A life of what ifs

[BrookeLynnnn]

My sister & I were home by ourselves earlier & she said she was gonna jump in the shower. I asked her to hurry. She says why, I'm right here? I tell her What if I panic while she's in the shower & then I'll have no one to take me to hospital. She says, is that how you live your life? On what ifs?

It made me sad. She wasn't meaning to be rude at all. But it made me sad because for the last 3-4 years, my life has been nothing but what ifs.. I'm not living my life. I'm hiding from it. Even when I'm on my meds, the what if thoughts still linger, just with no anxiety.

My point is, what a sad life. I'm wasting this precious time here by running everything around my anxiety..

[gypsylee]

My sister & I were home by ourselves earlier & she said she was gonna jump in the shower. I asked her to hurry. She says why, I'm right here? I tell her What if I panic while she's in the shower & then I'll have no one to take me to hospital. She says, is that how you live your life? On what ifs?

It made me sad. She wasn't meaning to be rude at all. But it made me sad because for the last 3-4 years, my life has been nothing but what ifs.. I'm not living my life. I'm hiding from it. Even when I'm on my meds, the what if thoughts still linger, just with no anxiety.

My point is, what a sad life. I'm wasting this precious time here by running everything around my anxiety..

Your sister makes a good point :) don't be sad - it's good to have it pointed out because then you can work on changing it. It's classic anxiety. My mother has lived her whole life asking "what if?" and will most likely die that way. You're young and can do something about it. CBT for example is designed specifically for this kind of thinking.

:)

[BrookeLynnnn]

Your sister makes a good point :) don't be sad - it's good to have it pointed out because then you can work on changing it. It's classic anxiety. My mother has lived her whole life asking "what if?" and will most likely die that way. You're young and can do something about it. CBT for example is designed specifically for this kind of thinking.

:)


That's sad :( I don't wanna live like this forever. & that's what I've always said. I watch my mom too who has anxiety but hers is health & anxiety over us kids. I told myself I would never let mine follow me into my adult life.. Thank God my mom has been to counseling & is on medication now.

What is the best way to learn CBT? I printed worksheets out weeks ago, never even looked at them again..

[gypsylee]

Probably with a therapist. Otherwise there are lots of books (and audiobooks if you're lazy like me lol). But a quick example would be: Your sister gets in the shower and you think "what if I have a panic attack and there's noone to take me to hospital?" Instead of that thought you try and change it to "my sister is in the shower, she will only be in there for five minutes, nothing bad is going to happen in that time". Also think about the worst case scenario.. like if you DO have a panic attack and need to go to hospital, it wouldn't take her very long to get out of the shower, get dressed and take you.

It's quite a long process and not something you can do overnight, but it's about gradually changing your dysfunctional thought processes. Anxious people have a lot of these thought patterns and feel like they can't change them (like my mum) but you actually can. The brain isn't set in stone and you can create new pathways, even after years and years of negative thinking. It just takes work and practice.

:)

[sae]

Probably with a therapist. Otherwise there are lots of books (and audiobooks if you're lazy like me lol). But a quick example would be: Your sister gets in the shower and you think "what if I have a panic attack and there's noone to take me to hospital?" Instead of that thought you try and change it to "my sister is in the shower, she will only be in there for five minutes, nothing bad is going to happen in that time". Also think about the worst case scenario.. like if you DO have a panic attack and need to go to hospital, it wouldn't take her very long to get out of the shower, get dressed and take you.

It's quite a long process and not something you can do overnight, but it's about gradually changing your dysfunctional thought processes. Anxious people have a lot of these thought patterns and feel like they can't change them (like my mum) but you actually can. The brain isn't set in stone and you can create new pathways, even after years and years of negative thinking. It just takes work and practice.

