NixonRulz
05-18-2015, 07:26 AM
I am not much of a thread starter here but I figured my mom didn't raise me to not admit when I was wrong in the very rare instances when that occurs.
Some may know that I have been close friends with anxiety for a few decades. We would go everywhere together. And Anxiety has a big family tree so I was best buds with all of them. Social anxiety, GAD, panic disorder, agoraphobia and hypochondria. The doctor needed a second page to list all the shit wrong with me.
Years ago I woke up sick and tired of dealing with it and set my mind to learn everything I could about anxiety and how it causes you to react and how to stop yourself from reacting. That was eye opening to me. I finally understood that anxiety was a trick my mind would try and play and if I didn't react to the false information, I wouldn't become anxious or panic.
Fast forward some years and I have mastered this thought. I would still get the false thoughts or the heart palpitation and I learned not to react to them. Over time since I didn't react, those things didn't come much but has never fully gone away. Compared to where I was, this was a blessing
I never much joined the debate whether anxiety was genetic or a learned behavior or both. It never much mattered because I had anxiety and what did it matter if it was instilled in me now?
I came to learn that to me, anxiety would always be with me and could always come back to visit since it would never actually leave, it could just be controlled and you could live a damn good life that way. That is how I lived and I was quite happy to do so feeling pretty confident that anxiety couldn't affect me in a negative way anymore
Well in comes IMSuffering into the forum to try and screw everything up that I've learned and he approached anxiety from a completely different point. If you could actually understand what the hell he was writing, you would be a magician becasue I was lost with what I believed to be entirely too philosophical. No one could interpret what he was writing in those long ass posts if you actually had the perseverance to finish the whole thing. It didn't make sense to me that my anxiety was somehow caused from my childhood and beliefs I have learned from whomever. I commented a few times that I didn't agree with his advice to some people.
I though of blocking him since his lengthy posts were taking a toll on my computer's available memory.
But I didn't and I continued to read his posts here because he may be way out there but he was committed to the forum and spent a lot of time writing to people instead of just saying "welcome". If nothing else, I appreciated his dedication.
A few weeks ago, I was reading a thread where ImSuffering and Goomba were responding to someone several times. I am not sure of the exact words I read or how I viewed the entirety of the subject but I deeply thought for a moment what the post was referring to.
Thoughts started flying through my mind so fast almost like a panic attack does. For real.
And in a split second, everything became crystal clear to me why I was anxious for so long and why it never stopped. It was like a weight lifted off of my chest. I could physically feel it and my mind never was so clear.
So I have found the cause of my anxiety. I never believed it was important to know why but knowing the cause finished the puzzle. And the really cool thing is that all those things I believed about myself that was causing my anxiety were gone as soon as I basically accepted myself for who I really am. And I kinda dig my new view of me and its way less stressful'
What i discovered about myself isn't important. It is different and personal to all of us here.
I suppose what helped me get where I am is, as close minded as I was about what I believed to be the truth about anxiety, I am grateful that I left the door just cracked enough to let some other opinions get in.
So....I was wrong. I am really glad I was. It will never happen again, I assure you
Thanks to those with differing opinions and keep doing what you do. They just might be the one to give you the golden ticket
End of Post ; )
Some may know that I have been close friends with anxiety for a few decades. We would go everywhere together. And Anxiety has a big family tree so I was best buds with all of them. Social anxiety, GAD, panic disorder, agoraphobia and hypochondria. The doctor needed a second page to list all the shit wrong with me.
Years ago I woke up sick and tired of dealing with it and set my mind to learn everything I could about anxiety and how it causes you to react and how to stop yourself from reacting. That was eye opening to me. I finally understood that anxiety was a trick my mind would try and play and if I didn't react to the false information, I wouldn't become anxious or panic.
Fast forward some years and I have mastered this thought. I would still get the false thoughts or the heart palpitation and I learned not to react to them. Over time since I didn't react, those things didn't come much but has never fully gone away. Compared to where I was, this was a blessing
I never much joined the debate whether anxiety was genetic or a learned behavior or both. It never much mattered because I had anxiety and what did it matter if it was instilled in me now?
I came to learn that to me, anxiety would always be with me and could always come back to visit since it would never actually leave, it could just be controlled and you could live a damn good life that way. That is how I lived and I was quite happy to do so feeling pretty confident that anxiety couldn't affect me in a negative way anymore
Well in comes IMSuffering into the forum to try and screw everything up that I've learned and he approached anxiety from a completely different point. If you could actually understand what the hell he was writing, you would be a magician becasue I was lost with what I believed to be entirely too philosophical. No one could interpret what he was writing in those long ass posts if you actually had the perseverance to finish the whole thing. It didn't make sense to me that my anxiety was somehow caused from my childhood and beliefs I have learned from whomever. I commented a few times that I didn't agree with his advice to some people.
I though of blocking him since his lengthy posts were taking a toll on my computer's available memory.
But I didn't and I continued to read his posts here because he may be way out there but he was committed to the forum and spent a lot of time writing to people instead of just saying "welcome". If nothing else, I appreciated his dedication.
A few weeks ago, I was reading a thread where ImSuffering and Goomba were responding to someone several times. I am not sure of the exact words I read or how I viewed the entirety of the subject but I deeply thought for a moment what the post was referring to.
Thoughts started flying through my mind so fast almost like a panic attack does. For real.
And in a split second, everything became crystal clear to me why I was anxious for so long and why it never stopped. It was like a weight lifted off of my chest. I could physically feel it and my mind never was so clear.
So I have found the cause of my anxiety. I never believed it was important to know why but knowing the cause finished the puzzle. And the really cool thing is that all those things I believed about myself that was causing my anxiety were gone as soon as I basically accepted myself for who I really am. And I kinda dig my new view of me and its way less stressful'
What i discovered about myself isn't important. It is different and personal to all of us here.
I suppose what helped me get where I am is, as close minded as I was about what I believed to be the truth about anxiety, I am grateful that I left the door just cracked enough to let some other opinions get in.
So....I was wrong. I am really glad I was. It will never happen again, I assure you
Thanks to those with differing opinions and keep doing what you do. They just might be the one to give you the golden ticket
End of Post ; )