Trouble seeing whats real and not real, regarding threats

[namaste87]

Hi! I guess this is a quite common problem, I just realised myself that I have problems with it, all though it could seem quite obvious..

The problem is that I can't see what threats are real and not. For example, in relationships with girls, I can't see when there really is something that is wrong or when I just worry to much. Like, is it for real weardly long time ago since I heard from her or is it not. Is she drinking too much or is she not. Is she acting weird or is she not. I lose my judgement!

And I belive this is a pretty big part of worrying. Because I say to myself "ok, this is your GAD speaking, you have to use your methods to cope with the GAD now, not with the problem that doesn't exist. BUT!! What if it DOES exist!! I don't know! I don't know what's real or not real!! What if it IS real! A real problem and not my GAD?". And that is one of the strongest argument for me to continue worrying. And also it leads to me seeking confirmation from my friends, since I don't trust my own judgement.

Does anyone recognize themselves in this?

[Im-Suffering]

Hi! I guess this is a quite common problem, I just realised myself that I have problems with it, all though it could seem quite obvious..

The problem is that I can't see what threats are real and not. For example, in relationships with girls, I can't see when there really is something that is wrong or when I just worry to much. Like, is it for real weardly long time ago since I heard from her or is it not. Is she drinking too much or is she not. Is she acting weird or is she not. I lose my judgement!

And I belive this is a pretty big part of worrying. Because I say to myself "ok, this is your GAD speaking, you have to use your methods to cope with the GAD now, not with the problem that doesn't exist. BUT!! What if it DOES exist!! I don't know! I don't know what's real or not real!! What if it IS real! A real problem and not my GAD?". And that is one of the strongest argument for me to continue worrying. And also it leads to me seeking confirmation from my friends, since I don't trust my own judgement.

Does anyone recognize themselves in this?

Because you are not real. Your a phony, so how could you have any trusting, solid, loving, secure - real relationships?

The first thing anyone brings to a relationship of any kind is a sense of self, and that's the problem, you don't have one (you have a shaky, ill constructed building based on someone else's blueprints with a cracked foundation). And without a secure sense of self, you will always see threats to your weakened, vulnerable constructions - psyche.

Now, before you or anyone else looks to martyr me, see your other thread.

I just finished the post there, and bring your thinking cap, youll need it if any progress is to be made.

We will attempt to shatter years of therapy and drugs in one simple concept. Come along now, it does get interesting.

Link for other readers:

http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?31442-met-a-girl-afraid-that-anxiety-will-destroy-it

[gypsylee]

I think this is a universal problem because there are no fixed rules when it comes to human behaviour. So the question of whether it's been a long time since a girl contacted you is a bit like "how long is a piece of string?" The real issue is how much time and energy you spend worrying about these things and what you choose to worry about. For example, it might be worth worrying about whether she's drinking too much or not because that could affect her health and the relationship. It's probably not worth worrying about whether she's acting weird or not. But when there's emotional involvement it's hard not to worry about small things. So there's no easy answer to this :) and yes I certainly recognise myself in what you've said.

[namaste87]

what is a thinking cap? google translate gives me no answers.

[namaste87]

It wasn't really regarding this specific matter my question was about, it was just an example. The real question was about this thing not being able to sort real threats from not real threats!

[Im-Suffering]

It wasn't really regarding this specific matter my question was about, it was just an example. The real question was about this thing not being able to sort real threats from not real threats!

Stop dancing.

There are no threats. I told you to get that thinking cap on (not mock it).

See your other thread. If you have earnest questions send me a PM.



Earnest :

[ ˈərnist ]

(ADJECTIVE)


"Resulting from or showing sincere and intense conviction"

[namaste87]

God, you're so hard on me! Well I guess I need it. Even if I right now is mostly mad at you!

[Im-Suffering]

God, you're so hard on me! Well I guess I need it. Even if I right now is mostly mad at you!

I mean no disrespect, and I am aware we are in the public eye (which is part of the lesson, 'they' don't matter. its all about you, any perceived 'threat' begins and ends inside yourself). However I am forthright with what I receive (internal messages or we can use the term 'clairsentience'). You may have seen some of my other posts. And so, using 'clairsentience' the words in a post convey a feeling, the feeling is the truth and often conflict or specifically with our example here, there is some denial to even recognize inner truth, distorting clear expression. So when I speak to you, the 'you' to which I refer is not some outside façade, you see. While the world sees one face, I see the other hiding behind it like a scared child, afraid to confront whats before it.

No one knows you or I, they read what they read, and most often the general reader will come up empty. Or in this case a little shocked. However those are surface responses, knee jerks. So in any case we can pay no mind to any of it.

