anxiety keeping me from sleeping

[mrslizzyg]

OK guys.. I need some help!

So I have made a thread in the past about my husband watching porn behind my back.. I'm fairly certain he isn't doing it anymore.. I will always have my doubts just because of how easy it can be to hide.. But regardless he isn't treating me like he used to when he did watch it..

ANYWAYS... When this was happening, the majority of the porn watching would go on at night while I was sleeping. He would stay up later than me... I caught him doing this a few times, the last time probably being about 2 years ago. Although about 3 months ago I did catch him looking at pictures of girls (fully clothed)..

Since we have gotten back together about 8 months ago, I CANNOT sleep at night unless he comes to bed with me. I am SO ANXIOUS and paranoid that he is up without me watching porn or doing something he doesn't want me to know about. If I try to go to bed without him, I just end up getting out of bed every hour to check on him until he finally comes to the bedroom to sleep and I can relax.

I try my hardest not to push this on him, because I fully understand this is my issue and not his. Regardless of what he did, he is not responsible for my anxiety.. But I am not perfect, I am only human, and sometimes I will ask him to come to bed with me so I can get a good night's sleep.

I just want to figure out how to stop this. I don't want to be dependent on him for sleeping at night. He gets up later than me for work, and it isn't like he stays up til 2am it's usually like 12-12:30am. What he is doing isn't weird and most likely he isn't doing anything wrong.. Plus even if he was, what the heck can I do about it?! Stressing about it does NOTHING good for me.

I just want to sleep at night on my own. :(

[Kuma]

Would a stuffed animal help?
1577

[mrslizzyg]

Would a stuffed animal help?
1577


LOL.. probably not. But I would like one anyways. =P

[Im-Suffering]

That's funny Kuma.

Its still very much about the 'I'm a good person' theory you have been testing out. This is just an extension of that. I'm not quite sold that you believe it yourself yet. Its still in the 'fitting' stages, like trying on a dress.

What I can hope for you is that you realize that it doesn't matter what he is doing, being, or what together you are doing, being, or what dad is doing or your boss or anyone on the planet beside you. What are you doing being? up at night worried, does it feel good? If not its probably not in your best interests.

With the belief that everything in your life works for the best, trusting your beliefs as sound and here it comes... believing your beliefs, than no matter what, you'll always be safe, sound, and secure. Because your a 'good person', and good things happen to good people. You have good sound beliefs that are creating your life.

I don't think you are just good, I think your great, and that matters !

[mrslizzyg]

IS-

See where I'm running into my issue is that I almost feel like it's out of my control.

I literally will go to bed while he is still up, with every intention of going to sleep. I lay down in bed, and maybe even fall asleep for a little while! But it never fails that I wake up every 1-1.5hours if he hasn't come to bed yet. Then I get panicky and wonder what he is doing or why he is still awake.

I don't know how to make it stop! I WANT good nights sleep. I WANT to just let him do his thing. I KNOW it doesn't help or benefit me to stress about it. If I fall asleep and it wakes me up? It's a subconscious thought I am not even trying to have. :(

[Im-Suffering]

It would help to think about what is in your control, which is your mind. And the funny thing is, that's all you need, because that controls everything else.

Exercise:

As your drifting off to sleep, picture yourself comfy, safe, secure. Relaxed. And begin to imagine yourself receiving every good thing, every desire you've had, begin to see your dreams coming true. Whatever or however grand they are. Perhaps you want to be rich with money. Then imagine buying an island, your own resort, set it up however you wish. Picture yourself surrounded with money, friends, health, wisdom. Picture yourself doing good deeds, like feeding some people in a shelter. See yourself as the grandest example of a human possible with love, and kindness shown to you at every corner of your experience. Then drift off to sleep in that pure loving light.

Picture as vividly as you can, and feel how good you feel during it.

If you wake up and feel fear in a few hours that's ok, feel it. Sit there and really feel what that fear feels like and try to describe it. It may be abandonment or loneliness, whatever it is. Then do as you normally do, allow the feelings and thoughts to come and go.

The next night repeat the exercise above. It should be at least 10-15 minutes. Do it for 30 days.

I assure you, by day 10 you will no longer wake up afraid, or even care what's going on in the other room. And by day 30 you will see changes in your life, and feel empowered.

