Not anxiety, just need to vent some anger

[gadguy]

I grew up in the shadow of my " perfect " brothers. Everything they were I was not. This has always contributed to my anxiety and feelings of inferiority, I know now that I am just as good and definitely a better person than any of them.

They are short tempered, hot headed, hurtful, and have anger management issues, some how through charm and good looks they were popular.

One has a daughter that is a very sweet loving child, probably only one of two people who love me unconditionally, her dad my brother engages his mouth without thinking and over reacts to everything, he had her to point of crying yesterday, due to his foul hateful mouth, fortunately I was not there. I would have lost it. I spend very little time with my brothers I don't need them in my life.

I am just so angry at him for doing this, also angry with my parents who could be quite hurtful with their words when I was a child, fortunately I have not been able to see any of them today, because I really don't think I could hold my tongue today.

Also angry with god, how could he let my ahole brother marry and have kids...he is so undeserving.

I'm still working through answers, but to consumed with anger at the moment.... Just want to cry

[gypsylee]

I grew up in the shadow of my " perfect " brothers. Everything they were I was not. This has always contributed to my anxiety and feelings of inferiority, I know now that I am just as good and definitely a better person than any of them.

They are short tempered, hot headed, hurtful, and have anger management issues, some how through charm and good looks they were popular.

One has a daughter that is a very sweet loving child, probably only one of two people who love me unconditionally, her dad my brother engages his mouth without thinking and over reacts to everything, he had her to point of crying yesterday, due to his foul hateful mouth, fortunately I was not there. I would have lost it. I spend very little time with my brothers I don't need them in my life.

I am just so angry at him for doing this, also angry with my parents who could be quite hurtful with their words when I was a child, fortunately I have not been able to see any of them today, because I really don't think I could hold my tongue today.

Also angry with god, how could he let my ahole brother marry and have kids...he is so undeserving.

I'm still working through answers, but to consumed with anger at the moment.... Just want to cry

Maybe you should just cry then? It's good for you. I've cried so much in my life because of anger. It's much healthier than bottling it up.

Hope you feel better soon :)

[gadguy]

Maybe you should just cry then? It's good for you. I've cried so much in my life because of anger. It's much healthier than bottling it up.

Hope you feel better soon :)

I did and felt better, I just want to make sure she has a happy childhood and does not come damaged as an adult or act out the older she gets. I found out about this incident from a second party. No one tells me anything, I called my mother to find out, and got details. Any way got another call from mom last night right after I posted, said everything is alright, they like to brush things under the rug, we are a no drama family although I think some drama is what we need, moms main concern was what my friend told me strictly out of concern for my niece. We must keep up appearances. My only concern is my nieces well being and that she have a good life thats it...sometimes she is the only reason I get up and go another day, I cant do anything that would hurt her.

Anyway extremely frustrated with family..now I have got to get them together for a mile stone birthday Birthday celebration, if I don't do it, it want happen and if it does not happen it will be my fault, the "bad" son ( get real). Also not to mention I will foot the bill, brothers never layout a dime for anything they come as guest and act like it. I am so tired of dealing with these people, and doing what is expected/required of me..despite the fact I am often forgotten about.

Sometimes being forgotten about is its on blessing.


Ok I am done ranting and feel better now....now time to plan a party.

[Im-Suffering]

Lets break down your post (eliminate the fluff) - Bullet points




I just want to make sure she has a happy childhood and does not come damaged as an adult. (rather, she does not wind up like me)

No one tells me anything

they like to brush things under the rug

We must keep up appearances.

the "bad" son

All of these points add up to a psychological evaluation - you don't like yourself (the interplay with family and the dynamics)




Just a minute .......

Gather your footing..

You don't have to do anything to 'escape' the stigma of the bad son. Or to try and make amends for selfs deficiency in some manner by martyring self. The same anxious undertones are here and the events with the friends girl. Make the connection. Now, understand you cannot truly save anyone who does not want to be saved. You cannot deny anyones experience, no matter your value judgments.

You cry not for them, but for you, and if you were honest with self, those tears would not be frivolous but lead you to emotional freedom and a sense of self worth unattached to any family member (anyone) or their happiness. You must be happy first ! How arrogant to think you can be of any benefit with a plank in your own eye !

