not able to be myself

[mrslizzyg]

Ok, so I know I post a lot. I have a lot of things going on up here in my head and it helps to get them out. (this one has a little story to tell before I get to the point.) :)

Another thing about my marriage, too. lol I'm starting to feel like marriage + anxiety don't mix so well, regardless of how much I love him.

So last weekend, there was this HUGE community garage sale where all these really rich people sell all the stuff they don't want anymore for dirt cheap. My husaband, my brother in law, my best friend, and myself all went.

I'm kind of a big teenager sometimes. I still find stupid things funny and buy things that might seem ridiculous to others, but they make me happy so I don't care. A few of these things were: 1800 tequila sunglases, some red solo cup shot glasses,& Jackass 2.5 on DVD. Yes, I get this makes me look "immature", which is whatever. I know how to act like an adult and be one too, I don't think having a little bit of an immature side is a bad thing. Keeps me sane.

My husband saw these items after I purchased them and swiftly shook his head at me in disgust. My best friend laughed.

It was all in good fun.. and the stuff was like $5 lol.

Anyways, fast forward to later that evening, and he started bringing up all the ridiculous stuff I bought. He started and argument with me about how I need to grow up and start acting like an adult to set an example for my FUTURE children, because when I have kids I'm not going to be able to own things like that anymore. I can't watch Jackass, can't have them see alcohol, etc.


It was a nasty fight. I disagreed that I can't have some inappropriate things to myself when I have kids as long as am a good mother. Plus, WHY DO I NEED TO ACT LIKE A MOM NOW? I don't have kids yet! I don't want kids yet!

To the point.. ever since we had that fight, I feel this need to cover up my goofy side around him. Like I can't show my "immaturity" at all because I'm not "practicing" my behavior to be a good mom.

It's very stressful not being able to be myself. :( My anxiety has sky rocketed this week. To the point of being at work and needing to lock myself in the bathroom for a second so I don't panic.


end of rant.

[jessed03]

Well he was obviously in the wrong. I think you know that though. Guys can kind of get controlling sometimes. I used to want my gfs to act a certain way. I'm more mellow now though, so calm down, ladies. :)

Is this whole 'not being able to be yourself' a regular theme of your marriage, or is it just recently this has cropped up? If it's recently, it may blow over. If it's regular, that's not good. these things only usually get worse with time.

How old are you btw, Lizzo?

[mrslizzyg]

Well he was obviously in the wrong. I think you know that though. Guys can kind of get controlling sometimes. I used to want my gfs to act a certain way. I'm more mellow now though, so calm down, ladies. :)

Is this whole 'not being able to be yourself' a regular theme of your marriage, or is it just recently this has cropped up? If it's recently, it may blow over. If it's regular, that's not good. these things only usually get worse with time.

How old are you btw, Lizzo?

Yea I think he was in the wrong, but he still doesn't.

It's kind of an on and off thing. Sometimes he acts like he loves me for who I am, other times he wants me to change. Honestly, I'm not really sure anymore. It's complicated. He is very religious and I am not. At first that wasn't suppose to be an issue but it seems to be becoming one more and more as he is wanting a family, now I am suddenly not good enough "as is."

I am 23, 24 in a couple months.

[jessed03]

Is he around the same age, or... is there an age difference?

[mrslizzyg]

He is almost 28

[jason1279]

who on earth gets mad at there wife for buying a dvd and some solo cup shot glasses???? he obviously doesn't understand your illness because if doing things like that help you cope then by all means do it!! you already don't feel like yourself involuntarily due to the anxiety why should you have to hide who you are to please him! that's just going give you more concerns and more anxiety!

[mrslizzyg]

who on earth gets mad at there wife for buying a dvd and some solo cup shot glasses???? he obviously doesn't understand your illness because if doing things like that help you cope then by all means do it!! you already don't feel like yourself involuntarily due to the anxiety why should you have to hide who you are to please him! that's just going give you more concerns and more anxiety!


It's not even necessarily to cope.. I LIKE those shot glasses and I LIKE watching Jackass lol. I think that is what his issue is. He can't see the mother of his children "acting this way." IM NOT A FREAKIN MOM YET. lol

But yea, that is exactly what it did, is make my anxiety WORSE. A LOT WORSE.

So thank you! lol I don't think it is a big deal either. But it's making me questions everything. Do I want a family with someone who could try to make me change myself? I want to have those goofy parts of me embraced. Not have a person shake their head at look at me disgusted.

