Need some advice on dealing with anxiety about an ex

[Lilliebelle89]

Hi guys sorry in advance this might be long! So the past two days I have bumped into my ex of two years and it has really affected me and I am trying to understand why. Basically two years ago I ended our relationship. I was still in love with him and it was so hard and triggered my anxiety to come back quite badly. He changed towards the end of the relationship, pulling away, saying he was depressed, basically made me feel so insecure and like he had met someone even though he would never admit that. Anyway I see him out last night with his girlfriend and it really hurt. I wonder how they have stayed together, does he not treat her like that? It also has bought up questions that were never answered. Such as did he cheat on me with her? Why if he cheated did he keep me around and then beg for me back and went to so much effort? I also found out I was pregnant whilst we was split up and he begged me to keep the baby and make a go of things and it seemed genuine. I did try because despite hating him for treating me how he did I also still loved him. I found it so hard to trust him after he had hurt me by pulling away and the lies. He would lie about silly things like saying he never spoke to a girl mate of his yet on his call log he had called her many times. The girl said it was innocent but so many lies like this made me feel so anxious and unsure and really unsettled me as a person. I didn't go through with the pregnancy which was one of the hardest things ive ever had to do and I knew there was no way I could go back with him. I feel like he put me through hell at that point I was at Rock bottom and completely messed with my head (and I know he did this to another ex too) yet now he is with this new girlfriend they look happy and I feel hurt by this? I hate feelings. These are the stupid thoughts in my head. When will these feelings go away? I want to be able to see him and feel nothing. I didn't show I was hurt. My friends said I looked really good as I have lost weight and a new hairstyle etc but why do I still care? And I feel like I want answers again like why did he pull away? Was he cheating? Was he just depressed? Why beg for me back if he had cheated? He obviously liked this girl he was 'cheating' with as he is with her almost two years later.

I haven't met any nice guys who I have a connection with since we split up as finding a genuine guy is really hard these days and I guess that makes it worse too. I remember my first love I got over him properly when I got feelings for my recent ex. So I guess when I meet someone who treats me better I won't have these thoughts?

I just wish I didn't feel anxious and its playing on my mind. I feel so emotional and I can't explain why.Even before he pulled away there were issues such as lies and letting me down, testing me or messing me around.

Sorry for the long post. It feels a bit better to get these thoughts out of my head as they are just racing round and round.

Do you think I may have deeper issues? Is it normal to be emotional like this almost 2 years later? I can't control it and its hard to understand. I wish I knew the real reasons he did what he did then I could at least feel closure. If he cheated then begged for me back why? I don't get that! And now his with that girl. I know he might be narcissistic as he admited he was having therapy for issues. I just feel like by now I should be able to see him and feel indifferent. And the thought of him knowing I still care is my worse nightmare because he is clearly very happy.

Thanks for reading. If I didn't have feelings I would be able to see this rationally so I would appreciate someone who doesn't have my stupid emotions right now help me see sense. I feel so anxious and alone ...

[gypsylee]

Hi guys sorry in advance this might be long! So the past two days I have bumped into my ex of two years and it has really affected me and I am trying to understand why. Basically two years ago I ended our relationship. I was still in love with him and it was so hard and triggered my anxiety to come back quite badly. He changed towards the end of the relationship, pulling away, saying he was depressed, basically made me feel so insecure and like he had met someone even though he would never admit that. Anyway I see him out last night with his girlfriend and it really hurt. I wonder how they have stayed together, does he not treat her like that? It also has bought up questions that were never answered. Such as did he cheat on me with her? Why if he cheated did he keep me around and then beg for me back and went to so much effort? I also found out I was pregnant whilst we was split up and he begged me to keep the baby and make a go of things and it seemed genuine. I did try because despite hating him for treating me how he did I also still loved him. I found it so hard to trust him after he had hurt me by pulling away and the lies. He would lie about silly things like saying he never spoke to a girl mate of his yet on his call log he had called her many times. The girl said it was innocent but so many lies like this made me feel so anxious and unsure and really unsettled me as a person. I didn't go through with the pregnancy which was one of the hardest things ive ever had to do and I knew there was no way I could go back with him. I feel like he put me through hell at that point I was at Rock bottom and completely messed with my head (and I know he did this to another ex too) yet now he is with this new girlfriend they look happy and I feel hurt by this? I hate feelings. These are the stupid thoughts in my head. When will these feelings go away? I want to be able to see him and feel nothing. I didn't show I was hurt. My friends said I looked really good as I have lost weight and a new hairstyle etc but why do I still care? And I feel like I want answers again like why did he pull away? Was he cheating? Was he just depressed? Why beg for me back if he had cheated? He obviously liked this girl he was 'cheating' with as he is with her almost two years later.

I haven't met any nice guys who I have a connection with since we split up as finding a genuine guy is really hard these days and I guess that makes it worse too. I remember my first love I got over him properly when I got feelings for my recent ex. So I guess when I meet someone who treats me better I won't have these thoughts?

