ALS Worries

[Tyler Patterson]

About a month ago my father experienced some health scares(luckily turned out to be nothing) but during this period of waiting to see if something was wrong my anxiety exploded. I've always had struggles with anxiety just never to this extent, during this i noticed my leg was twitching ,and stupidly enough, i googled my symptoms and what do you know? The next day my twitching had spread all over my body and my twitches were quite intense I couldn't see my GP because the next day i was leaving for vacation for two weeks. The twitching continued but i believed it was connected to vitamin deficiencies, i started taking magnesium supplements and they seemed to help quite a bit. I strongly believe my twitches are anxiety connected as they get worse when i get worked up. I do have some pain in my left forearm as well as my ring and pinky finger dont seem to want to work as well. I know that once i get the anxiety under control all will be sane but it still lingers in the back of my head that i could have something seriously wrong with me even though the probability of having als in your life is .0002 or something insane like that and myself having it at my age (18) is even more unlikely. I have a better chance of winning the lottery twice in a row, but it still bugs the hell out of me. I've never been diagnosed with GAD although its absolutely certain I have it since have the genetic predisposition for it aswell. Is there any advice any of you have for how you overcame or coped with your anxiety? Should i legitimately be worried about a disease as serious as ALS? Thanks in advance.

[Xerosnake90]

You fear unknowns. The idea of ALS is particularly scary because of what it represents. Likewise with any life threatening illness. Symptoms manifest through fear and you try to explain them in the same sense. Maybe it's ALS, maybe it's this or that. The intriguing question is this. If you didn't know about ALS, or lived back in the day when such information wasn't readily available. Would you fear the symptoms the way you do? What would you be afraid of it being if you had never heard of ANY such diseases.

In the end, the best way to avoid such fears is to see a doctor and get checked up for it. You don't need a diagnosis to considered anxious. You've already figured that out on your own. You don't need to keep wondering if something is wrong with you. Distract yourself enough so that these symptoms and thoughts don't have time to thrive. Anxiety comes off in layers and it's a process. It's a certain one however. Check out the thread in my sig, I spent a lot of time on it. Hopefully you'll find some answers and encouraging words there. Take it easy, and don't fuel your fears with thoughts of what if?

[Lilac]

Hi Tyler,

Where do I begin. If you read my threads, you'll see you're not the only one with this particular anxiety. I have been living in an ALS hell for almost four months. This text is LONG, but before you let this anxiety take over your mind, please read my story. I know how awful the fear of this disease can be.

In May I ran a relay race, and I overdid it. During the race I felt like I was about to faint and my legs hurt. When I finished, I could barely breathe. In the days after I experienced pins and needles as well as a tingling sensation in my arms and face. Long story short, I became anxious about them and went to the doctor several times. My heart and lungs were fine, and he said it was over-exertion. I just had to relax and let my body heal itself. I have struggled with an eating disorder (normal weight) for a few years, as well as iron and vitamin deficiencies and I don't exercise regularly. So, my body was probably not fit to run such a race to begin with, although I ran the shortest leg of the race. I ran faster than I've ever done before.

I also experienced muscle twitches (fasciculations) after the race. I have had them before, everyone has. Sometimes more often, due to my deficiencies. But my vitamin and mineral levels prior to the race were actually quite fine, despite my eating disorder. The twitches could not be explained by deficiencies this time.

So I started focusing on them, looking at them. All day long. Went to the doctor again, and the emergency room. That was when the anxiety really started. They said the twitches was caused by the race and over-exertion and my muscles and nerves were just tired and "irritated". It would just become worse if I kept focusing on them. I had to stop worrying because that would cause muscle tension and even worse twitching.
But I couldn't get them off my mind. They were so annoying and horrifying to look at. They were located to my calves and feet at that point, and sometimes around my knees.

