My anxiety

[MattS.]

I`m dealing with anxieties for several years now. I think at least 15 years to be precise. The first time I noticed it was after an argument with my wife. I suddenly started getting this strange feeling in my head, vision problems, sensitivity to bright artificial lights, problems concentrating etc. Back then I did not attribute it to anxiety/depressions at all. I rather thought it has to be some form of brain disease. So my mind got caught in this thought pattern and it lasted for over 4 month. Every day was the same, headaches, confusion, problems with bright lights, OCD symptoms that got pretty bad. Only sleep brought some sort of relieve. Then after having extensive check ups done by neurosurgeon
the symptoms disappeared. But over the years my anxieties got worse, can`t fly anylonger, got really worried about my kids health and of course my fear that I have some terrible illness increased as well over the years. I think for the last 6 years I thought that I have cancer at least once a year. The strange thing though is that the symptoms I described above did not come back each time I had a fear of disease. They just came back 2 twice since the original outbreak. But now they are back again, stronger then I`ve ever experienced them before. Since December last year, just after I started to worry again about my head/brain. The problems with bright lights are the worst followed by the feeling as if my whole upper body is on fire. I had in between some days where I was almost symptom free which really surprised me, but those were just single days and afterwards it was again pretty bad. But what really worries me are my cognitive problems I get as well now. Sometimes it feels like my mind is blank, I feel withdrawn at times and it is as if the brain does not click right away. My doctor wants to put my on some pills but I`m really not so much into this idea.

[Im-Suffering]

I`m dealing with anxieties for several years now. I think at least 15 years to be precise. The first time I noticed it was after an argument with my wife. I suddenly started getting this strange feeling in my head, vision problems, sensitivity to bright artificial lights, problems concentrating etc. Back then I did not attribute it to anxiety/depressions at all. I rather thought it has to be some form of brain disease. So my mind got caught in this thought pattern and it lasted for over 4 month. Every day was the same, headaches, confusion, problems with bright lights, OCD symptoms that got pretty bad. Only sleep brought some sort of relieve. Then after having extensive check ups done by neurosurgeon
the symptoms disappeared. But over the years my anxieties got worse, can`t fly anylonger, got really worried about my kids health and of course my fear that I have some terrible illness increased as well over the years. I think for the last 6 years I thought that I have cancer at least once a year. The strange thing though is that the symptoms I described above did not come back each time I had a fear of disease. They just came back 2 twice since the original outbreak. But now they are back again, stronger then I`ve ever experienced them before. Since December last year, just after I started to worry again about my head/brain. The problems with bright lights are the worst followed by the feeling as if my whole upper body is on fire. I had in between some days where I was almost symptom free which really surprised me, but those were just single days and afterwards it was again pretty bad. But what really worries me are my cognitive problems I get as well now. Sometimes it feels like my mind is blank, I feel withdrawn at times and it is as if the brain does not click right away. My doctor wants to put my on some pills but I`m really not so much into this idea.

Matt, rather than list all of the symptoms so succinctly and confidently (I AM this, and I AM that, 'this is the way I AM !), why dont you tell your story, which will ultimately lead to a healing and release of many symptoms. The trigger was the fight with the spouse. Which only served as a catalyst for the feelings that have been building like a pressure cooker for so many years - You can trace your current emotional state back to experiences and events through childhood until that day of the fight. Some keys to the mystery are in your early conditioning. That is your story. Your beliefs, thoughts, and emotions about them (and yourself in relation to them) shaped who you are today. And is the reason for the anxiety or whatever you wish to term the 'illness'.

Now, when the physical 'attack' itself happened, your emotions that have been suppressed over years simply caught up with you -

From that fateful day 15 years ago you became fearful or fear, and so by magnifying the symptoms, you took your eye off the ball (the story behind them). And so your whole life now becomes 'framed' by (the perception and belief of) 'illness'.

You MUST turn around and look into the mirror, face self - You do not want to go another 15 years, do you? It starts with a decision, you see, this recapitulation of your life, leading to release and healing (of these pent up energies).

So, no one can TRULY help, without your story - the truth about who you are, you see. And then some enlightened people can nudge you in the right direction. Now, I am not suggesting to neglect the physical symptoms - take whatever drug or advice may soothe them, but at the same time keeping in mind the issues are mental in origin, with the body expressing ultimately what the mind denies or represses.

Lastly, and this may offer a clue to recounting your story - An illness is the inability of the self to solve a mental problem in a clear manner. And so find those portions of life where you are unhappy - and examine why and what the beliefs behind those feelings 'say'. For example, you might recount the first time you said to yourself "I am bad" in regards to punishment or isolation. Now 30 years later, without self examination, you still hold that belief, and much of your life is created 'around' it, you see.

Or perhaps -

I am poor and will always be
I dont deserve happiness
I am unworthy
I am unable to provide
I am a weak man
I am guilty of (fill in blank)
I am ashamed of myself

And so on ..

That is enough to get you started. It is your work to do, and very personal.