[Im-Suffering]

Approach it like a children's game, without expectation only to have fun and feel good.

[mrslizzyg]

It would help to think about what is in your control, which is your mind. And the funny thing is, that's all you need, because that controls everything else.

Exercise:

As your drifting off to sleep, picture yourself comfy, safe, secure. Relaxed. And begin to imagine yourself receiving every good thing, every desire you've had, begin to see your dreams coming true. Whatever or however grand they are. Perhaps you want to be rich with money. Then imagine buying an island, your own resort, set it up however you wish. Picture yourself surrounded with money, friends, health, wisdom. Picture yourself doing good deeds, like feeding some people in a shelter. See yourself as the grandest example of a human possible with love, and kindness shown to you at every corner of your experience. Then drift off to sleep in that pure loving light.

Picture as vividly as you can, and feel how good you feel during it.

If you wake up and feel fear in a few hours that's ok, feel it. Sit there and really feel what that fear feels like and try to describe it. It may be abandonment or loneliness, whatever it is. Then do as you normally do, allow the feelings and thoughts to come and go.

The next night repeat the exercise above. It should be at least 10-15 minutes. Do it for 30 days.

I assure you, by day 10 you will no longer wake up afraid, or even care what's going on in the other room. And by day 30 you will see changes in your life, and feel empowered.


I will give this a shot and let you know how it goes. :) Thank you

[FrederickMorone]

It would help to think about what is in your control, which is your mind. And the funny thing is, that's all you need, because that controls everything else.

Exercise:

As your drifting off to sleep, picture yourself comfy, safe, secure. Relaxed. And begin to imagine yourself receiving every good thing, every desire you've had, begin to see your dreams coming true. Whatever or however grand they are. Perhaps you want to be rich with money. Then imagine buying an island, your own resort, set it up however you wish. Picture yourself surrounded with money, friends, health, wisdom. Picture yourself doing good deeds, like feeding some people in a shelter. See yourself as the grandest example of a human possible with love, and kindness shown to you at every corner of your experience. Then drift off to sleep in that pure loving light.

Picture as vividly as you can, and feel how good you feel during it.

If you wake up and feel fear in a few hours that's ok, feel it. Sit there and really feel what that fear feels like and try to describe it. It may be abandonment or loneliness, whatever it is. Then do as you normally do, allow the feelings and thoughts to come and go.

The next night repeat the exercise above. It should be at least 10-15 minutes. Do it for 30 days.

I assure you, by day 10 you will no longer wake up afraid, or even care what's going on in the other room. And by day 30 you will see changes in your life, and feel empowered.

I'd recommend you be careful about touting miracle cures on a forum for those with mental illnesses, especially when the evidence suggests such cures may not be possible at all. It seems to me as though you're promoting a form of idealism which may very well lead to disappointment later on down the line. This is the second time I've seen you take a shot in the dark, with very little by way of evidence to back up what you've claimed. I don't think this is the place to be doing that.

Mrslizzyg: Human beings have a natural tendency to try to avoid loss. It's built into all of us. On average, the feeling of losing $50 is stronger than the feeling we feel when we find $50. We forget about the money we find quickly, but often remember the money we lose for a lot longer. (This was one of the reasons for the economic crash in 2007). And this is no coincidence, as I'll explain.

This tendency to avoid losses is biological, and is so profound that you'd need around 5 really good experiences just to offset one negative experience. If you've suffered many nights feeling low because of your marriage, you can see why you've not yet broken even, psychologically speaking.

So what does this mean in a practical sense? Well, consciously, you can probably assure yourself that you have nothing to worry about, that your husband will remain true to your wishes. But conscious attention is so very tiring for the body that it can't really be maintained. You'd be tired walking downstairs to the kitchen if you had to consciously think about every aspect of doing so. That's why most actions and decisions are left to the subconscious. Problem is, this subconscious is rash and untrained. It also has within it this in-built bias to avoid loss. It's emotional-based, and lacks the ability to adhere to reason.

Because you've experienced harsh disappointment recently (i.e. you've had many distasteful experiences within your marriage) you're almost certain to experience some anxiety. Deep down you're worried about loss (loss of trust, loss of your relationship - that sort of thing), and you have every reason to be as that is what is stuck in your subconscious. Remember, that's easier for it to remember than the good times.