I have known about ALS for some years, so I started making that connection. I have spent my ENTIRE summer reading and watching videos about ALS. I have spent all day looking at myself in the mirror and measure my body with a measuring tape. I was looking for asymmetry and muscle atrophy (wasting). Naturally, I found out that my non dominant left hand and arm is smaller than my right. This is natural to most people, as the dominant hand IS a little bigger and stronger than the other. And I use my right hand to everything. However, I convinced myself this was ALS muscle wasting. I found several "dents" in my body, which are actually just muscle definitions, and also thought they were wasting. I took several hundred pictures of myself every day to compare with pictures from the month before, etc. All I could think about was ALS, and I could see it everywhere. I was convinced I had it. I even dreamed about it every night for several months. I started feeling weak, and became scared of standing up, walking or lifting. I feared my body would fail. Yet, I took long walks and lifted weights EVERY DAY to prove my anxiety wrong.

My eating disorder had created a twisted body image, and to me I looked like a whale. All I could ever see was fat, fat, fat. I used to like my left arm better exactly because it IS a little thinner than my right.
With the ALS anxiety, however, my brain shifted focus. I went from seeing a huge whale, to seeing a fragile and atrophied young woman (I'm 25) with ALS. My left arm was now too thin - it was wasting away. My entire body was too thin. This is a perfect example of the power of your brain, because my weight and measurements were the exact same as before. Only my body image had changed.

The ALS anxiety took over my life, and the twitching became even worse. I stopped caring about my Master thesis, because I was sure I would be dead within a few years anyway. Finishing my degree would just be a waste of time since I would have no use for it. I stopped planning my future and looking forward to travelling etc. I seriously thought about leaving my boyfriend, because I had no future with him. I had ALS. I wanted to let go of my friends and family, and quit my job. I would not live to see 30, why should I keep them in my life? I couldn't sleep, and I considered ending my own life. Ironically, perhaps, but I would rather die on my own terms. I could never accept living with a disease that would slowly take away my ability to move my limbs, speak, eat or breathe. I had anxiety attacks so bad I ran (yes I ran, an ALS patient can't do that) out of my apartment, down the stairs and out in the street, trying to physically escape the thoughts.

I went to a neurologist and did a general clinical examination. I then did an EMG/NCV to prove my own fears. It ruled out ALS. There was nothing to find, not even twitching! I had twitching all the time, especially in my legs. How could this be? There was NO neurological and neuromuscular diseases that caused my twitching, and the neurologist said they would disappear if I got enough sleep and stopped putting more pressure and tension to my muscles and nerves.

I still couldn't calm down. And the twitching didn't go away. I wanted them to go away. I went to my GP again, and told him everything that I have written here.

I was diagnosed with a severe health anxiety (I have GAD as well), and was prescribed medications (Sobril, a Norwegian brand of benzodiazepines) for it. I have been seeing a therapist since December 2013 for my ED, perfectionism and GAD, and now we had to tackle the ALS anxiety as well. I continued being scared. My GP said that even if the twitches will not go away for another TWO YEARS, I just had to ignore them!

I have had twitches more or less constantly (but not exactly 24/7) in my legs and feet. With the anxiety, the twitching spread. I have had them in every skeletal muscle that is: calves, feet, thighs, butt, abdomen and stomach, back, arms, hands, throat, neck, cheek and jaw, eyelid, eyebrow, forehead, etc. They kind of "jump" from one body part to another, and never occur in my entire body at once.

Something happened two weeks ago. I started taking more vitamins, and also magnesium, potassium, calcium and chromium (?). I don't know if they actually had an effect, or if it was just placebo, but my body became a bit more relaxed. The twitching decreased! My insomnia got better, because I stopped going to bed fearing I wouldn't fall asleep. And along with a good night sleep comes an even more relaxed body and mind. The twitching decreased even more, and I entered a more peaceful state of mind. I started writing on my thesis again, seeing friends and family, and got a new outlook on life.

Now the twitching occurs every once in a while. I have accepted now that my body, and especially my nervous system, needs time to heal and recover after months of severe tension, stress and insomnia, and that is probably why the twitching has not disappeared completely. And they do become worse when I am stressed, have been taking long walks, etc. But they disappear quickly.

I was living in my own bubble; all I could think about was ALS. I could hear people speak to me, but I didn't listen to their words. I was just in an ALS world. I started getting paranoid, and with the "ALS Ice Bucket Challenge" feared that the disease was following me. I could see it and feel it everywhere, like it was a common cold. Keep in mind that ALS is a RARE, RARE disease! You feel weak, but if you can still use your body you are NOT ALS weak. It's a difference between perceived weakness and clinical weakness.

