Sexually confused

[11v11]

Im 16 and I'm terrified about being a lesbian. I don't want to be, but I'm afraid I might be and I'm just in extreme denial. I have nothing against gay people, I just don't want to be one. I start to feel this way when I'm hanging out with another girl and suddenly I imagine making out with them and it seems pleasurable. Then sometimes I imagine having sex with them and it doesn't seem that bad. I get so much anxiety about my reaction to these thoughts that I try to avoid anything that might trigger them. I'm afraid I might not be able to control myself, and I'll make a move on them or something. I try to avoid situations that make me feel that way because it freaks me out so much. I've never been in a real relationship with a guy or a girl, and I've never done anything sexual with either (aside from kissing boys, but it's just a peck). That being said, I want to be with boys, I feel like it's new and exciting, but I also feel sort of aroused when I think of being with a girl. I'm so confused and it's literally tearing me apart. I get anxiety about a lot of things, but my sexuality is by far the worst. I want to like men, but I don't know if I necessarily do. I find the male figure particularly attractive. One possible explanation about the fantasizing is maybe it's just easier to picture myself with a girl because I've hung out and been around girls a lot more than I have with guys in my life. I go through what I like to call flare-ups with my anxiety. A thought will trigger it and my mind basically goes off the deep end, like it is now. But before I was fine and convinced I was straight and I was past worrying about my sexuality. I felt particularly attracted to guys and I would be fine. It's these stupid thoughts where I imagine myself with a girl that make me go crazy. I start doubting myself and convincing myself that I'm a lesbian. But the thing is, I really really don't want to and it stresses me out thinking about it. When I get these thoughts I feel like my mind just broke out my control and went on a manic and uncontrollable rampage. I know it sounds dramatic, but I don't know how else to describe it. Someone please help me I'm so confused and restless it's ruining my life. I don't know maybe it's just hormones.

[Kuma]

Hi. Lots of people have some lesbian feelings and some straight feelings, at various times. Don't punish yourself for your feelings or agonize over whether you are straight or gay or bisexual. It does not really matter that much these days, and you will figure it out over time. Everything you are feeling is totally normal, especially at your age. It is a part of developing your sexual identity. I promise you will figure it out over time, and whatever preferences you turn out to be have you can be happy and at peace and successful. Just don't castigate yourself for your feelings. That can make you unhappy. And why be unhappy? It's all good....

[BrookeLynnnn]

Hello! :)

I'm 22 now but going through my teen years, I had been with guys & knew I wanted guys. But I also had my girl experience. Doesn't mean I'm a lesbian. I think lots of girls around this age are curious. Doesn't mean you're a lesbian either.

I am completely straight. Men are for me lol but even now going in my adult life, I still look at girls & think omg she's so pretty. Not in a sexual way at all. I think this is normal. I hear other straight girls say girls are hot, yet they're completely straight.

& even if by some chance you like girls, that's okay! But you're young, you'll figure this all out someday :) don't beat yourself up over it.

[drac16]

It's not uncommon for young persons to go through that. Everyone has struggles in life. You were not created to be with another woman, though. Everyone has the capacity to control themselves. I urge you to take refuge in Allah and to not give in to those homosexual desires.

"So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief. Verily, with every difficulty there is relief. Therefore, when thou art free, still labour hard. And to thy Lord turn thy attention". [Qur'an 94:5-8]

[BrookeLynnnn]

I absolutely do not agree.. We aren't here to push our beliefs on anyone but to support them.

[jessed03]

It's not uncommon for young persons to go through that. Everyone has struggles in life. You were not created to be with another woman, though. Everyone has the capacity to control themselves. I urge you to take refuge in Allah and to not give in to those homosexual desires.

"So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief. Verily, with every difficulty there is relief. Therefore, when thou art free, still labour hard. And to thy Lord turn thy attention". [Qur'an 94:5-8]

Homosexual behaviour can be found in 400 different species of animal. Humans included. Some scientists believe this number rises to 1500 species, but we'll stay with the conservative estimate of 400 for now. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_animals_displaying_homosexual_behavior)

So, either Allah doesn't mind if two creatures of the same sex mate, or he screwed up pretty badly somewhere.

Or wait, do dragonflies "choose to be gay"....

[drac16]

Guys, hold on a minute. I don't want this to turn into a debate. That's not why I post here. When someone is suffering, I do my best to offer a helping hand with whatever I believe is the right course of action. On the subject of homosexuality, it is no different.

