Death Anxiety to the point i don't do anything anymore.

[theanonymousone]

Admins if you find this post please delete this, as i no longer have need for an account on this forum.

[mrslizzyg]

Hey, I'm pretty sure I remember talking to you about this a little.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time! It's so difficult to be researching this type of subject. You have all kinds of religions and theories being thrown your way..

Honestly, unless you have "faith" in any of these religions or theories, there is not going to be any solid "proof."

The only way you know what happens after death, is well, to die. And I don't think that is what you want to do yet, of course.

Have you seen a psychiatrist or anything? I can't remember from you last post. Maybe talking to someone like that could help you sort out the deeper feelings of WHY you need to know so badly. I mean I'm sure it relates to the death of your dad just like you stated, but maybe there are just some feelings or something there that need to be worked through to help you find peace again.

And from my previous advice in your last post- do you and be a good person. There may not be any "proof" of life after death but at least you will have peace knowing you deserve good things. :)

[mrslizzyg]

Yes Lizzy, we did speak in my other thread :) I have seen a therapist on multiple occasions, and i currently am right now, but am not going back there for atleast 30 days as in Sweden most peoples vacations start around this time. I can't say i have ''faith'' in anything right now because my point of view says that if i choose a religion, then i where to stop believing in it, i would go to hell? I have nothing against religious people, but i fear that if i where to put my faith in something, and it is wrong and some other ''faith'' is correct, i am going to miss out on the ''eventual afterlife''. And i just spoke on a crisis hotline to a psychiatrist, who said that my fears are most likely based on my OCD that goes back a while.

Not all religious beliefs say you will "go to hell" if you stop believing. Most do, yes.. but there are the few that don't.

I can completely relate to you with the "what if it's wrong" or whatever. I went full Mormon for about 4 years- they are GREAT people, really sweet and kind. (a few crazies here and there, of course, like with any relgion.) They are pretty strict, but never really judge or turn away people who are not following the religion to a T. They also focus really heavy on converting people which is stressful and can get annoying... but they mean well. Anyways, I couldn't do it anymore after a while. I just stopped and realized that I wasn't as into it as a lot of these people where. I was following what they were teaching more out of a "fear" of INCASE what they believe is true, instead of a real faith of it actually being true. What kind of life is that?

So I stopped going. Sure, some of the stuff I learned from the 4 years I was active in that church I value a lot. I don't discount everything they taught me..
But I let myself decide what I think the afterlife is going to be.

I am with you completely on that you will be at peace and meet your loved ones.

Why not let yourself create what you believe the afterlife to be like? You have no more proof than anyone else, even people that are religious or have theories.

There is not going to be an end game with this OCD unless you make an end game. There is no answer to your question with solid evidence and proof unless you have passed away. The time you are spending stressing about this is taking away from the time you have to live a fulfilling life.

There are no answers here and now.

If you live your life thinking you are going to "miss out" on the afterlife- you aren't really living at all. There is no way you could live up to all the standards of every different religion or theory in the world.

[MiST]

It's natural to fear death, fear the unknown. Take heart in the fact that when it happens, you probably wont even know about it anyway.

The brain releases all kinds of crazy chemicals at that moment so chances are you will be tripping balls and not notice your body shutting down.

Death is just a part of life.

[mrslizzyg]

Fuck..... No matter how many times i edit this over, it just becomes a big mess of unreadable words, fuck my problems.


I am experiencing an irrational fear, that goes like this: I once could say to someone i considered myself of a said ''faith'' but then later i would totally change my mind and go with another ''faith'' but then i would go back to believing in nothing, because there is no more interest for me there. Does that make me a bad person?

I want to be able to forgive myself for being so foolish, it would be cool to believe in a higher power, but i just cant wrap my mind around it. And now i have an irrational fear of either non existence, or being punished as of my former so called ''beliefs'' that i really never believed in anyways... How can i ask MYSELF for forgiveness?

This is all stuff you have to sort out within yourself.

Why are you so concerned with having to forgive yourself(which you can do, btw)? Why are you so worried about being a "bad" person for switching religions that you don't really believe in?

As I have stated, there is NO END to this discussion. You could research for years and years and still never have anything conclusive.

You gotta resolve where this OCD is coming from. That is something I can't help with- that's meant for a doctor.

