Feels like I'm going to die eventually and have no insurance :( [Archive] - Anxiety Forum - A Home for Those with Anxiety, Fear, or Panic Attacks

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mrdavid1984

09-02-2014, 02:16 AM

Yazzy

09-02-2014, 03:55 AM

Hello, everyone. My name is David and I'm 29 years old from Texas. I've been dealing with anxiety over a month now and I feel like I have all kinds of severe aniexty to the point that I have high heart rate when I wake up and sometimes it takes awhile to get it down when I sit down on the sofa and experience difficulty swallowing food where I lost almost 20 lbs within a month, I can eat when I first wake up but after couple of hours later, I can't eat anymore since I can't swallow anymore.

I've been to the hospital twice and got blood tested but they never found anything wrong with me and gave me medicine to deal with my acid reflux when I told them about my difficulty of swallowing but it doesn't seem to work or anything yet or if I even have acid reflux/gerd and something else that's causing it. I just feel like I'm going to die eventually or have to live my life with tubes going down to my mouth because I can't eat right like I'm suppose to and can't wake up normally without my heart rate being so high, I have no job and insurance to keep going back and live with my parents but even they can't afford all my problems..I just feel hopeless and don't know what to do, I'm 5'8 and now weigh 127 lbs, used to be 145 lbs over a month ago..

I just want help and be fix so I can get a job and insurance and pay my medical bills and get on with my life but I just don't know what to do anymore and I'm scared and as a grown man, I just want to cry because what's happening to me and feel my life will never be the same again..is there anything I can do about this? I really need help with my severe aniexty/stress and can't seem to control it anymore :(

Hi David :)

Sounds like your difficulty with swallowing is due to your anxiety. Your subconscious mind is so powerful it can bring out many health problems. Do you know what caused your anxiety? Also have you had any eating disorders in the past? You need to try CBT sessions (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)... they help with getting your subconscious mind out of that routine. I can relate... i used to think i had heart problems as i get heart palpitations and then i can't breathe. I had many tests at the hospital but it turned out it was down to anxiety. I used to have these attacks even when i didn't feel stressed so it was hard to believe it was all down to anxiety. As i said before your subconscious mind gets used to going into panic mode, so it goes into one even when you are not.

My other half is 28 and has been off work for 2 years because of anxiety, so i can understand how low and frustrated you can get. He was given anti-depressants, unfortunately he did not know about CBT back then... its all very new. He wishes that he was never put on medication and went straight onto CBT.

I hope this helps a little

Yasmine :)

Enduronman

09-02-2014, 10:03 AM

Hi David.

My name is Chris and I'm 46.
I went through something similar back in 2012 when I was attacked by a rare disease.
I went from working for 30 yrs, to not being able to move and was pinned down to a bed for 9 months in severe pain.
I ran out of money and could no longer pay my medical bills. I lost both businesses, income, everything.
I was forced to find and visit a "free clinic" to help me, treat me, and they covered all medical costs and bills.
I also communicated with a "patient advocate" at the local hospital and explained all of my problems and issues with them. They would see me at reduced costs, and refer me to specialist too.
I too was forced to move in with a parent, and also apply for Medicaid for my disability. I now have "free insurance" covered by my state.
You have options friend! You won't just be left out in the cold, or as you say left to die because you won't.
You will have to make some calls, do some searching to locate such places, fill out some papers, but help is there!
I also have lost 35 pounds since April because I have no appetite, and most likely caused by stress from losing everything and from getting this rare disease too.
Hope this helps you!

Enduronman. :)

Switz5678

09-02-2014, 04:31 PM

Hey friend,

I also feel like I'm going to die, and it is a real shitty way to live. Your mind can be your worst enemy it seems :). I sense that you feel resigned, and feel like you are stuck in a situation in which there is no respite. I've felt, and do feel these concept of my impending death. Things I do to gain some peace of mind..