[Kuma]

I think you will relate better to your kids if you know how to have fun. So I think he has this all wrong. Besides you should be who you are and not fit into some else's notion of who you should be.

But you guys also should sort all this out, as best you can, before you have kids (not that you are about to have kids -- maybe that is a decade away still -- but I am just saying before you take that step). Having kids puts stress on even a really good marriage. So you want to make sure your relationship is in good shape before you add that stressor.

Meanwhile, have fun. You are still young. Enjoy the shot glasses and watch whatever the hell you want on TV!

[needtogetwell]

Hi Lizzy!

I'm 50 and think the stuff you bought was great.

There is no sense in becoming old before your time. As long as there aren't any money issues in the relationship then spending $5 shouldn't be an issue. Hell, I bet most of us spend $5 on coffee in a day.

Anyway, does he know about your position regarding kids? I wonder if he isn't feeling a little bit of his own biological clock ticking away, he is after all not far away from 30. Hence the crack about behaving like a mother. And while we are at it, whose mother does he expect you to behave like? I hope he doesn't have some idealized TV mom from the 50s in mind. June Cleber none of us could ever be.

Anyway, I think you're pretty great just as you are. Don't stress and try to become something you aren't.

Cheers!
Pam

[mrslizzyg]

Kuma- I also think I will be a better mom if I know how to have fun! I don't have to expose my kids to Jackass and Tequila but it doesn't mean I can't like it lol.

Pam- Yes, he knows my view with kids. I have always been VERY open about it. We can't afford to have kids even if he feels his biological clock is ticking. He has plenty of time! I feel like I am too young to have kids. I'm not ready.

[needtogetwell]

Kuma- I also think I will be a better mom if I know how to have fun! I don't have to expose my kids to Jackass and Tequila but it doesn't mean I can't like it lol. Pam- Yes, he knows my view with kids. I have always been VERY open about it. We can't afford to have kids even if he feels his biological clock is ticking. He has plenty of time! I feel like I am too young to have kids. I'm not ready.

Good for you! You know yourself well. You will know when you are ready. You are far and away better off knowing that you aren't ready than many who have kids and aren't ready.

One day you will be a great mom. But for now just enjoy being you!

[jessed03]

The guys are right, you're cool just the way you are. I mean, I'd date you. All we'd need to do is throw away those crude"wtf" t-shirts, straighten your hair, dye it blonde, work on your accent, teach you how to cook, and change your name to Dorothy.

[mrslizzyg]

Thanks Pam. :) and that is what I am trying to do. Just hate when I'm having a good time and someone had to stomp on it lol.


The guys are right, you're cool just the way you are. I mean, I'd date you. All we'd need to do is throw away those crude"wtf" t-shirts, straighten your hair, dye it blonde, work on your accent, teach you how to cook, and change your name to Dorothy.

I really laughed out loud at this. Thanks! haha

[needtogetwell]

One day that t-shit will no longer say WTF, it will say BITE ME!

That is when you will no longer care if people try to stomp on your party. You will get there if that I am certain.

By the way, be careful of that Jesse guy, thinking he's just a dirty old man looking for a hot chick! Lol

(I luv you Jesse, you know I do!!!)

[mrslizzyg]

One day that t-shit will no longer say WTF, it will say BITE ME!

That is when you will no longer care if people try to stomp on your party. You will get there if that I am certain.

By the way, be careful of that Jesse guy, thinking he's just a dirty old man looking for a hot chick! Lol

(I luv you Jesse, you know I do!!!)

Haha! I hope so. I used to be that "bite me" person before my anxiety came about. I am slowly but surely working on getting back to her!

I need more people like you in my life Pam! :)

LOL clearly Jesse wants a hot blonde =P

[needtogetwell]

:) :) :)

[jessed03]

One day that t-shit will no longer say WTF, it will say BITE ME!

That is when you will no longer care if people try to stomp on your party. You will get there if that I am certain.

By the way, be careful of that Jesse guy, thinking he's just a dirty old man looking for a hot chick! Lol

(I luv you Jesse, you know I do!!!)

Back at ya, Pammy.

You know you're not the first person to think I'm a dirty old man this week. One of my female clients asked me if I was really an 80-year old man from India.

I need to change my cologne.... This Brut isn't working.

