It's Been a Two Years Now

[Zac Dibble]

It's been almost two years now, that I've been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder. However, I'm no closer to understanding how to make things easier. Apart from medication I have no sense of how to control it.
If it's a rainy, gloomy day I have panic attacks. If someone is sick, I have panic attacks. If I don't get enough sleep and I have minor seizures (epilepsy), I have panic attacks.
I've hit that point where I'm becoming increasingly frustrated because I can't control them, let alone my phobias, when I really need to.
Just yesterday, my co-worker decided to come into work after having the stomach flu over the weekend. My emetophobic nature instantly put me into a panic attack and I haven't been able to work even half as well as I usually do; it just sits on the back of my mind and won't go away.
I mean it's one thing to accept that I have the disorder, but I have no idea how to tame it and calm down. Ever.

I figured that maybe some people on here could help by sharing what helps them. Because frankly, I am going insane by constantly worrying about every facet of my life unintentionally. Even more so when little things like gloomy weather can cause me to be anxious.

[Chauntecler]

Anytime I get that familiar feeling that a panic attack is coming, I see what I'm doing and figure out what's causing it, then talk myself down and make a change or something to get myself right. It's a difficult one to answer.

[gypsylee]

It's been almost two years now, that I've been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder. However, I'm no closer to understanding how to make things easier. Apart from medication I have no sense of how to control it.
If it's a rainy, gloomy day I have panic attacks. If someone is sick, I have panic attacks. If I don't get enough sleep and I have minor seizures (epilepsy), I have panic attacks.
I've hit that point where I'm becoming increasingly frustrated because I can't control them, let alone my phobias, when I really need to.
Just yesterday, my co-worker decided to come into work after having the stomach flu over the weekend. My emetophobic nature instantly put me into a panic attack and I haven't been able to work even half as well as I usually do; it just sits on the back of my mind and won't go away.
I mean it's one thing to accept that I have the disorder, but I have no idea how to tame it and calm down. Ever.

I figured that maybe some people on here could help by sharing what helps them. Because frankly, I am going insane by constantly worrying about every facet of my life unintentionally. Even more so when little things like gloomy weather can cause me to be anxious.

Hi Zac, sorry you're having such a hard time, anxiety can be a nightmare.

Ok here's what's helped me:

--SSRIs
--Sobriety (I used alcohol and benzos to cope for a long time)
--Facing fears, pushing myself and going out of my comfort zone
--Exercise, learning to breathe correctly (diaphragmatic breathing) and understanding how the nervous system works
--Reading about Mindfulness (books like "The Power of Now" and Buddhist philosophy)
--Talking to others eg. this forum!

I'm still not anxiety-free but I'm a hell of a lot better. It's been over 20 years since I had my first nervous breakdown (and I was anxious long before that). So it's understandable that you are still struggling after two years.

If I were you I'd start by researching the physical side of anxiety disorder because this is something I wish I'd known long ago. Very basically, anxiety disorders are the flight or fight mechanism gone haywire. That's why things like correct breathing and physical exercise are so important.

Anyway I hope that gives you some ideas :)

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[Zac Dibble]

Anytime I get that familiar feeling that a panic attack is coming, I see what I'm doing and figure out what's causing it, then talk myself down and make a change or something to get myself right. It's a difficult one to answer.

First of all, I love your profile picture. I'm a huge Baldur's Gate fan and he is definitely a character I can quote: "Make way evil! I'm armed to the teeth and packing a hamster!"
Apologies, that was a need to do.

But, that's what I have been focusing a lot of my time on. I've isolated what three major causes are: emetophobia, epilepsy, and socially stressful situations like work. However, since they are part of everyday life it makes it difficult to evade them; attempting to control the anxiety is a terrible attempt on my part. I can agree that it is a difficult question, but I'm sure there are many who have been in a similar situation: any information can help, especially when it impairs day-to-day activities like this.
I try my hardest to avoid taking medication for it at all, but even at my strongest it can still take at least two hours for my body to calm down even a little bit.



