My bi polar anxiety..

[jeffrocantona]

Hi!

I don't think i'm bi polar and i'm not underestimating it or disrespecting people that are, but the way i have been conducting my life with anxiety certainly has similar patterns with bi polar,
I am constantly finding new ways to deal with my anxiety that do actually work, at which point i will be foolish enough to think i have finally found a technique that does the business, I will start making elaborate plans for my new anxiety free life and getting in touch with friends and family planning nights out, holidays, etc.
Then the said techniques affect on me slowly fades and i slowly slip back into my anxious demanour, my face can't bare to be looked at by anyone without me feeling like i need to cry, and i can't even smile for more than a second without the smile turning into a tense stand off between each side of my face,
Starting up on here a couple of weeks ago had a similar affect on me, i felt cleansed, my mind felt clear and i felt like i'd found the key i'd lost 10 years ago, i felt like i'd put myself out there and said things that i'd never dream of saying to anyone else, other than my doctor or my old cbt therapist(which only lasted 6 weeks, great 6 weeks though!!),
Then this week i've slowly started to slip back into anxiety, i feel almost embarrassed in work, as i've only worked there for 3 months, and the customers i serve are the same people everyday, people who i would have felt a strong bond with last week i barely want to look at this week as i feel they will see the anxious me, and ofcourse it's noticeable to them, the difference between the anxious me and the real me, is a big one, as usually i am an outgoing type of person who makes people laugh etc, and ofcourse quite the opposite on the flip side,
Ofcourse 90% of my customers don't understand my anxiety and it's not like I can hide in the back as its only me there for 80% of the time, so I have to grin and bear it and go out and serve them, sometimes handing them their change with trembling fingers and 10 pence pieces all over the floor! When the sales figures go down and business goes quiet, as it did today, I feel it is all my anxieties fault and the evil beast is driving my customers in the opposite direction,
Also I agreed to a night out tomorrow with friends and family, obviously when i was in my superman mode last week, now i'm absolutely dreading it, maybe i'll learn my lesson one day, don't make plans or friends or communicate positively with anyone until i'm absolutely sure that mr anxious is well and truly shackled and gagged,

Much Love

B

[gypsylee]

Hi!

I don't think i'm bi polar and i'm not underestimating it or disrespecting people that are, but the way i have been conducting my life with anxiety certainly has similar patterns with bi polar,
I am constantly finding new ways to deal with my anxiety that do actually work, at which point i will be foolish enough to think i have finally found a technique that does the business, I will start making elaborate plans for my new anxiety free life and getting in touch with friends and family planning nights out, holidays, etc.
Then the said techniques affect on me slowly fades and i slowly slip back into my anxious demanour, my face can't bare to be looked at by anyone without me feeling like i need to cry, and i can't even smile for more than a second without the smile turning into a tense stand off between each side of my face,
Starting up on here a couple of weeks ago had a similar affect on me, i felt cleansed, my mind felt clear and i felt like i'd found the key i'd lost 10 years ago, i felt like i'd put myself out there and said things that i'd never dream of saying to anyone else, other than my doctor or my old cbt therapist(which only lasted 6 weeks, great 6 weeks though!!),
Then this week i've slowly started to slip back into anxiety, i feel almost embarrassed in work, as i've only worked there for 3 months, and the customers i serve are the same people everyday, people who i would have felt a strong bond with last week i barely want to look at this week as i feel they will see the anxious me, and ofcourse it's noticeable to them, the difference between the anxious me and the real me, is a big one, as usually i am an outgoing type of person who makes people laugh etc, and ofcourse quite the opposite on the flip side,
Ofcourse 90% of my customers don't understand my anxiety and it's not like I can hide in the back as its only me there for 80% of the time, so I have to grin and bear it and go out and serve them, sometimes handing them their change with trembling fingers and 10 pence pieces all over the floor! When the sales figures go down and business goes quiet, as it did today, I feel it is all my anxieties fault and the evil beast is driving my customers in the opposite direction,
Also I agreed to a night out tomorrow with friends and family, obviously when i was in my superman mode last week, now i'm absolutely dreading it, maybe i'll learn my lesson one day, don't make plans or friends or communicate positively with anyone until i'm absolutely sure that mr anxious is well and truly shackled and gagged,

Much Love

B

This made me laugh a bit because I know exactly what you mean :) it's quite a roller coaster hey? It's not bipolar though because bipolar disorder is a psychotic illness where the "superman mode" involves thinking things like you can actually fly. I guess it could be "bipolar II" (which they tried to diagnose me with but my thoughts on that are another story).

