Depression over a form of social phobia-all of my life

[seeking]

Hi everybody. I wasn't sure exactly where to put this, and I'm extremely nervous just typing this post. But I'm obsessed with the thoughts of other people. I'll explain in a moment.

I don't know exactly who is at fault, and I do not in any way want to attribute any blame to anyone in particular, whether it be indivudual persons, my family etc. But for a bit of a background, I am a male, being brought up in a extremely conservative religious background. I myself am naturally introverted and shy, not making friends easily, but instead forming extremely strong friendships with just a few people.

I was brought up strongly of what a "man" should be, and again, I love my family, and do not want to suggest any blame onto them for my dilemma. As I said, I'm just giving a bit of background history. But I've had very rigid enforcements of what it means to be a "real man". And for me, anything that goes against that makes me feel isolated, depressed, like some sort of outcast, pervert etc.

So imagine how awful I feel to this very day when I first discovered as a very young boy that I love the feel and look of women's hosiery, (tights and pantyhose). There, I said it. I expect others to frown, laugh, scorn etc. I don't like anything else, and have no interest in dressing up to look like a female. I just absolutely adore those items, they look and feel so nice and soft, warm and comfy.

I have struggled with this for decades, and have tried numerous times to stop wearing. Because I feel the oppression of society all around me, that whispers to me that I'm somehow a lesser man, weird etc. I can't even begin to tell you the amount of times I've thrown all my pairs away in an effort to give up, and then cave in sometime later.

I simply feel like I'm a poor excuse for a male. Period. No one has to say anything to me, I feel it all around me. I feel ashamed even typing this, and I don't know what to do anymore. I am happy being a male and am happy to dress like one always. I'm not even interested in dressing like a female for party events, and in fact, have had opportunities to do as such but turned them down. I just really enjoy that one item for the reasons stated.

Feeling depressed and frustrated.

[Robbed]

Extremely conservative religious background? There are few things in this world which can inflict as much misery as this (name ONE theocracy in this world that is NOT a messed up place). Now I'm not saying that your family is ALL bad. It sounds like they certainly have their good points. Otherwise, you would probably be ALOT less forgiving. But it also sounds like they have instilled within you a belief system which virtually guarantees that you will NEVER 'measure up'. And this is why a conservative religious upbringing has such a tendency to cause problems.

As for liking things which are 'effeminate', this is actually MUCH more common than you think. What you feel is not really THAT abnormal. If you can think up a fetish, then I guarantee you there is someone out there who has it! And 99.99999% of the time, it is perfectly harmless. Now I am not telling you to go out and wear women's clothes in public or anything like that OR to tell everyone how you feel about these items. Just to accept your liking of these items as something that is harmless and really not all that 'out of the ordinary'.

[Ryobi]

When I was a teenager, I though masturbation was the cause of my anxiety-like god was punishing me, or something. Those ideas did major harm to my well-being. It's probably the reason, I avoid religion, which is a shame because I think it could have much value in my life...

The area where I live is just really repressive.

Anyways, I adore women, and everything that has to do with them. Everyhting they do to themselves, to make themselves more attractive, is fascinating to me...

How they do their hair...What underwear they choose to wear...everything...

Women are just kind of amazing to me...

For much of my life they were my number one motivation, but I lost that for awhile.... :roll:

[leddley]

The best way to get over stress and depression is to take a break from your regular schedule, go out, and take good sleep. This helps in clearing the mind and try consulting a specialist who can suggest you as how you can get over your problem. There are various prescription drugs to get over anxiety and depression, but these should only be used in accordance with the instruction of a physician. There is a lot of fake selling of such medicines on internet, so before you can order it online just make sure it is a real pharmacy.