[Kuma]

I urge you to take refuge in Allah and to not give in to those homosexual desires.

"So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief. Verily, with every difficulty there is relief. Therefore, when thou art free, still labour hard. And to thy Lord turn thy attention". [Qur'an 94:5-8]

So I guess if you plan to live in the Islamic Caliphate, it would be better not to be gay, or at least not to be public about it. This is especially true if you plan to be a Shahid, as I think the 72 virgins will probably be of the opposite gender!

To the OP: It probably does not surprise you that some religious fundamentalists believe that homosexuality is a sin. There are also religious fundamentalists who believe in blowing up nursery schools to achieve their political objectives, prohibiting women from driving or from walking the streets without a burqa, chopping off limbs as a punishment for theft, requiring female genital mutilation, murdering journalists with whom they disagree, blowing up airplanes, etc. So I would encourage you not to make your decisions based on what some religious fundamentalist tells you god or allah requires. You may very well be straight (even if you have some attraction to women), or some day you may decide that you are gay or bisexual. Any of those things are fine, and there's no need to decide now. Your character is what matters, not who you might be attracted to.

[BrookeLynnnn]

So I guess if you plan to live in the Islamic Caliphate, it would be better not to be gay, or at least not to be public about it. This is especially true if you plan to be a Shahid, as I think the 72 virgins will probably be of the opposite gender!

To the OP: It probably does not surprise you that some religious fundamentalists believe that homosexuality is a sin. There are also religious fundamentalists who believe in blowing up nursery schools to achieve their political objectives, prohibiting women from driving or from walking the streets without a burqa, chopping off limbs as a punishment for theft, requiring female genital mutilation, murdering journalists with whom they disagree, blowing up airplanes, etc. So I would encourage you not to make your decisions based on what some religious fundamentalist tells you god or allah requires. You may very well be straight (even if you have some attraction to women), or some day you may decide that you are gay or bisexual. Any of those things are fine, and there's no need to decide now. Your character is what matters, not who you might be attracted to.

Very well said!

[jessed03]

It's ok, Drac16 - I don't think this thread will turn into a religious debate, but this is the internet, so you can never quite say for sure!

I understand that, as a Muslim, your faith is very important to you. I understand there are certain beliefs that come with your faith, such as the belief that homosexuality is ungodly.

On this forum, we just try to stick to more concrete concepts, that's all; concepts that everybody can accept and understand. We just try to keep things more scientific, rather than abstract. For example, nobody truly knows God. Nobody actually knows what he or she wants (or if he or she exists). So people's opinions on that will differ wildly. Their opinions on actual medical advice, less so.

Don't worry, it's not that religion doesn't have a place in people's lives, it's just that discussing it openly on a place like this is very rarely helpful. Same goes for all abstract spiritual concepts, really. They're personal, and as there is no way to measure or confirm the validity of these concepts, it's unlikely that sharing them will even convince others that they too should accept them. Often, mentioning these beliefs does more harm than good, as many of the forum's past religious arguments proves.

[jessed03]

And to OP: You are so very young. :) Sixteen is such a confusing age. That was 10 years ago now, for me, but I remember it well. The brain doesn't reach maturity until the age of 25, so you still have another 9 years of figuring things out! In those 9 years, you'll probably experiment with lots of things, as well as find out for sure what you like and don't like.

Much of what confuses you now will start to make more sense as the years pass. Go easy on yourself! Do what feels right in the moment (as long as you don't hurt anybody) and learn as you go.

[11v11]

Thank you so much to everyone replying to this thread!😊 I honestly thought no one would. It certainly made me feel better for the moment. Deep down I know I just need to accept that these are confusing times and I have to be okay with not knowing everything. I think my flare-up has certainly subsided. I have a problem with overthinking everything, and I think that's what I'm doing now

[MozartFlowChart]

To add to what others have said, I am now in my 20s and I firmly believe that sexuality is a spectrum. Like if everyone allowed themselves to explore whatever situations they wanted to without fear, almost everyone would be at least partially bisexual. What you're going through is completely normal. If you like women, that is normal. If you like both, that is also normal. When you get older, you'll see how much anyone that matters accepts who you are no matter what.

[Dahila]

I started to boil but thanks to Kuma and Jessed, I calmed down, well said gentlemen, well said:)

[Ponder]

I was recently encouraged to find some good. So please allow me to express, how encouraging I have found this topic to be. It's great to see how on this aspect, humans are evolving for the better. To me this is a good sign post that marks the way for more than just hope.

Wishing you all the best 11V11.