Let the tears lead you to your own development, rather than lament over others experiences, or who they are being, what they are doing is of no consequence !! LISTEN !

What is in self, who am I? What am I doing, being? A 'natural' cry or similar expression (even fear or anxiety) is meant to draw you into self, period. To reveal the reason in self, for such an explosive emotional release. Your beliefs that need examining, your ideas, your expectations, your self appraisal, and change self !

That is all for now. You know I am fond of you.

[jessed03]

Now, understand you cannot truly save anyone who does not want to be saved. You cannot deny anyones experience, no matter your value judgments.

Correct, except for a few details. One of which I've highlighted above. Listen carefully and please read this post to the end. It's for your own good.

The unblemishable self needs no saving. The human being, the organism so to speak, is an unenlightened, dying body of mass. This being is searching for itself and is using all types of behavior to do this. This may be seen as dysfunctional behavior by those such as yourself and the original poster. This belief is incorrect.

The self is having an experience through the body of any given person. This person needs to live as they may so that they can eventually see the error of their belief structure, and change it to a belief system that understands who and what it is. Are you following me? Because of this, a person can be lost and found at the same time.

Because the self is the self, telling the original poster that somebody is unwilling to be saved is incorrect and comes from your own incorrect beliefs.

What you are correct about, however, is encouraging the original poster of this thread to love himself first. You cannot love your neighbour, in fact, until you first love yourself. You see, if you don't learn to love yourself and understand what you are, you cannot love another fully celebrating them for what they truly are. Do you understand?

This is all I have for both of you now. This has been a very good post.

[gypsylee]

Correct, except for a few details. One of which I've highlighted above. Listen carefully and please read this post to the end. It's for your own good.

The unblemishable self needs no saving. The human being, the organism so to speak, is an unenlightened, dying body of mass. This being is searching for itself and is using all types of behavior to do this. This may be seen as dysfunctional behavior by those such as yourself and the original poster. This belief is incorrect.

The self is having an experience through the body of any given person. This person needs to live as they may so that they can eventually see the error of their belief structure, and change it to a belief system that understands who and what it is. Are you following me? Because of this, a person can be lost and found at the same time.

Because the self is the self, telling the original poster that somebody is unwilling to be saved is incorrect and comes from your own incorrect beliefs.

What you are correct about, however, is encouraging the original poster of this thread to love himself first. You cannot love your neighbour, in fact, until you first love yourself. You see, if you don't learn to love yourself and understand what you are, you cannot love another fully celebrating them for what they truly are. Do you understand?

This is all I have for both of you now. This has been a very good post.

I don't appreciate it when I take time out of my day to give people good advice and others come along posting nonsense! I'm going to have to PM the OP now.

[jessed03]

I don't appreciate it when I take time out of my day to give people good advice and others come along posting nonsense! I'm going to have to PM the OP now.

“There is no effect in the exterior world that does not spring from an inner source."

When you are ready to learn a lesson, when anger and ego stop clouding your vision, when you can connect with the identity which is the self and not the identity of the guru, my words will finally be understood by you. Then they will be appreciated.

This is all for now. I am leaving this chain of discussion entirely. I will not reply to anything more on this subject until growth has been made.

[FrederickMorone]

“There is no effect in the exterior world that does not spring from an inner source."

When you are ready to learn a lesson, when anger and ego stop clouding your vision, when you can connect with the identity which is the self and not the identity of the guru, my words will finally be understood by you. Then they will be appreciated.

This is all for now. I am leaving this chain of discussion entirely. I will not reply to anything more on this subject until growth has been made.

It made sense to me. Thank you very much.

[gypsylee]

Ok sorry jesse, I had a bit of an anger fit there :(

[gypsylee]

I just had a bad moment. I didn't really think jesse's post was nonsense; just targeted anyone. Sorry!

[gadguy]

Thanx Guys this is a lot to take in, I like to think of myself as well-read and somewhat intelligent...but some of this is over my head, I will have do some more dissecting tonight when I get home. Thanx again.

