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View Full Version : I'm starting to go down a dark path



Switz5678
11-03-2014, 04:41 PM
I'm sorry if this is all over the place and hard to follow.. There is just so much to this, and its so frustrating and confusing!

Well..Let me first state that I'm not even sure if what I'm going through is really anxiety in the first place. This is not to say that I don't at some points suffer extreme anxiety, but I'm not sure if issues are causing my anxiety or vice versa. The physical symptoms that have been the most persistent always occur at seemingly the same time anxiety occurs. My stomach has been giving me straight hell the past couple of months.

Stomach issues
-Just a general feeling of tightness/fullness
-stomach content backup into throat
-burpy

Now with that said I have developed some sort of anxiety tic.. Every time I get the sense that something is off I start trying to burp. I get this feeling like there is some reservoir of trapped air and I can't get it out. At times this gets so bad the I feel that my breathing is being inhibited in some way. I picture my diaphragm getting blocked in some way by this bloated stomach. At this point anxiety becomes very noticeable, and I just sense an underlying danger. When I eat a large meal this scenario always, and I mean every single time plays out. What gives?

Major issues number 2.. Sleeping

When I first started having panic attacks last year I think they first occurred while in the middle of sleep, or just as transitioned from aware to unconscious. Whats happening ,as of last night, is that just as I make this transition from aware to unconscious I bolt awake and feel panicked.. I feel like I have been holding my breathe way too long. I guess the feeling would be comparable to swimming up from a great depth and I'm not sure how much further I have to go and I need AIR! The feeling you would have when you hit the surface is how I feel when this happens. Sometimes my heart is racing when this occurs, and sometimes it feels like its misfiring. On rare occasions it happens in the middle of the night. Insight? I now resent sleeping, and I really don't want to go to bed.

Minor issues-
Phlegm in throat.. no weird colors just very persistent
Hard time breathing through nose. This comes and goes, and is not the result of mucus as far as I can tell. I was told that my polyps were swollen
feeling in chest which a single cough seems to be what soothes it? lol I don't know how to explain it really

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Things I have had checked
BP 117/60
Stress test fine.
Blood work fine. Vitamin D deficient
Chest X-ray
not overweight
Wife claims she notices no weird breathing patterns in bed
EKG
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Now I think that in some cases my mind could be making this whole thing worse. I tend to latch onto things that I'm unsure of and do this whole dog chasing tail thing. I have always been very proficient in solving problems, and can give very sound advice to others. IF I were you I would likely consider anxiety to be a very plausible explanation.. The thing is for me when I try to do this logical thinking to myself I always get to the cross roads of issues or anxiety initial domino. I can't feel certain because on one side I see a logical explanation, but I also see an answer I really would rather entertain. I don't trust myself in this case.

This really really sucks, and I need therapy to be honest. There are a lot of things about my existence that I have been questioning lately, and to be frank the answers I have found blow ass. I don't really try to talk to those close to me about them because they are happy like I was, and considering them made me unhappy.. I don't want them to feel like this. I wouldn't want anyone to feel like this.

There is no way that I'm the first to feel like this, and I'm hoping someone can kindly point me to a path out of this cloudy wasteland

Xerosnake90
11-03-2014, 07:11 PM
You're a thinker and believe everything can or needs to have a logical explanation. A troublesome mindset as you essentially make up and stick with an idea that appeals to you. Doesn't necessarily matter if it's true or not but it is what you make up.

Underlying anxiety affects the nervous system and thus the symptoms and waking up in a panic at night. Anxiety symptoms can range through everything you described yourself as having and more. You must understand anxiety is thought driven. Your meticulous dissection of every thought, reaction and process is a cause and a reaction. You remind me a lot of me.

Start by understanding that just because you think it , that doesn't mean that's exactly how it is. No matter how sure you are. You'll never know what someone is thinking and why. So let it go.

I'm at work so I can't elaborate more. Understand yourself, don't ask what it means that you do. Know why you do it and understand that you stand behind that idea. You need guidance from the fog. So meditate, dip into your mind and tune it to the body. Live as a whole and not just a piece stemming from the mind. Look at yourself from the outside and progress forward from there