thesnowden
01-30-2015, 12:25 AM
Hi everyone, just looking for some advice here:
I've basically had anxiety for my whole life but I didn't really get diagnosed until last year. I have a tendency to be forgetful etc as well as anxious (obviously) and this has led to my relationship with my mother and I worsening.
My parents and I went on a holiday over Christmas and I was more anxious than I ever had been. 2014 was my final year of high school, so it was pretty stressful, but I think I wasn't ready to go away and that made me almost constantly worried, although I did my best not to show it or ask my parents about it. Health anxiety is my main problem, and I became ill and got a chest infection and spent the rest of the trip coughing and with chest pain- I have asthma too, which made it worse- and so I got pretty worried eventually because I wasn't getting better and I was still feeling sick all the time. My mum definitely picked up on this and, while she did her best to reassure me, she ended up getting frustrated and mad that I couldn't relax and have a good time and stop worrying about it.
I'm starting university in March and have been looking for work etc; I told her I'd begin when I got back from holidays and we did so about a week ago. However, I have a tendency to procrastinate or genuinely forget about things and end up doing them a few days later than I said I would and the other day I was up until really early, as has been happening every night, and ended up missing an appointment because I slept through my alarm. I'm also depressed and therefore pretty apathetic about most things which is a problem for me and I think the reason I forget about stuff like that, as I'm not really invested in them even though I absolutely should be. I told my mother about this as I wasn't sure when to reschedule because I thought I had a family commitment coming up later in the week. Basically, she cracked it, and said I'm "effing lazy" and "effing selfish" (not sure if I can swear on this forum but she sure did!), "pathetic", she's "sick to death of worrying about (me)" and I just "sit around all day worrying about my health" and I "can't be effed to get out of bed". That was three days ago and she hasn't spoken to me face-to-face since.
I think everything she said is true and I don't mean to sound bitter if I do, but I believe the problem is she resents/doesn't really understand my anxiety. I can understand that it must be really stressful trying to deal with me a lot of the time and that she's frustrated because she cares about me and wants me to be successful in my future and not an abject failure! I try not to use it as an excuse for not doing things and I've promised to get my act together and be better organised, but I don't think me missing an appointment and forgetting to apply for a job is really what she's mad about. Even though she says she understands that I can't help it, I don't think she fully understands how crippling it can be sometimes (even though she does her best and it must be so annoying and aggravating to have to deal with me and try to help me). I think it's totally fair to call me selfish, because my parents both work and since I'm on holidays and haven't started uni I sort of just hang out with my friends and don't do much else. However, while I understand that I must be a massive burden, I don't think I'm pathetic or anything and I don't know that it was ok for her to have a go at me for having health anxiety.
Anyway, I'm probably overreacting and I've applied for some jobs since and generally tried to change my attitude then which will hopefully make her less mad, and because I need to. But can anyone give me some advice on how to maybe explain to her that I'm doing my best but sometimes I just get overwhelmed? And if anyone has any tips for motivating myself that'd be helpful too, as my mood tends to prevent me from being really motivated. I know a lot of this is just my bad attitude and my fault, which I'm working on and improving, but I do feel like there is an underlying resentment or frustration towards me from my mother due to my health anxiety, too and my reliance on her in particular for support. Sorry that this is really long, but I'm trying to provide as much context as possible so anyone who reads might better understand how my mother feels and why she feels that way or how I should broach this issue with her.
Thanks to anyone who takes the time to reply :)
I've basically had anxiety for my whole life but I didn't really get diagnosed until last year. I have a tendency to be forgetful etc as well as anxious (obviously) and this has led to my relationship with my mother and I worsening.
My parents and I went on a holiday over Christmas and I was more anxious than I ever had been. 2014 was my final year of high school, so it was pretty stressful, but I think I wasn't ready to go away and that made me almost constantly worried, although I did my best not to show it or ask my parents about it. Health anxiety is my main problem, and I became ill and got a chest infection and spent the rest of the trip coughing and with chest pain- I have asthma too, which made it worse- and so I got pretty worried eventually because I wasn't getting better and I was still feeling sick all the time. My mum definitely picked up on this and, while she did her best to reassure me, she ended up getting frustrated and mad that I couldn't relax and have a good time and stop worrying about it.
I'm starting university in March and have been looking for work etc; I told her I'd begin when I got back from holidays and we did so about a week ago. However, I have a tendency to procrastinate or genuinely forget about things and end up doing them a few days later than I said I would and the other day I was up until really early, as has been happening every night, and ended up missing an appointment because I slept through my alarm. I'm also depressed and therefore pretty apathetic about most things which is a problem for me and I think the reason I forget about stuff like that, as I'm not really invested in them even though I absolutely should be. I told my mother about this as I wasn't sure when to reschedule because I thought I had a family commitment coming up later in the week. Basically, she cracked it, and said I'm "effing lazy" and "effing selfish" (not sure if I can swear on this forum but she sure did!), "pathetic", she's "sick to death of worrying about (me)" and I just "sit around all day worrying about my health" and I "can't be effed to get out of bed". That was three days ago and she hasn't spoken to me face-to-face since.
I think everything she said is true and I don't mean to sound bitter if I do, but I believe the problem is she resents/doesn't really understand my anxiety. I can understand that it must be really stressful trying to deal with me a lot of the time and that she's frustrated because she cares about me and wants me to be successful in my future and not an abject failure! I try not to use it as an excuse for not doing things and I've promised to get my act together and be better organised, but I don't think me missing an appointment and forgetting to apply for a job is really what she's mad about. Even though she says she understands that I can't help it, I don't think she fully understands how crippling it can be sometimes (even though she does her best and it must be so annoying and aggravating to have to deal with me and try to help me). I think it's totally fair to call me selfish, because my parents both work and since I'm on holidays and haven't started uni I sort of just hang out with my friends and don't do much else. However, while I understand that I must be a massive burden, I don't think I'm pathetic or anything and I don't know that it was ok for her to have a go at me for having health anxiety.
Anyway, I'm probably overreacting and I've applied for some jobs since and generally tried to change my attitude then which will hopefully make her less mad, and because I need to. But can anyone give me some advice on how to maybe explain to her that I'm doing my best but sometimes I just get overwhelmed? And if anyone has any tips for motivating myself that'd be helpful too, as my mood tends to prevent me from being really motivated. I know a lot of this is just my bad attitude and my fault, which I'm working on and improving, but I do feel like there is an underlying resentment or frustration towards me from my mother due to my health anxiety, too and my reliance on her in particular for support. Sorry that this is really long, but I'm trying to provide as much context as possible so anyone who reads might better understand how my mother feels and why she feels that way or how I should broach this issue with her.
Thanks to anyone who takes the time to reply :)