New here - Long post

[sarrah]

My name is Sarrah and I am pretty new to this anxiety thing. Below is my story so far. Maybe writing it all out will help somehow.

It started about a year ago while planning my wedding and has slowly spun out of control. It started with chest pains, racing heart that sent me to the doctor. She did the usual tests and said everything was fine but here is some xanax to help you get through the rest of your wedding. Well, I don't remember my wedding but I do remember the most miserable honeymoon a person can have. I was terrified the whole time I was going to be sick in front of people. After the stress of the wedding went away, my panic attacks lessons to the point I almost forgot how bad they were.

Well, in October I was told I have to have major surgery and that started the ball rolling again. I managed without using many pills but still had a rough time. 3 months after surgery I was put on Topamax for nerve pain and after about a week my heart went crazy. I was having horrible heart attack like symptoms so when I finally called my doc she sent me to the ER for testing and it may or may not have been a heart attack because my enzymes were right on the borderline.

After this I have had a PET stress test, an ECG and a tilt table test and all came back with healthy heart results. I have been fighting the panic attacks since then but unfortunalty I had to have ANOTHER surgery about two weeks ago and when I came out of happy land I could not breath. As in, swore I was gonna die and was hoping my family knew I loved them. Siince then I have had horrible panic attacks just about everyday. I have been taking my xanax, not much maybe .5 mlg a day, maybe .75 if it is a rough day. My poor husband has been doing his best to keep my from losing my mind and I have seen my counselor and talking helped but then something happens and it all comes rushing back in wave after terrifying wave.

I have gone from carefree to terrified something bad is happening. If my leg hurts it is a DVT. If my head hurts it is a stroke and the chest pains are unreal. This attacks can last for hours and sometimes I am not aware enough to realize it is an attack so I just suffer through it without taking anything or trying to "end" it. I tried to go see a psychiatrist but the office screwed up royally and booked with with a normal MD so who knows when I will get in to see someone.

Well, it is nice to meet everyone even though I wish they were on better circumstances.

Take care,

[Lulu]

Hi, I'm new here also and I know exactly how you feel. Here is my story.

When I was 18 I went through a year of having constant anxiety, not really panic attacks as such. Like you I thought Ihad every illness under the sun, brain tumours, heart problems etc. After around a year and without medication they went away as soon as they came. I was ok till 2001 when I was 27 and I got pregnant, I started with teh most horrendous panic attacks and I had no control over them. I lost that baby, probably due to the high amount of stress I put myself under. Last May I ended up in hospital overnight after a panic attack which hit me after nearly 5 years panic attack free. Since then the symptoms have never really gone away.

Over the last year nearly every day I have stress symptoms, feelings of not being able to breath etc. The last month or so they've spiralled out of control. I'm seeing a counsellor but to be honest there's no quick fix. I can wake up one morning feeling ok, come home from work to an empty house and suddenly my heart will race, my stomach is gripped with fear and I have to walk and walk before I pick the kids up from school. After one of these attacks I am so depressed I just cry and cry. Through anger because I don't understand and through fear because I don't want to spend the rest of my life this way. And through inadequacy because I have 2 lovely children and husband so why is this happening to me? Like you my husband tries his best even though he doesn't really understand. I would never kill myself but I have definitely come to appreciate lately how people that do feel, the feeling of desparation and just wanting to make this feeling go away.

I've tried Seroxat in the past. Now I take propanolol to make some of the symptoms go away. This has robbed me of confidence in teh sense that i'm scared to go places on my own, be on my own etc. I wish I could give you answer but I can tell you you're not on your own.

Lulu xx