new here. have fear of dying

[tbh8644]

hi. i will give a brief history first. my name is timmy i'm 29 years old and had my first bout with depression when i was around 21 and my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. i also then started getting some pretty horrible panic attacks due to my fear of dying. they'd always happen when i am in the shower. no idea but it's just like BOOM. and goes away 15 seconds later. i had them under control (zoloft/xanax) for a few years until i moved to los angeles and no longer had my doctor. i then stopped taking my meds and haven't since. the reason why i'm not now is because i'm still trying to find a psychiatrist that will take a new patient. in 2006 i also lost my brother to a drug overdose. so i have a feeling that the premature death of my brother and mom is having a big effect on me. i'm sure there are others with the same issue so i welcome all the help you can give!

[bba]

i am the opposite extreme of you. i have no fear of dying. but thats because i believe when i die all this pain goes away and i will feel good for once. so you must fear dying because of what you think will happen after you die. do you think you will just disappear and not exist? my sister is afraid to die because she thinks this will happen.

[captainjames]

I have a death fetish too. Consumes me 24/7.

Life is PAIN, no doubt about it. I've yet to experince your experience as of YET, but I will.

Here's the deal. If you base a relationship souly on the physical, you'll be pursuaded into thinking that the 5 senses is all there is. Not true.

Here's an experiment where you can be with your brother and mom.

You have to meditate though. Sit quietly, put ear plugs in and breathe deep. Inhale, hold for 5, exhale hold for 5. Don't worry about not thinking. Instead imagine the feeling that your brother has and the feeling your mother has. This is separate and non physical.

However, why is it that you can actually feel the presence? Meaning you instantly think of your mom, say and you feel the feeling of her. This is teh soul, not physical. She's always with you, it's a matter of you believing this and casting the relationship upon new terms.

This society has us so frign scared of death it's ridiculous. In other societies, people do not fear death because they have a different belief system.

Here's another tip. If you believe in God and believe that you are part of God, you should also ask the question of whether God fears anything. This is profound if you think about it.

I suffer too from anxiety and death worries. Why? Because I believe with death that I'm not going to have something I need. However if one needs nothing, then one has no fear of anything. Ask yourself what you really need.

My anxiety and fear went away for years through daily meditation. I had a baby and stopped and went back downhill again. I asked God to show me his presence and he spoke to me not in words but through signs. I saw the signs BELIEVE everywhere I went. Completely forgettng about them after the initial prayer or whatever you want to call it. I would see the word BELIEVE in random places and suddenly it was not just a word, but a powerful wave of dizziness and tingling that came over me.

Now it took months for my STUPID FRIGN RATIONAL MIND to actually say, ok, maybe this is God speaking to me. But the whole point is this. I can actually choose to believe it is God or not. God is not going to force anything. I asked and he showed. The rest is up to me.

So I would advise sitting down and formulating a belief system and writing it out and meditating on it daily. Carry a note card with you and always have it in your mind.

Now if all your thinking about is death, all your going to be thinking about is death and all your going to be thinking about is death. Death is life and life is death. Your not completely in control and that is scary, I know. I'm a control freak, you have to let go. This is my major problem as well. I'm fearful of separation from loved ones and memory erased and put back in another body only to forget those I've loved in this life. That's my #1 fear and a big one.

However who ever told me that this was the case, that they would be gone? Bullsh*t I say. I formed this belief by reading the BS in some boooks about reincarnation.

Here's another tip. Nobody knows anything about anything. Be firm in that belief and realize that the more you read and bounce back and forth between belief systems, the more your going to be confused. Stand firm once you've developed your beiefs.

Belief is the most powerful thing in the universe. Even Jesus said to his followers, "you can do as I do and better, but choose not to because you do not believe"

Here's another fascinating quote by JC.

Have you discovered then, the beginning, that you look for the end? For where the beginning be, the end also be. Blessed he who take his place in the beginning, for he shall know the end and not experience death.

This basically means that time is an illusion and there is no death. Think about right now, that's all there is. There is no death 20 years from now or whatever. If your body dies, it always dies now. 20 years is an illusion based on clocks and calendars. Man made things. Man knows little or nothing about time. Take the time to be in the present at all times. How do I feel right now.

How do my feet feel walking on this surface. How does the water feel going down my throat. All these are techniques to bring us back to the present. Practice them and fear not my friend. We're all going to the same place with you.

