What disorder is this?

[spirman]

I have been troubled with a problem but i haven't been able to identify it. The problem is every now and then i will get into a certain "mood" i guess you can say, or though process where i stop myself from having a certain emotion or interrupt it unwillingly. Its kind of like how if your having an emotion and you think about it, you separate from you thus it gets interrupted. It goes like this, say you create a thought that every time you have great happiness the thought will make you about the emotion and separate it from you like i said before interrupting it. Well you probably don't want that so it gets reinforced with anxiety. So eventually it might go away and you stop thinking about it. Then later when you have great happiness the though gets triggered causing you anxiety and thus not making you as happy as you were when you didn't have that thought. And when your thinking about a thought that you want to go away you just reinforce it even more. This is what happens to me, it occurs every now and then. I just can't seem to figure what this is. If you can help please it would be greatly appreciated. And sorry if what i said might have been confusing, this is the only way i can describe it.

[Goomba]

Sounds like anxiety mixed with a belief or fear that you are unable to be as happy as you once were. The second part of that is largely anxiety as well...soooo...

Sounds like anxiety :)

[spirman]

Well what could i do to not have this fear or stop the anxiety ?

[Goomba]

Hard to say really, it's different for everyone.

The first part would be recognizing whether or
not that belief actually exists within you.

I am actually battling something similar. I notice that many times when I do get very happy, I then become aware that I am happy, and that awareness detaches me from the moment.

When I had anxiety very badly, I remember feeling that every time I had peace, I would notice that I was at peace, and my anxious mind would kick in to prevent me from missing something. That took me away from peace.

In both situations, it's almost as if a part of me fears the innocence of the emotions. Like when I would find peace, I would fear that I would be missing something that would hurt me, so I the anxiety would kick back in, almost as a guard.

In terms of the happiness - well - I think we all know what it feels like to be very happy and then have it ripped from you. As we grow older we try to protect ourselves from previous pains. So again, it's like when I get very happy, my mind tends to remind me to not get too comfortable, because you might feel pain again.

Both mechanisms, within me, are really just attempts at controlling my world to try to protect myself.

But, the idea that you can control your world is naive. Yourself, sure, but not the world. Not ANYTHING outside of the self.

Thus, one begins to see that the need to control is a farse.

Really, it's about addressing the beliefs, and the fears. I don't struggle with the peace mindset anymore, and the happiness one occurs minimally. Still have a little bit of work to do there.

In other words, you have to find why being happy is an issue within you, bring it out, and confront it.

For Reflection -

What does being happy mean to you?
What does it take for you to be happy?
What happens when you are happy?
What happens if you lose happiness?

What might you be missing if you're happy?

Or in Other words

In what ways does being happy allow you to put your guard down, and what is the issue with allowing your guard to be down?

Some of those questions relate to me and my battle. Find the ones that fine tune to you.

[spirman]

I really appreciate your reply, i will try to do this. Also really glad to hear someone else out there can relate to what i'm going through.