This profound aversion to loss isn't accidental, it's been formed through millions of years of evolution. It's not just humans that are prone to this lop-sided fear of losing things either. Monkeys and other animals have also demonstrated this trait, which you can read more about if you research the Monkeynomics experiment. It's so ingrained in us, that many scientists, including Nobel Peace prize winner Prof Kahneman believe we're unable to change it.

So positive thinking, trying to change subconscious beliefs, all of that stuff, may have some superficial effects, which I guess could be beneficial, but if these techniques aren't sold correctly, they'll only lead to disillusionment and confusion later on. Use them for relaxation exercise, rather than as a cure. Take amateur psychology with a pinch of salt.

The real cure (not that you can call it that) is recognizing your cognitive limitations. Rather than try to change biases that are so deep within you, your best bet is to understand that your anxiety is severe because you're suffering from an evolutionary drawback. Your subconscious is focusing on the negative, and whatever you do, you may not be able to change that. Not yet. However, you can work within this limitation.

The good news is that if your relationship is one that is healthy for you, enough positivity will occur naturally within it over the next few months that your subconscious bias towards loss aversion will dissipate on its own. Things will get back to normal.

To help you sleep now: understand that your mind is amazing, and is using the same technique on you that kept your ancestors alive generations ago. Understand that there is probably very little you can do about your current anxiety, as it's been 35 million years in the making. This should give you some peace as strange as it sounds. A lot of our anxiety comes from trying to be perfect using our imperfect minds and bodies.

You can also communicate with your husband about this pre-determined aversion to risk, and let him know how badly you need to be able to rely on him in order to help you overcome this dated condition. If he works with you, the process of you re-gaining trust again will be sped up no end. If he loves you, he'll almost certainly make special allowances to help you become more at ease with the situation.

If he won't, then you can probably see how your subconscious is taking that as a signal to worsen your bias towards fear of loss. If you don't have many positive experiences to offset the bad, and if you have an uncooperative husband, your bias may always remain, and you may never gain that fully relaxed state you desire.

[Kuma]

I'd recommend you be careful about touting miracle cures on a forum for those with mental illnesses, especially when the evidence suggests such cures may not be possible at all. It seems to me as though you're promoting a form of idealism which may very well lead to disappointment later on down the line. This is the second time I've seen you take a shot in the dark, with very little by way of evidence to back up what you've claimed. I don't think this is the place to be doing that.

Mrslizzyg: Human beings have a natural tendency to try to avoid loss. It's built into all of us. On average, the feeling of losing $50 is stronger than the feeling we feel when we find $50. We forget about the money we find quickly, but often remember the money we lose for a lot longer. (This was one of the reasons for the economic crash in 2007). And this is no coincidence, as I'll explain.

This tendency to avoid losses is biological, and is so profound that you'd need around 5 really good experiences just to offset one negative experience. If you've suffered many nights feeling low because of your marriage, you can see why you've not yet broken even, psychologically speaking.

So what does this mean in a practical sense? Well, consciously, you can probably assure yourself that you have nothing to worry about, that your husband will remain true to your wishes. But conscious attention is so very tiring for the body that it can't really be maintained. You'd be tired walking downstairs to the kitchen if you had to consciously think about every aspect of doing so. That's why most actions and decisions are left to the subconscious. Problem is, this subconscious is rash and untrained. It also has within it this in-built bias to avoid loss. It's emotional-based, and lacks the ability to adhere to reason.

Because you've experienced harsh disappointment recently (i.e. you've had many distasteful experiences within your marriage) you're almost certain to experience some anxiety. Deep down you're worried about loss (loss of trust, loss of your relationship - that sort of thing), and you have every reason to be as that is what is stuck in your subconscious. Remember, that's easier for it to remember than the good times.

This profound aversion to loss isn't accidental, it's been formed through millions of years of evolution. It's not just humans that are prone to this lop-sided fear of losing things either. Monkeys and other animals have also demonstrated this trait, which you can read more about if you research the Monkeynomics experiment. It's so ingrained in us, that many scientists, including Nobel Peace prize winner Prof Kahneman believe we're unable to change it.

