sae
03-29-2015, 09:50 AM
Yesterday was the conclusion of hell week for me. Three years since that asshole has been on the wrong side of the dirt. It feels like a decade has passed. I really thought I was handling everything like a champ. I had my brief volatile moments but nothing crazy.
I woke yesterday and everything happened at once. The kid was invited to go cosplay at a con with friends and the bf was called into work. In the course of 45 minutes my home went from utter panic to dead silence. I watched the shadows of outside play on the cutrains separating me from the outside world.
I am one of those pasty red faced gingers... you know the ones whose freckles migrate south and turn into moles? The sun is not my friend. My meds also make me a bit more sensitive to the sun. And oh yeah, right now with the mountain cedars pollenating, outside hates me. I decide to throw caution to the wind and go fishing.
I Pack up, Spy My Big Bad bowl of drugs and decide to skip them, all of them. That's right, the allergy steroid stuff, the heart meds, the angina/BP med, the blood thinners a and b, the stomach stuff, the anxiety stuff...
I drive to the lake with nothing but a bucket of homemade punch bait my pole and my wallet. No cell phone, no tackle box, no nitro tabs either. I sit down and just turn off I guess. I come to with a couple decent sized cats on my stringer and a curious dribbling from the top of my nose. Without a second thought I load up and drive home with the setting sun.
I walk into chaos. My house is full of people, the bf and kid are back. So is the kid'S bf, the neighbor and her son. I prideful show off my catch but they fixated on the fact I blistered in the sun. My nose is weeping and my eyes are swollen nearly shut.
I sit down wheezing, coming to the realization I can't breathe anymore and every starts freaking out, claiming I was out to self harm or some shit. So what does sae do? She starts crying.. yeah, that was a moment of strength wasn't it?
I am still not sure what made me make the choices I made but it seems now I have been placed on watch... but at least I have catfish in the freezer.
I woke yesterday and everything happened at once. The kid was invited to go cosplay at a con with friends and the bf was called into work. In the course of 45 minutes my home went from utter panic to dead silence. I watched the shadows of outside play on the cutrains separating me from the outside world.
I am one of those pasty red faced gingers... you know the ones whose freckles migrate south and turn into moles? The sun is not my friend. My meds also make me a bit more sensitive to the sun. And oh yeah, right now with the mountain cedars pollenating, outside hates me. I decide to throw caution to the wind and go fishing.
I Pack up, Spy My Big Bad bowl of drugs and decide to skip them, all of them. That's right, the allergy steroid stuff, the heart meds, the angina/BP med, the blood thinners a and b, the stomach stuff, the anxiety stuff...
I drive to the lake with nothing but a bucket of homemade punch bait my pole and my wallet. No cell phone, no tackle box, no nitro tabs either. I sit down and just turn off I guess. I come to with a couple decent sized cats on my stringer and a curious dribbling from the top of my nose. Without a second thought I load up and drive home with the setting sun.
I walk into chaos. My house is full of people, the bf and kid are back. So is the kid'S bf, the neighbor and her son. I prideful show off my catch but they fixated on the fact I blistered in the sun. My nose is weeping and my eyes are swollen nearly shut.
I sit down wheezing, coming to the realization I can't breathe anymore and every starts freaking out, claiming I was out to self harm or some shit. So what does sae do? She starts crying.. yeah, that was a moment of strength wasn't it?
I am still not sure what made me make the choices I made but it seems now I have been placed on watch... but at least I have catfish in the freezer.