[Goomba]

Some things for reflection - just wanted to communicate them as they popped in my head when I read this:

There may be a relationship between you not wanting him to watch porn, and he wanting you to act more motherly. Different scenarios, but similar expectations from the opposite partner in terms of changing oneself.

Lots of reoccurring doubt shows up in your posts about your husband - may be a large contributor to your anxiety.

How the need for control affects the relationship.

In no way am I saying these are definitely you, just stuff to think about, potentially.

[mrslizzyg]

Some things for reflection - just wanted to communicate them as they popped in my head when I read this:

There may be a relationship between you not wanting him to watch porn, and he wanting you to act more motherly. Different scenarios, but similar expectations from the opposite partner in terms of changing oneself.

Lots of reoccurring doubt shows up in your posts about your husband - may be a large contributor to your anxiety.

How the need for control affects the relationship.

In no way am I saying these are definitely you, just stuff to think about, potentially.


For me, buying a few shot glasses and jackass is not even comparable to him watching porn.I don't want to get into that discussion again though. I never pretended to be someone different than who I am now- have always been this person and bought stupid stuff. He did not always watch porn. I get how you could see them being related. Plus I kind of gave up on asking him to stop.. which is probably just causing more issues... but like I said.. not something I really want to get back into. :)


I already know my relationship with my husband is a big contributor to my anxiety. I left him about a year ago and I felt SO much better... 8 months ago we had a meeting and talked about everything, got back together. Things were going freakin great for about 6 months, after that it's like the cycle of what happened the first time started to repeat.

I talk about all these little things that happen but truthfully I am terrified my marriage is just destined to fail(there's that doubt, causing anxiety for sure). We can't seem to figure it out together and it is really hard. The things I post on here just help me keep my sanity.. last time I never talked about ANY of it, and stayed miserable for 3 years. I'm hoping talking on here can help keep me a little more sane and give me a better chance of working the stuff I can out with him off of the internet... Just an outlet to talk to people in the same mindset..


Annnnd there I go getting all serious. lol. :)

[needtogetwell]

Back at ya, Pammy. You know you're not the first person to think I'm a dirty old man this week. One of my female clients asked me if I was really an 80-year old man from India. I need to change my cologne.... This Brut isn't working.

I knew there was a reason I liked you! I love the smell of Brut!

[Goomba]

Well moreso -

He has expectations of you based off of past experiences as you have them of him. The porn and buying things are the details that challenge belief systems you both have from your life experiences ( is what I was trying to say the first time).

But yeah, won't dig any deeper. I just wanted to say hey - maybe these aspects are a thing.

Glad to have you around :)

[needtogetwell]

Lizzy,

There is nothing wrong with coming to the realization that 2 people ultimately should not be together. Trust your gut instincts.

I knew after 2 years being married to my first husband that it was wrong and it took me 16 years to divorce him. If your anxiety is better when you were apart, then maybe your guts and nerves are trying to tell you something.

[mrslizzyg]

Well moreso -

He has expectations of you based off of past experiences as you have them of him. The porn and buying things are the details that challenge belief systems you both have from your life experiences ( is what I was trying to say the first time).

But yeah, won't dig any deeper. I just wanted to say hey - maybe these aspects are a thing.

Glad to have you around :)


Oh ok! sorry I misinterpreted the first time. I am good at this hehe. :)

You are totally ok bringing it up. That is a vaild point.

Thanks! I am glad to be here.


Lizzy,

There is nothing wrong with coming to the realization that 2 people ultimately should not be together. Trust your gut instincts.

I knew after 2 years being married to my first husband that it was wrong and it took me 16 years to divorce him. If your anxiety is better when you were apart, then maybe your guts and nerves are trying to tell you something.


Pam-

Well one thing I can say for certain is that I am not ready to leave yet. The first time I left I had no doubt in my mind that I was ready. So I'm not near that decision quite yet.. but I can't help to see the cycle of it maybe ending the same way. Especially if he doesn't see me to be a fit mother in the future. I want a family but I don't want one only on his terms.


Also, though.. How do you get over the fear of everything you have to lose when you do leave? For some reason, the first time, I don't recall having that fear. This time I am absolutely terrified of losing this life I have started to build with him. I love him, regardless of what we have been through.. and the thought of him eventually marrying someone else? FORGET IT. I feel like I couldn't stand that, I want him to be mine still. :( (clearly, if I ever did leave I would want him to find happiness with someone else. but I feel like the pure thought of it would keep me here even if I was miserable.)

