GYDA
10-09-2014, 04:02 AM
Just got my latest set of results back for another illness/disease i'd diagnosed myself with and yet again they're all clear. I've told myself that if these we're results were all clear i need to snap out of all this anxiety thing and get on with my life and i'm determined to do so! I guess this post is just blurt everything out and get it all off my chest in hope it makes me feel better and i can push on? I think it's going to be quiet a long post so many might not what to read it which is fair enough but it's for my own benefits really with it been open to comments and advice? :) Ill try keep it short as possible but it's going to turn into a long one haha.
Right basically im 22 and im from England. My anxiety centers around health by the way, can't really say how long I've had it or why i've got it, but speaking to my mum I had it very very young. My mum and her brother were very close and they both had kids at the same time near enough, obviously one been me and the other been my cousin, sam. With them been so close i was always round at my uncles house when i was like 4-5 years old playing with my cousin sam, but then suddenly he died, he was born with a hole in his heart and he collapsed while he was on a ferry coming back from France with his family. I was only 4-5 at the time, and obviously been told my closest cousin Sam has died and i'd never see him again shook me a bit, I don't remember much about it but my mum said I used to cry randomly for a weeks after that saying 'I don't want to die' She even had to go in to see my teacher and just have a word with them about it. Maybe you could say that's where it all started? who knows. Then I got to 9-10 years old, and i found a small lump in one of my testicles. I brought my mum upstairs worrying sick saying we've got to go to the doctors bla bla, which is quiet abnormal for 9-10 year old i think? A normal 9-10 year old wouldn't of said anything really but again, maybe linked to my cousin Sam dying so young. Anyway the doctor said its nothing and life carried on as normal.
Not only that but I was lucky enough to have inherited something that runs in my family, it's really embarrassing (literally) It's basically that i go red in the face really really really easy. Theres a fancy name for it, but basically made my life hell in secondary school. People started to click how easily I went red, and would just randomly say 'go red' to me, and sure enough i'd go red and everyone would laugh. I had friends, and i wouldn't go as far as saying I was bullied, but secondary school defiantly wasn't my favorite place. Particularly English class, we'd take it in turn reading a couple of lines from a book and the teacher would pick people at random to read the next line, i'd sit there dreading it going red at the thought of reading infront of everyone. But my English teacher thought me going read was funny too, so she'd always pick me to read, and she'd always get my name wrong to 'billy' so everyone laughed. Even if a girl spoke to me, i'd go bright red, if a teacher spoke to me infront of a class, i'd go bright red. I just went red every single day and people found it hilarious, even my mates did it but I don't think they realized how much it juts made my life hell.
Got through secondary school and went to college where the class was alot smaller so my red cheeks weren't as big a problem haha, stupid isnt it! but you don't realise how bad it is when its happening everyday and people are doing it on purpose. I used to go bright red when it was hot in a room too, and I can remember one lesson a week was in this stupidly hot room and i used to burn up when ever i was in there so I always used to not turn up because I couldnt just sit there bright red infront of everyone.
Got to 17 years old and i was a good 16-17 stone, and i'd just passed my driving test and I thought now would be a good time to turn my life around abit eh!? haha so I hit the gym, lost 4 stone sitting at 13 stone. Became a lot more social going out drinking every weekend etc, live was defiantly better, my red cheeks weren't happening half as much as more (anxiety/confidence thing?) but then all of a sudden one of my good friends died at 18, he'd been to the doctors because he was feeling really really poorly and they said he had piles, sent him home. He went back to the doctors the next day and said this isn't piles, so the doctor sent him for some tests and it turned out he had acute leukemia. He found out on the Monday and died on the Wednesday, he didnt tell any of his friends he had it, so the first we knew was his brother putting an RIP status on facebook. Me and my mates are a very close bunch, so it hit us all hard, and I don't know if that triggered something in my mind that brought everyone back from my cousin sam etc but it hit me harder than others.