Hang in there! :)

[JohnC]

The fear that you speak of i am sure has haunted us all at one time or another. I think my health anxiety is basically a fear of death. I fear dying while my kids are still very young just like you said your father passed when you were young. What if i don't get to teach my kids everything they need to know etc. etc.
Shit i don't want to die period but one things for certain is we are all going to. I have to just keep plugging along, day after day and do what i must. I truly feel your pain and you are not alone by a long shot.
I will say one thing though, i have wasted a lot of years worrying about it that i wish i had back. Peace to you

[sae]

Mortality Crisis. I think this honestly is my greatest fear. It was what started me considering the Christian faith so long ago. Faith is a curious thing. Much like trust, or a game of jenga, it takes far longer to build it than it does to tear it down.
I went into Christianity with the thought "I don't think I believe this yet but what harm is there in learning about it." Weeks, years passed and slowly I developed a good solid foundation of faith in God. Then I died.
My near death experience knocked my jenga tower of faith right over. There was no chorus of angels, no pearly gates, no fluffy clouds. It was dark, and silent. While it did reignite my fear of ceasing to exist, it also humbled me too.
As others have said, death is simply a part of life. I want to kick and scream, cry out about how unfair it is that my life is so impermanent, but in all reality it is a sobering reminder that life is so very precious.
My faith does not make me feel better about death, it makes me feel better about life. I can wake each day feeling blessed I woke up on the right side of the dirt because one day I won't. I'm not promised tomorrow but neither will I squander my precious few years milling about afraid of the inevitable either. I have far too much to do.
I still lie awake some nights terrified I won't wake up. I then remind myself of all the wonderful things I have seen and done, all the things I want to do the next day, the people that brighten my life. One day I will be gone, but I will have spent my time building a legacy to benefit those still alive. It's a pretty cool concept.
Volunteer at a food pantry, teach someone something they didn't know, make a random stranger laugh when it seems they're having a shit day. Most of all make their life brighter so they too can enjoy their relatively short time here on earth. Before you know it your own mortality will pale in comparison to your love of being alive. I hope this helps :)

[JohnC]

Ok, thats all good about volunteering and stuff but there is no way i am letting you out of this thread until you explain the part about where you died and it was just dark. please explain if you don't mind, you have my undivided attention.

[sae]

It wasn't scary. It was actually quite the opposite. Now I imagine my fading in and out is likely less that typical. I had an mi during a cardiac catheterization. I didn't really know what was going on but I understood what it meant. I was just fine, making small talk with one of the cath lab techs when suddenly i couldn't hear anything. I have had tinnitus for years so even being unable to hear the screeching whine of quite was strange.
I faded in an out, everytime I woke up it seemed like I was losing one of my senses, hearing or smell. The people in the lab were rushing around prepping me for defibrillation and they had tracers or halos. The lights would grow dim then way too bright. It sounded like echoes in a cave. I remember watching one of the cath techs put a mask over me and I could feel her panic physically. I didn't feel it with her. I was cool as a cucumber, but I could physically see her panic like a hazy mist. Then I couldn't hear anything, or see, smell, or taste the bile that had risen in my throat. There was nothing.
I think this is as close as an alive person gets to heaven. I was aware, I was me, but I wasn't either. It was kinda like the feeling you get right before you take a nap after an especially tiring day. There was a sense of overwhelming euphoric relief. Every time the defibrillator jolted me back to life I remember feeling angry. Being alive hurt. I came to one of the times I was being defibrillated and time was irrelevant. I could feel the searing pain emanating from the pads and slowly creep through me as if the whole world was in slow motion. Supposedly I screamed but I don't remember.
Time caught up with itself, the lights came back on, and I was pretty pissed off at first. The dark had been like a warm embrace and I was ripped away back into the cold again, naked and surrounded by strangers.
I questioned so many things after that. Where were the angels, the clouds? I was so desperate to find that comfort again amidst the pain of being half alive that I contemplated making my return by my own hand.
I came to the realization that perhaps death was like a long awaited embrace, a final nap after a long day. The only trouble was I didn't feel quite so tired yet.
I am not ready to die any time soon. I think maybe the darkness was God welcoming me home. I sure felt welcome, but I didn't get to stay. He still has more for me to do in this life and by damned I am ready to do it. In that way I think I will be good and tired when it is time for me to take that last good nap.

[JohnC]

OK, thanks sae. I like the way you said it was like a nap after a long day.....................Hope your right :)

[Im-Suffering]

I need to sort this out, but i just dont want to fear death, i cant do anything anymore because of it, it just makes me think ''whats the point? im gonna be dead anyways''

So sort it out.

For yourself. No one else can help you with this.

The meaning of life is the meaning you give to it. There is no inherent, mystical, hidden, Trojan horse. Life is neutral. Thereby allowing each creature to decide his fate and destiny, - he creates meaning on the fly, as he lives it..

You wont find your own answers in everyone else's interpretation. They are just as mixed up as you.

