Feeling hella wack

[Zena]

I feel lame, day after mother****ing day. Haven't been truly happy in so long. Not sure if I even deserve true happiness. There is something wrong with the way I look and it's not something I can afford to correct. It's not a problem I caused either. It just happened to me...and it has robbed me of my self-esteem. People take their beautiful teeth for granted, man. No one would date me. I have no friends in real life. I'm too insecure, boring, and introverted to maintain relationships offline. Heck, I struggle with maintaining them online. My anxiety was seriously triggered the other day. I attended a graduation ceremony and felt thoroughly terrible the entire time. Don't get me wrong - I was proud of the person graduating, but it was a really uncomfortable experience for me. So many eyes on me...meeting my sister's friends and feeling like a butthole for not saying much. I don't talk a whole lot in general, though. I hold back a lot. I don't know how not to hold back.

I'm not fishing for any kind of reply here. I just felt the need to let some stuff out.

[gypsylee]

I don't really have anything to say (I don't talk a whole lot either!) other than I read your post. Hang in there..

[mrslizzyg]

I feel lame, day after mother****ing day. Haven't been truly happy in so long. Not sure if I even deserve true happiness. There is something wrong with the way I look and it's not something I can afford to correct. It's not a problem I caused either. It just happened to me...and it has robbed me of my self-esteem. People take their beautiful teeth for granted, man. No one would date me. I have no friends in real life. I'm too insecure, boring, and introverted to maintain relationships offline. Heck, I struggle with maintaining them online. My anxiety was seriously triggered the other day. I attended a graduation ceremony and felt thoroughly terrible the entire time. Don't get me wrong - I was proud of the person graduating, but it was a really uncomfortable experience for me. So many eyes on me...meeting my sister's friends and feeling like a butthole for not saying much. I don't talk a whole lot in general, though. I hold back a lot. I don't know how not to hold back.

I'm not fishing for any kind of reply here. I just felt the need to let some stuff out.

First, I LOVE the name of your post. hehe. made me smile.

Second, please don't even think you don't deserve true happiness. You ABSOLUTELY do.

Do you suffer just from anxiety? or depression as well?

[memom421]

Zena, I like your name...beautiful & powerful. It makes me sad when you say "there is something wrong with the way I look." It's compelling me to share a little of my story with you. For many years I was very self conscious about my looks. I would get to the point in the morning when I felt ready to go to work. Then later in the day I would see in a mirror & wonder how I ever could have thought I was ready to go out in public? Then I was in a bad accident disfiguring my face. My first outing I was just happy to be out & attending my son's football game. People were looking at me & I never (until later) realized why. Then my husband said to me, "I'm so glad you're not self conscious about your face." See he was truly happy that I was alive. My answer to his comment came so fast it surprised me. I said, "well I don't have to look at me!" Many surgeries later it's not as freaky. I spend little to no time in front of the mirror & feel I have been delivered from that obsession. I take it to heart when the Bible tells me that I am fearfully & wonderfully made. I believe the same about you Zena. I bet you have plenty to say and I bet you are intelligent & interesting. Maybe this is where you can begin to share your gifts and talents until you are ready to share yourself with the public. Praying for your true happiness that you deserve.
memom421