Anyway, no physical symptoms or anxiety straight after my friends death, everything was normal. I my first and current girlfriend at the age of 20, thought she was way out of my league, very pretty and funny, but just thought i'd spent my whole life upto now been shy so i'm just going to go for it and ask her on a date, and to my surprise she said yes! I was absolutely buzzing, I just thought 4 years ago I was a fat 16 year old who went red if a girl even spoke to him, now im a trim 20 year old lad with a gorgeous girlfriend. But somethings always got to come along and spoil it eh?! haha here comes the anxiety!
We was about 3-4 months into our relationship when a mole on my arm scabbed over, i just went crazy, i went to the doctors, they said don't worry about it. But i didnt believe/trust him, so i booked an appointment for later that day for a second opinion, they said it was nothing too but i still didn't believe him. In the end I had to ask them to refer me through my company private health care to a specialist, the specialist looked at it and said it's fine, sometimes the body attacks the mole for no reason. Got myself into a right mess about it, but finally i accepted it was nothing. But that was just the beginning.. I went back to the work the next day and I got to the afternoon and I felt really really really dizzy and my chest felt like somebody was sat on it, i went for a walk to the shop to get some heartburn tablets. Then driving home my breathing got harder and in the end my breathing went completely for a second or two, i pulled over, calmed myself down and went home where i went for another walk thinking 'wtf was that?!' Went to bed hoping it'd go but the next day i had bad chest pains and dizziness, 100% thought it was my heart so i was at the doctors, they ran and ECG - absolutely fine 'its anxiety' they said, 'no its not.. its my heart? anxiety doesnt cause they symptoms?!' was my response. Then that night i felt worse, so i went to A&E, they did another ECG, absolutely fine. Went back to the doctors a few days later and had another ecg, absolutely fine. they kept telling me it was anxiety but i refused to believe it wasnt my heart. I was googling everything, I was ringing my mam saying I've got angina, google said i've got this that this that, obviously anxiety come up on the searchs too but i just kept on scrolling past it, you dont think its anxiety.
It took me 2-3 weeks to accept it was anxiety, and gradually the chest pains/palps/dizziness began to go but just to be sure i went for a complete health check up with BUPA and it come back clear, including my ECG and my stress ECG. but that was just the beginning of my anxiety I'm not going to go through the story of each one, but basically i've diagnosed myself bowel cancer - had two colonoscopes.. lymphoma because one of my lymph nodes on my neck was slightly swollen, took a good 6-7 months for me to accept it was nothing.
My life for the past 2 years has just been a constant worry about my health, 2 years wasted. The palpitations and chest pains come back, so i went to see the doctor again only this time he said he could hear a heart murmur (some of you may of read my other thread) this sent my anxiety through the roof, i couldn't slept properly or anything. He said it's probably an innocent but he'll refer me anyway, I was googling everything and i diagnosed myself with mitral valve prolapse, told my girlfriend etc. There was split opinions on google whether severe anxiety can cause a heart murmur, some said it can, some said it cant. Anyway long story short, the cardiologist said he always thought the murmur was innocent but as usual there was no telling me, i was 100% certain i had a prolapsed heart valve. He sent me for a Echocardiogram which come back all clear, which meant my heart murmur was innocent. He sent me for a 72 hour ecg, which i've had to wait 2 months for the results for, but I got a phone call this morning saying it's completely normal.
So thats why i'm writing this, I want to put anxiety behind me and enjoy my 20's! they're meant to be the best years of your life and i'm determined to make them that haha. I've had 6 ecg's, two stress ecg's, a 72 hour ECG and a echocardiogram, I need to drill it into my head that theres nothing with my heart. It doesn't help when my uncle, the whole who my mam was really close to, suddenly died of a heart attack 3-4 months ago playing cricket, no warning at all. Was a healthy bloke, biked everywhere, ate healthy etc he smoked now and again though. My girlfriend is still with me (surprisingly) haha shes done well to put up with me for the last 2 years, people have put my health anxiety down to my friend dieing 2 years a go, which probably played a huge part, but I think it all started with my cousin sam dieing is where it all started and my friend dieing just brought it all back.
