During anxiety I'm scared that I will give myself a heart attack...

[Stab]

Hi,

Up until 2 years ago I was a happy, (psychologically) healthy person, although I've always been hypochondriac. Once during excercise (tennis) I got unexplained heart palpitations for the first (and last) time in my life. Looking back at it I might have been the caffeïne, the diarrhea that I had that week, or just something random that caused it. But at that time I was so scared that I became frightened of it happening again.

That was the beginning of my self diagnosed anxiety disorder. For 2-3 weeks I was almost in constant stress that I was having heart problems and too scared to exercise. Also, I was affraid that I was going crazy from thinking about it could actually give myself a heart attack with my thoughts. During that time I've had a few panic attacks.

Eventually it faded away and I got my 'trust' and confidence about my body back. I played some tennis matches this year which were very long and intensive and didn't feel anything in my heart and felt very fit. Finally I could let it go for like 99%.

Then 2 weeks ago, out of nowhere, I just got a nervous feeling in my stomach. I started to think that this might be a panic attack again. It didn't take long before I actually talked myself into a full-blown panic attack once again.
I managed to get home and there it reached the climax. I was walking around through the house, my hands were tingling extremely and my mind was racing with thoughts like 'I'm going crazy' / 'I will never get out of this' and 'I will talk myself into a heart attack like this'. I also had thoughts like 'shut the fuck up, everything is allright' and 'this is just a panic attack'. It's like I'm in a discussion with myself.

Eventually, it faded away and I went to sleep.

Since then, everytime I go out of the house or when I am around people, 20 times per hour the thought 'what if it happens now again' pops up into my mind... It takes away all my pleasure in living. Even though I didn't have a full blown panic attack since 3 weeks ago, I'm constantly 'talking' to myself to fight the voice of anxiety in my head.

I'm mostly scared for 2 things:
- That I talk myself into a panic attack again (and I have to escape the social situation)
- That I can literally give myself a heart attack with my thoughts

What makes it worse is that I one time read that there are actually people who can stop their own heart beat during meditation. Is that really possible? If I knew it was 100% not possible that would also help me I think...
Any other tips, advice?

I'm feeling so bad that I became like this... I was never like this. I was a happy, positive person with a lot of plans and ambitions. But now I'm already scared for a stupid meeting that I have in 3 days. Scared that I will have anxious thoughts again that I hope I can ignore enough to not get a panic attack during the meeting and I will lose customers... I became affraid and anxious about life.

Please, if you know anything, share what you know.
Thank you so much.

[Im-Suffering]

Up until 2 years ago I was a happy, (psychologically) healthy person, although I've always been hypochondriac.

Please, if you know anything, share what you know.

I know that you need to examine why you have always been a hypochondriac. What I have cut and edited from your original post above and bolded is the clue in your post, the magic ingredient in the recipe that you need to address. The rest of it, all of it, is just your way, psychically, to emphasize (highlight) the work that needs to be done (mental work), that stands in the way of complete fulfillment in your life. Yes, you are that smart. (subconsciously).

So, you got your own undivided attention, with all the drama, the heart palps, the recurring panic, now what will you do?

This post was meant to enlighten, to open your eyes, so you become aware that there are always psychic reasons to the physical symptoms. And so you are to focus there, in your mind, and not on the tennis court.

Today the alarm clock goes off, and you cannot shut it off. You can set it to snooze (the panic or anxiety) you see, as you have been doing. It will most assuredly wake you up again.

[Stab]

I know that you need to examine why you have always been a hypochondriac. What I have cut and edited from your original post above and bolded is the clue in your post, the magic ingredient in the recipe that you need to address. The rest of it, all of it, is just your way, psychically, to emphasize (highlight) the work that needs to be done (mental work), that stands in the way of complete fulfillment in your life. Yes, you are that smart. (subconsciously).

So, you got your own undivided attention, with all the drama, the heart palps, the recurring panic, now what will you do?

This post was meant to enlighten, to open your eyes, so you become aware that there are always psychic reasons to the physical symptoms. And so you are to focus there, in your mind, and not on the tennis court.

Today the alarm clock goes off, and you cannot shut it off. You can set it to snooze (the panic or anxiety) you see, as you have been doing. It will most assuredly wake you up again.

Thanks!
I am surely getting the point you are making and I think that you are right. There is a deeper fear / problem there that arises in the form of anxiety and panic attacks. My relationship has been under a lot of stress lately also which probably fuels it even more.

Now I am at the point where I create my own anxiety. I think 'what if I get panick again when I go to that party tonight?' And because I anticipate the fear, of course the thoughts won't let me go when I'm at the party. Luckily I can get it a bit under control so that it doesn't really explode into a full panick attack.

But anyway, what do you recommend?
Yes, I am horrified of death, decease and being locked up or stuck in a situation or place. Those are my biggest fears. And I'm trying to face them, think about them and not push them away. But what is really the solution here in your eyes? Don't hold back. I really want to know.