So positive thinking, trying to change subconscious beliefs, all of that stuff, may have some superficial effects, which I guess could be beneficial, but if these techniques aren't sold correctly, they'll only lead to disillusionment and confusion later on. Use them for relaxation exercise, rather than as a cure. Take amateur psychology with a pinch of salt.

The real cure (not that you can call it that) is recognizing your cognitive limitations. Rather than try to change biases that are so deep within you, your best bet is to understand that your anxiety is severe because you're suffering from an evolutionary drawback. Your subconscious is focusing on the negative, and whatever you do, you may not be able to change that. Not yet. However, you can work within this limitation.

The good news is that if your relationship is one that is healthy for you, enough positivity will occur naturally within it over the next few months that your subconscious bias towards loss aversion will dissipate on its own. Things will get back to normal.

To help you sleep now: understand that your mind is amazing, and is using the same technique on you that kept your ancestors alive generations ago. Understand that there is probably very little you can do about your current anxiety, as it's been 35 million years in the making. This should give you some peace as strange as it sounds. A lot of our anxiety comes from trying to be perfect using our imperfect minds and bodies.

You can also communicate with your husband about this pre-determined aversion to risk, and let him know how badly you need to be able to rely on him in order to help you overcome this dated condition. If he works with you, the process of you re-gaining trust again will be sped up no end. If he loves you, he'll almost certainly make special allowances to help you become more at ease with the situation.

If he won't, then you can probably see how your subconscious is taking that as a signal to worsen your bias towards fear of loss. If you don't have many positive experiences to offset the bad, and if you have an uncooperative husband, your bias may always remain, and you may never gain that fully relaxed state you desire.

There might be a few things in this post that one could quibble with, but as a whole it is one of the most intelligent posts I have ever seen written on this forum. You have a lot to contribute, Mr. Morone.

[tooscaredtodrive88]

This!


"So positive thinking, trying to change subconscious beliefs, all of that stuff, may have some superficial effects, which I guess could be beneficial, but if these techniques aren't sold correctly, they'll only lead to disillusionment and confusion later on. Use them for relaxation exercise, rather than as a cure. Take amateur psychology with a pinch of salt.

The real cure (not that you can call it that) is recognizing your cognitive limitations. Rather than try to change biases that are so deep within you, your best bet is to understand that your anxiety is severe because you're suffering from an evolutionary drawback. Your subconscious is focusing on the negative, and whatever you do, you may not be able to change that. Not yet. However, you can work within this limitation."

I'm new to this forum, but like Kuma I share this sentiment. Even more, I appreciate your kind and elegant tone of such a hard-hitting, dirty truth. Working within your limitations is so right on.

I went through the same type of difficulty/dynamic in a relationship in my early twenties. After a year of serious dating, I went through a lot of complex emotions after discovering his viewing habits. All of it, understandably, making me feel wholly undesirable with a weird feeling in my gut.

That I ignored. At first I thought that maybe he was right; that I was being too demanding, unrealistic, or a prude. Which is partly true to some extent, I didn't have the experience to navigate or negotiate conversations about healthy boundaries on the topic. At first, it was that small ounce of truth that played into my pre-existing self-doubt. My identity was so built-in to my relationship! When I decided that my insecurities were playing into my fear of loss and lack of compromise, I decided to work on myself, for myself -- spend more time with my hobbies, lose some weight, etc.

In my particular experience, the more confident I became, the harder things got. That was a good indicator for me "to let go".

What I've learned? I've have a healthier and more relaxed attitude about these kind of viewing habits, but at the same time, a more discerning censor for what doesn't feel right to me. With me is was the ambient vibe/intent/darkness surrounding it all. It wasn't, like, a playful "let's spice-up-our-bedroom life" sort of thing. It was more like a dark cloud. I could have been a perfect 10, and nothing would have changed. It was hard for me to believe when I was in the mix, but his relationship with it had zero to do with me, and everything to do with his own self-esteem problems. In my unique experience, not realizing that is what fueled my "checking" and anxiety. I share this because you're right, you're human! Regardless if he is doing it or not, it makes sense that you get anxious at night!

You're handling things so maturely, and are very loving, supportive and patient. I hope you are finding a semblance of that in return.