Take lessons from someone who's had twitching everywhere for four months, and a severe ALS anxiety. You say your leg started to twitch after your fathers episode, and it became worse when you looked it up online. Stay away from the internet! Go see a doctor, and it will turn out that your twitching is caused and maintained by your anxiety :)

Sorry for the extreme long post! I just don't want anyone else going down the same road.

[Tyler Patterson]

Wow thank you both a ton. I'm scheduled an appointment with my gp tomorrow to see if there isn't something i can take to help with the anxiety. Thanks a ton!

[Lilac]

You are most welcome, Tyler. Do you see a therapist? If not, you definitely should consider it as medications do not solve anxiety, and benzodiazepines especially are extremely addictive.

I wish you all the best! :)

[Tyler Patterson]

I do not currently but i have considered it. I'm lucky enough to have an aunt that im close to that is a pharmacist that can guide me through the medication and how they can affect me.

[TravisS]

Thanks for that story Lilac. Sounds like the exact story I am currently going through. I cant get it off my mind. I wake up feeling like I never went to sleep.My leg muscles are hurting all day. I sure hope I get over this and have the same outcome but I know until I see a nuero that theres no way Im gonna convince myself otherwise. I havent eaten hardly in 2 weeks, Im down about 14 lbs. I just wish it would all go away, Ive never experienced anything like this. I just keep prayin.

[Tyler Patterson]

Thanks for that story Lilac. Sounds like the exact story I am currently going through. I cant get it off my mind. I wake up feeling like I never went to sleep.My leg muscles are hurting all day. I sure hope I get over this and have the same outcome but I know until I see a nuero that theres no way Im gonna convince myself otherwise. I havent eaten hardly in 2 weeks, Im down about 14 lbs. I just wish it would all go away, Ive never experienced anything like this. I just keep prayin.

I went down that road as well with the not eating and trust me when I say it only gets worse when you don't. Force yourself through it, I've learned so much about als in the past month because I came obsessive about it and I'll tell you this, ALS doesn't present as heaviness or fatigue. Generally you just either can't pick something up with a hand or you have a foot drop and fall on a regular basis. I went through the same thing with my hand(thinking I wasn't moving it as well) and I can tell you that you do not want that. Realize that sometimes your body is just tired, your anxiety is preventing you from sleeping well at night. I know because I did the same thing, and let me tell you this. As long as you legs work you're fine go to walmart or publix and get some zzzquil take two tablets about 30- an hour before you go to bed.(only if you don't have school or work the next day because you'll sleep till your hearts desire) and you'll feel so much better.

[TravisS]

Thanks Tyler. I have been out in our warehouse at work all morning lifting and stacking heavy totes, up and down stairs, in and out of a trailer and I wasn't thinking about it and I felt fine. I came up and sat down for lunch and had a few twitches and it just keeps me thinking about it. Last night I did pretty well, thought I got some pretty good sleep but still woke up with almost a numbness in my legs. I am going to the doc today to get some blood tests, I am a terrible eater and I hope its just vitamins or something throwing me off a bit. Thanks ALL.

[Lilac]

Thanks Tyler. I have been out in our warehouse at work all morning lifting and stacking heavy totes, up and down stairs, in and out of a trailer and I wasn't thinking about it and I felt fine. I came up and sat down for lunch and had a few twitches and it just keeps me thinking about it. Last night I did pretty well, thought I got some pretty good sleep but still woke up with almost a numbness in my legs. I am going to the doc today to get some blood tests, I am a terrible eater and I hope its just vitamins or something throwing me off a bit. Thanks ALL.

Like said, exercise and heavy lifting cause twitching, especially if you are prone to having them.