What is important is your life (feel that). Feeling good about you. So get mad ! Use that as a catalyst for change ! I am just your mirror, reflecting back your beliefs. So is the girl, or anyone, any experience, any event, any challenge, any pleasure, pain, dream, you may encounter on that journey of yours.

Cya round.

[Aleasha]

I think I get what you are talking about and I am the same way. I have a boyfriend who I love very much, but he works a lot and is going to be deployed in August, although I'm moving away and have to leave him. Anyway, I have really bad judgement. I don't read people well and that may be your problem. I don't know if I can really help you, but I can tell you what I'm going through and maybe you won't feel like you are alone so much. I can't read body language at all. I don't know why. I never have been able to. I am absolutely clueless when guys are hitting on me. My first clue is when they try to kiss me. Seriously. I can't get it before then. I'm always worried that my boyfriend doesn't like me anymore or that he is mad at me or something. I don't worry about him cheating on me. I don't know why. Maybe a little, but not a lot. I see everything as a total threat, too. For example, a few weeks ago I was with my boyfriend and he saw a big spider crawling on the couch right next to me. He knows I am absolutely terrified beyond belief of spiders and this was a big one, too. He grabbed my arm to jerk me away from it before I could even see it to prevent me from panicking. Well, I saw that as a threat and sunk my nails deep into his arm. He is probably the best guy in the entire world because he understands my mental problems and didn't even get upset, jerk away or anything. He simply told me to let go in a calm voice. I did and he killed the spider. I felt really bad, as I have very long nails and it looked like he had been scratched by a Tiger! He had blood running down his arm and everything. He didn't even want me to appologize and made absolutely no big deal out of it. I think seeing things as a threat is part of anxiety disorder. Our alarms go off when they shouldn't or we are too quick to react.

Sorry...I'm trying not to learn how to write paragraphs and not lump everything together. There are actually some instances when overreacting can be a good thing. For example, my mom's dog hurt his leg very badly and was pouring blood. This happened about a month ago. With my anxiety, I don't think. I react. I immediately grabbed what I could, put a pressure bandage on his leg and rushed him into the vet. Anxiety really seems to heighten my senses, too. I don't know if it is the same with you or not. My eyesight sucks, as I have very, very light blue eyes (absence of melanin) and they have been badly damaged by the UVA/UVB rays (I live directly under a hole in the ozone layer). But, my hearing and smell is great. I was able to smell a gas leak a few days ago before anybody else could and saved my family's life. We actually had two gas leaks and gas throughout the entire house!

So, sometimes anxiety can be bad (usually), but there are times when it can actually be a good thing. Anxiety, at least for me, makes me more aware and constantly on edge. In some situations, that isn't a bad thing.

Worrying is a huge part of anxiety and I know how that feels. It is something I live with almost every second of my life. Medications doesn't stop it, but it takes the edge off. Getting involved in something helps and sometimes I literally have to talk to myself out loud. I've learned not to worry about what other people think and try to live my life as best as possible.

[casstar01]

Hi! I guess this is a quite common problem, I just realised myself that I have problems with it, all though it could seem quite obvious.. The problem is that I can't see what threats are real and not. For example, in relationships with girls, I can't see when there really is something that is wrong or when I just worry to much. Like, is it for real weardly long time ago since I heard from her or is it not. Is she drinking too much or is she not. Is she acting weird or is she not. I lose my judgement! And I belive this is a pretty big part of worrying. Because I say to myself "ok, this is your GAD speaking, you have to use your methods to cope with the GAD now, not with the problem that doesn't exist. BUT!! What if it DOES exist!! I don't know! I don't know what's real or not real!! What if it IS real! A real problem and not my GAD?". And that is one of the strongest argument for me to continue worrying. And also it leads to me seeking confirmation from my friends, since I don't trust my own judgement. Does anyone recognize themselves in this?YES!!!!! This is EXACTLY like me!!! It's awful because I do the same thing. I try to calm myself and say "it's just your anxiety" but it's always over run by the thought of "but what if it's not!? What if this IS real? What if this is intuition? Etc...." It's exausting and overwhelming !! And I never know what's the real thought and what's the anxiety. I have been suffering with this for years and I seem to be having it almost constantly lately. I feel for you greatly because this is no way to live! I find myself asking my boyfriend constantly if my thought is real or just anxiety and it helps often but there are other times when it doesn't because I just can't tell. Maybe he doesn't see it, I think to myself or what if he's wrong!??! Over and over day after day! I wish I had some great advise for you but I just am not sure how to truly deal with it for good. I too try to use my "tools" to cope but it doesn't last and when it's bad it just doesn't work. My brain just runs with it and can't stop to relax. So I just wanted you to know you are NOT alone on this!! And it's nice to feel not so alone in this myself :) always here, casstar