Felt good to write it all out, even if nobody reads it (which i understand, its a long post so no worries :) ) it just felt nice to type it all out and hopefully i can go onwards and upwards!
Cheers.
Right basically im 22 and im from England. My anxiety centers around health by the way, can't really say how long I've had it or why i've got it, but speaking to my mum I had it very very young. My mum and her brother were very close and they both had kids at the same time near enough, obviously one been me and the other been my cousin, sam. With them been so close i was always round at my uncles house when i was like 4-5 years old playing with my cousin sam, but then suddenly he died, he was born with a hole in his heart and he collapsed while he was on a ferry coming back from France with his family. I was only 4-5 at the time, and obviously been told my closest cousin Sam has died and i'd never see him again shook me a bit, I don't remember much about it but my mum said I used to cry randomly for a weeks after that saying 'I don't want to die' She even had to go in to see my teacher and just have a word with them about it. Maybe you could say that's where it all started? who knows. Then I got to 9-10 years old, and i found a small lump in one of my testicles. I brought my mum upstairs worrying sick saying we've got to go to the doctors bla bla, which is quiet abnormal for 9-10 year old i think? A normal 9-10 year old wouldn't of said anything really but again, maybe linked to my cousin Sam dying so young. Anyway the doctor said its nothing and life carried on as normal.
Not only that but I was lucky enough to have inherited something that runs in my family, it's really embarrassing (literally) It's basically that i go red in the face really really really easy. Theres a fancy name for it, but basically made my life hell in secondary school. People started to click how easily I went red, and would just randomly say 'go red' to me, and sure enough i'd go red and everyone would laugh. I had friends, and i wouldn't go as far as saying I was bullied, but secondary school defiantly wasn't my favorite place. Particularly English class, we'd take it in turn reading a couple of lines from a book and the teacher would pick people at random to read the next line, i'd sit there dreading it going red at the thought of reading infront of everyone. But my English teacher thought me going read was funny too, so she'd always pick me to read, and she'd always get my name wrong to 'billy' so everyone laughed. Even if a girl spoke to me, i'd go bright red, if a teacher spoke to me infront of a class, i'd go bright red. I just went red every single day and people found it hilarious, even my mates did it but I don't think they realized how much it juts made my life hell.
Got through secondary school and went to college where the class was alot smaller so my red cheeks weren't as big a problem haha, stupid isnt it! but you don't realise how bad it is when its happening everyday and people are doing it on purpose. I used to go bright red when it was hot in a room too, and I can remember one lesson a week was in this stupidly hot room and i used to burn up when ever i was in there so I always used to not turn up because I couldnt just sit there bright red infront of everyone.
Got to 17 years old and i was a good 16-17 stone, and i'd just passed my driving test and I thought now would be a good time to turn my life around abit eh!? haha so I hit the gym, lost 4 stone sitting at 13 stone. Became a lot more social going out drinking every weekend etc, live was defiantly better, my red cheeks weren't happening half as much as more (anxiety/confidence thing?) but then all of a sudden one of my good friends died at 18, he'd been to the doctors because he was feeling really really poorly and they said he had piles, sent him home. He went back to the doctors the next day and said this isn't piles, so the doctor sent him for some tests and it turned out he had acute leukemia. He found out on the Monday and died on the Wednesday, he didnt tell any of his friends he had it, so the first we knew was his brother putting an RIP status on facebook. Me and my mates are a very close bunch, so it hit us all hard, and I don't know if that triggered something in my mind that brought everyone back from my cousin sam etc but it hit me harder than others.
Anyway, no physical symptoms or anxiety straight after my friends death, everything was normal. I my first and current girlfriend at the age of 20, thought she was way out of my league, very pretty and funny, but just thought i'd spent my whole life upto now been shy so i'm just going to go for it and ask her on a date, and to my surprise she said yes! I was absolutely buzzing, I just thought 4 years ago I was a fat 16 year old who went red if a girl even spoke to him, now im a trim 20 year old lad with a gorgeous girlfriend. But somethings always got to come along and spoil it eh?! haha here comes the anxiety!