Also (don't really know if you fear ALS in particular, Travis, but I'll say this to you as well): Pain, tingling, numbness sensations and pins and needles all practically rule out ALS. My neurologist told me this. ALS patients might experience pain in their joints, because of lack of muscle strength (if you feel pain in your joints now, DON'T be concerned. This is also normal with anxiety and all healthy people have pain in their joints from time to time. Remember that with ALS, any pain MIGHT occur when you are already clinically weak). However, they seldom have muscle pain. Why? Because their muscles are "dying", and they get this feeling of numbness in their muscles (not in the skin, which is a common sensation with a limb "falling asleep" for instance).

And why do sensations like tingling, skin numbness, pins and needles, etc. rule out ALS? Because ALS only attacks the nerves responsible for supplying skeletal muscles (the voluntary muscles) with motor neurons, and these neurons die. Voluntary muscles are any muscle you "choose" to use. And believe it or not, your tongue is a part of this group, although it seems quite hard to control the tongue.

However, ALS does not affect the part of the nervous system responsible for sensation in the skin, or the nerves supplying motor neurons to the "involuntary" muscle groups responsible for the activities that occur when the body is at rest, such as sexual arousal, urination, digestion, defecation, etc. (the parasympatetic nervous system).

Anxiety, on the other hand, affects your entire nervous system. If you are extremely tensed and constantly in a "fight or flight" mode, your nerves get kind of "squeezed" and irritated by the muscles under pressure, and you will experience symptoms from every part of the nervous system. That is why you might feel muscle pain, twitching, tingling sensations, and the feeling of having an insect crawling on your body. Symptoms of pressure to the parasympathetic nervous system with anxiety might include a more frequent urge to urinate, constipation, etc.

I'm not a doctor, so I can't be one hundred percent sure I have understood this correctly. But my neurologist told me that ALS does NOT cause muscle pain or a variety of sensory symptoms, like tingling, skin numbness, pins and needles, etc. If you have experienced this along with the twitches, you can almost be completely sure this is caused by anxiety and not ALS, as anxiety affects the entire nervous system and muscles. Your body is tired, you know! But it's a good thing you're both seeing a doctor soon ANYWAY, as only a doctor can give you the correct diagnose. Perhaps you will find some peace then. If you are not clinically weak and can still use your body, you do not have ALS or any other motor neuron disease.

[TravisS]

That's kind of what bothers me though is I get a numbing sensation in my left leg all the way to my groin. At times I feel like I am limping. And most of my twitches are in my left leg, but I get them all over in other parts of the body as well, just not as often.

[Lilac]

Are you limping, or do you feel like you are limping? You feel a numbness in your leg, do you feel numbness in your skin as well? You said you have muscle pain. This is not a typical ALS pattern. I have felt heaviness in my legs, and my left leg has been the worst one. Numbness, pins and needles, not to mention those awful twitches and muscle stiffness. Just last night I had a terrible pain in my right calf. I have felt like I was scuffing and had a drop foot, and I have been so afraid of tripping that I actually have tripped a few times.

Tell me this: do you have better days? Do your symptoms go away, even for just a few minutes?

[TravisS]

When I am working and not thinking about it, yes they go away I believe. I do have better days but still always get the twitching while at rest.

[Enduronman]

I have multiple diseases but don't worry about them.
Worrying does me no good.
I have relapsing polychondritis, rheumatoid arthritis, mixed connective tissue disease like lupus, spondylosis, retrolisthesis, ADD, ADHD, PTSD, OCD, IED, Anxiety, low testosterone, tremors, occasional seizures, have lost 35 pounds since April, stomach aches, cramps, low Vit D, low potassium, and 17 different medications one of which I have to inject into my stomach twice a week...
I also play the lottery but never win...
You don't have ALS..It's just your mind, thoughts, playing tricks on you friend.
Get in to see a doctor and get some help, you'll make it through just fine.
Hopefully, I will too but if not, it is what it is and I have done the best that I can to deal with it.
Blessings!

Enduronman... :)

[Tyler Patterson]

When I am working and not thinking about it, yes they go away I believe. I do have better days but still always get the twitching while at rest.

