Frooby
11-04-2014, 06:08 PM
(I'm a 17 year old girl, I've been depressed for a long time, and struggle with undiagnosed anxiety/something).
I'm just going to try and keep this short, else I begin to stop making sense.
I've always struggled with forming relationships, I don't know why. I've never had anyone close enough to confide in, even family, I just seem to keep things behind some impenetrable wall in my mind. I really want to be able to make close friends, and it has slowly made me more and more depressed. I can't tell whether I'm afraid of people, if I just can't express myself/open up or both.
A lot of the time I'm better at talking to just one person at a time, I seem to struggle more when it's two or more, I don't know why that would be. I just allow them to talk amongst myself and add nothing, just fade into the background. Because I struggle to make friends, I have little to no contact with real people outside of college. Although, I have friends online, who I've recently began to Skype with(voice only). We don't speak about personal things, just play games together.
I can talk to one of them very confidently, but with the other friend I just... go quiet if he's in the call and I can't make myself say anything unless I'm spoken to.
The first guy confided in me recently about the death of a parent a couple of years ago... I assumed that means he trusts me a bit, I'm still unsure.
But now I feel like I annoy him by not speaking with the other guy around, I feel boring compared to him and I feel unwanted in the calls, as if I'm only invited because they don't want me to be upset.
It's just eating away at me inside the fact that I just.. can't talk, and I'm on edge.
I over think once they leave, and feel completely crap and hate myself... and then I remember that it's only its an online friendship... which only makes me feel even more stupid... and hate myself for expecting so much. Then it's fine when I speak to them the next day... it's a vicious cycle.
I don't know what to do with anything, I feel pathetic because I can't even talk to people online, let alone in person... I can't see it improving, I don't know how.
I don't seem to be able to naturally express emotions, I feel emotions, I just can't express. If I find something funny, I can't seem to laugh, and if I'm upset with someone I can't show it.
I'm unsure of what I even expect to get out of writing this thread, and I apologise if it doesn't make sense.
Just leave any advice/whatever you like... observations... opinions. But either way I hope to feel a bit better for posting about this no matter how small it is.
Can anxiety be stronger when it comes to talking to more than one person?
Thanks for reading :)
I'm just going to try and keep this short, else I begin to stop making sense.
I've always struggled with forming relationships, I don't know why. I've never had anyone close enough to confide in, even family, I just seem to keep things behind some impenetrable wall in my mind. I really want to be able to make close friends, and it has slowly made me more and more depressed. I can't tell whether I'm afraid of people, if I just can't express myself/open up or both.
A lot of the time I'm better at talking to just one person at a time, I seem to struggle more when it's two or more, I don't know why that would be. I just allow them to talk amongst myself and add nothing, just fade into the background. Because I struggle to make friends, I have little to no contact with real people outside of college. Although, I have friends online, who I've recently began to Skype with(voice only). We don't speak about personal things, just play games together.
I can talk to one of them very confidently, but with the other friend I just... go quiet if he's in the call and I can't make myself say anything unless I'm spoken to.
The first guy confided in me recently about the death of a parent a couple of years ago... I assumed that means he trusts me a bit, I'm still unsure.
But now I feel like I annoy him by not speaking with the other guy around, I feel boring compared to him and I feel unwanted in the calls, as if I'm only invited because they don't want me to be upset.
It's just eating away at me inside the fact that I just.. can't talk, and I'm on edge.
I over think once they leave, and feel completely crap and hate myself... and then I remember that it's only its an online friendship... which only makes me feel even more stupid... and hate myself for expecting so much. Then it's fine when I speak to them the next day... it's a vicious cycle.
I don't know what to do with anything, I feel pathetic because I can't even talk to people online, let alone in person... I can't see it improving, I don't know how.
I don't seem to be able to naturally express emotions, I feel emotions, I just can't express. If I find something funny, I can't seem to laugh, and if I'm upset with someone I can't show it.
I'm unsure of what I even expect to get out of writing this thread, and I apologise if it doesn't make sense.
Just leave any advice/whatever you like... observations... opinions. But either way I hope to feel a bit better for posting about this no matter how small it is.
Can anxiety be stronger when it comes to talking to more than one person?
Thanks for reading :)