1. Realize that you are Strong, you can and will defeat this. say it to yourself (Sometimes i stare at myself in a mirror and say it forcefully).
2. Sometimes I just say Screw it, I cant control whether I'm really dying or not, and to live in the constant shadow of that fear does not accomplish anything
3. Your 'world' is defined by your perception of it. This perception is shaped by the thoughts that race through your mind, and your feeling towards these thoughts. I believe a lot can be accomplished by analyzing these thoughts, and rationally thinking about your feelings about them. Is it reasonable to feel like you're dying? Is it more likely that despite the obvious symptoms of anxiety, and doctors reassurance that its not serious, that you are dying?

I'm 28.. don't think that you are alone. I care

Josh

mrdavid1984

09-02-2014, 04:54 PM

Hi David :)

Sounds like your difficulty with swallowing is due to your anxiety. Your subconscious mind is so powerful it can bring out many health problems. Do you know what caused your anxiety? Also have you had any eating disorders in the past? You need to try CBT sessions (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)... they help with getting your subconscious mind out of that routine. I can relate... i used to think i had heart problems as i get heart palpitations and then i can't breathe. I had many tests at the hospital but it turned out it was down to anxiety. I used to have these attacks even when i didn't feel stressed so it was hard to believe it was all down to anxiety. As i said before your subconscious mind gets used to going into panic mode, so it goes into one even when you are not.

My other half is 28 and has been off work for 2 years because of anxiety, so i can understand how low and frustrated you can get. He was given anti-depressants, unfortunately he did not know about CBT back then... its all very new. He wishes that he was never put on medication and went straight onto CBT.

I hope this helps a little

Yasmine :)

Hi David :)

Sounds like your difficulty with swallowing is due to your anxiety. Your subconscious mind is so powerful it can bring out many health problems. Do you know what caused your anxiety? Also have you had any eating disorders in the past? You need to try CBT sessions (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy)... they help with getting your subconscious mind out of that routine. I can relate... i used to think i had heart problems as i get heart palpitations and then i can't breathe. I had many tests at the hospital but it turned out it was down to anxiety. I used to have these attacks even when i didn't feel stressed so it was hard to believe it was all down to anxiety. As i said before your subconscious mind gets used to going into panic mode, so it goes into one even when you are not.

My other half is 28 and has been off work for 2 years because of anxiety, so i can understand how low and frustrated you can get. He was given anti-depressants, unfortunately he did not know about CBT back then... its all very new. He wishes that he was never put on medication and went straight onto CBT.

I hope this helps a little

Yasmine :)

Hello Yasmine. Thank you for taking your time to read my message and reply to me. Anyways what started this whole mess happen back on July 17 close to midnight, so one evening I was on a computer just browsing online or maybe I was watching a movie, I can't quite remember what I was doing that time but I got hungry and decide I was going to make a bowel of cereal, so I did just that, sat down and took my first bite, after that and when I was trying to breath out, nothing came out through my mouth meaning my carbon dioxide and felt like I was going to suffocate or something that I had a huge panic attack from what was happening to me and cried for help, the first person I call was my dad since he work late at night and was the only person I can talk to but he didn't answer after so many times I try to call him but I was still panicking so bad that I started to hyperventilate a bit but I didn't pass out but try to remain calm somehow until my father eventually called me back and I told him what happen but told me to calm down and will see me when he got off from work so I tried my best as I can until he got home and talked to me for awhile and got me to relax and lay in bed until I fell asleep, then after I woke up I notice my upper right back felt weird or discomfort anyways but eventually i found it was the root of the problem what cause me to panic that night like it shock my body or cause something to make it not breath out before but now I can thankfully. But eventually this pain or this discomfort feeling is still around and had that problem again at least two or three times so far where I ended having panic attacks again and again and then started having these awful negative thoughts that I might have HIV or cancer since i started looking up online why I have dry mouth and why my tongue was white so this put more fear into my mind that I started feeling more scared and depress and pacing around the house that I'm sure my heart and blood pressure was severely high until my father gave me some beer to drink which helpe calm down and relax and felt happy until I woke up and felt that fearful and terrible feeling again and my cousin and his wife came by to visit me after I told them what happen and eventually my cousin's wife notice how depress I look even when they took me out to eat and see a movie but I couldn't enjoy myself thinking I might have hiv or cancer or something, so I went to the hospital to get myself check out but was rush to the ER because my pulse and blood pressure was way too high probably from being scared being in the hospital for the first time in a long time and had me on a wheel chair and eventually in a hospital bed so I was scared when they started hooking me up to machines and sticking needles in me and felt i was alone because my cousin and his wife weren't with me.