Remember this too, just because you might have some weakness doesn't mean you have als. Thinking about it now as I'm sitting in the doctors office waiting to be called back, als fears are extreme and scary,but in the same breath ridiculous. Als is something only 5 thousand people get diagnosed with a year, with 5-10% of those being due to genetics so even less then that. Your chances of getting als are .002 percent. Which is close to being the same as winning the lottery and getting struck by lighting simultaneously. Anxiety is a son of a bitch, and that's putting it lightly. Don't let google get to you, don't let seeing the ice bucket challenge get to you the same way it got to me. Chances are you'll live a full life time of 80-90 years and may have small complications which you can get over. I'm on the back end of my anxiety and am realizing all of this. It gets better and there's no reason to fret

[Lilac]

When I am working and not thinking about it, yes they go away I believe. I do have better days but still always get the twitching while at rest.

There you go. Twitches that occur during rest and disappear when you use the muscles are benign. With ALS, once you get the twitching, they are there constantly during movement and rest. Not only that, they are even more severe than the benign twitches, and always, always occur in an already weak muscle. You would have had a completely different feeling in your leg if you were clinically weak, and you would not be able to do the tasks you described above, let alone walking up and down the stairs (!) ALS is a progressive disease, and once you get a symptom it doesn't disappear. It gradually worsens. You have no better days. You say "When I am working and not thinking about it, yes they go away I believe." It spells anxiety long way. Your symptoms go away when you use your body - would an ALS patient experience that? Absolutely not, they feel even more horrible when using their body.
When you think about the symptoms you become more "aware" of your own body functions, and you help maintaining the symptoms. Take walking, for instance. Walking is not really something you are aware that you are doing - it's automatic. You're sending a signal to your brain to move your legs. When you start thinking about the function of your legs like you do, it actually becomes harder to use them. You notice every little "defect" or "flaw" with your legs and connect it to the disease that you are fearing. I was afraid my legs became weak, so I became afraid of walking. I was sure my legs would fail. My legs actually felt heavier and weaker the more I thought about it.

[TravisS]

Well I cant say that the dr visit today calmed me much but he did order a bunch of blood work, scheduled me an MRI and a Neuro consult to make sure everything is well. He sais I dont think u have ALS but lets get you to a neuro to rule these out for your good. I think thats what I need to get it off my mind for good. Thanks for all your supporting and kind words

[TravisS]

Ok guys now I am really freaking out. Im sitting here watching tv having a good night trying to relax and I look down and I am having little tiny muscle fasculations all over the side of my right foot that I cant feel. I am so scared. Anyone else had them there?

[Tyler Patterson]

Ok guys now I am really freaking out. Im sitting here watching tv having a good night trying to relax and I look down and I am having little tiny muscle fasculations all over the side of my right foot that I cant feel. I am so scared. Anyone else had them there?

The doctor laughed at my als fears. Still took blood samples to rule out lacking vitamins. Don't be scared there's no need.

[TravisS]

The doctor laughed at my als fears. Still took blood samples to rule out lacking vitamins. Don't be scared there's no need.
Well parts of what I seen earlier was my pulse in my ankle. Hope thats all. Uggghhhh

[Lilac]

Well parts of what I seen earlier was my pulse in my ankle. Hope thats all. Uggghhhh

Well, my twitches were more prominent in the feet and calves than any other body part (although I have had them everywhere else too), and I could see them all the time. I couldn't always feel them, though, and that kind of freaked me out. I can still see them every once in a while, but they are almost gone, at least for now.

I was also scared that the pulse in my foot were fasciculations. Now, you've been to the doctor and he's scheduled an MRI and a visit to a neurologist for you. And please, please, please, if the MRI shows nothing and the neuro says you DO NOT have ALS, you have to believe him. Please note this and take it to heart; we have not seen ALS in real life (at least I haven't). We do not know how the disease progress. We have read and read about it online, visited forums and maybe seen a few videos. We THINK we know the theory (In 90% of the cases you can't really trust what's online), but what we definitely do not have is experience. A doctor, and especially a neurologist, knows exactly what to look for in a human body. They know how the body works, and the precise connection between your nerves and muscles. They know what to search for. You probably look WAY too healthy to have ALS, as we all do. We have anxiety. Anxiety is an a***hole, because it can manifest itself in several neurological symptoms, as I attempted to explain above.

