Fatigue vs. Routine

[sae]

I am a person that thrives on routine. My actions, therefore, become conditional. My day starts with basic housekeeping, putting dishes away, mopping, vacuuming, dusting. If I do not have these tasks completed I can't make myself do anything else. Most days it is a great motivator to get something done before losing myself in a book or a painting.
Then there are days like today. I woke up exhausted. I have sat in the same place staring at the wall, or poking a little at my phone, since 6 am. I feel too tired to cleab, but I can't do anything else until it's done. I want to sleep more but it's daylight, not sleep time for sae, so I know I won't actually rest.
The more I recognize my day can't start without completing my morning routine, the more I worry about it, the more fatigued I become. How does one find motivation through overwhelming fatigue?

[gypsylee]

Why do you feel like you have to do those chores before you can do anything else? I just did the dishes at like 1:30am.. I'm not exactly big on housework :)

[sae]

Why do you feel like you have to do those chores before you can do anything else? I just did the dishes at like 1:30am.. I'm not exactly big on housework :)



I think this is the million dollar question. I can't properly explain it other than to describe it as extreme aversion, nagging wrongness. I tried reading a little. I have been dying all morning to finish my book, but the moment I open it and try to read I just can't focus on it. The nagging in the back of my mind that my house stuff isn't done is just too loud.

[gypsylee]

Well I seem to have overwhelming fatigue all the time when it comes to housework haha. So I'm not sure what to suggest. I find if I force myself to just start then it gets easier.

[jessed03]

By splitting everything up in to very small, manageable tasks that don't take much time or effort to complete. Oh, and by giving yourself a dopamine reward after completing each small task by doing something nice for yourself.

[Im-Suffering]

Im still working through some personal issues. I can channel advice to myself, but often it is difficult to follow or keep focus (to heal) under such a weight of the emotions. Especially the last few days when topics are flying at me hot and heavy from within myself. Anyhow...

Lets raise the topic of abuse.

What we have here is a continual inner struggle as we regurgitate the abuse (in the form of thoughts) + what we said to ourselves during and after those experiences. They did in a great sense shape a good portion of who we are.

So we are dealing with a double edge sword:

1) The abuse itself (whatever that was, verbal, mental, physical) and
2) Our response to the abuse (often forgotten/blocked out unless you recount those moments and try to remember the inner dialogue and feelings during the abuse. The tragedy is after a while it becomes habit ((being abused)) and we dont even see it as abusive anymore, in some cases + the blame and shame, guilt).

For example if you were forced to sit in bed and not move, that is the abuse, plus the voice + actions of the abuser, and secondly the self suggestions about who we are in response and during those events (while sitting on the bed) "I am this or that"

And so now we are left with the repurcussions of the traumatic ghosts. Unless the abuse is in the present moment for some of you.

From the OP :

"I am a person that thrives on routine. My actions, therefore, become conditional."

Now, is this the abuser, talking, or the self suggestions during the abuse. Or is this how we coped with the abuse, or the conclusions about ourselves from the abuse, or lastly and least likely is this our personality inherently, you see?

Now there is nothing wrong with routine, if it makes us feel great. If we repeatedly do things in our best interests that are good for us, in our highest regard. Then we can keep those, and change what we do/think or say that feels bad. But something like this (the OP in relation to housework) feels off, you understand, and so it must then go under the eye of scrutiny. Or examination to determine where it is from. Indeed for me (when i feel badly for example) it is a ghost, the only abuser currently is myself. I in a sense am carrying on the work of the abuser, long after he/she is gone.