Hi Zac, sorry you're having such a hard time, anxiety can be a nightmare.

Ok here's what's helped me:

--SSRIs
--Sobriety (I used alcohol and benzos to cope for a long time)
--Facing fears, pushing myself and going out of my comfort zone
--Exercise, learning to breathe correctly (diaphragmatic breathing) and understanding how the nervous system works
--Reading about Mindfulness (books like "The Power of Now" and Buddhist philosophy)
--Talking to others eg. this forum!

I'm still not anxiety-free but I'm a hell of a lot better. It's been over 20 years since I had my first nervous breakdown (and I was anxious long before that). So it's understandable that you are still struggling after two years.

If I were you I'd start by researching the physical side of anxiety disorder because this is something I wish I'd known long ago. Very basically, anxiety disorders are the flight or fight mechanism gone haywire. That's why things like correct breathing and physical exercise are so important.

Anyway I hope that gives you some ideas :)

Cheers,
Gypsy x


It indeed can be a nightmare. It's even worse when it's downplayed and people think I should just be able to get over it. It's frustrating.

--I haven't tried SSRIs and I'm not sure if my neurologist would jump at the idea. She gets a little weird about additional medications. I was fortunate enough to get Clonazepam. However, I can always attempt it; it couldn't hurt especially if it might help.
--As far as sobriety goes, I'm straightedge so I've never had problems in that area. Apart from my mild caffeine habit, there's not much there haha.
--Facing fears has been the hardest for me. For the past two years I haven't been able to step into a movie theater without having a panic attack. I'm going to be making my first attempt this summer. I'm hoping it goes smoothly!
--Being a programmer, I literally sit on my ass all day and I won't lie, I could use the exercise. I'm essentially the scrawniest out of of shape person you can meet.
--I think I may look into reading those. I'm a book collector and love reading, so I don't see why I would pass it up. Why do you suggest this though? Out of curiosity.
--This forum is the only place where people really understand anxiety. That's why I go straight here on days like this haha.

I'm hoping I'm not coming off whiny, being two years in comparison.
I've been doing as much research as possible. It's caused some interesting side effects which I haven't been a fan of, which has lead me to hours of reading. I even bought an auto-biography covering a man's history of anxiety to better understand its ebb and flow on different people. I thought it might help me understand more about myself in some way.

It definitely gave me some ideas. You're awesome! :D

[gypsylee]

It indeed can be a nightmare. It's even worse when it's downplayed and people think I should just be able to get over it. It's frustrating.

--I haven't tried SSRIs and I'm not sure if my neurologist would jump at the idea. She gets a little weird about additional medications. I was fortunate enough to get Clonazepam. However, I can always attempt it; it couldn't hurt especially if it might help.
--As far as sobriety goes, I'm straightedge so I've never had problems in that area. Apart from my mild caffeine habit, there's not much there haha.
--Facing fears has been the hardest for me. For the past two years I haven't been able to step into a movie theater without having a panic attack. I'm going to be making my first attempt this summer. I'm hoping it goes smoothly!
--Being a programmer, I literally sit on my ass all day and I won't lie, I could use the exercise. I'm essentially the scrawniest out of of shape person you can meet.
--I think I may look into reading those. I'm a book collector and love reading, so I don't see why I would pass it up. Why do you suggest this though? Out of curiosity.
--This forum is the only place where people really understand anxiety. That's why I go straight here on days like this haha.

I'm hoping I'm not coming off whiny, being two years in comparison.
I've been doing as much research as possible. It's caused some interesting side effects which I haven't been a fan of, which has lead me to hours of reading. I even bought an auto-biography covering a man's history of anxiety to better understand its ebb and flow on different people. I thought it might help me understand more about myself in some way.

It definitely gave me some ideas. You're awesome! :D

Haha thanks.

