Two One
03-08-2015, 01:01 PM
I've often read and heard about anxiety being the result of unresolved problems in your life that you are unwilling to confront. Well this past Wednesday during my therapy session I finally decided to confront some of the issues from my past that caused me a lot of mental distress. So much has happened in my life after I graduated high school, from being betrayed by people who I thought were my friends to being tested for cancer. All of it has meant something.
One of the issues that has plagued my mind for the longest time was the loss of my one time best friend. We were best friends since seventh grade and she was there for me through everything, just as I was for her. We trusted each other with everything and she was the one person who always understood me. One of us was always there when the other needed to be picked up. It was a friendship like I've never had before, which only made things that much more difficult when it all came crashing down. During the winter of 2012 I was incredibly frustrated with my life and it not being everything I dreamed of. After the betrayal of my one time friends right after graduating and my ex-girlfriend leaving me to go to London I was obsessed with the concept of isolation. I had it in my head that no matter how close you are to somebody--a gap will always be there to keep you apart. When I confronted my best friend with the issues that had been troubling me she seemed to play it off and attempted to comfort me with some pretty cliche answers, saying that I still have her. However, I didn't listen to her. One night when I was out in a moment of frustration and anger I said some stuff about her that I shouldn't have. When my words got back to her, she was very upset and broke off our friendship. This destroyed me. I had nobody to talk to about it because I just lost the one person I counted on for everything. I had nothing but love and trust for that woman. As my life began to collapse even further the reality of my mistake set in. I really was alone. I couldn't tell my ex-girlfriend how I felt because she would just lie to me say everything would be ok. I was looking for someone to be brutally honest with me. But finally, when things started looking up during the summer of 2014 I got my chance to apologize to my once best friend. She accepted my apology and we are working on mending our friendship. Although things are definitely not the same right now, my therapist completely opened my eyes and finally helped me let go.
My therapist told me that I need to remember that I've done what I can. I have apologized and explained why I said the things that I did. I've tried mending our relationship, I've done my part. Whether my one time best friend does her part remains to be seen but finally talking about this issue and being told these things was incredibly freeing. I feel so liberated. I had some maturing to do and learned so many lessons. I learned the true value of friendship and how to handle it. And for the first time since 2012 I am ready to let go of the things that caused me so much pain.
One of the issues that has plagued my mind for the longest time was the loss of my one time best friend. We were best friends since seventh grade and she was there for me through everything, just as I was for her. We trusted each other with everything and she was the one person who always understood me. One of us was always there when the other needed to be picked up. It was a friendship like I've never had before, which only made things that much more difficult when it all came crashing down. During the winter of 2012 I was incredibly frustrated with my life and it not being everything I dreamed of. After the betrayal of my one time friends right after graduating and my ex-girlfriend leaving me to go to London I was obsessed with the concept of isolation. I had it in my head that no matter how close you are to somebody--a gap will always be there to keep you apart. When I confronted my best friend with the issues that had been troubling me she seemed to play it off and attempted to comfort me with some pretty cliche answers, saying that I still have her. However, I didn't listen to her. One night when I was out in a moment of frustration and anger I said some stuff about her that I shouldn't have. When my words got back to her, she was very upset and broke off our friendship. This destroyed me. I had nobody to talk to about it because I just lost the one person I counted on for everything. I had nothing but love and trust for that woman. As my life began to collapse even further the reality of my mistake set in. I really was alone. I couldn't tell my ex-girlfriend how I felt because she would just lie to me say everything would be ok. I was looking for someone to be brutally honest with me. But finally, when things started looking up during the summer of 2014 I got my chance to apologize to my once best friend. She accepted my apology and we are working on mending our friendship. Although things are definitely not the same right now, my therapist completely opened my eyes and finally helped me let go.
My therapist told me that I need to remember that I've done what I can. I have apologized and explained why I said the things that I did. I've tried mending our relationship, I've done my part. Whether my one time best friend does her part remains to be seen but finally talking about this issue and being told these things was incredibly freeing. I feel so liberated. I had some maturing to do and learned so many lessons. I learned the true value of friendship and how to handle it. And for the first time since 2012 I am ready to let go of the things that caused me so much pain.