Muscle twitches and/or myoclonus

[Lilac]

Hi all,

My health anxiety developed because of these stupid muscle twitches (fasciculations) I first got three months ago. I've had them several times before, and probably more often than I have noticed. But this time my brain got stuck in them. Such twitches are very common if you have vitamin or mineral (iron, vitamin B, magnesium, potassium, etc.) deficiencies (which I have had on and off for ten years), imbalances in electrolytes, drinking too much coffee or alcohol, stressing, or after exercise (if you exercise muscles that are not used to being exercised). All this fits me pretty well, other than coffee and alcohol, which I never really drink. I don't exercise a lot either, but I usually take long walks every day.

I ran a relay race in May, and I should never have done that. I overdid it, and my body hurt so badly after the race. I couldn't breathe, and I got this chest pain, twitches, tingling sensations, and numbness after that. I've done all the tests; blood tests, neurological examinations, EMG/NVC, and there is nothing to find. The doctors believe I shocked my body at the race, and when I started dwelling and analyzing the twitches they got worse.

I have good days and bad days when it comes to muscle twitches. They are NEVER constant: they jump around from one body part to another. I never, ever have twitches on one or several places 24/7. Not that I know of anyway (you see, some twitches I can see but not feel, so I never how often it actually twitches). I have them mostly in my feet, then my calves and thighs, and especially around my knees. Sometimes in my arms, hands, my back, my abdomen, my lip, eyebrow, eyelid, neck, forehead, even the cheek, and also my bum, especially after exercise.

I know that anxiety trigger these twitches, and the twitches in my upper body occur only when I'm tensed and anxious. The twitching in my feet and legs is there every day, no matter if I am anxious or not (probably because I use my legs and feet more). If I get REALLY anxious, I get myoclonus; when a whole leg, arm or the entire body twitches (some of you might have been experiencing that right before falling asleep). These come only after a full day of intense anxiety and tensed muscles.

My question is if there are any others here experiencing fasciculations and/or myoclonus, and if these are connected to the anxiety? Do you have them as often as I, or even more often, or seldom? I've had them for three months, and even though I don't notice them all the time, it's hard to accept them. I struggled with twitching and numbness when I had anemia, iron deficiency and B12 deficiency all at once a year ago but the blood tests were fine last time I checked (two months before the relay race). My doctor says it will pass, and some people are just prone to having them. And that they won't go away until I get rid of the anxiety. But twitching in my feet and legs occur regardless of anxiety? Or am I being anxious also without knowing it? Are my legs really that tense? Or is there something wrong with my muscles? I am just sick and tired of them, and they caused my ALS anxiety, which is the worst fear I have had in my entire life! Stupid disease!

[Xerosnake90]

We must not let ourselves become victims to our thoughts and our fears. Your focus is on the relay you ran, believing it has somehow broken down your body and mind to this state. Your focus lies on your symptoms, did you know when you "notice" a symptom you're actually the one who made it happen. Your tests came back well last time and now you're stuck in a mode of recovery. Accept that you are well and avoid thoughts of the twitches.

In regards of fixing that underlying anxiety, understand what you want for yourself. You ran a relay and that takes passion and persistence. Why would you stop now from the physical training that pushed you to perform in the first place. Understand your desires and follow them, focus on them. You don't let your fears stop you.

[Lilac]

I focus on the relay only to keep the focus away from ALS. Yes, I want something to "blame" for my symptoms, and they came after I ran that race. I'm in a horrible shape with a history of eating disorders and malnutrition. My body was actually in no condition to run such a race, but I wanted to participate anyway. You know, being social with other people. I ran with my colleagues, and I ran the shortest leg. But I ran faster than I've ever done before, and already half way through it felt like I was about to have a blackout. My legs felt like jelly, and I couldn't breathe properly. Not wanting to pass out in front of all the people watching the race, I kept on going. When I was finished, I saw my entire life passing by. My symptoms came after that race, and I WANT to believe that was the reason for my somatic issues. Instead I got fixated on the symptoms and was sure I had developed ALS. Statistically speaking it should almost be impossible for a woman my age getting ALS (although no one is excepted from getting any disease). I don't think I created the symptoms, if that is what you mean. I HAD pain and twitches, of course you notice that.