[needtogetwell]

Oh ok! sorry I misinterpreted the first time. I am good at this hehe. :) You are totally ok bringing it up. That is a vaild point. Thanks! I am glad to be here. Pam- Well one thing I can say for certain is that I am not ready to leave yet. The first time I left I had no doubt in my mind that I was ready. So I'm not near that decision quite yet.. but I can't help to see the cycle of it maybe ending the same way. Especially if he doesn't see me to be a fit mother in the future. I want a family but I don't want one only on his terms. Also, though.. How do you get over the fear of everything you have to lose when you do leave? For some reason, the first time, I don't recall having that fear. This time I am absolutely terrified of losing this life I have started to build with him. I love him, regardless of what we have been through.. and the thought of him eventually marrying someone else? FORGET IT. I feel like I couldn't stand that, I want him to be mine still. :( (clearly, if I ever did leave I would want him to find happiness with someone else. but I feel like the pure thought of it would keep me here even if I was miserable.)

When the time is right and you are in the right place in your head there will be absolutely no fear. I was like you for any years, then one trip to the family cottage without h and it just became so clear....I didn't need him. I'm not saying that there wasn't any uncertainty because there was lots of that. Uncertainty is very different than fear when you know that your own happiness is at stake.

[needtogetwell]

Also, you will no longer be concerned with what he is doing with his life, it will be ALL ABOUT YOU. You, You!!!!!!!!

[mrslizzyg]

When the time is right and you are in the right place in your head there will be absolutely no fear. I was like you for any years, then one trip to the family cottage without h and it just became so clear....I didn't need him. I'm not saying that there wasn't any uncertainty because there was lots of that. Uncertainty is very different than fear when you know that your own happiness is at stake.


Then I guess how I felt the first time I left is why I don't remember any fear. I had none...Goes with what I said, I'm not ready to call it quits. I still want to try. He is worth it. I am worth it.

I just want to be happy, in the long run. That's it..

[snowberry]

Hope you don't mind me chiming in.

I don't know all the ins and outs but I'd be wary if there are issues that you can't compromise on. If you're completely against him watching porn/watching porn to a certain extent, and he isn't going to budge, then this is an issue that will not go away. Likewise, he can't expect you to completely change your personality to fit his ideal of motherhood (I know you're not planning on kids yet, but I think it's very important to find out exactly what it is he thinks a mother should be like). If neither of you are willing to back down on these matters, it's something that should be addressed or it will eat away at the relationship.

Something like: "I love you and I want our relationship to work. For it to work I think we need to communicate more. There are things we seem unable to compromise on in terms of expectations of each other and I think they ought to be addressed. I want you to tell me what was going on the other day with the DVD and the glasses so I can understand why it upsets you."

The most important thing is to listen carefully but not back down on things you feel strongly about. It's so important to talk about where you're both going in the future, and if you approach it calmly and adult-like, there's no way he can accuse you of being too immature to be a mother. Ultimately your mental health is most important and you shouldn't stay if it gets to the point where you are miserable all the time - nothing and no one is worth that. I wish you all the best.

[NixonRulz]

We don't stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing

The day you stop buying stupid shit at garage sales that make you smile is the day a piece of you just got old

And if you ever come across a 1987 Ken doll in mint condition, let me know. I need to complete my Barbie Dreamhouse

[Im-Suffering]

Damn right it is -




It's very stressful not being able to be myself.



If you only knew what type of life could be possible without all the crap (you are so entranced by the self imposed restrictions, tied to a ball and chain stuck in a dream. Only the chain is unlocked you need simply to remove it but you are blind). If you had a crystal ball to see what life could be. Love is waiting for you, on the other side, when you are ready for it. And so is your future family.

Once there is no more learning this relationship will be finished. Relationships were never about the duration. Only the lessons. When you are through hurting yourself that's when the light will begin to creep into the windows illuminating the darkness and exposing the deception or lies.

Accept responsibility for doing this to yourself.

You can love 100's people, and have 1000 soul mates. So stop poking at one that doesn't want it and makes you feel badly about yourself. Ask "why do I allow this?"

When you do have your child, teach them the lesson you are learning. To live the opposite of your life, to always feel good surrounding self with people who encourage, build up, respect, honor, care for, show favor, compassion, kindness.. To speak and live their inner truth every moment. Forget the self lies, mental masturbation.