I suggest books on Mindfulness because a big part of anxiety is negative thinking patterns. The Power of Now is pretty full-on but the author has some brilliant things to say about the egoic mind and its obsession with "psychological time" - the past and the future, which cause so much anxiety and depression, but which ultimately don't exist. It basically says you can eliminate a lot of mental distress by learning to live more in the present.

The Buddhists have said this forever, so I like reading their philosophy as well. Meditation obviously goes well with these ideas and you can actually train your mind to function in a more positive way.

[Chauntecler]

First of all, I love your profile picture. I'm a huge Baldur's Gate fan and he is definitely a character I can quote: "Make way evil! I'm armed to the teeth and packing a hamster!"
Apologies, that was a need to do.

But, that's what I have been focusing a lot of my time on. I've isolated what three major causes are: emetophobia, epilepsy, and socially stressful situations like work. However, since they are part of everyday life it makes it difficult to evade them; attempting to control the anxiety is a terrible attempt on my part. I can agree that it is a difficult question, but I'm sure there are many who have been in a similar situation: any information can help, especially when it impairs day-to-day activities like this.
I try my hardest to avoid taking medication for it at all, but even at my strongest it can still take at least two hours for my body to calm down even a little bit.

I hope you're enjoying Pillars of Eternity as much as I am.

Sorry I couldn't be much help, I'm not a wordsmith. I'm fairly new to treating my anxiety and I guess the biggest helps have been: 1.) No more caffeine 2.) No more sugar 3.) Medication.

Anything that hypes me up sends me into that spiraling anxiety that takes hours to settle down. It is not a livable level, but I suppose we just have to face our problems and build up that comfort with them.

Anyways, best of luck to you.

[Im-Suffering]

Learn a lesson from the post above this one (I am not 'picking' on anyone, this lesson is for all to learn) :

"1.) No more caffeine 2.) No more sugar 3.) Medication."

And then goes on to say:

"Anything that hypes me up sends me into that spiraling anxiety that takes hours to settle down."

Regardless of the sugar or whatever, it becomes self evident that the 'hyped up' feelings are from false beliefs, not anything external, unless of course one should consume 30 cups of coffee in rapid succession. Medically speaking we are assuming prudence or sound judgement.

So we will discuss beliefs and the mind in detail below the quote (briefly).

1, 2, and 3 are placebo's. A placebo can work, to the extent one believes it can, or is deceived into believing it is something else more effective.



It's been almost two years now.....


I am going insane by constantly worrying about every facet of my life.....


unintentionally.

I have bolded 'unintentionally' because that is the first self deception. As we will see, that is simply not true. Or could be argued against holding that thought as a fact, or belief about the haphazard nature of life itself. There is nothing fleshed out (in physical terms) by the self that is not first intended by the psyche. Intent and expectation create your experience.

Lets begin here by allowing me to rephrase your thoughts for truth - you MUST be honest with yourself. The biggest hurdle you face is repression - suppression of true feelings/emotions - and the deep fear of criticism. The epilepsy (mild) is symbolic, as are most of the sensations, of this depressive 'use' of energies. In other words, they are 'blocked'.

Therefor you must 'open', period. By -

Expressing yourself, finding who you are. Recounting your life. Exercise : in a quiet space, ask yourself to reveal those 'hidden' painful areas that are so protected mentally, that the physical body is trying to desperately to purge - the excess. But it cannot keep up because of psychological avoidance...

Now lets rephrase the quote as it pertains to what has just been said.-

"Its been almost 2 years now of intense focus on my physical symptoms and how limiting my life has become. I am literally going insane thinking about my problems - Because I have suppressed my emotions/beliefs.. my truth for so long, I have forgotten what it feels like to be care free and happy ! Not only that but because of my indecision and lack of personal power to direct my life, because of my intense fears, mainly criticism, I don't feel confident in resolving these issues. This leads me to doubt, worry, and eventually the point I am at, obsessive fears. But make no mistake, my thoughts are INTENTIONAL. I know that someday I will have to face the mirror, and look at myself squarely, if I should have the will to do so. I know that man can control but one thing in this life, and that is his own mind, and so I will work on my beliefs to find the cause of my issues, mentally, and attempt at the very least to solve these insurmountable problems that have built up over the years, way before my first anxiety 'symptom' ever surfaced."