I can remember in the late 80s, when I was 5 or 6, watching some vintage sitcoms that emphasized the "norm" of healthy relationships being tied to sleeping together at night. But there is always some kind of power imbalance built in to it. Someone stealing the covers, snoring ruining marriages, sleeping on the couch over a grudge. So much exhaustion over this symbol for peace, tranquility and intimacy. Now I preface my live-in relationships with a pre-emptive clause about the bed, for me it's always been an inevitable limitation and not very realistic.

My new view goes something like this: "How about we share the bed for cuddling at night 2-3 nights a week at least, and the rest of the time for fooling around. We both do a lot of annoying things at bedtime that are magnified when things are stressful, when good sleep is even more important. Sleep on a beanbag whenever you want, I won't take it personally!"

Maybe you could modify this concept somehow with an open dialogue to build more certainty and trust in your weekly routine. From what it sounds like, the getting up in your sleep is kind of like a false alarm thing. What if you set your an actual alarm to wake up at that same time, but for a different purpose? I've done something like that in the past, and it really helped with breaking the patterns and associations.

Obviously, meditation always helps. Wishing you more sound sleep : )

[MiST]

You could always watch porn with him? He might be watching porn because he has a particular fetish or interest in something, which is perfectly normal and healthy, and he might be wanting to express that interest with you, but is perhaps afraid of your reaction?

First and foremost, don't make him feel bad for watching porn, it's perfectly normal to fantasize and he's not hurting anyone.

My fiance cheated on me, with another woman no less, now i don't want her anywhere near my bed..EEW!

[Im-Suffering]

To the posts that offer the idea of 'ancient' innate cognitive limitations (inherent in the species), that is simply yet again another false belief. There are no limitations to the self other than growing an appendage back. Even so called birth 'defects' or as some of you term it 'mental illness' serve a greater purpose opening up avenues of experience that would simply not be possible otherwise, through a myriad of opportunities only available under a unique set of conditions.

It would be good for a person to hold the belief, 'i am capable of achieving anything' because indeed, the human is capable of so much more.

Change your beliefs, change your life. Which removes limitations 'automatically'. As automatically as your breath or your heartbeat. There are no exceptions.

When one faces challenges, they have visualized themselves into that corner over time through use of the image-ination. The way then, is to back out, changing those images or mental pictures, accomplished alongside a change of ideas or value judgments.

There is nothing superficial about that. What is limiting, is accepting the 'idea' of limitations, or trying desperately to work within a set of false ideas or 'facts'. Or blame it on evolution, or whatever scapegoat that diverts personal responsibility, dressed in an intelligently (appearing to the 'naked eye') written linguistic suit.

No creature is genetically defective, or imprisoned innately through a presumed psychological 'inherited' lack.

I have no further comments and will not be responding to additional remarks here. The OP or anyone else reading has my suggestions for visualization, on the first page. I am accessible to PM if there should be earnest questions.

[mrslizzyg]

I think all of the input has been very valuable here..

But let me say this, regarding IS's advice- I do not believe he is going around acting like this technique would be a miracle. I never got that impression. I took it simply as a suggestion for something to try. And guess what? Last night I did exactly that, and I fell asleep. I fell asleep and did not wake once until 5am. I don't remember the last time I slept for that many hours straight.

I'm not saying it was a miracle either- I'm just saying it seemed to have helped me. Which is great.

Fredrick- you've got some really great points to and I think you view is a very interesting and smart one. I need to do some re-reading of it before I try to make a big post with a response. :)

Mist- As much as I do like you, we will have to agree to disagree. I don't like porn in my relationship and I don't view it as "healthy" or "normal." Especially not to way it effects my husband and my marriage. I respect whatever your opinion is, but I really don't want to get into a conversation about this. There are a lot of details other than just him trying to watch a little porn and jack off. It is much, much deeper, and I will ask that you respect and understand that as well. :)

Kuma- Thank you for your input as well.


Sorry I am not responding a lot to everyone- I have a lot of work to do today but I plan on making a longer post later. :)

[MiST]

No worries matey..;)

I'm glad you got some sleep though, it's amazing the good a good nights sleep can do isn't it..

Now if i could only get my girlfriend to stop watching lesbian porn i'd be set..LOL

[george12]

Hi mrslizzyg,

I have one tip that really can help - read good book!
Of course benzo helps, but it's can be not safe.