Kevin

[albertascott]

I can honestly say I have no fear of dying. Because I know that there is an eternal life after death. There is heaven and there is hell. Jesus Christ has paid your way that you dont have to fear death. Just pray and ask Him to come into your life.

[tbh8644]

thanks for replying it means a lot. im going to try to just let it all flow and see if it makes sense. im scared of dying because i'm scared of how it will feel, im scared of the fact that ill be taken too early like my mom and brother and leave people behind, i love life and want to keep what i have, i don't want to be one of those people you hear getting hit by a tire that flys off a truck and kills someone, etc... i feel like if i live to 80 etc... i'll understand but i just don't right now. there are millions of people that never think about it but it's like when i wake up it's the first thing on my mind and the last to leave me. i'm not particularly religious. maybe i should open up a little. i'm not sure. another thing that is worrying me is that i used to drink to have fun. go to a party drink with your friends go home go to bed... the end. now it's turning to oh its sunday gotta go out and drink. oh its monday gotta drink. oh its tuesday gotta go drink... tuesday gotta go out and drink. my brother started as an alcoholic and ended as a drug addict. i'll never ever ever ever touch drugs but it seems like drinking hides the issues but doesnt solve the problem. and i will not attend aa. it's kind of a personal reason. my brother went through all of that and failed plus i'm one of those people that needs a one on one experience. yes i know people go through the same thing but everyone is different. losing your mother and brother in two years is one of the most sucky things that you can image. my father is loving but the kind of guy that says "we have to move on". sometimes you can't just move on. i hope more people add their insight to this thread because it really does help. you feel like you're the only one out there thinking about it when there are a ton of people. everyone always says to look for anxiety support groups and now i know why. i'm very grateful for you all taking the time to respond. thank you.

ps. this may not mean a lot to people but i'm crying for the first time since my brother passes away in december '06. it's like where the hell did that come from.

[captainjames]

Alchohol does nothing for you. NOTHING. Now, I do drink 1 beer if I'm having a bad panic attack. But as far as feeding depression, the number 1 food for it is alchohol.

You want to help yourself, fix the problem. Don't band aid it with alchohol. You must go to the core of the problem and peel the layers off, one by one. Do it now, or do it in 20 years, doesn't matter, eventually you will have to face yourself.

In essence, your hiding from yourself because your trying to understand something you can not. Now if it were up to your brother and mother, they would want you to live. I guarantee they would say that they are fine and would want you to be happy. Guaranteed. You've got to try the exercize I mentioned. Energy is the soul and not physical.

You can call upon your bro and mon in an instance and be within their presence, but not in a panic state of mind or by drowning your problems in booze. Booze does nothing. You'd be far better off to take a hit of weed and do some deep breathing and ask God for guidance. Religion is not God. God is not housed in a white building, nor do you have to go there to speak to him. He will not speak in words to you, but symbols, but you must have 100% unquestionable faith.

You must have 100% belief in that there is good reason your brother and mother went home early. Yes, home. This is not home. We seem to forget this, as we have to, to survive in the physical. But on the other side, we realize that this was just a sort of vacation if you will to express ourselves and work out dramas and whatnot in the physical form.

Write down the way you think about life and analyze it. DO IT. Don't be lazy. If you are lazy it basically means you are at peace with your current self. By writing down, the subconscious takes over and often times the true feelings come out. Analyze them and change an aspect of each thing into a positive one and meditate on it in the 3rd person and then in the first person and come back, open your eyes with a smile on your face.

The one you felt in the first person was you, in a sort of preincarnate state. You must live in the present and embody that state imagined in physical form for it to take expression in your life and will take time. Don't go looking for it. Just do what I said and one day suddenly you'll think back to when you put up all these posts about death and laugh as so much time went by and you forgot.

There is no time, there is only the moment now, and only you have the power to fix you. ONLY YOU. You are 100% responsible for everything you have in your life. If you don't feel 100% responsible, you are giving your personal power away to external things, people, places, events and circumstances. It takes a firm mind to do and follow what I'm saying and a mind can not accomplish this while intoxicated in a clowded mind.

You may feel great for a moment on the booze, but your only temporarily ridding the problem. You'll feel worse when you come to. Trust me, I've been there.