"I am to begin where I am most afraid, and use those fears as an entrance point into my own mind, to show me memories and pictures of events and experiences that I need to heal and move past."

"I will listen to the fears, because the lesson is in them - a gift in disguise - and so when I feel fearful, I will not cower, and hide under my blanket, but start to ask it questions.. What do you, fear, want to show me about myself that needs healing? What is it about the weather, (for example) that I am so afraid of?"

Now, the weather or anything else is just a symptom of a deeper issue, masked as this or that, the weather is a symbol of the 'atmosphere' of the psyche, and so you are meant not to say "oh it is so gloomy, I feel sick", but say "why does the weather condition determine my mood, and what is it symbolizing in me that needs addressing, healing and resolution?"

It will lead you to answers having nothing to do with weather or epilepsy, or anything else external, for example you will find SHAME as the psychic symbol of the physical condition, the psychological framework from which it springs (the physical). I use shame specifically, as you will find that as one of your emotions. Shame as an emotion may if felt (allow yourself to feel it), lead to the belief (statement of fact about who you are), "i am worthless, or no good, or unworthy" or any similar false belief you hold. You may have 'adopted' these false ideas because of intense criticism over the years, whether from self, others, or self in regards to what others 'think' of you.

You may find the idea that you hate your life, and that this idea is from childhood. This consistently held belief over a long period of time would manifest into a physical reality to corroborate the idea.

Either way, it is your birthright to protect your mind from such negative suggestions, you see. Because of the current state you are in however, your mind is vulnerable and susceptible to influences from external stimuli, mostly negative - that is what you attract -

It is not your body that you need to worry about. The body will work itself out, with immediate results, as soon as you have a change of 'heart'. Regarding who you are, and all the crap and sludge you hold as false belief structures. To begin the healing process, you only need the desire, and intent to release that firm grip on a reality you don't even want. But are holding ever so tightly to.

[Chiliphil1]

When it comes to the fear facing part of it the easiest thing to do is get over the fear of a panic attack. Panic attacks occur because you are scared of something so it heightens your anxiety, then you get scared that you are going to get more scared, make sense? No? Good! Anyway, if you get yourself to the point where you do not fear panic attacks the rest goes right with it, trust me..

I would recommend to you that the next time you see your therapist that you ask for them to put you into a simulated panic attack, basically you will be safe and comfortable in the office under their care BUT they will have you hyperventalate until you are in a state of panic, however in reality you are in a safe place. This exercise is a tough one but it allows you to see how they come on, it allows you to see how it starts and it shows you that it's just a bad feeling and nothing more.. It sounds crazy but the key to getting over panic attacks is learning exactly what it feels like when it is about to happen so that you can get on top of it before it hits for real.. Then you must learn that the panic attack is just a rush of adrenaline and nothing more, it poses no danger to you, therefore even if you have one it is nothing to be scared of since it is harmless.. It all takes time but learning the right things to do makes all the difference..

I will also recommend something that helped me out, when you feel a panic attack coming (in your mind) yell stop as loud and as long as you can, this will disrupt the process of the panic attack, once you have yelled stop begin to think of things that do not bring you anxiety, your favorite comic perhaps, after you do this the panic attack will subside in about a minute and should never reach a peak.. This was the one biggest thing which set me on the road to not having them anymore, when you no longer fear panic attacks they go away..

Best of luck to you.

[Chauntecler]

Learn a lesson from the post above this one (I am not 'picking' on anyone, this lesson is for all to learn) :

"1.) No more caffeine 2.) No more sugar 3.) Medication."

And then goes on to say:

"Anything that hypes me up sends me into that spiraling anxiety that takes hours to settle down."

