Scared of everything

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So my anxiety is really getting out of control. .. looking back as a child I even had it then. .. now at 32 it's getting so bad... doctor wanted to put me on medication years ago but I refused bc I was too scared to go on anything bc knowing how I am I would read the side effects of them and make myself think I'm experiencing each one... it's to the point now where the silliest things to most ppl wouldn't scare them. .. for instance 2 months ago I got summons for jury duty and for whole month before going I was so freaked out. .. thinking of the worst. .. my mind goes everywhere... I don't drive bc I'm so scared that when I've gotten behind the wheel my legs shake uncontrollably. .. I'm even now getting bad anxiety at work which is a place I've been for 17 year's. ..i had to switch to nights bc there are less ppl around and when more ppl around I feel like I'm in a dream and I'm not attached to myself if that makes sense. ..but when that happens it really scares me and I don't know what's going on... I know I need help but I'm so scared to talk to anybody. .. and this seems less scary to type it to ppl who may understand what I'm going through and maybe going through similar things. ..

[KellyMN]

I would recommend talking to your doctor and thinking about meds again. It may be able toi get you over the hump. :( Sorry you're feeling so bad.

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I think your right. .. it might be best to see about getting on meds... but of course I'm so scared of the unknown. .. but the anxiety is getting so bad it's now changing my everyday life. .. I used to be a pretty outgoing person and now I'm even scared to look ppl in the eye

[KellyMN]

I am entirely here with you. I just started my meds back up yesterday.. it has taken me a while to get here.. and well.. I was prescribed something else a few weeks back and never took it because I have a huge medication fear. I took it last night I am anxious today.. I have called up friends who have taken it also and they reassured me that they felt this way too. and for goodness sakes I've taken this med before for years!!! it is the anxiety that is preventing us from trusting a drug that has been proved to help our condition.. it is unbelieveable that anxiety it that powerful, but maybe if we recognize it (?) again.. I feel you.. I started yesterday.. we can do it together?

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Anxiety is such a horrible thing... it's terrible that something that can help me scares me so much. .. i feel that if I know what the side effects can be I will make myself feel I have all of them... i know that in the end it's best. .but I'm so foreign to even know how it's going to make you feel. .. I'm scared that it's going to make me a different person not that I really like how I'm feeling now. .. thank you for talking with me. ..it's nice to know that ppl go through what I'm going through ..

[KellyMN]

I at one point did not read the side effect for specifically that reason.... 6 months after I had been taken the med I was working an overnight shift and read up on the med.. by that time I already knew that it was helping me, so it didn't bother me as much. It does help to know that there are others out there with the same fears and thoughts. Reach out anytime!

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Yeah it really does help talking to ppl who understand. .. ppl that don't suffer with this just don't understand the struggle. ..and they just think it's all in my head and that it's controllable. .. oh how I wish it was! !!

[Im-Suffering]

oh how I wish it was! !!

It is.

Now I do not mean to assault your senses, but we will make another astounding statement :

Make a decision.

It would be better for future readers of this thread to instill hope, and possibilities, and a healthy future, rather than the idea that what they are going through is a war from uncontrollable outside forces, or forces within a dark clouded subconscious, to which there is no solution.

What is the beneficial healing statement -

A) I cannot get better
B) I can get better

Perhaps examine the decisions you've made, the mental ideas you form in your imagination, you see. To see if they are in your best interests. Wouldn't a loving parent suggest that you would live a better life if you felt good about yourself, that you should always look out for your highest regard, and act on that which makes you feel good? Wouldn't a loving friend suggest you live joyfully and make decisions that feel good?

Ask "Do I feel good, or bad, based on my thoughts. And if badly, what are the beliefs behind them?" ..That is your starting point.

I tell you anxiety is part of you, and what is part of your psyche you cannot hate, for if you hate a part, then other parts will hate you back. the creator cannot look upon his creations with hatred. Sufferings only purpose is to learn you do not have to suffer, period. And in that context there is merit, for all of life is learning. Self-worth, value, integrity, you are to think highly of self, you see. How could you not? And those that don't must suffer the pangs of self hatred until the opposite is learned.....Take note !!