This is what you are learning. The pornography (or the motherhood comments for example) are symbolic of how you feel about you. Each image representing inner repressed feelings. Each flash of symbolism triggering negative emotions which need to be rid of. This is the work, "what is inside me, that is manifesting in my life. What am I to learn from this?"

"Why can't I expose my playful side without criticism and ridicule?" And so we are full circle here, "why can't I just be me, and deeply loved for that, appreciated".

I have been talking to you since day one. It's time to step into yourself and think. Rather than throwing all kinds of shit at the fan haphazardly to see what sticks. Gain some composure and internal strength enough to break free of the blinders.

[jessed03]

If you only knew what type of life could be possible without all the crap.

Once there is no more learning this relationship will be finished. Relationships were never about the duration. Only the lessons.

Very interesting take. Got the gears of my brain working, for sure. Thanks for that at 3am. :)

[needtogetwell]

Very interesting take. Got the gears of my brain working, for sure. Thanks for that at 3am. :)

Do you ever sleep?

[NixonRulz]

Do you ever sleep?

He sleeps on US Eastern time

It's in his contract

[jessed03]

Do you ever sleep?

When I sleep I get anxious Nixon is doing something cool without me. Like talking to a cute new forum girl. Seeing as I get anxious I come back online to the only place any anxious person would ever wanna be.... the forum.

[needtogetwell]

He sleeps on US Eastern time It's in his contract

That does not surprise me, only us cool people are in this time zone.

[needtogetwell]

When I sleep I get anxious Nixon is doing something cool without me. Like talking to a cute new forum girl. Seeing as I get anxious I come back online to the only place any anxious person would ever wanna be.... the forum.

There's no place like home. I think you and Nixon were twins separated at birth only to find eachother again in this glorious place.

[Im-Suffering]

Relationships are only about healing every false idea we ever had about ourself. There are no relationships with any creatures that are exempt from this law.

There is a purpose to life now, even if it seems more fun to just blow with the wind. (Which often ends in suffering).

So the duration is not important in that context. The idea of 'sticking with it even if it remains bad' is constructive if the lessons are learned. Eventually chiseling character.

We are building character.

Formed by the constant choice of who we wish to be in the face of/often contrast to/opposition of - others, especially the intimate 'others'. (Listen up OP).

"What I see in you I see in self and I dislike (me), so I hate you."
"What I see in you I see in self and I like (me), so I love you.
"What I see in you is a projection of my ideals, if I wish to see change in you I must first change my beliefs, or at least begin to look at them."

"If I am fearful, anxious, I need look no further than my value judgments"

[jessed03]

You're married, aren't you? Haven't you learned the lessons yet? What happens when you do, will you two seperate, or just drift apart somewhat?

[Im-Suffering]

As each person releases some crap (false beliefs) they are freer to live as true selves. Each lesson is like a pinpoint in armor letting more light in. If the connection is strong, one of the lessons could be to work together, see?

The ties are metaphysical that bind and release relationships. Usually one has precognitive dreams or flashes or intuition what will happen if the current path is followed. And that scares people. But do they listen?

In my first marriage I used to have dreams of us splitting up and I'd awaken and feel if she was still there (in the bed. The dreams were vivid). One day she wasnt. In that case I learned my lessons and applied them in another relationship I am still in, still learning but this one is more hands on if you understand.

Relationships give you the opportunity to test out what you have learned.

You see my lessons must be learned, at the end of my life will I be happy with my personality? People need to add that to their bucket list.

1) build a pleasing character
2) climb a mountain
And so forth

[gypsylee]

There's nothing wrong with those things you bought. Jackass is cool! :)

[gypsylee]

P.S. I would've said "you've got your porn, I've got Johnny Knoxville and Steve-o" LOL. Win!

[jessed03]

As each person releases some crap (false beliefs) they are freer to live as true selves. Each lesson is like a pinpoint in armor letting more light in. If the connection is strong, one of the lessons could be to work together, see?

The ties are metaphysical that bind and release relationships. Usually one has precognitive dreams or flashes or intuition what will happen if the current path is followed. And that scares people. But do they listen?

In my first marriage I used to have dreams of us splitting up and I'd awaken and feel if she was still there (in the bed. The dreams were vivid). One day she wasnt. In that case I learned my lessons and applied them in another relationship I am still in, still learning but this one is more hands on if you understand.

Relationships give you the opportunity to test out what you have learned.