Regardless of the sugar or whatever, it becomes self evident that the 'hyped up' feelings are from false beliefs, not anything external, unless of course one should consume 30 cups of coffee in rapid succession. Medically speaking we are assuming prudence or sound judgement.

So we will discuss beliefs and the mind in detail below the quote (briefly).

1, 2, and 3 are placebo's. A placebo can work, to the extent one believes it can, or is deceived into believing it is something else more effective.

I'd thank you kindly to not make assumptions so boldly. You know nothing of me, my experiences, how I feel, when I feel it and my medical history. You had no grounds to pick apart my post the way you did.

[Zac Dibble]

Haha thanks.

I suggest books on Mindfulness because a big part of anxiety is negative thinking patterns. The Power of Now is pretty full-on but the author has some brilliant things to say about the egoic mind and its obsession with "psychological time" - the past and the future, which cause so much anxiety and depression, but which ultimately don't exist. It basically says you can eliminate a lot of mental distress by learning to live more in the present.

The Buddhists have said this forever, so I like reading their philosophy as well. Meditation obviously goes well with these ideas and you can actually train your mind to function in a more positive way.

I actually think what you have to say holds a lot of merit. It being outside the realm of knowledge for me, it interests me.
As for meditation, I believe I am in a constant state of it.

I just purchased The Power of Now. It wasn't much of a spender which is nice. I will definitely let you know how it goes!




I hope you're enjoying Pillars of Eternity as much as I am.

Sorry I couldn't be much help, I'm not a wordsmith. I'm fairly new to treating my anxiety and I guess the biggest helps have been: 1.) No more caffeine 2.) No more sugar 3.) Medication.

Anything that hypes me up sends me into that spiraling anxiety that takes hours to settle down. It is not a livable level, but I suppose we just have to face our problems and build up that comfort with them.

Anyways, best of luck to you.

I am enjoying it. In many ways it's better than the Baldur's Gate or Icewind Dale series. There are a few things more that I wish it (no level cap, an editor so we could mod and create our own material) had and I'm really hoping they release some DLCs for it.

I'm sure I can back you on the caffeine part of your statement. My neurologist has been highly opposed to my intake of it, stressing that it has negative repercussions when it comes to my epilepsy. She's also convinced that my anxiety correlates to my epilepsy.






I have bolded 'unintentionally' because that is the first self deception. As we will see, that is simply not true. Or could be argued against holding that thought as a fact, or belief about the haphazard nature of life itself. There is nothing fleshed out (in physical terms) by the self that is not first intended by the psyche. Intent and expectation create your experience.

Lets begin here by allowing me to rephrase your thoughts for truth - you MUST be honest with yourself. The biggest hurdle you face is repression - suppression of true feelings/emotions - and the deep fear of criticism. The epilepsy (mild) is symbolic, as are most of the sensations, of this depressive 'use' of energies. In other words, they are 'blocked'.

Therefor you must 'open', period. By -

Expressing yourself, finding who you are. Recounting your life. Exercise : in a quiet space, ask yourself to reveal those 'hidden' painful areas that are so protected mentally, that the physical body is trying to desperately to purge - the excess. But it cannot keep up because of psychological avoidance...

Now lets rephrase the quote as it pertains to what has just been said.-

"Its been almost 2 years now of intense focus on my physical symptoms and how limiting my life has become. I am literally going insane thinking about my problems - Because I have suppressed my emotions/beliefs.. my truth for so long, I have forgotten what it feels like to be care free and happy ! Not only that but because of my indecision and lack of personal power to direct my life, because of my intense fears, mainly criticism, I don't feel confident in resolving these issues. This leads me to doubt, worry, and eventually the point I am at, obsessive fears. But make no mistake, my thoughts are INTENTIONAL. I know that someday I will have to face the mirror, and look at myself squarely, if I should have the will to do so. I know that man can control but one thing in this life, and that is his own mind, and so I will work on my beliefs to find the cause of my issues, mentally, and attempt at the very least to solve these insurmountable problems that have built up over the years, way before my first anxiety 'symptom' ever surfaced."