I still know what you mean though, but it is hard. I try to focus on the good days, and let the twitches come when they come. I try not to give them any thoughts, or believe they are caused by a fatal disease. My therapist says everything is about accepting. Not trying ti fight it, but just accept it. Accept the symptoms, accept my fear of those symptoms, but not let the fear take over my whole life. Just observe the fear. Just like "Oh, okay, now my brain is scared of ALS and the twitching again. Very well then". But I just can't. I can't accept things I can't control.

[Im-Suffering]

I focus on the relay only to keep the focus away from ALS. Yes, I want something to "blame" for my symptoms, and they came after I ran that race. I'm in a horrible shape with a history of eating disorders and malnutrition. My body was actually in no condition to run such a race, but I wanted to participate anyway. You know, being social with other people. I ran with my colleagues, and I ran the shortest leg. But I ran faster than I've ever done before, and already half way through it felt like I was about to have a blackout. My legs felt like jelly, and I couldn't breathe properly. Not wanting to pass out in front of all the people watching the race, I kept on going. When I was finished, I saw my entire life passing by. My symptoms came after that race, and I WANT to believe that was the reason for my somatic issues. Instead I got fixated on the symptoms and was sure I had developed ALS. Statistically speaking it should almost be impossible for a woman my age getting ALS (although no one is excepted from getting any disease). I don't think I created the symptoms, if that is what you mean. I HAD pain and twitches, of course you notice that.

I still know what you mean though, but it is hard. I try to focus on the good days, and let the twitches come when they come. I try not to give them any thoughts, or believe they are caused by a fatal disease. My therapist says everything is about accepting. Not trying ti fight it, but just accept it. Accept the symptoms, accept my fear of those symptoms, but not let the fear take over my whole life. Just observe the fear. Just like "Oh, okay, now my brain is scared of ALS and the twitching again. Very well then". But I just can't. I can't accept things I can't control.

Regardless of all of that....what is your home life like. Where is your husband (fiance), and do you talk with him about all of this, and show him your posts on these boards?

Do you feel genuinely loved, by family, parents, spouse, friends. Do you feel love, for I'm getting that you are shut down.

And I'm rarely wrong.

And while you give good dissertations, long posts, they do nothing to touch the heart of the matter, your heart is closed. Indeed the nerves are connected to the heart.

Now, you need to solve a problem, I'm pointing you in a different direction, one you wouldn't think to look at (why look at love, when you had such a loving childhood?). But, you need an about face, should the endless torment stop.

Your emotional storehouse is full. You have a blockage in the chest area and abdomen (psychic), the energies pent up have no where to go, refusing to release and closed down, the body trembles and twitches in response. As well as the lack of nutrition.

Concern for the body attracts thoughts of concern. Thoughts of concern manifest as symptoms in the body, coming full circle, you need to step off the ride.

End for now, take this to heart.

[Lilac]

Well, I don't know. I have stopped talking to my fiance about all of this. I feel like I'm a burden to him. He says it's difficult for him to deal with this, because he doesn't know what to do. My friends and family all say the same thing. I don't feel love, and I don't show any love either. I'm just obsessed with my own anxiety. And the fact is that I'm bored to tears with my own life. Nothing is ever happening ever. I associate my apartment with boredom and anxiety, my friends are boring to me (with some exceptions) so I avoid being with them. But mostly I avoid them because I feel like I'm bothering them with my problems, as they have no idea how it's like to have anxiety. I have no joy, I never do anything fun. Because I don't know what I want. I treasure my studies, that's all I keep myself busy with. I actually feel genuine love from my parents, I do. But they too are powerless. My therapist and my doctor are the only one's who actually TRY to understand. I've been to my doctor several times with my "ALS-symptoms", and he hugs me every time saying he wish he could do more to help me, but all he can really do is to assure me nothing is physically wrong. My therapist say that I am strong who keep going, because I carry a heavy burden and a lot of sorrow and sadness in my mind. I cry every time I see my doctor and therapist, because I feel safe there. I could cry every day, but I don't. I shut myself and my feelings, and keep on going with my thoughts instead. I just exist, I don't live. I really want to be happy, and I don't want to lose my loved ones. My boyfriend has left me before due to my problems, so in addition to the GAD and health anxiety and all, I am also constantly afraid of losing him. Which of course makes it even harder for him, having to reassure me every time that he will not "make the same mistake again". I don't trust anyone either.