You see my lessons must be learned, at the end of my life will I be happy with my personality? People need to add that to their bucket list.

1) build a pleasing character
2) climb a mountain
And so forth

Very interesting, thank you. Hope you're doing a little better than the other day.

[Im-Suffering]

Very interesting, thank you. Hope you're doing a little better than the other day.

I don't recall ? But yea, today's ok. Hope you are well. Some day you must tell me about your 'relationships'. Are you happy?

[jessed03]

I don't recall ? But yea, today's ok. Hope you are well. Some day you must tell me about your 'relationships'. Are you happy?

Oh, last time you replied "hanging in there." It didn't sound too optimistic. :)

Anyway, I'm doing good. And I most certainly will!

[Im-Suffering]

Quote (earlier in this thread) :

"It's kind of an on and off thing. Sometimes he acts like he loves me for who I am, other times he wants me to change. Honestly, I'm not really sure anymore. It's complicated. He is very religious and I am not. At first that wasn't suppose to be an issue but it seems to be becoming one more and more as he is wanting a family, now I am suddenly not good enough "as is."

I do believe this quote is drawing all the attention. The OP serves as an example, many people can relate to. Especially the underlined sentence. Finding self is the main purpose of life. Relationships, especially those intimate to you, are your greatest gift to self, without them one would have no mirror. By example, and inventor tests his once only theory, by practical 3D application. From thought to machine, and in so doing he can make the adjustments or any corrections to what was once only in his imagination. Relationships are man's 'invention'. Ultimately to recognize his own spirit made flesh.

As you, the OP talk out this 'issue' and read back your own posts from a third party perspective you will gain valuable insights into self. You are good enough, you see. And this is a part of the lesson. As you release beliefs that tell you that you arent, you automatically become good, you understand. At least in your own eyes. Which is what counts because you will project that upon the canvas that is your spouse (and everyone else). Then you can look upon your artwork and see if your beliefs are valid, or need adjusting. He/they will always mirror you, absolutely no exceptions.

In a sense the religious differences were something you wondered about, how that would sort itself out as the relationship grew, the family grew so to speak, and here you have the issue squarely coming into view (literally), not to cower from, but to face. You create your reality.

I have been working with you, and your beliefs since your first post, whether you recognize what I am doing or not. Which was your intent that we should meet and one of the reasons for the initial registration. Many of my 'old friends' come to see me here for a little edification. Life is more than it would seem, there is great depth that is lost by just using ego to skim the surface of physical events for a correct interpretation. Life is best judged with a soul-ful eye. The ego is meant to be used to transmit problems to the inner self, this back and forth communication resolves issues. The ego then should see clearly, not to give inner self false information, you understand. The ego skews it's world view according to its beliefs about it, which you see could present a confining experience, and present problems to the inner self that are unclear and exaggerated. Or ego can cut off inner self and try going at it alone. This is the main cause of anxiety as it learns to worry, doubt, and ultimately fear for its tomorrow's without the healing inner guidance.

The conscious mind or ego cannot solve your problems, you understand, and so putting more and more pressure on it to act or create resolution puts it in a situation it cannot solve, alone. I say alone because the creative faculties, the inner self is the problem solver. That is why you must go inward and not out to peers. Unless the peers drive you back inward, you see. Back to self.

My spirit friends cannot be with you forever, so you may want to reread as many posts as you like, until the epiphany comes from the inner self on what to do/change (in thought form first) that will create a different experience for you (any of you), in the physical world.

[Joy4456]

Hi,

I seriously don't know what his problem is on you having 'fun' and having a 'young' side about you. I think it's great! You are expressing who you really are. You don't have to be embarassed about who you are and 'hide' that side from him. And even if you do, you won't be able to hide it forever, because you can't hide who you truly are and you should not have to!!
My mum is much older than you and she still acts like a child sometime, but that's what makes her charming and that's what makes her so fun and refreshing to be around. She's hilarious and makes people laugh !
I took from my mum, so I tend to be a bit immature too. My boyfriend points it out as well, but I don't really care and answer by saying 'thank you for the compliment' and continue with my day. I make Cartoons and Comics as a profession... and I don't think I would be any good it if I wasn't a bit goofy and crazy.
There's nothing wrong with having a bit of fun in this sad world.
As for the anxiety, laughing and having fun really helps me. And I think it helps you cope too. So he should understand this, but you can't expect him to always understand everything right off the bat. His mind probably works differently than yours. So explain it to him calmly. Stand up for yourself and tell him this is who you are !
Maybe he was just having a bad day and took it out on you ?