"I am to begin where I am most afraid, and use those fears as an entrance point into my own mind, to show me memories and pictures of events and experiences that I need to heal and move past."

"I will listen to the fears, because the lesson is in them - a gift in disguise - and so when I feel fearful, I will not cower, and hide under my blanket, but start to ask it questions.. What do you, fear, want to show me about myself that needs healing? What is it about the weather, (for example) that I am so afraid of?"

Now, the weather or anything else is just a symptom of a deeper issue, masked as this or that, the weather is a symbol of the 'atmosphere' of the psyche, and so you are meant not to say "oh it is so gloomy, I feel sick", but say "why does the weather condition determine my mood, and what is it symbolizing in me that needs addressing, healing and resolution?"

It will lead you to answers having nothing to do with weather or epilepsy, or anything else external, for example you will find SHAME as the psychic symbol of the physical condition, the psychological framework from which it springs (the physical). I use shame specifically, as you will find that as one of your emotions. Shame as an emotion may if felt (allow yourself to feel it), lead to the belief (statement of fact about who you are), "i am worthless, or no good, or unworthy" or any similar false belief you hold. You may have 'adopted' these false ideas because of intense criticism over the years, whether from self, others, or self in regards to what others 'think' of you.

You may find the idea that you hate your life, and that this idea is from childhood. This consistently held belief over a long period of time would manifest into a physical reality to corroborate the idea.

Either way, it is your birthright to protect your mind from such negative suggestions, you see. Because of the current state you are in however, your mind is vulnerable and susceptible to influences from external stimuli, mostly negative - that is what you attract -

It is not your body that you need to worry about. The body will work itself out, with immediate results, as soon as you have a change of 'heart'. Regarding who you are, and all the crap and sludge you hold as false belief structures. To begin the healing process, you only need the desire, and intent to release that firm grip on a reality you don't even want. But are holding ever so tightly to.

I love the way that you worded things and I completely agree with a majority of it. The problem is that I have told myself similar things but what the mind wants, the mind doesn't always get. That's my biggest hurdle. Assuming that I can jump that hurdle everything that you stated would fall into place beautifully. I think that it's the first step that is truly the most difficult.

How do you see me succeeding in that?


When it comes to the fear facing part of it the easiest thing to do is get over the fear of a panic attack. Panic attacks occur because you are scared of something so it heightens your anxiety, then you get scared that you are going to get more scared, make sense? No? Good! Anyway, if you get yourself to the point where you do not fear panic attacks the rest goes right with it, trust me..

I would recommend to you that the next time you see your therapist that you ask for them to put you into a simulated panic attack, basically you will be safe and comfortable in the office under their care BUT they will have you hyperventalate until you are in a state of panic, however in reality you are in a safe place. This exercise is a tough one but it allows you to see how they come on, it allows you to see how it starts and it shows you that it's just a bad feeling and nothing more.. It sounds crazy but the key to getting over panic attacks is learning exactly what it feels like when it is about to happen so that you can get on top of it before it hits for real.. Then you must learn that the panic attack is just a rush of adrenaline and nothing more, it poses no danger to you, therefore even if you have one it is nothing to be scared of since it is harmless.. It all takes time but learning the right things to do makes all the difference..

I will also recommend something that helped me out, when you feel a panic attack coming (in your mind) yell stop as loud and as long as you can, this will disrupt the process of the panic attack, once you have yelled stop begin to think of things that do not bring you anxiety, your favorite comic perhaps, after you do this the panic attack will subside in about a minute and should never reach a peak.. This was the one biggest thing which set me on the road to not having them anymore, when you no longer fear panic attacks they go away.

I know what you're stating. Panic attacks, at least for me, are indeed cyclic. When I have panic attacks they make me severely nauseated. Me being an emetophobic just makes it worse, which creates an infinitely worse cycle until it either ends hours later or I take some sort of medication.