We was about 3-4 months into our relationship when a mole on my arm scabbed over, i just went crazy, i went to the doctors, they said don't worry about it. But i didnt believe/trust him, so i booked an appointment for later that day for a second opinion, they said it was nothing too but i still didn't believe him. In the end I had to ask them to refer me through my company private health care to a specialist, the specialist looked at it and said it's fine, sometimes the body attacks the mole for no reason. Got myself into a right mess about it, but finally i accepted it was nothing. But that was just the beginning.. I went back to the work the next day and I got to the afternoon and I felt really really really dizzy and my chest felt like somebody was sat on it, i went for a walk to the shop to get some heartburn tablets. Then driving home my breathing got harder and in the end my breathing went completely for a second or two, i pulled over, calmed myself down and went home where i went for another walk thinking 'wtf was that?!' Went to bed hoping it'd go but the next day i had bad chest pains and dizziness, 100% thought it was my heart so i was at the doctors, they ran and ECG - absolutely fine 'its anxiety' they said, 'no its not.. its my heart? anxiety doesnt cause they symptoms?!' was my response. Then that night i felt worse, so i went to A&E, they did another ECG, absolutely fine. Went back to the doctors a few days later and had another ecg, absolutely fine. they kept telling me it was anxiety but i refused to believe it wasnt my heart. I was googling everything, I was ringing my mam saying I've got angina, google said i've got this that this that, obviously anxiety come up on the searchs too but i just kept on scrolling past it, you dont think its anxiety.
It took me 2-3 weeks to accept it was anxiety, and gradually the chest pains/palps/dizziness began to go but just to be sure i went for a complete health check up with BUPA and it come back clear, including my ECG and my stress ECG. but that was just the beginning of my anxiety I'm not going to go through the story of each one, but basically i've diagnosed myself bowel cancer - had two colonoscopes.. lymphoma because one of my lymph nodes on my neck was slightly swollen, took a good 6-7 months for me to accept it was nothing.
My life for the past 2 years has just been a constant worry about my health, 2 years wasted. The palpitations and chest pains come back, so i went to see the doctor again only this time he said he could hear a heart murmur (some of you may of read my other thread) this sent my anxiety through the roof, i couldn't slept properly or anything. He said it's probably an innocent but he'll refer me anyway, I was googling everything and i diagnosed myself with mitral valve prolapse, told my girlfriend etc. There was split opinions on google whether severe anxiety can cause a heart murmur, some said it can, some said it cant. Anyway long story short, the cardiologist said he always thought the murmur was innocent but as usual there was no telling me, i was 100% certain i had a prolapsed heart valve. He sent me for a Echocardiogram which come back all clear, which meant my heart murmur was innocent. He sent me for a 72 hour ecg, which i've had to wait 2 months for the results for, but I got a phone call this morning saying it's completely normal.
So thats why i'm writing this, I want to put anxiety behind me and enjoy my 20's! they're meant to be the best years of your life and i'm determined to make them that haha. I've had 6 ecg's, two stress ecg's, a 72 hour ECG and a echocardiogram, I need to drill it into my head that theres nothing with my heart. It doesn't help when my uncle, the whole who my mam was really close to, suddenly died of a heart attack 3-4 months ago playing cricket, no warning at all. Was a healthy bloke, biked everywhere, ate healthy etc he smoked now and again though. My girlfriend is still with me (surprisingly) haha shes done well to put up with me for the last 2 years, people have put my health anxiety down to my friend dieing 2 years a go, which probably played a huge part, but I think it all started with my cousin sam dieing is where it all started and my friend dieing just brought it all back.
Felt good to write it all out, even if nobody reads it (which i understand, its a long post so no worries :) ) it just felt nice to type it all out and hopefully i can go onwards and upwards!
Cheers.