Luke Dobbins
03-24-2015, 05:37 AM
I have suffered from anxiety for years since I was in primary school, it has affected me a lot and especially affected my career and what I want to do with my life. I worked nights at Sainsburys about 4 years ago and I worked nights to avoid interacting with customers but about 5 months in I went in there one night and just went into panic at being there in the middle of the night for 8 hours and I left and never went back.
Yesterday I started my first job since then and it was an IT Apprenticeship, I have wanted to have a career in IT for years and I've done college courses and stuff. I went in there and it was fine for the first 2 or 3 hours, but very un-organised. The people there were very friendly but they didn't have much for me to do at all, I fixed a laptop or two which took maybe 15 minutes and then was left sitting there again for hours doing nothing at all.
About 1 o'clock in the afternoon I remember one of them telling me in a nice way I could give answering the phone a try and that made me feel extremely uncomfortable but I thought they were expecting me to so I panicked but didn't say anything. As well as that the job was taking place in a tiny little office which was freezing all day and there was nowhere to escape. I got to a point where I just wanted to burst into tears but held back on it.
It was a combination of the place itself, the lack of stuff to do and a fear of having the responsibility of answering the phone to important calls. I simply could not imagine being there for 8 hours straight every day and the idea just made me want to cry and I wanted to just walk out as I have done with things in the past.
I walked out the door at 5 o'clock having made it through the day and just burst into tears in the car and didn't stop crying for the next 2 hours and got straight into bed when I got home. I am a 23 year old male and it takes a lot normally to make me cry.
I woke up this morning and tried to force myself to get up and go but it was a battle with myself as usual, I could not overcome to feeling and ended up just staying in bed to avoid what was terrifying to me. I simply could not even begin to imagine myself being stuck there for 8 hours everyday.
I went to the doctor before this job to see if there was anything they could give me which would prevent this from happening, but he has referred me to cognitive behaviour therapy so I will see if that helps.
The worst part is everyone is disappointed in me now and everyone was so proud of me for getting a job and I have messed it up in the same way I usually do.
Yesterday I started my first job since then and it was an IT Apprenticeship, I have wanted to have a career in IT for years and I've done college courses and stuff. I went in there and it was fine for the first 2 or 3 hours, but very un-organised. The people there were very friendly but they didn't have much for me to do at all, I fixed a laptop or two which took maybe 15 minutes and then was left sitting there again for hours doing nothing at all.
About 1 o'clock in the afternoon I remember one of them telling me in a nice way I could give answering the phone a try and that made me feel extremely uncomfortable but I thought they were expecting me to so I panicked but didn't say anything. As well as that the job was taking place in a tiny little office which was freezing all day and there was nowhere to escape. I got to a point where I just wanted to burst into tears but held back on it.
It was a combination of the place itself, the lack of stuff to do and a fear of having the responsibility of answering the phone to important calls. I simply could not imagine being there for 8 hours straight every day and the idea just made me want to cry and I wanted to just walk out as I have done with things in the past.
I walked out the door at 5 o'clock having made it through the day and just burst into tears in the car and didn't stop crying for the next 2 hours and got straight into bed when I got home. I am a 23 year old male and it takes a lot normally to make me cry.
I woke up this morning and tried to force myself to get up and go but it was a battle with myself as usual, I could not overcome to feeling and ended up just staying in bed to avoid what was terrifying to me. I simply could not even begin to imagine myself being stuck there for 8 hours everyday.
I went to the doctor before this job to see if there was anything they could give me which would prevent this from happening, but he has referred me to cognitive behaviour therapy so I will see if that helps.
The worst part is everyone is disappointed in me now and everyone was so proud of me for getting a job and I have messed it up in the same way I usually do.