I do not see a therapist, however. What I've discovered to help is finding something strong enough to get my mind off of it, so on that end you hit the nail on the head. If I fixate on it, even in the manner that you stated by yelling, "Stop", it won't change the situation and can sometimes make it worse. Not that I'm saying it's a bad idea, that one imparticularly just wouldn't work for me individually. Even if I am working towards getting my mind off of it, it can take up to an hour if not longer. I honestly wish that it worked for me as it did for you.

[Im-Suffering]

Sentence by Sentence :




'She's also convinced that my anxiety correlates to my epilepsy'. - She would be correct, although it is the reverse - the epilepsy correlates to the anxiety - Any physical expression is a result - it does not cause the mental, but supports it, like a good theory.

'The problem is that I have told myself similar things' - you cannot override your beliefs, that's why self-suggestions for the most part do not work. The underlying conflicting belief is too strong, in the sense that it is an unchallenged fact.

'but what the mind wants, the mind doesn't always get'. - The mind (in your terms) always gets what it wants, and what is doesn't want - meaning you get what you concentrate on, and expect.

How do you see me succeeding in that? - Change your beliefs.




The belief is the seed of the human psyche. The thoughts and emotions spring forth from the belief, shaping what we will call a 'world view' from a very limited lens. The ego blocks out any conflicting evidence to the contrary. This allows humans to focus intently on that which they want, and ultimately create it. Now, the paradox you see, is that the intense focus often is upon what you do not want, to which the inner self creates that to corroborate with the thought (backed by emotion). So if the belief is false, you see, or negative - destructive - that will manifest in your experience.

"I am no good" is a core belief from childhood, for example, where through suggestion from others, and from the self, the child decided he does not deserve, and overall, from an innate standpoint, he was born 'evil'. Not to forget religious beliefs of the family, the overall dynamics.

Now as this child grows into himself, his whole experience (physical and psychological) will corroborate his belief in s series of broken relationships, failures and general thoughts about who he is - he would hate his life, but at the same time find his hands tied to do anything about it. He would feel ashamed, guilty, and generally clueless as to why things are happening in his life. You see, the belief is unconscious at that point, so he is on auto-pilot. He does not say, as an adult, "when I was 6 I was told I was no good because I did not follow directions ! This does not apply to me now !", No ! He says to himself "look at my life, I am no good !" And so the belief system is insidious in that it does not show itself.

Unless he endeavors to look, period.

And so you, must endeavor to examine your beliefs. By following the fear and emotions that you are usually to fearful to face, and going straight into them. The thoughts that you think are evil or against you, or 'unnatural' you must go straight into. The epilepsy is one form that suppression takes, physically. So the mental manifests itself, physically through the body - what the mind has been repressing, those energies are powerful - energy cannot be diminished, scientifically speaking, or extinguished, or held back - it must move, you see. And so by suppressing creativity, speech, concerns, repressing problems (psychological), by becoming a martyr, victim, doormat, for the sake of being 'good' or controlling self-resisting inclinations to better self - for example - the body 'acts out' and releases the energy, epilepsy can be likened to a storm where after the winds and lightning have died down, the cool air and fresh breeze - the electromagnetic conditions have altered, the air has been renewed and the energies allowed to release - In those terms, the body of earth is like the human body, you see, and when its energies are built up - you have 'natural' conditions - hurricanes, earthquakes - storms, which are as therapeutic to it, as a seizure is to you -

I will not discuss the human experience under those natural earth conditions (during a hurricane) it is not relevant here. But know, no one is in a storm or any natural 'disaster' by accident.

Now, the epilepsy will to a large extent dissipate in proportion to the releases you do mentally. By going into the beliefs, fears, unrealized 'failures', using the negative otherwise ignored or shoved away feelings to bring you into the light - revealing the self underneath and the way out - releases and belief changes are emotional, so you cannot talk your way out of them, you must put self in the imagination back into the child body and relive the trauma, with the intent of learning the TRUTH. The truth was that, using our example above, the child was being difficult, and would not follow SAFETY DIRECTIONS, you see. But to the undeveloped mind, he believed he, himself, at his core was 'bad' because mom was very unhappy with his behavior.

