Hey there!

[leanneh]

Hello there! I would just like to share with you all how i am feeling and how much this is ruining my life.. i am glad to know i am not alone (i know that sounds a bit selfish).... I am 17years old,

Brief history:
Ok so, it all started around 2-4 months back. I first noticed whilst out shopping with my mum when all of a sudden i had this awfull feeling some what like a wave through my whole body, i went lightheaded and felt asthough i was going to pass out.. after it happened i thought nothing of it.
However, things got worse and i noticed it was becoming quite frequent, mostly getting head pains and chest pains.. thats untill i had my first ever panic attack one night whilst at my boyfriends house! I can say i have NEVER been so scared in my life.. felt as though i was having a heart attack or something. Went to hospital and they reassured me i had nothing medically wrong with me...

Since that night i began to get terrible thoughts in my head like i had a brain tumour and i was going to die within weeks.. :(
Panic attack happened again and i went to see my GP who then diagnosed me with Anxiety.. he checked my breathing, ears and balance.
I now have councilling sessions.
To be honest i do not know what triggered this off, i had an abortion last November then went living in Spain and was wondering maybe it was
something to do with that? as i think about it alot.

Another thing i noticed is when im going to sleep i have difficulty breathing its as though my whole body has shut down for a second or two untill, i have to jump up and gasp for air, almost as if i have been zapped/shocked .. can anyone else relate to this?

I often have this thought of my heart suddenly stopping!!! I know it sounds ridiculous :( Its now 4:06am and i have not slept..(fear of never waking up again) i dread to think about tonight and how im going to cope.

Sorry for the none intended long post lol
Thanks for reading, Leanne

[sarrah]

I just want to let you know you are not alone. I also get those weird "sleep zaps" at times and they are quite terrifiying aren't
they.

[leanneh]

Yep, they sure are!!!!!
I sometimes just think to myself... WHY ME??? I can say it is actually ruining my life. I just want to be myself again :(

[sarrah]

I agree. I wnt to go out and have fun and be alive again. I used to plan 2k + parties and now going to the grocery store is enough to make me cry. This sucks but we are strong and will get through it. It might take a while and it might be a long hard road but we will do it!

As for the sleep zaps I have gotten so sick of them I just tell myself that if I am going to die, at least I will be asleep and it won't hurt! Pathetic, yes but it honestly helps me let the fear go and finally get some sleep (usually round 3 am)

[leanneh]

Hi sarah. I do go out and socialise alot with my friends still (parties, hanging out) BUT.. i always have this fear that I am going to pass out, wich has never happened. Yet, the more I think of it the worse it becomes so I just try and ignore the silly little voice in my head and listen to my inner voice and believe it!!
I often get head pains wich last for about 2seconds, if that.... that sends me into a panick also making me think I have a brain tumour (stupid i know) but as you know these thoughts can't be stopped!
I am mostly worried about my heart more than anything.... thinking it will just suddenly stop!
Again, it is 6:16am and I have not been to sleep... I feel as though I am going mad???
How old are you if you don't mind me asking?.. How long have you suffered? Do you know what may have triggered it off?
Best wishes Leanne x

[sarrah]

I am 26 and have gotten really bad over the past year. I think all the major surgeries along with a reallly bad reaction to topamax started the ball rolling. Like you I still go out but it is getting harder each time. Also, the fear of passing out is one of the biggest next to my heart hurting.

[leanneh]

Hiya!!! Sorry I didn't reply sooner...
Not been too bad today.. although someone I was out with was mentioning something about his kidneys packing up on him a few month back.. and i was immediatly alarmed!!!!
I felt funny and got a tight chest and thought maybe that is what will happen to me!
It gets worse and worse :(

[sarrah]

I have that issue sometimes too. If I hear something about one of my fears, even if it is on TV my brain goes into panic overload and tries to convince me that it is happening to me too. Everytime I get wise to its nasty tricks it tries new logics and the cycle goes on.

I had a breakdown today. I heard one of "those" songs I listened to a lot during rough times in my life and it nearly broke me. I don't know why this place makes it so much easier to "talk" about these things when I cannot even broach the subject to those that are closest to me. Weird huh?

[intentus18]

I don't know why this place makes it so much easier to "talk" about these things when I cannot even broach the subject to those that are closest to me. Weird huh?

I guess it easier to talk about it here because everyone is going through the same thing. No one will be judging you (I hope) :) and maybe the people close to you may not understand. You might be afraid of what they think of you...that's my greatest fear, what people think of me...sorry for ranting.


Oh, and the zapping thing use to happen to me all the time. One time woke up gasping for air because I thought I needed to write an essay for class. It was 4 am but I fell asleep around 3am.

[leanneh]

Bloody hell I thought that was just me but yes you are quite right about the brain overload thing.. I understand!
Like the person above said about you may feel stupid talking to close friends as they are not going through the same thing and cannot relate... its like when im telling my friends about it they listen but in their heads i know they havent got a clue and think im crazy haha! Whereas here, we can all relate as we are going through the exact same thing.

Sorry to hear about what happened today hunnie. I sometimes cry alot when a song is on wich reminds me of certain events in my life wich has happened :( Not very nice!

I REALLY DO hope you are feeling much better soon love
Leanne x

[Sam]

I am 26 and have gotten really bad over the past year. I think all the major surgeries along with a reallly bad reaction to topamax started the ball rolling. Like you I still go out but it is getting harder each time. Also, the fear of passing out is one of the biggest next to my heart hurting.

Yeah, my issues with anxiety started about a year and a half ago after I started getting sick. I had three incidents in a month where I suddenly got sick to my stomach and began vomiting and had diarrhea just out of nowhere. I had tons of test done and they found nothing wrong with me and I was eventually diagnosed as having IBS.

Anyway, the result of that experience was what caused my issues I now have. After the third episode it took me a few weeks to be able to eat regularly again. I would feel like I was going to throw up every time I would eat so I had to do it real slow. I couldn't go out with my friends or do anything social without my stomach getting into knots and breaking out into a sweat. I had to cancel a bunch of business trips because I became afraid to travel.

After a few months with this I decided I had to start facing my new fears head on and not let them control me and I started forcing myself into those situations. It was tough, but over the past year and a half I have greatly improved. My gastroenterologist also put me on Nortriptylene which has helped as well.

I still get some mild panic attacks sometimes in social situations, but not nearly as often as when it first started. I've been trying to figure out what triggers them when they do happen.

It's amazing what your mind can do to you. For 30 years I was totally normal and then out of nowhere, bam! This issue suddenly hits me. It sucks, but I'm learning to live with it and I'm getting better.