I just wish I didn't feel anxious and its playing on my mind. I feel so emotional and I can't explain why.Even before he pulled away there were issues such as lies and letting me down, testing me or messing me around.

Sorry for the long post. It feels a bit better to get these thoughts out of my head as they are just racing round and round.

Do you think I may have deeper issues? Is it normal to be emotional like this almost 2 years later? I can't control it and its hard to understand. I wish I knew the real reasons he did what he did then I could at least feel closure. If he cheated then begged for me back why? I don't get that! And now his with that girl. I know he might be narcissistic as he admited he was having therapy for issues. I just feel like by now I should be able to see him and feel indifferent. And the thought of him knowing I still care is my worse nightmare because he is clearly very happy.

Thanks for reading. If I didn't have feelings I would be able to see this rationally so I would appreciate someone who doesn't have my stupid emotions right now help me see sense. I feel so anxious and alone ...

Hey,

I think it's quite normal to feel like that about exes. I sometimes check out what mine are up to on Facebook (yes I'm a FB stalker lol) and even though I wouldn't get back together with them if you paid me, I get annoyed that they're in long-term relationships. It makes me question why I couldn't put up with these guys but other women can haha. I rationally know the answer to this - I'm more independent and less desperate to be with a guy lol - but I still feel inadequate in some way. I don't feel bad for very long but I do think it's totally normal to question things when you see an ex happy with someone else. It just means you're human really.

:)

[frs31]

Hi guys sorry in advance this might be long! So the past two days I have bumped into my ex of two years and it has really affected me and I am trying to understand why. Basically two years ago I ended our relationship. I was still in love with him and it was so hard and triggered my anxiety to come back quite badly. He changed towards the end of the relationship, pulling away, saying he was depressed, basically made me feel so insecure and like he had met someone even though he would never admit that. Anyway I see him out last night with his girlfriend and it really hurt. I wonder how they have stayed together, does he not treat her like that? It also has bought up questions that were never answered. Such as did he cheat on me with her? Why if he cheated did he keep me around and then beg for me back and went to so much effort? I also found out I was pregnant whilst we was split up and he begged me to keep the baby and make a go of things and it seemed genuine. I did try because despite hating him for treating me how he did I also still loved him. I found it so hard to trust him after he had hurt me by pulling away and the lies. He would lie about silly things like saying he never spoke to a girl mate of his yet on his call log he had called her many times. The girl said it was innocent but so many lies like this made me feel so anxious and unsure and really unsettled me as a person. I didn't go through with the pregnancy which was one of the hardest things ive ever had to do and I knew there was no way I could go back with him. I feel like he put me through hell at that point I was at Rock bottom and completely messed with my head (and I know he did this to another ex too) yet now he is with this new girlfriend they look happy and I feel hurt by this? I hate feelings. These are the stupid thoughts in my head. When will these feelings go away? I want to be able to see him and feel nothing. I didn't show I was hurt. My friends said I looked really good as I have lost weight and a new hairstyle etc but why do I still care? And I feel like I want answers again like why did he pull away? Was he cheating? Was he just depressed? Why beg for me back if he had cheated? He obviously liked this girl he was 'cheating' with as he is with her almost two years later.

I haven't met any nice guys who I have a connection with since we split up as finding a genuine guy is really hard these days and I guess that makes it worse too. I remember my first love I got over him properly when I got feelings for my recent ex. So I guess when I meet someone who treats me better I won't have these thoughts?

I just wish I didn't feel anxious and its playing on my mind. I feel so emotional and I can't explain why.Even before he pulled away there were issues such as lies and letting me down, testing me or messing me around.

Sorry for the long post. It feels a bit better to get these thoughts out of my head as they are just racing round and round.

Do you think I may have deeper issues? Is it normal to be emotional like this almost 2 years later? I can't control it and its hard to understand. I wish I knew the real reasons he did what he did then I could at least feel closure. If he cheated then begged for me back why? I don't get that! And now his with that girl. I know he might be narcissistic as he admited he was having therapy for issues. I just feel like by now I should be able to see him and feel indifferent. And the thought of him knowing I still care is my worse nightmare because he is clearly very happy.

Thanks for reading. If I didn't have feelings I would be able to see this rationally so I would appreciate someone who doesn't have my stupid emotions right now help me see sense. I feel so anxious and alone ...


I had an issue with something similar to this after I broke up with my ex. Everywhere I went I dreaded I would see her there with another man, I wondered how I would feel, how I would react, and how anxious I would get that I would have to leave the situation. It's been about three years now and I believe time helped in my case. I don't think of her like I used to, and the thought of her being happy with another man doesn't bother me like it did right after our break up. However, I haven't dated or been with a woman since, I think that relationship made me realize that I'm not ready for a girlfriend, also, my anxiety never let me relax while I was with her. I didn't like being so anxious while we were together and maybe that's what dreads me to try and pursue another girl. Time will help, and exercise too, try new things you never thought about doing, take a walk and feel the sun on your skin. Things like that help me. All the best.

Randy