Do you see how the belief an adult lives with, can be a false idea from childhood ? This correlation will come in the form of epiphanies as you do the work.

I have been very clear lately, in regard to receiving my messages, and this one as I read it back is excellent.

[gypsylee]

Hey I hope you like The Power of Now. I think some of what he says is a bit much, like it didn't change me to the extent he reckons it can lol. But some of the stuff about the "egoic mind" and how it tries to control us is some of the best psychological insight I've read. I took all these notes from that book and I read another one he wrote, so I was pretty impressed. I just hope you don't get too weirded out by it haha. I'm going to go and look at those notes now..

[Im-Suffering]

Hey I hope you like The Power of Now. I think some of what he says is a bit much, like it didn't change me to the extent he reckons it can lol. But some of the stuff about the "egoic mind" and how it tries to control us is some of the best psychological insight I've read. I took all these notes from that book and I read another one he wrote, so I was pretty impressed. I just hope you don't get too weirded out by it haha. I'm going to go and look at those notes now..

Some additions, deeper into the insights -

Ego is the looking glass to which experience is filtered along any given line back to the inner self. The ego is a portion of the inner self and not separate. It springs forth from consciousness to deal specifically with physical reality (it is not itself physical or part of the brain). The ego forms 'beliefs' along the timeline and those are the 'color and depth' of personal experience. All physical evidence to the contrary of a belief system adopted by ego will be purposefully shut out of the file system it uses. The purpose of ego is to judge its position in physical reality clearly and send those conclusions to the inner self who in turn creates and forms reality itself. The ego then gets to see how it has done, usually through trial and error. Now when ego shuts off communication with inner self, no longer a two way street - then the full burden falls on itself. But it does not create, it interprets and thus it falls into fear of its tomorrows cut off from the all knowing side, so to speak, the nourishment it receives from the inner self.

Now you cannot kill off the ego permanently, since it is an attribute of inner self, Another will spring forth, more fearful than the first because its birth was dependent on the previous ego's death.

You are meant to clearly assess your position within physical reality. The ego is not rigid, unless you allow it to become that way -

The physical brain is made of the same 'stuff' as all other 'matter' (earth stuff) and so it interacts with ego's interpretation of the reality inner self has created. The brain for example is responsible for physical 'time' through its neuronal structures - when you no longer have a brain, you will not operate within the confines of time.

Ill end it there.

[gypsylee]

Some additions, deeper into the insights -

Ego is the looking glass to which experience is filtered along any given line back to the inner self. The ego is a portion of the inner self and not separate. It springs forth from consciousness to deal specifically with physical reality (it is not itself physical or part of the brain). The ego forms 'beliefs' along the timeline and those are the 'color and depth' of personal experience. All physical evidence to the contrary of a belief system adopted by ego will be purposefully shut out of the file system it uses. The purpose of ego is to judge its position in physical reality clearly and send those conclusions to the inner self who in turn creates and forms reality itself. The ego then gets to see how it has done, usually through trial and error. Now when ego shuts off communication with inner self, no longer a two way street - then the full burden falls on itself. But it does not create, it interprets and thus it falls into fear of its tomorrows cut off from the all knowing side, so to speak, the nourishment it receives from the inner self.

Now you cannot kill off the ego permanently, since it is an attribute of inner self, Another will spring forth, more fearful than the first because its birth was dependent on the previous ego's death.

You are meant to clearly assess your position within physical reality. The ego is not rigid, unless you allow it to become that way -

The physical brain is made of the same 'stuff' as all other 'matter' (earth stuff) and so it interacts with ego's interpretation of the reality inner self has created. The brain for example is responsible for physical 'time' through its neuronal structures - when you no longer have a brain, you will not operate within the confines of time.

Ill end it there.

I think the author would say the problem is that in the vast majority of people the ego has become rigid :)