[sae]

My thoughts for OP are as follows (oh Lord, there goes sae... thinkin' again). My family and I had been in centention for a while. My parents are amazing but my sister and her family can sometimes be real pains in my ass.
Growing up she was the pretty one, doted on because she was small and charismatic. I grew up envious of her social skill set and angry because she was an emotional monster when no one was around. She had to be the best, the most liked, and I stepped aside and allowed it because it made her happy to be in the spotlight.
We grew up, got married, and she proved herself the fortunate one. She married a man that worships the ground she walks on, never gained a pound, had a couple great kids. I, on the other hand, married a real douchebag, still had a great kid, and we'll let's just say I gained a bit of weight in my old age.
She still remains the golden child, I get alot of ribbing for letting my health decline, my weight get away from me, even the occasional dead husband joke.

Where am I going with this? Oh right.

A little bit of anger is a healthy thing (shh don't tell anyone I said that.) Sometimes anger is the push you need to set boundaries with other people. Anger in itself is not a negative behavior, rather what you do with it determines whether it is right or wrong.
I have had to sit my sister down and explain there are certain boundaries I expect to be respected, no more dead dad jokes around my kid, no more telling your kids if they eat too much they will wind up like "aunt crazy ". Oh and BTW "aunt crazy" kinda isn't cool either. I did this with a level head, asserting my boundaries without yelling or acting out. Sure she was plenty butt hurt about for a while, but she eventually got over herself and we get along alright these days.
Life sometimes hands you a shit hand. You are never going to be your brothers, you are going to be you. I think that's pretty neat. In a way you've one upped them without even realizing it. You've had struggles they may never experience, and learned things about yourself and the world they will never get to. In this you already know you appreciate the value in things they seem not to. These are the things you can pass along to your niece, a unique world view she may never get to see on her own.
Take.your struggles and own them. Be angry and metabolize it into something useful for yourself and those around you. Shine the way only you can and don't be afraid to draw those boundaries.

Hope this helps.

[jessed03]

I just had a bad moment. I didn't really think jesse's post was nonsense; just targeted anyone. Sorry!

Congrats on reaching 1000 posts.

[gypsylee]

Congrats on reaching 1000 posts.

Oh well that was a monumental 1000th post lol. I'm oblivious to the number of posts because I mostly use the app. So I get to go to the Hannah Montana DVD night now!

;)

[jessed03]

Oh well that was a monumental 1000th post lol. I'm oblivious to the number of posts because I mostly use the app. So I get to go to the Hannah Montana DVD night now!

;)

You get what you concentrate upon. There is no other main rule.

As far as your postings here are concerned, ensure you always post in order to help your fellow beings shed the burden of suffering. Do not post here for validation purposes, for that strengthens the ego. While you strengthen the ego and allow it to nourish itself daily, your ability to connect with dimensions not yet perceived by you will diminish. This is important.

The ego likes to slip in through the back door, so to speak. When one believes themselves to be enlightened - a teacher of sorts - this belief acts as a blanket, blinding them to their ego's activities behind the scenes.

The true teacher is humble and ready to let go of their identity as a teacher at any moment. They are humble because they know their words are not their own, but rather the physical manifestations of the self's ultimate wisdom. When the teacher is unable to let their role go, they are no teacher, merely somebody flirting with the idea of wisdom. Their study will not be complete until the nature of the ego is fully understood.

Read this post as many times as you need to.

[gypsylee]

You get what you concentrate upon. There is no other main rule.

As far as your postings here are concerned, ensure you always post in order to help your fellow beings shed the burden of suffering. Do not post here for validation purposes, for that strengthens the ego. While you strengthen the ego and allow it to nourish itself daily, your ability to connect with dimensions not yet perceived by you will diminish. This is important.

The ego likes to slip in through the back door, so to speak. When one believes themselves unenlightened - a teacher of sorts - this belief acts as a blanket, blinding them to their ego's activities behind the scenes.

The true teacher is humble and ready to let go of their identity as a teacher at any moment. They are humble because they know their words are not their own, but rather the physical manifestations of the self's ultimate wisdom. When the teacher is unable to let their role go, they are no teacher, merely somebody flirting with the idea of wisdom. Their study will not be complete until the nature of the ego is fully understood.

Read this post as many times as you need to.

Does that mean I can come to the video night or not?