[bba]

hey tbh-

you definitely are not the only person thinking about dying. i think about it all the time. my dad died 10 years ago and you know what-im still not over it. people tell me all the time, just put it behind you, move on. na. i also had a friend die when i was 7. im still not over that.

i can understand why you would be afraid of the pain of dying. after talking to people who are afraid to die, i realized this is what they are really afraid of. that an the uncertainty of what comes. I also am fearful of pain. Let me share with you a dream i had. it involved one of my worst fears-dying by drowning:

I dreamt that a huge tidal wave was coming. I was running down a canyon and had no where to go. I was watching as the huge wave came crashing towards me. Then my worst fear-it hit me. The wave came crashing down on me. I was smashed to the floor. It was painful. It did hurt. But then, all was calm. I stood up. I felt no pain. The pain of the moment before was gone. The waters were smooth and the canyon was beautiful. All was calm. I was in heaven.

So you see it could possibly be painful. But it will be over. it will not last forever. you will not have to feel it forever. It will be but a moment and you will be ok.

As for the death of your mom and brother, never stop talking about it. dont listen to anyone that tells you to just move on. grieving is a long, long process but dont avoid how you feel. let yourself feel it, experience it, but keep going. things will get better over time.

[tbh8644]

thank you thank you and thank you again. after finishing a bottle of vodka last night i decided this is the day i'm kicking that crap to the curb. and i don't think it does much to help my anxiety except making it worse. you guys are a great help!

[captainjames]

Alcohol is sh*t and ruins peoples lives. Now having a glass of wine amongst friends is one thing, but who drinks 1 beer? I've seen so many horror shows with alcohol it's not funny. Luckily I've never enjoyed the buzz.

There are certain amino acids that can help you with anxiety that I've been having great luck with.

[tbh8644]

thanks for being so supportive. what amino acids have you had luck with?

[captainjames]

go download the book here.

w w w dot thewayup dot com

Long story short.

500-3500 mg tyrosine in the AM

Bcomplex and multivitamin with breakfast

500-3500 mg tyrosine in the afternoon (or DLPA)

Bcomplex and multivitamin with dinner.

500-6000mg tryptophan bedtime.

6000mg is nuts. Different brands work different. Be careful. Start with 1000 and see what happens. I took 2000mg the other night and was getting brain zaps, like when reality just stops for a second every 30 seconds. I had to drink a beer and walk for an hour at 1am to calm myself down.

I threw that stuff out and got vitamin shoppe l-tryptophan 500mg, and last night took 1500mg with a little food as it screws my stomach up if taken on empty stomach. BE CAREFUL. Don't take this stuff if your on an SSRI. I refuse to take SSRI's so I'm experimenting.

I'm now trying 5-htp as it's not affected by protein in food, as is L-tryptophan.

L-tryptophan is a precursor to 5-htp. 5-htp goes directly to the brain as mentioned. L-tryptophan if taken with say a chicken dinner, is not going to work as it will be rendered useless by the protein in the chicken. So empty stomach or LIGHT snack is key.

Have fun, be careful SCREW PROZAC and all the other soul - robbing SSRI's

Kevin

[Punk Rock Steve]

Timmy....I too have a fear of dying and I do believe in a Higher Power, who I choose to call God. Not sure whether I fear the fact that while I believe in God, I'm still believing that maybe I'm wrong and there's nothing after this...that thought alone gives me the biggest pit in my stomach. Like someone else mentioned, I also don't want to think that I'm going to become a new person and forget who I was. I'm way older than you, 54 years old, and because I'm heading into the later innings of the game of life now, it's getting worse. I also fear falling asleep because I fear that I won't wake up in the morning...it sucks, but so far I still have been opening my eyes in the morning :) I also am a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for close to 8 years now. I used to blot out my anxiety and my fears by drinking and drinking and drinking, till in the last few years or so the booze no longer had the calming effect it used to and was now actually adding to my anxiety. I'm not going to preach to you, but if you're drinking every day, not only will your drinking get worse, but your fears and anxiety/panic episodes will as well. I'm lucky to be alive today and while I do spend a lot of time obsessing about my anxiety issues, it's still way better than the alternative. And Kevin, I want to thank you for the stuff you wrote...it has me thinking in a more positive way about this fear of dying I have. You really said a lot of good things that I really need to have bounce around in my head for a while. Hang in there Timmy and keep listening to and thinking about what's been said in this thread. Feel free to send me a private message should you want to talk more about the drinking (and your anxiety, of course)