So I was in a hospital bed for at least 6 hours trying to get my heart rate and blood pressure down which finally did in the end after hours and came back with my blood results and said I'm fine and that there's nothing wrong with me or anything so i felt happy with this news but this was during the time before I started experiencing difficult swallowing where I ended up going to the hospital twice for that after two or three weeks later, but my first hospital visit i was suppose to see a cardiologist but didn't since I didn't have insurance for that and I can't imagine I could afford it with no job and limited funds I have, these two hospitals I visit without insurance but I was covered from the first hospital visit but wasn't covered for the cardiologists so i couldnt go see one even though they gave me medicine for my heart rate which worked after a few days and started having a normal pulse and blood pressure even when I wake up until it came back high again maybe due to another panic I had with my back that cause me to feel the way I did the first time it happen, i did mention tho twice to the doctors at the hospital but they don't seem to be concern about it and the second hospital visit gave me medine for muscle spasm and took those but it never seem to do much for me and stopped taking it when I started feeling like I was going to faint or black out when i got up from the sofa and that's when I had another panic attack again from it and called my cousin and his wife to take me to the hospital but i didn't go this time when they arrive since by the time they arrive I started to calm a bit and my dizziness or the feeling of faint stopped getting to severe so I had to guess it was the medicine i was taking that started this since I didn't have that problem before until after I started taking them.

Anyways after I visit the hospital the hospital the second time due to swallowing issues, my pulse and blood pressure was high again, it's as if being at hospitals make me scared or something so they went through the same routine again and have me on the hospital wheel chair and on the bed again and got needles in me and trying to lower my heart rate and blood pressure again, but told the doctor why I'm here when try asks me what was wrong and told them about my swallowing issues and something in my upper right back just feel discomfort and shocks my body if I move my right arm in a certain way but he didn't seem too concern and gave me muscle spasm medicine to take to see how it works and that's the stuff i think that gave me that dizziness or faint or blacking out that got me to panic so bad..I can't recall how many times I've panic within a month or so but I feel like it literally messed up my mind or subconscience that i just don't feel the same or normal anymore so that's when I started losing weight and even though I feel really hungry, it becomes nearly impossible to swallow, I can swallow fine everyday when I wake up but after couple of hours my swallowing gets worse and even swallowing a little bit of saliva makes it hard to do or feel I'm going to choke badly or for die from it if I try to eat, I can drink water without too much issue but when it comes to eating it's horrible even when I feel really hungry but can't eat due to swallowing.

So now I have issues with high heart rate when I wake up or is happening while I'm sleeping, dry mouth sometimes, swallowing issues after a couple hours later so I have to eat much as I can until I feel really full before the swallowing gets worse and I think I have constipation dealing with so that's why I feel scared and unhappy what's happening to me and the hospital can't seem to find anything wrong with me other than them thinking in have acid reflux/gerd and gave me pills to take but I don't know if I have that or not or the pills are not working or anxiety/stress are causing this to happen to me so that's why i feel helpless and think I'm going to die from this eventually or die in my sleep or have a heart attack from heart rate and sometimes blood pressure being high..I have a doctor appointment this Thursday that my father set me up to see what that have to say and such but I know it won't be cheap without insurance so I feel in don't have much options to get help an why i feel like this sorry if my story is too long but I just had to cover as much as I can on why this happen to me