[mrslizzyg]

IS-
Holy crap. I have already read over all your posts a couple of times, and I don't think I am done yet. I have A LOT of thinking to do. That's really all I can say about your posts right now. Thank you.

Thanks to everyone else for your input as well!

I do have one thing to say- my husband and I had a very serious conversation on Friday night about ALL of this stuff. I'm not sure where we stand yet, but it was a very productive and eye opening discussion. :)

[needtogetwell]

Good for you Lizzy.

The best thing you can do right now is have open communication with him. One thing at a time and it will all work out the way it's supposed to.

Keep smiling!
Cheers!!!!
Pam

[Im-Suffering]

"I do have one thing to say- my husband and I had a very serious conversation on Friday night about ALL of this stuff. I'm not sure where we stand yet, but it was a very productive and eye opening discussion"

Good!

Keep the channels open.

But..

Speak your truth. If you do not know what your truth is, find it at all costs. Find yourself. If you feel good then it is real for you, and spirit is happy. If what you do or say feels bad, find where the thoughts come from and heal them.

Namaste

[mrslizzyg]

Good for you Lizzy.

The best thing you can do right now is have open communication with him. One thing at a time and it will all work out the way it's supposed to.

Keep smiling!
Cheers!!!!
Pam


Yes.. I have always been a strong believer that things will work out how they should.

Thank you! :)

[jessed03]

Yes.. I have always been a strong believer that things will work out how they should.

Thank you! :)

The heck do you think you're doing taking your WTF t-shirt off? It's almost like you want me and Nixon to come to Washington State and smack your bare legs with a rolled up newspaper.

[mrslizzyg]

The heck do you think you're doing taking your WTF t-shirt off? It's almost like you want me and Nixon to come to Washington State and smack your bare legs with a rolled up newspaper.

LOL!
Not sure if this is creepy or.....

That shirt really is my favorite.. I might put it back If you ask nice. :)

[jessed03]

LOL!
Not sure if this is creepy or.....

That shirt really is my favorite.. I might put it back If you ask nice. :)

What!! No, not creepy. It's for punishment. None of us are gonna enjoy it. Believe me, whacking you hard across the legs a dozen times using a thick newspaper is going to hurt me and Nixon much more than it hurts you.

[mrslizzyg]

What!! No, not creepy. It's for punishment. None of us are gonna enjoy it. Believe me, whacking you hard across the legs a dozen times using a thick newspaper is going to hurt me and Nixon much more than it hurts you.


Now you sound like my parents... lol :eek:

[NixonRulz]

As a former newspaper delivery boy who took his craft quite seriously, I have only been on the receiving end of a newspaper beat down.

It was never over a change of avatar but those customers of mine beat me like a piñata for almost every other reason

I hated having the local prison part of my delivery route

I hate inmates

[jessed03]

Now you sound like my parents... lol :eek:

Ooooh yeah, come to daddy.

Ok, that was creepy. I'm gonna stop now lol.

[mrslizzyg]

As a former newspaper delivery boy who took his craft quite seriously, I have only been on the receiving end of a newspaper beat down.

It was never over a change of avatar but those customers of mine beat me like a piñata for almost every other reason

I hated having the local prison part of my delivery route

I hate inmates

They were just mean to you because they "like" you =P





Ooooh yeah, come to daddy.

Ok, that was creepy. I'm gonna stop now lol.


Yep. creepy. nothing else to say there.

It's ok though. we can still be friends. =P

[jessed03]

As a former newspaper delivery boy who took his craft quite seriously, I have only been on the receiving end of a newspaper beat down.

It was never over a change of avatar but those customers of mine beat me like a piñata for almost every other reason

I hated having the local prison part of my delivery route

I hate inmates

Is your new avatar Kenny Chesney or have I now reached an unprecedented level of country music paranoia?

[mrslizzyg]

Is your new avatar Kenny Chesney or have I now reached an unprecedented level of country music paranoia?

Maybe he is Kenny Chesney.
He just has a secret online identity.

:eek:

[jessed03]

Maybe he is Kenny Chesney.
He just has a secret online identity.

:eek:

Hmmm. Interesting.

Still, for saying something against your boy, Nixon....

