Just dont know what to do!!!

[csand31381]

My name is Christy, and I have been living with anxiety for about year and half. I am at the point I feel like I am going to go crazy, I just dont know what to do. I keep thinking there is something really wrong with me, I am going to die. I either think I have lung cancer, or brain cancer, anything to do with cancer scares the hell out of me. I used to smoke, I quit a year and half ago, thats when my anxiety started. I watched my dad take his last breath to lung cancer, my daughters dad died of brain cancer. So one day I got this pain in my back and thought I had lung cancer got checked out and everything was good. I have been on different meds for depression/anxiety, but nothing seems to work. I have been so scared, I feel like I am going to lose my mind. I have 4 kids oldest being 18, and youngest being 3, I need to be 100% here for them but I feel like I am not. I am 35 and feel like I have no life because of anxiety, people tell me just dont think about, well thats easier said then done. Nights have been the hardest, seems like thats when I think the most. I wish I could find the person I was before my dad past away. I just dont know what to do, I hate it its taking over m life.
I am sorry to be such a downer, but I just need some one to talk to. My husband listens to me and is really good, but I really feel like I am alone. I just wish and pray that it will go away.
Thanks for listening.

[sarrah]

Christy,

Don't be afraid to see the doctor about this. It sounds like you are going through a lot with the anxiety and might benefit from someone to talk to or even something to take when you cannot cope. I will be honest and say I hate, I mean HATE to take pills but without the xanax (now klonipin) I would not have made it through my recent scourge of panic attacks.

At night, try drinking some herbal tea and giving yourself a moment to just be. 4 kids are a lot to take care of!

[csand31381]

Thank You Sarrah, I am trying not to be scared its so hard. I am going to call my doctor tomorrow and see what she can do. I am so tired of living this way.
Thank you so much for helping me and talking to me it really does mean alot to me.

[02Batmobile]

Hey, I've felt that way too. It's encouraging and comforting to know that you aren't alone. In 2003, when I had a bad case of anxiety, I felt alone in this world. I felt like no one else knew what I was going through. I felt like I had the worst case of GAD in the world and that really freaked me out. I feel as if I went to a support group of a forum like this earlier, it would have been a lot better as the feeling of going through this alone was overwhelming.

One thing I want to say is that everything you've written, I've felt before. We all feel like we are going crazy, but you know what? We haven't and we aren't!! If we did, I would have been labeled "crazy" 5 years ago already.

We all are afraid of cancers, tumors, insane asylums and death. We become hypochondriacs. I used to have a ton of irrational fears over the years. I recently made a list of them and next to it, I wrote, "It never happened to me." I had an irrational fear that I was going blind in 2003. I had an irrational fear that I had a brain tumor. I had an irrational fear that I was going to die. Again, you know what? I am still here, I still can see, there's no bulge on my scalp and I still have my sanity!

I hate it too, when people say not to think about it. It is easier said than done. One thing that helped me is to realize what you are feeling is anxiety and nothing else. Say to yourself, "It's ok to feel anxious." Take deep breaths and don't fight the feelings. Instead ride with them. I know it's hard as we want to fight it so we don't feel it any second longer but it jus' aggravates it. Purchase the book entitled, "From Panic to Power." It has helped me out tremendously. It gave me knowledge about my anxiety as well as comfort knowing I am not alone as the author battled with anxiety in her past. There is alot of writings of her own experience in the book which I all related to, especially the feelings of going crazy which she and I, and tons of others, have felt.

Jus' a recap: Christy, I know this is extremely hard for you right now. Sometimes all we need is to be heard and understood. I encourage you to open up about your anxiety and let your whole family know about it. Talk about it regularly. Don't hold it in as I did because it was jus' to overwhelming to contain. I would think about joining a support group in your local area so you can see you are not alone. It is one thing to find support from your family, but they don't understand what you are going through. It is a totally different thing, when you find support from those who have been through it or is going through it right now. Christy, you are not going to lose your mind! You are not going crazy!!! It is a normal, classic text-book definition of anxiety. I bet you have fears of being locked up in a mental hospital. I bet you have fears that it will get so out of control you'll lose it and have to be fitted with a straitjacket. We ALL FEEL THAT WAY and I felt like that thousands of times, trust me. We all feel like we are going to die as well. It's funny because in 2003 when it was really bad, I was hit in the face with a baseball while playing catch with my dad. My two front teeth were knocked in and we scheduled an appointment right away. They did what the could and said to come back in a month to see the progress. In the back of my mind I was thinking, "Yea whatever. I probably won't live long enough to make the appointment." It's funny now that I think about it. Again, you are not going to die or go crazy! Trust me!

Hang in there!!
-James (AOL Instant Message Me!!)

[MoonFlower]

James has so many good points he even made me feel better. It helps knowing you're not the only one. I know how you feel too.

I just started having panic attacks a few months ago and got prescribed Lorazepam (which actually calmed me down and prevented my last panic attack from becoming full blown). It sucks and it is hard to deal with but just try and tell yourself there is nothing to worry about. You're going to be fine. Anxiety is the WORST but we can overcome it. Enjoy your life :D its such a beautiful thing.

[02Batmobile]

I am soooo happy to hear that I made an impact on someone's mood. I am a very compassionate person and this anxiety took my compassion to the next level. I wish I could take the pain and suffering from all those who suffer from anxiety. I really feel for people when they explain their experience as I went through it alone. I thought I was the only one in the world going through this ordeal and really, really, really depressed me. Take care all of you!

Hang in there!
-James (AOL Instant Message Me!!!) :)