This sounds terrible, but well. The truth can sometimes be painful. I haven't shown him my posts - I don't want any of my loved ones to know about my posts on this forum. They know I read forums, but nothing more. I am ashamed of being me.

[Im-Suffering]

Well, I don't know. I have stopped talking to my fiance about all of this. I feel like I'm a burden to him. He says it's difficult for him to deal with this, because he doesn't know what to do. My friends and family all say the same thing. I don't feel love, and I don't show any love either. I'm just obsessed with my own anxiety. And the fact is that I'm bored to tears with my own life. Nothing is ever happening ever. I associate my apartment with boredom and anxiety, my friends are boring to me (with some exceptions) so I avoid being with them. But mostly I avoid them because I feel like I'm bothering them with my problems, as they have no idea how it's like to have anxiety. I have no joy, I never do anything fun. Because I don't know what I want. I treasure my studies, that's all I keep myself busy with. I actually feel genuine love from my parents, I do. But they too are powerless. My therapist and my doctor are the only one's who actually TRY to understand. I've been to my doctor several times with my "ALS-symptoms", and he hugs me every time saying he wish he could do more to help me, but all he can really do is to assure me nothing is physically wrong. My therapist say that I am strong who keep going, because I carry a heavy burden and a lot of sorrow and sadness in my mind. I cry every time I see my doctor and therapist, because I feel safe there. I could cry every day, but I don't. I shut myself and my feelings, and keep on going with my thoughts instead. I just exist, I don't live. I really want to be happy, and I don't want to lose my loved ones. My boyfriend has left me before due to my problems, so in addition to the GAD and health anxiety and all, I am also constantly afraid of losing him. Which of course makes it even harder for him, having to reassure me every time that he will not "make the same mistake again". I don't trust anyone either.

This sounds terrible, but well. The truth can sometimes be painful. I haven't shown him my posts - I don't want any of my loved ones to know about my posts on this forum. They know I read forums, but nothing more. I am ashamed of being me.

That was your breakthrough.

Thank you, that took immense courage. And will be very helpful in understanding anxiety for future readers. In rereading it yourself, you should be able to understand how these thoughts and feelings translate into the physical equivalent that your body feels. Rather than some disease attacking you, you now see how you attack yourself. Once these problems are resolved, you will be healed.

Physical illness is nothing more than the individuals inability to solve problems in the correct manner. Energies are spent maintaining the illness rather than solving the problems.

Insanity is defined as one thinking and doing the same things daily and expecting change.

Its time for real changes.

Now you should understand.

[Lilac]

Thank you, Im-Suffering, for always taking time to answer and give advice. I deeply appreciate your wise words, although sometimes I have a hard time understanding or being able to take them to heart. But I understand now what you mean, and see that I have to tackle the situation from a different angle.

I like the quote from Albert Einstein, he was a wise man.

Another thing that brings me down is that I am so concerned about what others think of me. I walk around thinking that everyone feels like I am worth nothing, that I am stupid, or something like that. I try to impress them, but they are not impressed. However, some of my friends are actually jealous of me, for having (ironically) a "perfect" life, with a perfect boyfriend, a perfect apartment, a perfect education with good grades, I got the job I wanted the most. They don't understand how hard I've worked getting the job and grades I wanted. I used the law of attraction; I told myself that no matter what I would get those grades, I would get that job. And I kept trying and trying and working hard. Eventually it came to me. But I was not lazy; I tried several times before I got that job, and I have studied for hours and hours for several years in order to get good grades at the university. Some of my friends think that I am just lucky; that I never work for anything, I just sit on the couch wanting it and then it comes. That makes it even harder for me. What kind of friends are they really? I must say not everyone are like that, definitely not. But some. And my problem is that I CARE about what they say about me. And I believe them. I always feel like I could have done more; make even more effort. I believe what they say about me; that I am just lucky, I have no talent, I am just lucky. And that I am ungrateful for my perfect life, and never satisfied. They believe my anxiety, perfectionism and eating disorder is just my way of being ungrateful. For why should someone with a perfect life suffer from anything? Why should someone who has everything laid down for her struggle with her life at all?