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_I2uQkGxIykM/TEAAkE4Ue3I/AAAAAAAAL5w/BF90bOFOc4o/s1600/paddling+blackadder.jpg

[mrslizzyg]

Hmmm. Interesting.

Still, for saying something against your boy, Nixon....

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_I2uQkGxIykM/TEAAkE4Ue3I/AAAAAAAAL5w/BF90bOFOc4o/s1600/paddling+blackadder.jpg


I think you just have a fetish for beatings. or spankings. LOL

[needtogetwell]

The heck do you think you're doing taking your WTF t-shirt off? It's almost like you want me and Nixon to come to Washington State and smack your bare legs with a rolled up newspaper.

She's trading it in for a BITE ME t-shirt!

[mrslizzyg]

She's trading it in for a BITE ME t-shirt!

as soon as I find one I am totally buying it! lol

I did see another WTF shirt on Saturday at the mall, under it said, "where's the food?"
I really wanted that one too.. hehe. Im broke until payday though so I had to leave it. :(

[jessed03]

as soon as I find one I am totally buying it! lol

I did see another WTF shirt on Saturday at the mall, under it said, "where's the food?"
I really wanted that one too.. hehe. Im broke until payday though so I had to leave it. :(

Will you be allowed?

[mrslizzyg]

Will you be allowed?

LOL. idgaf. :D I'm buying it anyways

[jessed03]

LOL. idgaf. :D I'm buying it anyways

Awesome! That's the spirit. Do you drive? If your hubbie shakes his head in disappointment again, hit the breaks hard next time you're both in the car. That whiplash will give you a few weeks to enjoy being you.

[mrslizzyg]

Awesome! That's the spirit. Do you drive? If your hubbie shakes his head in disappointment again, hit the breaks hard next time you're both in the car. That whiplash will give you a few weeks to enjoy being you.


I do drive! lol I'll do that and yell "BITE ME!!!" at the same time. It will be epic.
Then I'll just say I saw a squirrel and couldn't hit it.
If he asked why I yelled bite me, i'll just say it's just I'm crazy, obviously.

[needtogetwell]

I do drive! lol I'll do that and yell "BITE ME!!!" at the same time. It will be epic. Then I'll just say I saw a squirrel and couldn't hit it. If he asked why I yelled bite me, i'll just say it's just I'm crazy, obviously.

You sure do have spirit! Just like looking in a time warp mirror!

You go girl!!!!!

[mrslizzyg]

You sure do have spirit! Just like looking in a time warp mirror!

You go girl!!!!!


Hehe. thanks. :)

I'm workin on it!! You guys sure do help bring up my self confidence! lol

[needtogetwell]

Hehe. thanks. :) I'm workin on it!! You guys sure do help bring up my self confidence! lol

We are just reminding you of what you already know, using various methods. You fall back lady and the cattle prod is coming out. ZZZZAAAAAAPPPPP!!!!

[mrslizzyg]

We are just reminding you of what you already know, using various methods. You fall back lady and the cattle prod is coming out. ZZZZAAAAAAPPPPP!!!!

Yep I'm just not gonna let that happen. Man.. newspapers, paddles, and now the cattle prod?! I'm in for it! lol

[needtogetwell]

Yep I'm just not gonna let that happen. Man.. newspapers, paddles, and now the cattle prod?! I'm in for it! lol

It's all because we like you!

[Naor]

Hi Mrslizzyg :)
Firstable I can tell you definitley that you have found already "the key " to defeat your own anxieties complitley
and I am sure that what that I want write will not be a new term for you .
you had described the right solution naturally as a thing who keep you sane , with an other words we can call to the all things you have bought from the sale (they are recall the peroid of the childhood ) as a balance = the same key .
maybe your housband don't understand that to his wife has a big part on the personelty that misses to the childhood ( that's complitlety ok! :) ) when have not worries
and you had felt safe , and more than that's today when you see those things you get a new powers to walk forward and learn more , and the most thing to get forward more in the way to cope with the fears !
Thus I wish good luck ! what that i can to recommend you is to continue with your insight , you do it well :)
and remember it not an immature behaviour ! you can feel fine :)

[Evelyn Louise Bolton]

My favorite quote from 'Under the Tuscan Sun' is "Never lose your childish innocence. It's the most important thing". Letting small things make you happy in the moment, distracting you from the seriousness and pressures of life is what helps us get from one day to the next. Please don't let him crush that part of you <3