[JohnC]

A big fat joint always helped me :) after a bowl of cap'n - crunch :) i miss smoking that :(
Please any readers that are inexperienced in smoking weed, IT CAN INCREASE YOUR ANXIET

You can also laugh your ass off too though

[MiST]

A big fat joint always helped me :) after a bowl of cap'n - crunch :) i miss smoking that :(

A man after my own heart..

[JohnC]

A man after my own heart..

Oh Mist, i recently quit but i hope that someday it will be legal here so i can get the strain that i love.

[MiST]

I hear ya bro, no longer blazing here either..but still..http://th276.photobucket.com/albums/kk36/toker-76/POT%20420/th_SMILEY.gif

[JohnC]

my eyes are getting 1578heavy already, thanks man

[FrederickMorone]

To the posts that offer the idea of 'ancient' innate cognitive limitations (inherent in the species), that is simply yet again another false belief. There are no limitations to the self other than growing an appendage back. Even so called birth 'defects' or as some of you term it 'mental illness' serve a greater purpose opening up avenues of experience that would simply not be possible otherwise, through a myriad of opportunities only available under a unique set of conditions.

It would be good for a person to hold the belief, 'i am capable of achieving anything' because indeed, the human is capable of so much more.

Change your beliefs, change your life. Which removes limitations 'automatically'. As automatically as your breath or your heartbeat. There are no exceptions.

When one faces challenges, they have visualized themselves into that corner over time through use of the image-ination. The way then, is to back out, changing those images or mental pictures, accomplished alongside a change of ideas or value judgments.

There is nothing superficial about that. What is limiting, is accepting the 'idea' of limitations, or trying desperately to work within a set of false ideas or 'facts'. Or blame it on evolution, or whatever scapegoat that diverts personal responsibility, dressed in an intelligently (appearing to the 'naked eye') written linguistic suit.

No creature is genetically defective, or imprisoned innately through a presumed psychological 'inherited' lack.

I have no further comments and will not be responding to additional remarks here. The OP or anyone else reading has my suggestions for visualization, on the first page. I am accessible to PM if there should be earnest questions.

No, I guess you wouldn't have further comments. I'd ask you for evidence to back up the things you've just said, however I have an almighty strong feeling you won't be able to provide any, so it's very convenient you depart now.

I agree with the idea of changing abstract beliefs about oneself, such as "I'm a bad person", for example. This is the essence of CBT. A bad person is an objective term, therefore one creates their own evidence to back up this personalized unhealthy belief. When it comes to belief in concrete things, however, then I'm afraid you no longer have a choice. You can choose to believe or not, it makes no difference to physical reality and the laws of nature.

If you really believe your quote below, then how about we test your theory?

What is limiting, is accepting the 'idea' of limitations, or trying desperately to work within a set of false ideas or 'facts'. Or blame it on evolution, or whatever scapegoat that diverts personal responsibility, dressed in an intelligently (appearing to the 'naked eye') written linguistic suit.


We'll get you to believe you can fly (with the help of LSD if you like). We'll then get you to jump out of a window. Nothing to worry about, right? The worry you won't be able to fly will only be a limiting idea. Your belief in your ability to fly will be able to conquer the age-old problem that is gravity without any trouble at all... If you're worried about falling, you're just using evolution as a lame excuse, man.

Only, you know that's not how it works. Just because a limitation exists within the brain, it doesn't mean you get to just think it away within 30 days. It's as real and as pertinent as a broken leg - something you also can't choose to believe away. That being said, I'm not saying anybody is stuck forever in a state of misery just because of the current state of their brain. What I'm saying is one has to work within the limitations of nature. That isn't a bad thing. Being a realist isn't the same thing as being a pessimist. Once you embrace reality, then you can work on altering it in your favor.

Dude you have some whacked opinions. You seem to be on point with some stuff, I'll give you credit for that, but you take other things to the extremes. Concrete and abstract have become blurred in your mind and you seem to have some pretty major problems when it comes to differentiating between the two. I think it's a shame, as some of the advice you give is good. Do you realize you've just told people not to listen to evolution and provable science, and instead told them to listen to your unsubstantiated amateur pseudo-science instead?

