Is this OCD or am I just unable to move forward from the past decision I made?

[Lilliebelle89]

Hey guys. So I think I went into toooooo much detail before as I was really anxious! So to cut a long story short. I struggle with making decisions and believing in myself. One of my main issues is moving on from the past. I ended a relationship with my ex because he wasn't treating me good. Period. I still loved him but I was being let down constantly and heartbroken. It's been two years and I still get days where i doubt my decision. Sometimes I think what if I was wrong what if he did love me and I just pushed him away. The next day I will think I Defo made the right choice he was a compulsive liar and probably a cheat.

I go backwards and forwards like this. It's like an argument in my mind. I see someone handle a situation similar to mine differently and see their relationship work out and I think maybe I didn't give us a chance. Maybe all men are like that and I should have worked on it. Then I'll think no I deserve better there are much better men out there and I don't need a man to define me.

It's torture at times!! I wish I could just feel content with my decision and just forget him. When will I stop feeling this way? I think I must still love him despite all what he did to me and that's why I think maybe I should have stayed with him as I loved him. But at the same time he lied to me and let me down and played mind games and was cruel and a bully and controlling.

Arghhhh how do I stop this? Did I make the right choice? Is this my anxiety and ocd ?!

[Lilliebelle89]

Hey guys. So I think I went into toooooo much detail before as I was really anxious! So to cut a long story short. I struggle with making decisions and believing in myself. One of my main issues is moving on from the past. I ended a relationship with my ex because he wasn't treating me good. Period. I still loved him but I was being let down constantly and heartbroken. It's been two years and I still get days where i doubt my decision. Sometimes I think what if I was wrong what if he did love me and I just pushed him away. The next day I will think I Defo made the right choice he was a compulsive liar and probably a cheat.

I go backwards and forwards like this. It's like an argument in my mind. I see someone handle a situation similar to mine differently and see their relationship work out and I think maybe I didn't give us a chance. Maybe all men are like that and I should have worked on it. Then I'll think no I deserve better there are much better men out there and I don't need a man to define me.

It's torture at times!! I wish I could just feel content with my decision and just forget him. When will I stop feeling this way? I think I must still love him despite all what he did to me and that's why I think maybe I should have stayed with him as I loved him. But at the same time he lied to me and let me down and played mind games and was cruel and a bully and controlling.

Arghhhh how do I stop this? Did I make the right choice? Is this my anxiety and ocd ?!

Does anyone else do this?

[Goomba]

Do you have OCD? This post doesn't sound anything like it.

OCD is the act of physical compulsions that act as a way to alleviate anxiety. Part of that anxiety is usually a need to be in control, and to "mentally chew" things over and over until one feels in control. The "mentally chewing" aspect seems to be part of what you're doing here. But, while that is found in OCD, that doesn't mean you have OCD.

Your experience is your own. You do not need others to justify your decisions. I think that is actually a big part of what creates anxiety - looking for clarity in the experiences of others to justify what WE are going through, and doing this before we trust in our own experience.

It appears that you placed a degree of your identity in this man. Thus, losing him has made you confused as to who you are. This goes back to the last line - If we are looking for others for justification for our experiences, we become the experiences of others over ourselves. Only you can make up who you are, placing yourself elsewhere will always result in inner turmoil.

In example, a man falls in love with a women. She "completes" him. He was nothing before he found her.

The man was always somebody, but he did not believe in who he was. The women then comes along, and is able to see through his issues. The man then feels confident enough to embrace who he is, because his identity becomes placed within the women, as her affirmations of him make him feel as though he can "justify" himself.

The women then leaves the man, and the man begins to doubt everything again. He no longer has someone to affirm who he is, and he loses identity. With no identity, confidence is lost, and it becomes difficult to make decisions.

However, the man has always been himself the whole time, but he fails to look inwardly.

I believe this is similar to what you are doing - asking others if you made the right choice when we are not you. We cannot make a choice for you. How we feel about the boyfriend isn't important, because you are the one who was dating him. Sure, we can add perspective, but you have to find it within yourself to own your experiences, and move forward. You will never stop feeling the way you do as long as you are looking for others to tell you what is right.

It is ok to doubt yourself. In that regards, yes, I think everyone does "this". But learn from that doubt.

What is it that is causing you to doubt?
What is the relationship between love and your self-worth?
Why do you look to use the relationship experience of others to feed and justify your self-doubt?
What does it mean to be confident? Why do you desire confidence, how will it help this situation?
Who are you?

These are some questions that I would begin reflecting on, but that is me, your insight into yourself will give you more accurate reflections.

Use your past experience to move your present experience forward, and create new ones.