What the heck?

[Velrose]

Wow, I haven't been here in a few months. I've had some minor panic attacks, a few bad nights alone, but I feel like I'm on the road to getting better.


HOWEVER--

Recently my five year old daughter started school. She's so happy, and so thrilled to be going, only... I have such a hard time getting her there.

She hasn't missed a day or anything, but you see, I walk her to school. We live along a fairly busy roadway, and I get so nervous taking her. Not because I am afraid of us getting hit or an accident or anything, but because---as the cars go by, and as they are lined up to turn into her school, I KNOW everyone in those cars are staring at me. It's gotten so bad, I can't take my eyes off of the ground as we walk.

I feel horrible, because my daughter is so cheerful--she says hello to everyone, and they all tell me how friendly and happy she is--only-- I can imagine what they say about me. How different we must be. I can't look others in the eye---or even at their faces when I speak with them.

I usually look to the side or the ground.

[joey9]

Hi Velrose,

Try not to worry - you don't have to feel this way, you can overcome these feelings. I have learnt to deal with my social phobia and I kind of forget I even used to have it most of the time. The way I did it was by lowering my expectations and building up my confidence slowly. First of all - the people you pass in the cars. It is purely a symptom of your anxiety that you believe everyone in all of those cars is looking at you. They are really not. Remember everyone in those cars has a child/children with them. If they are not preoccupied enough with driving safely and trying to sort out the children, maybe they will notice you and your daughter walking by. If they are not in your daughters class, the chances are that you will not even register with them. If they are in your daughters class, the chances are they may glance at you but what would they possibly be thinking in those split seconds? They really aren't judging you. As for when you pass them face to face, the best way to get over this is through sheer force of will. If you pass someone who is familiar, make yourself smile and say Hi. And that's it. Nothing else for now. Don't have any other expectation that you will have some deep conversation about something. Leave it at a smile and hi. That's quite friendly enough for someone you not comfortable with. It's not your responsibility to be the one who initiates an interesting interchange with everyone you meet. It's not your responsibility to be the one who carries a conversation. If a conversation happens, great, but for now, let someone else start one if they want one. Otherwise, its perfectly friendly to just acknowledge passing aquaintances with a smile and hello until you are more comfortable. I found that its actually much harder work to avoid someone's gaze and to try to hide away than it is to look them straight in the eye and smile. People always used to think I was aloof because I used to do the same, so when I started a new job I decided to be different - to make a huge effort to act friendly. And to start with it was an effort, but it really didn't take very long to feel comfortable. And then life was SOOO much easier. The school playground can be a nightmare for mum's as well as children. If you put in the hard work now you will reap the benefits soon. My child started last year and I felt a bit uncomfortable at the school gates to start with - maybe a few weeks - but I forced myself to say hi and be friendly and now I am totally comfortable and have made lots of really good friends, which is also good for my child. It totally worth it.