[Im-Suffering]

Thanks!
I am surely getting the point you are making and I think that you are right. There is a deeper fear / problem there that arises in the form of anxiety and panic attacks. My relationship has been under a lot of stress lately also which probably fuels it even more.

Now I am at the point where I create my own anxiety. I think 'what if I get panick again when I go to that party tonight?' And because I anticipate the fear, of course the thoughts won't let me go when I'm at the party. Luckily I can get it a bit under control so that it doesn't really explode into a full panick attack.

But anyway, what do you recommend?
Yes, I am horrified of death, decease and being locked up or stuck in a situation or place. Those are my biggest fears. And I'm trying to face them, think about them and not push them away. But what is really the solution here in your eyes? Don't hold back. I really want to know.

For some readers here with physical symptoms -

The heart beating fast or skipping (or any physical symptom) is a reaction to a train of thought generated by a belief (a physical expression of a non physical system of ideas about reality). The belief stirs the emotions. Beliefs are unconsciously accepted as reality so to speak regardless of their validity. It is not a heart condition, although it may be a 'condition of the heart' (psychologically).

Now with that said, a bit of a reading for you :

The nervous condition and fears did not start that day (with the life until then perfect and healthy). but in one way or another have been with you since childhood and even before that as we will explore here. The 'disease' was not thrust upon you then in one fell swoop.

The incipient attack on the court that day was part dehydration (as far as the body systems go) it was stoking the furnaces. you had been sick and it was a little to soon to push it. And so that day was an illusion (generated in full by your system of beliefs), designed only to kick start this journey off. This was a journey you felt you had to embark upon, spiritually speaking, for the health of the soul. You have been avoiding certain issues, and so as we said before, this was the attention grabber.

Im feeling this fear of death and the fear of loss of liberty as being connected. These fears are universal ofcourse, as everyone has died too many times to count. And in some way been imprisoned either physically in some way or symbolically within their own mind, unable to escape. Lifetimes have been spent where no resolution was met. Another words this anxiety we speak about, we die with it. And thus there is an impetus or energy behind the thrust to get it right, so to speak.

The fear on the court was just a matter of timing, although some exercise was associated with a past life incident maybe a drowning. That fear is fresh in memory as far as the psychic imprints on the nervous system, even if the mind consciously cannot make the connection. Each life is separated by boundaries, and so what you have left is the feeling, you see, not the actual memory as if it were just yesterday. As a child, you may have had 'suffocating' moments, because at that time the memories were fresh and not so far removed, as life goes on.

Ofcourse you are living your current life now, not another one and so you must try and remain in the moment point. That is where the power is. People often suggest meditation, CBT or other therapies ignoring the psychic imprints on the soul because that is considered outlandish, and too abstract, but nonetheless just as valid.

Only you know what goes through your mind, not only the thoughts you dislike but also the pictures. The reasons for all of this are conscious, you see, and so are hints to the memories from all-time. You might have a fear of the water, for example, or at night in your dreams, choke and suffocate, or moments of flashes, intrusive moving pictures in the imagination that if not dismissed would lead you to the truth, and the full story of who you are. Only because people choose to dismiss psychic interventions do they miss 80% of the full picture, always looking outside themselves for what is happening, never truly finding peace and contentment.

Dissect your relationship problems, and see clearly, take responsibility for what is happening, know that you are co creating it, and find the hidden psychological meaning. The relationship issues that stay unresolved involving two or more intimate souls is prime as far as healing. So you must discover the beliefs that created the situation. Your feelings generate the appropriate thoughts and pictures. So if you want to know what the belief is, go into the feeling.

You can do the same with the general anxiety and the fears of death, etc. When the feeling hits...Go into it. Not away from it. "OMG Im feeling it now, Im stuck, no way out, what if I die?" - within that feeling, put into those words, expressed in that verbal way is the belief that is generating all of it. You might find that you take life for granted, and that feeling of death is telling you to live your life, validating and valuing each moment. Or you might find psychic pictures of a past life in another body, that however strange, feel real in a sense, very personal.

You asked for advice, and that is:

Allow the feelings to overwhelm you, let them take over, release any tight grip or hold, BUT - you are to do that with a purpose, "who am I?".

Through all of this, it is a journey of self discovery at the heart of it. If you feel good, you are on the right track, when you feel bad, you must make the discovery why, heal that, and move on. You are meant to always feel good, you see? There is no reason not to. Now, that statement in itself will trigger many people. "It is surely not possible to feel good all the time!"

And so you have problems, but you are not to worry over them, doubt your ability to resolve them, fear what tomorrow will bring. You are to solve them, clearly, and with good judgment. Do not ignore what comes up. They come up for a reason. And that is why we mentioned the alarm clock. you can put the problems on snooze all you wish, but one day they will have to be faced. Symbolically life will become all the more frustrating, through illness and all sorts of calamity until these issues are worked out.

That's all I have, I cant devote much more time to this. Hopefully it will spark something in you. Read it several times, especially before bed while relaxing. Take it to sleep with you, and see what springs to mind in the morning.

[Stab]

Thank you so much for your write-up ImSuffering. Very helpful.