Everyone, no exceptions.

You could just as well see the other side of the coin. "ill die eventually, so ill make the most of my life with the time I've got.". As you can see, that constructive viewpoint is just as valid as your destructive one. So the issue is you, and your beliefs. Not death itself.

For anyone reading this, death is neutral, until meaning is given to it by the individual in a personal way. You become intimate with it, and understand its role in life.

Should the people of the earth suddenly beat death and find a potion that they could live forever, the world would cease to exist within one hour.

Death then is healthy, it keeps life - living, and has a purpose.

There are 2 beliefs one can have :

When I die, I take my personality with me, and my learning, so I continue to grow, create, and exist

Or what scares the OP

When I die, my consciousness is obliterated and I cease to exist.

Now, which belief would you rather hold?

Choose, and go on with your lives.

[mrslizzyg]

I'm sorry, thanks for ur input everyone....


I just wanted you to know, you don't need to be sorry for the way you are feeling. :)

[Goomba]

I'm pretty positive that if there is a purpose to this life, it would then become impossible to know what happens after death.

How could you truly live now, if you knew it extended to infinity...

Or not?

Objectively knowing there is life after death promotes stagnancy, and there is no sense of urgency in this one.

Objectively knowing there is no life after death encourages a crippling fear, and dramatized actions.

The balance in the middle is where one can truly live.

The people here have made great points.

I could be wrong, but

I will only add that I suspect the issue you are having is based in the need to control how your life will progress.

Not knowing when you will die, and if it's the end, appears to make you feel out of control, and thus the anxiety flows freely.

You can't control the universe my man. You can't control anything, really, other than yourself. The idea that we can plan our lives to a T is a farce. You will never know the answer to the question you seek, no one will.

Any information you encounter involves you putting faith in someone else's word, which is it's own form of religion.

Consequently, one will find that all you can truly do to satisfy the need for proof, is to have their own experience with it. When one goes out to and has their own life experiences, living can truly begin to happen. Through living you can find your perspective on death.

In other words, you can't control death externally. No amount of information you find will satisfy a mind as your own. What you can control yourself, and how you live. Through living you will gain some perspective.

Don't wait for others to do the work for you. Even if some super sentient aliens came and shared the secrets of the universe, you would still need to have faith in their words. You are responsible for your experience.

[Goomba]

It's the not knowing part that is probably driving me insane i believe, but i am sorry if i offended anyone with my post here, i just asked others for some input, i wont make that mistake again.....

Woah, woah!!

I am 100% not offended.

I am not sure if I gave you that impression, but I want to assure you that wasn't my intent.

Just discussing the mystery of life.

Don't ever be sorry for expressing yourself.

[JohnC]

I'm pretty positive that if there is a purpose to this life, it would then become impossible to know what happens after death.

How could you truly live now, if you knew it extended to infinity...

Or not?

Objectively knowing there is life after death promotes stagnancy, and there is no sense of urgency in this one.

Objectively knowing there is no life after death encourages a crippling fear, and dramatized actions.

The balance in the middle is where one can truly live.

The people here have made great points.

I could be wrong, but

I will only add that I suspect the issue you are having is based in the need to control how your life will progress.

Not knowing when you will die, and if it's the end, appears to make you feel out of control, and thus the anxiety flows freely.

You can't control the universe my man. You can't control anything, really, other than yourself. The idea that we can plan our lives to a T is a farce. You will never know the answer to the question you seek, no one will.

Any information you encounter involves you putting faith in someone else's word, which is it's own form of religion.

Consequently, one will find that all you can truly do to satisfy the need for proof, is to have their own experience with it. When one goes out to and has their own life experiences, living can truly begin to happen. Through living you can find your perspective on death.

In other words, you can't control death externally. No amount of information you find will satisfy a mind as your own. What you can control yourself, and how you live. Through living you will gain some perspective.

Don't wait for others to do the work for you. Even if some super sentient aliens came and shared the secrets of the universe, you would still need to have faith in their words. You are responsible for your experience.
I like the way you think and explain things Goomba. I just wish i could get a grip on it. It makes sense sounds rational yet i can't seem to get my head out of my ass when it comes to health anxiety and Death. Truly a sad thing ( for me )

[Goomba]

My experience has been that it's more about allowing yourself to over not being able to.

In other words, we are intelligent enough to wrap our heads around it, but we get in the way of ourselves doing so.

Thanks for the kind words :)

[jon mike]

death is a bit like that phase we all went through before we were born, remember that? no me neither, so thats why i dont worry about it, enjoy your precious life and look to the future like you did as a child and happiness will follow you, good luck