Hey everyone.. Stepping out!

[JitteryJohnnie]

So I'm a middle aged guy who has been dealing with this stuff since being a child. (primarily social phobia, some agoraphobia, some GAD)

I let anxiety push me in directions I didn't want to go; made poor decisions because I couldn't control my emotion; but I've achieved some success anyway. I have a wife who I love and a nice house, and a good career. I have fewer close friends than I think I should have and I'm distant from my family; speaking publicly is still terrifying; so I haven't overcome everything. But I have learned a few things. I figure it's time to pay more attention to how others are dealing with these items, share a little, and hopefully be of some help to someone.

Thanks for listening and hope to see you around!

[Im-Suffering]

Some?


.... but I've achieved some success anyway. I have a wife and a nice house, and a good career.



Lets look at the glass half full. Rather than "I achieved" in spite of this or that. (anxiety) -

Because of anxiety, or whatever as the impetus, you have a wife, a nice house, and a good career, period. Now, notice how you used adjectives to describe the house and career, but not the wife. (are you unhappy with her, regretful or remorseful in some way?).

The anxiety 'pushed' you in directions otherwise improbable towards roads less taken, so to speak. So look at what you do have and continue to take advantage of the opportunities having anxiety presents to you in the form of challenges, as you strive to be (magnified by the fears or nerves) better at certain things, such as public speaking, or say decide you would like to broaden your circle of good friends. It only takes a decision.

The anxiety itself, social or otherwise you will find may be the result of conditioning and environment, parental of course or immediate caregivers say from infancy through 5 along with your emotional feelings of safety and security, the degree of attachment comfort level to explore and return to open and loving arms (this is highly simplified for example sake). If you want to work on the anxiety itself then some reflection on the beliefs and ideas or value judgments from that early age through 10 or so (even into the mid teens) must be examined. Youll more than likely find your 'overall' answers there.

[Kuma]

So I'm a middle aged guy who has been dealing with this stuff since being a child. (primarily social phobia, some agoraphobia, some GAD)

I let anxiety push me in directions I didn't want to go; made poor decisions because I couldn't control my emotion; but I've achieved some success anyway. I have a wife and a nice house, and a good career. I have fewer close friends than I think I should have and I'm distant from my family; speaking publicly is still terrifying; so I haven't overcome everything. But I have learned a few things. I figure it's time to pay more attention to how others are dealing with these items, share a little, and hopefully be of some help to someone.

Thanks for listening and hope to see you around!

Hey Johnnie. Welcome to our little corner of cyberspace. Others here could certainly learn from your experiences, what has worked for you (and what has not), etc. I hope you decide to stick around. As you will see, the "General Discussion" part of this board tends to be the most active -- but feel free to post wherever you want.

[JitteryJohnnie]

Because of anxiety, or whatever as the impetus, you have a wife, a nice house, and a good career, period. Now, notice how you used adjectives to describe the house and career, but not the wife. (are you unhappy with her, regretful or remorseful in some way?).

The anxiety itself, social or otherwise you will find may be the result of conditioning and environment, parental of course or immediate caregivers say from infancy through 5 along with your emotional feelings of safety and security, the degree of attachment comfort level to explore and return to open and loving arms (this is highly simplified for example sake). If you want to work on the anxiety itself then some reflection on the beliefs and ideas or value judgments from that early age through 10 or so (even into the mid teens) must be examined. Youll more than likely find your 'overall' answers there.

Interesting comments, thank you! No sense of remorse or regret about my current situation (I went and fixed that...) - I feel like I'm now where I should have been a decade or more ago, however. Mostly missed opportunities. But as you say, from another perspective, I'm in a good place despite the strugle so it's wise to keep that at the forefront. An opportunity in itself!

[Im-Suffering]

Beliefs create your life, and many of them are hidden below the conscious awareness level. So if your doing ok then your beliefs are working for you, they are constructive. In any area where you may be unhappy, you will have to uncover any false beliefs there (ideas about yourself or the world - your 'facts'), and change them. First you must 'believe' they can be changed, that a fact is not really a fact, just an idea. For example two men can go on a vacation and when asked about the trip, describe two completely different cities even though they were in the exact same place.

On a deeper level then, beliefs create the experiences whether you are aware of them or not. This is why 'things worked out ok' even among anxiety or whatever, because most of your beliefs are working for you, even though on a conscious level you feel like a failure in some regards. That's the dichotomy. You have opposing beliefs creating the anxiety and interference. The ones that act in your best interests, and the ones that generate the unwanted feelings.

If you understand this you can begin to examine the contents of your mind and resolve any conflicting beliefs.

The unconscious belief may be :

"hard work pays off" and so you have the house and career.

The conscious thoughts feelings say :

"I always miss opportunities that can better my life" (said matter of factly) or "if I had more close friends Id be happier or more prosperous" And so you miss opportunities and brood over them, also sad about the seeming lack of close friendships. The belief actually stops you from having fulfilling relations.

So you can see from this example how you would lament even among the successes. Its a 'conflict. Should you eliminate the negative belief, life would flow smoothly and every success would be yours. Keep in mind the negative 'core' belief would be behind the ones above, and would drive them, say "I am not worthy of true happiness or fulfillment" as a blanket statement for example. This is the 'core' belief, that bridges together the others (supplemental).

A core belief "I am not worthy" will destroy a life ("look at all the missed opportunities" "I am a failure"), and the individual would not even know why.

The work is yours to do, if you want to do it, im only pointing to the psychological reasons for the current life/feelings/thoughts..