Lizzy: I hope you know I wasn't knocking visualization exercises. I love visualization exercises. They're actually very relaxing. The problem is they're touted today as a cure-all. You've probably heard of that crappy book The Secret. They work for a while, but unless the underlying condition has been eradicated (which in your case is likely biological), the bottom soon falls out of them, and you're at square one again. Still, keep them up if you're sleeping well. A good night's sleep makes all the difference. And they do work well in accordance with other therapies, too. :)

[Im-Suffering]

We'll then get you to jump out of a window.

(addressed to Lindsey) ..... which in your case is likely biological



I will not ignore anyone, out of respect and honor for who they are. I'm here to be of help though, not to entangle myself in some way to prove this or that or impress anyone. I give what I give. I will address however briefly those 2 comments in the quote

Man works with what he has. And in many ways this is what you are trying to say.

Under any given set of conditions there are a myriad of probable directions each containing their own set of opportunities. I will try to explain using your example, jumping out the window.

Forgive me, this is difficult to word. I am coming from a different (inner) place, you understand, and so I must try to translate inner stuff into lay terms or language easily understandable. Communication is often just trying to disentangle thoughts. Often when we start a sentence,, we have no idea how it will end !

Man has always wished he could fly. There were men-birds in a dimension of evolution parallel to the current species. Anything is possible with consciousness, there are no inherent boundaries or limitations. However each (portion of consciousness) must work within their own system (of laws), in their own moment. The current accepted version of mankind (the one you know) dreamed he could fly, which gave birth to his airplane. Man works with an archetype (in this case, birds) and imagines it, in useable terms. There were a few such utilitarian inventions this sojourn one of which is the computer. Which was modeled after the imagined capabilities of the human brain. Or electric current, which man felt within himself during moments such as storms. It all begins in the imagination, which is limitless.

I would just like to say that in his dreams at night, consciousness connects to other dimensions, and so man does have communication with these man like birds or men with wings to which they divulge certain engineering schemes into the mind of current man, so that in the morning he is awake to ideas (air currents and so forth)making flight possible. This multi dimensional communication is the seed of all inspiration. Especially world changing invention, science or medical discovery.

I am not suggesting anyone walk into a coffee table, because they would then stub their toe ! Man is presently working with the stuff of the earth as his tools (science) rather than the stuff of his mind (metaphysics). Boundless within the physical framework, to be and do almost anything. But that doesn't mean metaphysics are not available to him, it is just not the prime focus, and so any information, just as valid, from a spiritual standpoint is shut out or not officially recognized. Many 'crazy' people, or mental illness are gifted in psychic areas, but because of stigma or cultural acceptance and so forth, they suppress it. Which indeed makes matters worse.

But I wanted to address the second comment "which in your case is likely biological" that you made to Lindsey, I would prefer if she believed that she has the freedom to be, do and have anything she desires. Without restrictive, ultimately resentful limitations from outside herself. What she can believe she can achieve, there are no exceptions. What she can dream, she can be, that is the message.

Any internal opposition to those dreams is an idea (belief). And within the realm of possibilities of human existence, there are no heights she cannot reach, in some way, you understand.

To Lindsey, you can be, do, and have whatever you wish. Visualize it.

Any of you will spend your time in one of two ways:

1) visualizing what you don't want
2) visualizing what you do want

Beliefs drive the visualization. So in terms of your facts about life, they are corroborated by your experience. This is how you create your reality. If you are visualizing 'i am worthy' imaginings yet you feel badly about yourself at the same time, you are meant to then stop and examine the belief causing the conflict and distress. Eliminate the 'facts' about yourself that tell you subconsciously 'i am not worthy' and there you will find your worth, waiting to be discovered all along. Or perhaps you are struggling with money, visualizing yourself wealthy. In the process, all of the reasons you tell yourself daily why you do not deserve wealth will become apparent. Your 'facts' about you, and life.

People who 'sell' visualization leave out this important idea. That its a two way street. When visualization 'fails' it is simply because of unrecognized conflicts, and it never really fails at all, 'life' is just giving you what you dont want because that is the dominant thought.

Now, I certainly don't believe any more from me is necessary here, its not the place for this. Frederick you are welcome to PM if you wish.