Even a virus is natural, there cannot be anything 'unnatural', you have all learned your scary thoughts from movies, where the self is attacked from evil forces bent on destruction. And even then it is symbolic of the self through life as it overcomes obstacles to awareness and joy, we will call it self-hood, and value. Hollywood in its drama is primitive indeed, nursery school as far as education. We will not even mention the news which so permeates your every cell with its destructive impacts. You might say "but the world is the way it is", and that is not true, the news in a very real sense creates the world. Think of it that way. You see what you wish to see, period.

Anxiety becomes a tool. The craftsman uses tools, you see. And so do you. To perfect and mold, and shape his ideas and creations. if he should err, he would refine his tools and his ideas. And that is what anxiety is.....

If you demonize it, you demonize the self, Which is the reason for the feelings to begin with.

That is all. We will end todays class.

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Thanks for this. . It all makes so much sense. .. but now it's all about almost programming myself and my thoughts if that makes sense. .. my mind is always going and when the negativity starts I try to stop it but it always comes back before I realize. .. especially at night which causes the insomnia

[jessed03]

I'm glad you see that, Dimples. What Im-Suffering said was pretty much exactly what I was thinking when I read your post. Only, he verbalised it much better than my sleep-deprived brain would have. :)

The mind is like a garden really. I know that's a horribly cliched analogy, but when there's nobody there to tend to it, and unhealthy thoughts are allowed to grow, branch out and take root, it can all get very messy and unkempt in there. But your mind really is a tool. I've managed to change mine in many ways, some quite easily when becoming aware of bad patterns, others over time. It's rather remarkable.

One of my favourite exercises was carrying around a pen and paper, and writing down certain thoughts at certain moments. It was amazing to see the future projections I was creating, and the web of ideas and emotions a single thought brought with it. After a couple of goes, I kind of just laughed. "No wonder I'm suffering!"

I think a large portion of change comes, not through force or via willpower as such, but from the realization that certain patterns just don't serve you, don't help you, or aren't worth much. When you think about it, thought in general is a pretty useless habit most of the time. It just sort of feels important. It's like walking in a maze. Going round and round, without ever really getting anywhere. You could do away with a large percentage of it and never miss it at all.

Then of course there's the second realization. Why am I suffering when there's an alternative right in front of me?

Your mind will become something you understand more and have more control of as time passes, and you practice avoiding the cognitive thinking errors. The balance will eventually tip from it being a wild animal of sorts, to becoming a tamer house pet.

[Im-Suffering]

Thanks for this. . It all makes so much sense. .. but now it's all about almost programming myself and my thoughts if that makes sense. .. my mind is always going and when the negativity starts I try to stop it but it always comes back before I realize. .. especially at night which causes the insomnia

Adding a little to what Jessed discussed with you I have a few remarks and a suggestion or activity to try.

I want you to understand, so much of anxiety is fear of the panic, and often times one cannot directly pinpoint any major trauma in life as the incipient event or cause. Now even if one had suffered during the early years of conditioning, you still have a highly sensitized nervous system (a pin drop could set off an attack), coupled with compounded fear. "what is happening to me?" You are overly concerned with how you feel, compounding the initial reaction.

Now allowing the panic to come and even to overtake you, without adding the "oh My Gosh" to it, one would slowly de-sensitize the body.

Occupy the mind before bed with an audio recording, or audiobook, that counteracts fear. One of learning, such as I described in another thread. Here is one you could try for free 30 day trial (listen and cancel if you wish):

http://www.audiobooks.com/audiobook/pass-through-panic-freeing-yourself-from-anxiety-and-fear/50733

30 minutes to an hour before bed start listening with the intent of healing, NO MATTER WHAT THE BODY IS FEELING, and continue to listen over and over until you drift off while it is still playing. Make this your night time routine, and in a short period you will awake differently. That is a book I suggest. I am not referring to meditation or relaxation tapes. Do not read, listen, and drift off with positive thoughts. and try it for 30 days.