I think you and I have very similar stories. Please read mine over again whenever you feel concerned - I have had fasciculations for four months, I have interpreted my natural asymmetry to be atrophy caused by ALS, I have felt weak, I have had pain, numbness, tingling sensation, pins and needles, muscle pain and stiffness, everything. It's exactly like you!I

Don't let it ruin your life! Please.

[JohnC]

Oh ALS, yes it is a terrible thing and for those of us who suffer from anxiety it is fuel for the fire. Scopehynosis is correct in what is said about the mind and what it can do. STOP watching the news and social media because the ALS ice bucket challenge got the news and everybody else talking about it which is not a bad thing for raising money for the cause. remember the news loves to pound the bad stuff right in to our gullible brains. Good luck

[TravisS]

Im really at a low here guys. I got about 3 hours of sleep and am really run down today. I have a hopeless feeling about me. I sure hope I can get sleep tonight cause I have another day of set up tomorrow.

[Lilac]

Hey Travis and Tyler, how's your ALS doing? Sorry, I'm not trying to be funny; I know how absolutely horrible the ALS anxiety is. I was just wondering if you have been taking some tests or spoken to your doctors some more? I strongly suggest taking an EMG/NCV - this is THE test for detecting or ruling out ALS. I did it, and even though it sounds a bit scary, it is really not an unpleasant session.

[TravisS]

I am doing much better, I reached a low of lows last Thursday and then met with some family Friday and went with my dad to a competition shoot on Saturday to try and clear my head. It worked. I felt great all weekend, I started eating normal again and got some decent rest and I felt much better. I am still having some fasculations in my muscles but not like I was. I have an MRI tomorrow and then hopefully get to a Neurologist soon to get this figured out. I was on my feet for 14 hours yesterday on uneven squishy ground and I did fine out there. Legs a little tired, but so were everyone elses. I felt better after talking to my dad Saturday and he said he has had muscle twitches for many years, so maybe its something I inherited from him and have just begun to notice as I sit and wait for them to happen now. All I can do is continue praying, go on with life and place the rest in gods hands. I am not saying my anxiety is completely gone as I woke up a few times in the night thinking last night, but I am a long ways removed from the state I was in last week. I hope I continue forward and don't revert back. I hope you find comfort and healing Lilac, as it sounds like many of us face these health anxiety issues and now going through it, its amazing what it can do to a persons mental state.

[Enduronman]

Congratulations Travis!

I just had an MRI on Saturday, they're no big deal and I also have a Neurologist myself and he conducted many tests.
All you can do is hope and pray friend, that's about all I do myself.
We all hope that you continue moving forward too!
Have a great day!

Enduronman :)

[Dahila]

Hi Tyler welcome to the forum. I think you could benefit from reading this sticky , I will link you. It is an excellent thread, which explains how we get to be afraid of living and think about diseases:)
click me (http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?26839-HEALTH-ANXIETY-EXPOSED-Living-With-Risk)
My biggest fear is cancer, so you are not alone, almost everyone of us has health anxiety.

[TravisS]

I have my MRI today, so Ive got some anxiety build up again. I woke up with sore,stiff legs again this morning so of course my minds racing again. Cant wait to get this all over with and hopefully , be it Gods will, I can put it all behind me. Ive never before in my life gone through anything like this. I did lose an eye when I was 19 via a bunji chord, I know I had some anxiety then, but I was so medicated I don't really remember it. I feel for you people who have suffered from this disease for many years.

[TravisS]

Just got a call from the clinic, I have a Neurology appointment scheduled for 9/23. So atleast I don't have too long to wait to get in. Hope I can get this all resolved and hopefully move on with a normal life for a while.

[Lilac]

Hi Travis,

Good for you! Tell your neurologist the whole story, and ask him/her to do a complete checkup. I am very happy to hear you are felling better - soon it will all be over, and you will overcome this ALS anxiety. You do not have ALS.

My fear of ALS is gone now (knock on wood!), after almost four months. This kind of anxiety cannot even be described properly; I was absolutely convinced I had ALS, and was going to die within a few years. It was horrible beyond words, and I told my loved ones that I would rather live with my eating disorder for the rest of my life than live with the fear of this awful disease. I did not want to have anything to do with anything or anyone; what was the use? I did not need friends anymore, a family, a boyfriend. I did not need an education, my apartment, my job. I was going to die, I was absolutely convinced.

