Suicidal thoughts *Read with CAUTION.. please*

[Pumpkin]

Things get hard sometimes.. when things are really hard, I often find comfort in the thought of suicide. Just knowing there's always a way out makes me feel better, even though i'd never kill myself and put my family through the pain/suffering.

I like to drink alcohol because it masks a lot of my crappy feelings but sometimes this is when I feel my lowest...

I wouldn't ever kill myself unless my mom died... but is this normal for an 18 year old, easily stressed out & anxious teenager?

[ab123]

It isnt normal.. Thats pretty scary that you are thinking those things my friend. There are lots of ways out besides that. Please call 911 or call a suicide prevention hotline if you think you might hurt yourself.

[Xerosnake90]

Pumpkin, suicidal thoughts are not ok for anyone to take comfort in. However know that you're not alone in your depression and that you CAN get past it. You're at a stage in your life where you're needing to learn the nuances of life. You're starting to learn that it can be a challenge when it's tough, what you need to come back to is realizing just how FUN and exciting life can be when we are not letting out emotions push us down.

Alcohol is very detrimental to anxiety and depression, it's called a depressant as a drug. Moderate amounts may let you have a good time with your friends and feel great, however too much combined with an awry mindset can really be the worst thing for us. I urge you pumpkin, stay away from the suicidal focus as if you never had the thought. If you find yourself thinking negatively when drinking then stay away from the alcohol. All it takes to get better is a change in your mindset, you need to understand the things you truly enjoy that don't have a negative impact on you or anyone else. You do the things you live that are good for you, for thirty days at the least. Your brain will integrate those things into your routine and give you things you love to do and to look forward to.

You have so much life left to accomplish. What do you want to do with yourself? You must have aspirations, and no matter how hard it seems you shouldn't let those barriers hold you down in pursuing what you want for yourself. You might even surprise yourself at how great it feels to make those things happen. Fueling more to come each time you go for it.

We are here for you. Please share your dreams with us to help you realize them. Let's take your focus away from the negative that affects you, share with us just what it is that affects you. The goal here is to move your focus towards the things you enjoy and away from what pulls you down. I look forward to helping you, I want you to know that.

[Im-Suffering]

Pumpkin, suicidal thoughts are not ok for anyone to take comfort in. However know that you're not alone in your depression and that you CAN get past it. You're at a stage in your life where you're needing to learn the nuances of life. You're starting to learn that it can be a challenge when it's tough, what you need to come back to is realizing just how FUN and exciting life can be when we are not letting out emotions push us down.

Alcohol is very detrimental to anxiety and depression, it's called a depressant as a drug. Moderate amounts may let you have a good time with your friends and feel great, however too much combined with an awry mindset can really be the worst thing for us. I urge you pumpkin, stay away from the suicidal focus as if you never had the thought. If you find yourself thinking negatively when drinking then stay away from the alcohol. All it takes to get better is a change in your mindset, you need to understand the things you truly enjoy that don't have a negative impact on you or anyone else. You do the things you live that are good for you, for thirty days at the least. Your brain will integrate those things into your routine and give you things you love to do and to look forward to.

You have so much life left to accomplish. What do you want to do with yourself? You must have aspirations, and no matter how hard it seems you shouldn't let those barriers hold you down in pursuing what you want for yourself. You might even surprise yourself at how great it feels to make those things happen. Fueling more to come each time you go for it.

We are here for you. Please share your dreams with us to help you realize them. Let's take your focus away from the negative that affects you, share with us just what it is that affects you. The goal here is to move your focus towards the things you enjoy and away from what pulls you down. I look forward to helping you, I want you to know that.

Beautiful, you've really come into your own, haven't you. You will soon be feeling much better yourself.

[Anne1221]

Pumpkin, do you have a counselor/therapist? Do you take any medications? I hate taking medication but I would be so depressed if I didn't. Because I do take it, I can be hopeful and enjoy life more. PLEASE get some help with this! There is help out there, you just have to get started.

[Anne1221]

For the past week, I cut back a little on my antidepressant medication because it was making me a little tired. But today, I just wanted to go back to bed. So, tonight I am going to go back to where I was on the medication. When I compare feeling down and depressed all day, to dealing with the side effects of the medication, I always choose to feel better mood-wise. All the best to you and I thought I would share what a difference medication makes for me

[Xerosnake90]

Beautiful, you've really come into your own, haven't you. You will soon be feeling much better yourself.

Thank you very much, for the help and the comment. I'm continuing to flourish and grow every day!

[Anne1221]

Pumpkin..I've read your posts and you seem so wise and you write so well. You're intelligent and compassionate towards everyone on this board. I hope so much you will find your way to feeling better soon. I can't believe you're as young as you are. You write like a person with the wisdom of years. You have so much to offer!!

[Pumpkin]

Thanks for all the replies... it means a lot to me!!

I just get easily stressed sometimes and with college around the corner, trying to work a part time job and balance relationships it can get a bit overwhelming.

I guess I hit my little rough patch because my mom was in the emergency room for vertigo and I was really scared and it brought up a lot of death thinking for me. I can't imagine my life without my mom so whenever I think of her gone I get pretty depressed. I can't do it without her, i know that for sure... but thankfully she's fine now so i've been at peace for the most part.

I don't take any medications and I don't talk to a counsellor....yet. My school has set me up with one who gave me accommodations for tests and classes regarding my anxiety. We haven't really had any deep personal discussions yet and I don't really think I want to. I don't like opening up to people too much... I get even more anxiety when I know I have to do that verbally.

I'm really not too worried about my own well-being because I know deep down i'd never hurt myself... unless I were to lose my mom because like I said, she's my everything. I know I shouldn't be thinking of the "what if's" but sometimes its hard to keep negative thoughts like that out of my head. I tend to overthink and then stress myself out and just get a bit down and sad. I just find peace in knowing that there's always a way out and no pain lasts forever even in the hardest times. I don't want to shame anyone who has commit suicide before but i'd feel way too guilty to leave my family and friends with the pain and suffering that comes after the loss of a loved one, especially through suicide.

Thanks for all the replies.. it truly helps being able to vent and have people show endless support!!

You guys are all amazing :D