I think this is completely normal for someone suffering from anxiety disorder - you discover something that helps and get all excited about it, but it isn't quite the "cure" you thought it was. It's all part of the process though.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[jeffrocantona]

Thank you Gypsy and thank you for taking the time to read and reply as you always do, i think its really quite special what you do on here, taking so much time to help people, and you have no prejudices or hidden agendas, yeah i do realise its going to be a long process like some twisted roller coaster, the thing I struggle with most is finding the time to do stuff like cbt or the mp3 therapy i've got on my I pod,(can't remember the name but its good, just extremely time consuming), So I try to find quick fixes like 10 press ups in work before my next customer comes in, or accu-pressure points that i can do on the move, (they worked really well for a short while), when i get home from work I have my 2 sons (7 and 3) to cheer me up though, they are stressful, but so rewarding, and my girlfriend is one of the few people I can talk to about anxiety,
Thanks Again
B x

[gypsylee]

Thank you Gypsy and thank you for taking the time to read and reply as you always do, i think its really quite special what you do on here, taking so much time to help people, and you have no prejudices or hidden agendas, yeah i do realise its going to be a long process like some twisted roller coaster, the thing I struggle with most is finding the time to do stuff like cbt or the mp3 therapy i've got on my I pod,(can't remember the name but its good, just extremely time consuming), So I try to find quick fixes like 10 press ups in work before my next customer comes in, or accu-pressure points that i can do on the move, (they worked really well for a short while), when i get home from work I have my 2 sons (7 and 3) to cheer me up though, they are stressful, but so rewarding, and my girlfriend is one of the few people I can talk to about anxiety,
Thanks Again
B x

Thanks :) I like replying to people on here.

[Lilliebelle89]

Hi!

I don't think i'm bi polar and i'm not underestimating it or disrespecting people that are, but the way i have been conducting my life with anxiety certainly has similar patterns with bi polar,
I am constantly finding new ways to deal with my anxiety that do actually work, at which point i will be foolish enough to think i have finally found a technique that does the business, I will start making elaborate plans for my new anxiety free life and getting in touch with friends and family planning nights out, holidays, etc.
Then the said techniques affect on me slowly fades and i slowly slip back into my anxious demanour, my face can't bare to be looked at by anyone without me feeling like i need to cry, and i can't even smile for more than a second without the smile turning into a tense stand off between each side of my face,
Starting up on here a couple of weeks ago had a similar affect on me, i felt cleansed, my mind felt clear and i felt like i'd found the key i'd lost 10 years ago, i felt like i'd put myself out there and said things that i'd never dream of saying to anyone else, other than my doctor or my old cbt therapist(which only lasted 6 weeks, great 6 weeks though!!),
Then this week i've slowly started to slip back into anxiety, i feel almost embarrassed in work, as i've only worked there for 3 months, and the customers i serve are the same people everyday, people who i would have felt a strong bond with last week i barely want to look at this week as i feel they will see the anxious me, and ofcourse it's noticeable to them, the difference between the anxious me and the real me, is a big one, as usually i am an outgoing type of person who makes people laugh etc, and ofcourse quite the opposite on the flip side,
Ofcourse 90% of my customers don't understand my anxiety and it's not like I can hide in the back as its only me there for 80% of the time, so I have to grin and bear it and go out and serve them, sometimes handing them their change with trembling fingers and 10 pence pieces all over the floor! When the sales figures go down and business goes quiet, as it did today, I feel it is all my anxieties fault and the evil beast is driving my customers in the opposite direction,
Also I agreed to a night out tomorrow with friends and family, obviously when i was in my superman mode last week, now i'm absolutely dreading it, maybe i'll learn my lesson one day, don't make plans or friends or communicate positively with anyone until i'm absolutely sure that mr anxious is well and truly shackled and gagged,

Much Love

B


Wow you basically just described me! When my anxiety goes on vacation at work I am the confident bubbly girl who everyone loves to be around. When my anxiety comes knocking on my door again I go into myself and friends wonder what is wrong and why I am so sad. Anxiety sucks. I totally get what you mean when you make plans and then anxiety comes back and your like dammit!!! My advise would be to still grin and bear it and don't let anxiety rule your life. Admittedly you won't enjoy it as much as if you didn't have the anxiety but at some point when you are distracting yourself you will forget the anxiety and enjoy parts of it. Better to enjoy parts than stay at home anxious and not living your life I say!

Here's to Mr anxiety going on a VERY long vacation soon for Both of us. Hugs x

[jeffrocantona]

Wow you basically just described me! When my anxiety goes on vacation at work I am the confident bubbly girl who everyone loves to be around. When my anxiety comes knocking on my door again I go into myself and friends wonder what is wrong and why I am so sad. Anxiety sucks. I totally get what you mean when you make plans and then anxiety comes back and your like dammit!!! My advise would be to still grin and bear it and don't let anxiety rule your life. Admittedly you won't enjoy it as much as if you didn't have the anxiety but at some point when you are distracting yourself you will forget the anxiety and enjoy parts of it. Better to enjoy parts than stay at home anxious and not living your life I say!

Here's to Mr anxiety going on a VERY long vacation soon for Both of us. Hugs x

Haha thanks Lillybelle, yeah i've always tried to carry on regardless really, and i've been watching those anxiety revolution videos on top of the forum page, they go into great detail about the roll evolution has had in anxiety and where it really originates from, they're really quite interesting and eye opening,
Also I have 10 days off work now on paid holidays so that will give me a bit of time to try sort out my ying and yang!
Thanks for taking the time, Much Love B x