Weight is up Again 5 Lbs

[1Bluerose68]

All I did was drink ice flavored H2O all day.

This is sooo unfair.

I cant increase my diurex while at work

and im already exhausted from walking , in this heat, even after it cools, in the evening.

Then I eat very carefully during the day.

At night I have a few good nutritious snacks, well a few salty 1's too.

But goooooooooooosh darnit Im NOT supposed to go from -5 to + 5 lbs in 2 days.

Why is this happening to me.

I want total control but cant wee all day at work on extra diurex.

I cant take any more fiber than I already do or the same prob will happen at work.

See I don't have the privilege of going to the privy whenever i desire. We have a lunch and that's it.....

If lucky I also have a prep period.

I don't have a pool nearby.

Thats my main salvation for exercise.

The gym just is a downer in this heat, and walking hurts my thighs and bottom of my legs.

What should I do?????

I'm afraid to admit that I'm a middle aged head case experiencing body dysmorphic anxiety and the pre stages of exercise bulimia.(I am terrified when my body refuses to do what i wish for it to do, drop 10 Lbs!!!!!)

No instead I find myself passing out on a hot day, in the middle of a moment to myself.

Thats how much control i have over my body, and it scares me.....

.I am NOT getting any bigger, or sizing up at all.

I would rather pass out than re-gain another 10 LBS.....


I am obsessing over this because I want to change for the better.

But my body is refusing to obey my commands.....!

My periods even have a mind of their own.

They were absent for the last 2 months, and only returned this past month after I began eating fatty foods on purpose to induce the cycle.

And, it worked.

But I cant do that every month.

It was just an experiment.

great( fat = menses) for my periods, that is.

Then I chunked up 10 Lbs after my period instead of dropping my usual 8-10 afterwards.

This is MAJOR ANXIETY for me.........



1Bluerose68

[Im-Suffering]

All I did was drink ice flavored H2O all day.

This is sooo unfair.

I cant increase my diurex while at work

and im already exhausted from walking , in this heat, even after it cools, in the evening.

Then I eat very carefully during the day.

At night I have a few good nutritious snacks, well a few salty 1's too.

But goooooooooooosh darnit Im NOT supposed to go from -5 to + 5 lbs in 2 days.

Why is this happening to me.

I want total control but cant wee all day at work on extra diurex.

I cant take any more fiber than I already do or the same prob will happen at work.

See I don't have the privilege of going to the privy whenever i desire. We have a lunch and that's it.....

If lucky I also have a prep period.

I don't have a pool nearby.

Thats my main salvation for exercise.

The gym just is a downer in this heat, and walking hurts my thighs and bottom of my legs.

What should I do?????

I'm afraid to admit that I'm a middle aged head case experiencing body dysmorphic anxiety and the pre stages of exercise bulimia.(I am terrified when my body refuses to do what i wish for it to do, drop 10 Lbs!!!!!)

No instead I find myself passing out on a hot day, in the middle of a moment to myself.

Thats how much control i have over my body, and it scares me.....

.I am NOT getting any bigger, or sizing up at all.

I would rather pass out than re-gain another 10 LBS.....


I am obsessing over this because I want to change for the better.

But my body is refusing to obey my commands.....!

My periods even have a mind of their own.

They were absent for the last 2 months, and only returned this past month after I began eating fatty foods on purpose to induce the cycle.

And, it worked.

But I cant do that every month.

It was just an experiment.

great( fat = menses) for my periods, that is.

Then I chunked up 10 Lbs after my period instead of dropping my usual 8-10 afterwards.

This is MAJOR ANXIETY for me.........



1Bluerose68

Weight loss can become a psychological framework. I'll assume you know what I mean since your a teacher. A big portion of your life revolves around it, and I'm sure you are on several weight message boards as well.

In your case, joining a structured group would help, such as weight watchers, and not diverting one iota from the plan. There are many groups in CA. Or you can join online.

It's time in your life to be introspective, since the outside world is temporal, so is the advice you receive from peers. Your beliefs are creating your life and your body shape, so about face and look in the mirror, mentally. The mental mirror is your saving grace, not that you need grace, but to you self worth is an issue. look at your environment as a child and your conditioning, look at that little girl who fell at 5, who showed her love? Where is the compassion for yourself? Your beliefs are not facts, they are simply repeated self suggestions from that tiny tot as she experienced her young world. Blaming herself for the hurt, abandonment, pains.

You are not that little girl anymore, and yet she lives inside you. Still repressed because she never had a voice. You must let her speak to you, tell you her stories and purge the emotions. She is waiting for recognition.

Now, you are difficult indeed because you have a flare for the dramatic, thus you feel at home in CA the home of drama, and emotional intensity. But it is not constructive for you to be swept away without rhyme or reason. So get off the ride pulling your focus from the trance of the physical world and turning inward, for the time being and psychologically examine yourself and decide to act constructively in your best interests, for once, and for all.

Pay attention, because my class only comes around once in a life.

"Do I eat too much because I am overweight?" Or,
"Am I overweight because I eat too much"

The answer is not in the food, or portions, but within the little girl inside who for 40 years has been shunned aside. This soul will find peace, healing in facing self without judgment, but a kind sympathetic ear to that child, you see.

End of lesson, teacher. Print this post and reread it several times, as if it were your textbook.

Shun:

verb-

past tense: shunned; past participle: shunned:

To persistently avoid, ignore, or reject (someone or something) through antipathy or caution.

And this is the reason for the overall lethargy in decisions as to what is best for self. Highly symbolic showing physically in the body as weight gain and health conditions.

[1Bluerose68]

wow, was that some Insight or what?And, thank you Mr.Suffering. So I increase the gym commitment even though tired at night?

Sincerely,
1Bluerose68

[Im-Suffering]

wow, was that some Insight or what?And, thank you Mr.Suffering. So I increase the gym commitment even though tired at night?

Sincerely,
1Bluerose68

The only commitment is to self. all else is mental masturbation. The gym only works if you believe it, the pills only work if you believe in them, the diets only work if you believe them, the scale lies in accordance to your beliefs, the weight is symbolic of your image of the body and your beliefs about it, the daily experience is a manifestation of your inner thoughts and expectations, no exceptions.

I told you to look inside for your answers and you interpret that as a gym? Again symbolic as you are hard on yourself, because growing up people were hard on you. You feel you need to consistently do more, be more, work harder, and the gym is a symbol of this inner perspective.

In truth you need to do nothing, but you better be something....constructive, to show self you can, period.

Now, I said it would be helpful to join a structured program, as this personality needs structure not of its own making to succeed. In that context I suggested weight watchers, with the idea that you will be successful, and the expectation of same. If you need to eat sweets, they provide that as part of the program. But, you do not deviate one inch. For if you do, you will kick yourself and blame self yet again, even if it was your own doing.

Be ever vigilant or watchful because this personality is prone to self-defeat, blame, guilt, and shame. Those are the mental viewpoints to work out. They are not true however, period.