The only positive thing about this particular fear was my eating disorder was almost "cured"; my brain shifted focus to another topic. Instead of seeing a big and fat girl in the mirror like I used to, I started seeing muscle wasting and ALS in every part of my body. Not wanting to become any skinnier (my weight and measurements have been more or less the same throughout the whole period) I started eating more and exercise a little more. Everything to prove my anxiety wrong. And because of that, my relationship with food is almost back to normal. I look at myself in the mirror, and do not love what I see. But I do not see a huge whale, nor an atrophied ALS patient. I just see me. And... I accept what I see. Maybe I will learn to like it too. Instead of throwing up my food or starving myself to become skinnier, I'd rather eat healthy food and move my butt if I want to loose a couple of pounds or maintain my weight, like everyone else has to do.

But naturally, being an extremely self-destructive person, my brain started looking for new things to dwell on. I have never woken up without a single worry in my life; And now that my health anxiety is getting better and I cannot feel my eating disorder anymore, what is left? Just... life? "Am I just living my life now? What is going to happen to me next? Something bad is coming; it has to" and thoughts like that. That is the anxiety talking again. I started having stomach and chest pains every once in a while, my heart was beating really fast, I had palpitations, and started thinking that I might have an aneurysm, or another heart problem. I have always known I have a high pulse and some irregular heartbeat - it's a typical anxiety symptom, and never used to care about it. Not even the healthiest human being has a regular heart beat. Stress and anxiety greatly affect your heart. But now with ALS gone, my brain needed something new. Luckily, I have learned techniques to deal with those thoughts: Whenever they come, I just observe them. I don't argue, like "no, it's not this and not that, I am healthy", nor do I believe that I am sick. I just observe them; "Oh, well, now I am afraid I have a heart disease, stomach cancer etc. Very well, then". I do not believe them. And they go away!

Should you still have ALS fears after your visit to the neurologist, please try this way of thinking. Observe your thoughts, and let them come. But do not nurture them and believe them; do not fight them off. Try to tell yourself: "oh, my brain is starting again. What is it telling me now? I have ALS again? Okay then". I know how hard it is, because what if you really are sick? You would know that something is terribly off with your body. If you have a heart attack, you would know! If you truly have symptoms of ALS, you would know. It is something entirely different from a few irregular heart beats or mild chest pain, or muscle twitches and slight numbness or heavy legs. All those are symptoms of anxiety. If you really are ill, you will feel it, be sure of that. Remember that people with anxiety tend to think of even the smallest and most innocent symptoms as huge, dangerous and damaging. What we consider extreme chest pains and irregular heart beats is different from what is medically considered heart attack symptoms. The same goes for the so-called ALS symtpoms: we think we present a few similar symptoms to ALS, but we don't. Although muscle twitching is a common ALS symptom, twitches are very normal in every healthy human being, and are never dangerous unless they are accompanied by severe muscle weakness (clinical weakness and not perceived weakness). The twitching with ALS both feels different and looks different from the twitching we experience as well. What I interpreted as atrophy in my left arm, is just normal asymmetry due to the fact that my right arm is the dominant one. Naturally, the muscles in my left are just a bit smaller than my right arm muscles. But to me, this was a sign of ALS, and I thought it was possible to have atrophy with ALS without being weak first. It is not. If you have ALS, your muscles are dying. You will feel the weakness before the muscles actually waste away, or you will at least be weak at the same time. But we manage to interpret natural differences and asymmetries in our bodies to be caused by one of the worst diseases of all. This because it is the anxiety that controls us. If you truly become ill, you do not have the time nor the energy to worry about it either.

So try not to argue with your own thoughts, try not to believe them or even question them. Let them "speak" to you, and just observe what they have to say. Stand outside of your own brain for a minute, and I promise you you will get a whole new outlook on your own life and way of thinking. If you do not nurture them, they will eventually disappear, and your physical health will also improve.

Sorry for the long post. I just hope you will get out of this too, because I know how awful this particular fear really is! It paralyzes you.