So I keep my REAL feelings inside. I carry a lot of sorrow, a heavy burden. No one is to blame, that is just how things are. It IS not me, but it has become a part of my personality for reasons I am yet to find out. It has been like this for many, many years starting with my childhood. But to me it seems like no one accepted that perfect (I loathe that word, yet I'm striving for it) little "Lilac" struggles with anything: she has a wonderful life. So I have never accepted the fact that I do feel a lot of sorrow and sadness. I never accepted it. I should be happy all the time, because I got it all served on a silver plate, apparently without working for it at all. So I don't have contact with my heart, or my body. I'm just all in my head; I keep everything locked up. Because a perfect person like me, is not supposed to struggle.

[Xerosnake90]

You're a beautiful person Lilac. People will always be envious of the things they don't have. They find ways to lash out, blaming others for their problems or putting down the people that have what they want. By telling you that you're lucky, this and that. Those people are envious and need to diminish the role of someone else to feel ok about why they haven't achieved their dreams. You achieve your dreams, you set your mind to things and make them happen. Unfortunately you set your mind on some ideas that have been pushing you down.

We must find self worth through achievement and growth. The people we share our lives with are equally important as we need their support to in times of doubt. You've looked at yourself from the outside, now look at your friends from the outside. Look at your family from the outside and everyone that influences you. You may come to understand the type of people they are and learn how to deal with their ideas. You'll understand the struggle in their own lives and find the weight their words carry to be diminished in regards of how they make you feel. At least the negative ideas, it's too easy for the average person to succumb and lash out as mentioned earlier. The words we come to cherish are the ones of appreciation. When someone can tell us we've affected them in a positive way we can truly feel the positive lift of their words and use that to craft our minds. So much negativity resides and many beings craft their souls after that. If we seek those who reinforce us with positive light then we will embrace being what we know we deserve for ourselves.

You truly are a beautiful person. My heart aches for your struggles and I've shed a tear for your sorrows. There's a smile on my face however, you're not a victim, and despite your struggles I feel how close you are to getting past this once and for all. Believe in yourself, let yourself feel those emotions you try to keep inside. Just live those emotions. When you feel sad you cry. When you're happy you'll feel warmth and express your delight. You'll feel overjoyed with appreciation when someone notices the positives that you have as a person. Just be yourself and feel alive, enjoy what you have to offer and give what you want to receive back.

[Lilac]

Dearest Xerosnake, you have no idea how much you just touched my heart. Every time someone says something nice to me, my throat and stomach closes up and I get tears in my eyes. But not because I am sad; those reactions come from deep appreciation of kind words. I cry every time someone at least tries to understand my situation and feelings, and they say such nice words about me.

[Im-Suffering]

So I keep my REAL feelings inside. I carry a lot of sorrow, a heavy burden. No one is to blame, that is just how things are. It IS not me, but it has become a part of my personality for reasons I am yet to find out. It has been like this for many, many years starting with my childhood. .

It is hidden because it is your life theme, and purposefully disguised so the lessons leading up to its discovery would be just as important as the discovery itself.

We all, and this will be difficult so forgive me, I will go into a reading here....(a trance of sorts, I feel it coming so we will begin, it will be long and no edit for grammar, too much work, some might be broken thoughts or run on sentences but it is spiritual communication, so it may be unclear in parts).….............:

We all come into a new life with a blueprint. Certain challenges set forth by the incoming personality for the benefit of the whole identity. The identity is what you call soul mates, and consists of a gestault of personalities. You incarnate then on earth with many friends. Family members swap roles over successive sojourns to complete their experience. Nations, countries, races incarnate together usually every 100 years so there is some continuity if they wish to pick up where they left off. Like a diamond with many facets, each facet may represent a personality, individualized, unable to see that all the other facets are part of the same diamond, period. Forcing them to work out specific challenges, seemingly now, alone.

Coming in the personality (individualized part of the whole identity) sets the challenges. The goal is for you to feel good, for feelings are the true indicator of how you are doing in facing your obstacles during life. Should you feel sorrow and pain, then that area needs digging, its a hot spot. Now.....your friends, family, immediate peers are other facets on your diamond, part of your identity and incarnated with you to help you overcome...before you were born you had this conversation....