:)

I strongly agree with all of this. I challenge myself to find silver linings in even the scariest, crappiest situations. It feels silly at first, but in the grand scheme it's no sillier to constantly remind yourself of the impermanence of any given feeling than it is to dread the possibility of it.
I turn into theatrical WWE wrestler when I feel panic trying to crash the party. If I am alone I will actually say things out loud like "oh no you dont, panic, I will squash you brother SQUASH YOU LIKE A BUUUUGGGG!!" usually that gets me so weirded out but amused it redirects the panic back into reality. You laugh now but when you start coaching yourself out loud you'll get a decent giggle out of it.

[gypsylee]

I strongly agree with all of this. I challenge myself to find silver linings in even the scariest, crappiest situations. It feels silly at first, but in the grand scheme it's no sillier to constantly remind yourself of the impermanence of any given feeling than it is to dread the possibility of it.
I turn into theatrical WWE wrestler when I feel panic trying to crash the party. If I am alone I will actually say things out loud like "oh no you dont, panic, I will squash you brother SQUASH YOU LIKE A BUUUUGGGG!!" usually that gets me so weirded out but amused it redirects the panic back into reality. You laugh now but when you start coaching yourself out loud you'll get a decent giggle out of it.

LOL. You do feel silly having to examine your thoughts but yes it's better than letting them fester and do what they want your whole life.

[FreeButterfly70]

My sister & I were home by ourselves earlier & she said she was gonna jump in the shower. I asked her to hurry. She says why, I'm right here? I tell her What if I panic while she's in the shower & then I'll have no one to take me to hospital. She says, is that how you live your life? On what ifs?

It made me sad. She wasn't meaning to be rude at all. But it made me sad because for the last 3-4 years, my life has been nothing but what ifs.. I'm not living my life. I'm hiding from it. Even when I'm on my meds, the what if thoughts still linger, just with no anxiety.

My point is, what a sad life. I'm wasting this precious time here by running everything around my anxiety..

I do this too and know the frustration. I like Kierkegaard's quote "Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are." It is sad to spend time with those "What ifs" but not wasteful if we recognize what we're doing and let the sadness work for us in efforts to change.

sae - I like your fighting words!

gypsylee - great suggestions I need to remember. I have lazy times when I don't want to put the effort into constructing the pathways and then I end up feeling worse.

Glad I just found this forum and hope it continues to be helpful to you, too, BrookeLynnnn!

[Kuma]

Probably with a therapist. Otherwise there are lots of books (and audiobooks if you're lazy like me lol). But a quick example would be: Your sister gets in the shower and you think "what if I have a panic attack and there's noone to take me to hospital?" Instead of that thought you try and change it to "my sister is in the shower, she will only be in there for five minutes, nothing bad is going to happen in that time". Also think about the worst case scenario.. like if you DO have a panic attack and need to go to hospital, it wouldn't take her very long to get out of the shower, get dressed and take you.

It's quite a long process and not something you can do overnight, but it's about gradually changing your dysfunctional thought processes. Anxious people have a lot of these thought patterns and feel like they can't change them (like my mum) but you actually can. The brain isn't set in stone and you can create new pathways, even after years and years of negative thinking. It just takes work and practice.

:)

This is a really good description of CBT. The one thing I will add is it works better if you are very motivated to change, willing to put in some effort, and prepared to push beyond your comfort zone, in order to do it. CBT is certainly not a spectator sport. But it is really effective and typically relatively short term, compared to some other forms of psychotherapy. There are people who manage this with just a book, but I think working with a therapist who is very experienced in CBT is a better approach.

To build on Gyp's example: You worry "what if I need to go to the hospital during those ten minutes, and she is too wet to drive me?" But think about this: You are healthy. You have not had to go to the hospital for any reason in a long time. The odds that you will need to go to the hospital within the next ten minutes are probably one in a hundred million. Less than the odds that you will get struck by lightening or get eaten by the neighbor's dog. So why are you worrying about something that is very, very, very unlikely -- when you don't worry about other things that are so unlikely, like having a passenger plane crash through your roof or a bear escape from the zoo and eat you. You need to try to force yourself to evaluate risk in a more accurate way, and that will reduce your fears.