JohnC

09-02-2014, 05:02 PM

Hi David, As you can see you are not alone. Medical bills have put me in financial anxiety on top of my regular anxiety. When my first daughter was born she was 2 months early and i was getting bills that were in the hundreds of thousands of dollars ( lot of zero's there ) i had insurance at the time but it did not cover all of it so in a desperate attempt to get the bill collectors off my ass i pulled my retirement ( not advisable ) to pay them. long story short i still had to file bankruptcy. Now i have no insurance and three kids. There is not a single day that goes buy that i do not think about what will happen to them if i die tomorrow. I walked on a broken heal for 5 years because i did not want any more medical bills. My parents asked a family friend to look at it and then he rebroke it and set it correctly. The hospital i went to agreed to help with the surgery bills and the doc took care of the rest. I am one injury or one major medical away from losing my place. It's a hard thing not to think about every day. E-man is right there are things out there to help a lot of people. I just happen to make enough that i fall through the proverbial crack. Don't loose the faith man just start looking for any kind of help.

trinidiva

09-02-2014, 07:36 PM

I was at a point earlier this year where I was having issues with my appetite and not wanting to eat anything either. I am 5'7 and went from 135 lbs to 115 within about 6 weeks. I suffer from GAD as well. I spoke to my doc and she got me back on my SSRI med but told me to buy Ensure...which is essentially a meal replacement. I bought a six pack at first and it really helped. It was like drinking a milkshake and made me feel full. I would drink one or two a day and then force myself to eat some dinner....I found anything with potatoes was easier to tolerate.

That feeling of not being able to swallow is completely due to anxiety. Once you start to believe that, the fear ( at least for me) starts to subside a bit. Once my SSRI kicked in, I started to feel 100 Percent better.....

Try the ensure. You need to eat something because the lack of food will cause your blood sugar to drop, which will make you feel even worse. Hang in there and know that plenty of us here have experienced the same thing.

Perhaps you need to try an anxiety med. I take a tiny amount daily and I am feeling like my normal self....not as much worry and panic anymore.

Anne1221

09-02-2014, 07:56 PM

Trinidiva..which one do you take and how much of it? do you have any side effects? I am currently on 5mg of Lexapro per day. Thanks.

mrdavid1984

09-03-2014, 04:03 PM

Hello again everyone. I feel like I need to share something again, well last night I felt like something keeps coming up to my throat and feel like it's stuck there even when I try to drink water it won't go away so now I'm kind of freaking out that I probably have acid reflux/gerd and the medicine I'm taking don't seem to help or make it go away and feel like I'm going to develop cancer from it since I have no idea how long it's been there and since I don't have money or insurance, I feel like I won't be taken care of and I feel scared thinking about it and felt like what's the point of living if I can't get help that I need..i feel like all these aniexty and panic attack cause all this mess to begin with, it's weird how I can eat fine when I wake up but gets worse couple of hours later..I have doctor appointment tomorrow morning but I feel like it will be too costly if they refer me to someone and can't afford it and left out there to die, I'm even scared if I might have to get surgery because this anxiety is switch on 24/7 and never stops even if I try to relax..I'm so hopeless and don't know what to do anymore :(

mrdavid1984

09-03-2014, 11:58 PM

Hello, anyone? I could really use some help :(

trinidiva

09-04-2014, 01:51 PM

Trinidiva..which one do you take and how much of it? do you have any side effects? I am currently on 5mg of Lexapro per day. Thanks.

I take Zoloft at a tiny dosage of 5mg. When I first started out....I had some side effects....increased anxiety, bowel issues, but after a few weeks all of those side effects went away and then I started to feel great again. Back to the days before GAD.
I tried Lexapro and that didn't work well for me.....

Anne1221

09-04-2014, 08:06 PM

That is a small dose. I'm glad it works for you. I will try Zoloft one day when things in my life are not as hectic and I can tell if it's better or worse than Lexapro.

trinidiva

09-05-2014, 06:50 PM

Is the Lexapro not working for you?

Anne1221

09-05-2014, 08:28 PM

It is working but I feel tired with fatigue on it, due to my two sleep disorders. So I sometimes wonder if the Zoloft would make me feel less tired but it's a long shot so I'm not in any hurry to try. The Lexapro does help both my anxiety and my depression so that is good. I have tried Effexor, Wellbutrin, Paxil and Prozac and I definitely like the Lexapro the best.