"Now Lilac, you are not going to remember this conversation and that is the plan, for then you will be proud of your successes as you move through life, proud of yourself in spite of my opposition. I am going to give you hell, we will be friends but I will often times say and do things that hurt you, but of course that will challenge you to look at yourself and act as a catalyst for change. You may resent me, you may even hate me, but of course we are planning this now, and it will be best for you in the end. You can do it! We have been through this before and you helped me then. I love you lilac, you are part of my soul. But after we are born you will forget this. Let's get it done and when its over we can celebrate and be best friends again. What an incredible game"

Jesus said love thy enemies, because He knew the true nature of the soul. It is a hidden secret. He knew your enemy was your best friend and how hard it was for the 2 loving souls to act out such a game on earth. Pretending, like a theater play.

So lilac, my dear, the people around you are part of your diamond, incarnated in roles to help you grow in many areas, a true expansion of consciousness.

You do not have to identify the reason for the sorrow and pain other than it does not feel good, and so the goal is to learn to feel good. For suffering serves its purpose if the sufferer learns how not to suffer, that is sufferings only purpose.

The friends that hurt you the most you can now see with empathy, how much love it must have taken for a beautiful soul to act this way, but they did it for you, to help you guide your journey. Can you feel it? There are no coincidence s here, there is no chaos, there is only a plan, backed by a love you can only imagine, spiritual love between soulmates.

Lastly, the sorrow may date back 100s of years, so let it be. Forget looking for the origins and relearn how to love, how special you are that these souls do this for you, what kind of love does it take for a soul to act hurtfully both to you and to itself on purpose just so you can grow?

Love thy neighbor as thyself because thy neighbor must act the way they act, it was the plan, out of love, to help you along. For you and your neighbor are one, hopefully you see that now, as the mystery of some parables are lifted.

Because it was your main challenge, you have the beliefs to reinforce it, attracting appropriate responses from peers. You no longer need to question why they treat you this way. To overcome you must solve the problems, do what's in your highest regard for self, and think correctly triggering a change to happiness and joy.

Some friends will then disappear from your experience, their job is done. Some will stay. And you will make some new ones. Either way ye shall all meet again.

End of reading, give it a couple goes, until it sinks in.

[Lilac]

Again, Im-Suffering, thank you. That is really all I can say - I cannot argue with your reasoning.

But may I ask, who are you? What are your issues? What do you suffer from? And how do you come up with these insightful dissertations all the time? You must have learned it from somewhere. I have always thought of myself as quite a deep person, but I have realized, by reading your posts, that I am not so deep at all. It is hard to understand sometimes, and I feel like a fool not being able to give just as insightful replies to you.

You spend a lot of time on this forum helping others and give advice, but how are you doing really? I would like to know more about you.

[Im-Suffering]

Again, Im-Suffering, thank you. That is really all I can say - I cannot argue with your reasoning.

But may I ask, who are you? What are your issues? What do you suffer from? And how do you come up with these insightful dissertations all the time? You must have learned it from somewhere. I have always thought of myself as quite a deep person, but I have realized, by reading your posts, that I am not so deep at all. It is hard to understand sometimes, and I feel like a fool not being able to give just as insightful replies to you.

You spend a lot of time on this forum helping others and give advice, but how are you doing really? I would like to know more about you.

I'll talk with you in PM. If ok. Let me know.

[Xerosnake90]

Reading a passage from I'm suffering is absolutely incredible. The words he writes makes me believe things on a level that transcends physical form. You teach better than I've ever seen and I know it's because that's what you are. A teacher of life. I look up to you and I have much to learn.

[Lilac]

I'll talk with you in PM. If ok. Let me know.

Yes of course :)

[Lilac]

Reading a passage from I'm suffering is absolutely incredible. The words he writes makes me believe things on a level that transcends physical form. You teach better than I've ever seen and I know it's because that's what you are. A teacher of life. I look up to you and I have much to learn.

I agree. It was just hard to understand in the beginning, because I'm Suffering writes at such a deep level ;) But I do understand now, and it is indeed incredible.

[JohnC]

Again, Im-Suffering, thank you. That is really all I can say - I cannot argue with your reasoning.

But may I ask, who are you? What are your issues? What do you suffer from? And how do you come up with these insightful dissertations all the time? You must have learned it from somewhere. I have always thought of myself as quite a deep person, but I have realized, by reading your posts, that I am not so deep at all. It is hard to understand sometimes, and I feel like a fool not being able to give just as insightful replies to you.

You spend a lot of time on this forum helping others and give advice, but how are you doing really? I would like to know more about you.

I am kind of curious myself about that, Im-Suffering. I haven't logged in for awhile but always reading. What brought YOU to this forum? Peace