please read, in need of advice

[lazarus trench]

i'm not quite sure how to begin this, or where its going to end, but i wanted to tell someone how i feel, even if its just my computer screen. but where do i start?
I've been feeling afraid for a number of years now, i've tried to put it to the back of my mind and carry on with things but its only started to affect and twist my normal life. Im at a point now where i can barely step out side of my house without feeling it, and my friendships and relationships are suffering for it. sometimes i think the only thing keeping me alive is my fear of death. but if its such a dark and terrifying world as i believe it to be then what is that fear really protecting me from? I cant walk down the street where i've lived for most of my life without an indiscriminate anxiety rising in my chest, but if i stay in on my own then the panic attacks come, the pointlessness of existence, the futility of life just comes crashing in and im trying so hard to deal with it but i dont know how.
I should go to the doctor, i know that and should say now that i haven't yet but (guess what?) im scared. Im sorry if this sounds contrived i deliberated for about half an hour after the first paragraph and the rest is just as it comes. Like i said at the top, i just need some advice, maybe something to give me that final push to do something about it.
Thanks for reading.
L

[arbonb]

Everybody here knows exactly how you feel, we all feel the same, its okay to be afraid. Go see a doctor if you havent already, just so you know whats wrong with you, it will make you feel better. Listen to the doctor's diagnosis and then believe it. If he says you have anxiety, then think thats what youve got, nothing else, no brain tunour or cancer or anything else. you have to beleive in yourself, you are stronger than you think you are. But also beware of medication it's only a bandaid. you have to help yourself as well. Hope this helps.