could keep typing all night, but I'll stop there lol. I'm tired now!! Feel free to email me if you still have questions.
[email protected]