Give this a try, and Im not saying that lightly.

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Thank you both for your suggestions. .. I will try these things because I honestly don't want to go on medication. .. I know it helps so many people but I'm so scared of it that I always refused it when doctors wanted me on them for years. .. if I could try something that will help just as well as medication I'll try it. ..

[Im-Suffering]

Thank you both for your suggestions. .. I will try these things because I honestly don't want to go on medication. .. I know it helps so many people (your true belief) but I'm so scared of it that I always refused it when doctors wanted me on them for years (maybe I could have been well now, or on my way, so I blame myself and feel badly that im fearful to even try). .. if I could try something that will help just as well as medication I'll try it (false belief. because the belief in medication is the core belief). ..

Remember now, it does you no good to believe medication will help you and yet avoid it. Just the same if you did not believe yet took it. You'd either have an adverse reaction or none at all.

You must think clearly now, and do not deny what you feel. You have been in denial for so long you have built a whole life-structure around it. If you believe in doctors and medicine "I know that it helps so many people" but you refuse to help yourself then you will resent and blame, and in some part of the mind feel guilty for not caring for yourself.

Belief:

"The world is benefitted from medicine, and it works more often than not, Yet I am not brave enough to try it. I am so worthless, I cant stand myself. I wish I had the courage, I would be better now, what a fool !"

Better to take it for a period, while you are doing self work, than to avoid. The fear is greater another words going against your belief and feeling the resulting conflicts and anxiety. You are feeling more anxiety from not taking it, you see. And some of the trauma in the mind is from the apparent weakness in character, the feeling of powerlessness in the face of fear knowing something would be good for you, but you cannot do it.

And for that matter you do not believe in what I suggested either, you are in limbo. Utterly confused because of restrictive patterns and refusal in certain areas that you know would help.. You should not close any doors, you see. but make the symbolic effort to atleast try..Now, if you try medication, at first you may have a small reaction because of your belief and initial fear, but with persistence you would overcome that.

Try every door labeled recovery, for one of them could be the way out.

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I'm definitely in limbo. .. i am very scared of the unknown. . I want the best for me but bc of my fears I can't get there... I've had trauma after trauma and just don't trust anything. . I don't want to hurt anymore and I don't want to be scared anymore. ..

[Im-Suffering]

I'm definitely in limbo. .. i am very scared of the unknown. . I want the best for me but bc of my fears I can't get there... I've had trauma after trauma and just don't trust anything. . I don't want to hurt anymore and I don't want to be scared anymore. ..

Through the fears (and into the so called 'unknown') is the light that you seek, you beautiful soul. Sufferings only purpose, is to learn how not to suffer. It is not destructive (if the soul learns), but a tool for that learning.

" I don't want to hurt anymore and I don't want to be scared anymore" And so it is written, so shall it be done. As you move through fear and into the promised land.

Columbus sailed the open ocean with nothing but faith and hope. He also believed the world was flat, so there was not much sleep on that boat ! For he could fall off the earth if not careful. Yet in time, and with the courage and faith of a mustard seed, a new land came through the fog of fear. Do you understand? Was he shaking in his boots? You betcha.

Give yourself time. Working toward your goals.

Do not worry if your legs are shaking, they are still good legs to use.
Do not worry if your arms tremble or your whole body vibrates, they are still good arms (and body) to use.
Do not worry if your voice cracks, you still have a powerful voice to speak.
Do not worry if your heart pounds, your heart is still strong and sound.

[Ryker]

Do not worry if your legs are shaking, they are still good legs to use.
Do not worry if your arms tremble or your whole body vibrates, they are still good arms (and body) to use.
Do not worry if your voice cracks, you still have a powerful voice to speak.
Do not worry if your heart pounds, your heart is still strong and sound.

I just thought this was worth repeating ...